


Consumed

by TheRomanticist02



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Alternate Universe - Office, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Boss/Employee Relationship, Childbirth, M/M, Male Lactation, Mpreg, Office Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-02-20 03:50:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 91,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22075759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRomanticist02/pseuds/TheRomanticist02
Summary: A moment’s weakness and Seth finds himself falling in the passionate embrace of another man’s arms. All an accident, he tells himself, even as the yearning consumes him whole – ravishing every inch of his being mercilessly. Giving in would be gratifying, were the stakes not so high. But Roman Reigns is a hard man to forget, Seth is about to find out – as he struggles to come to terms with his deceit, while simultaneously spending erogenous nights lusting after a man he can neither have, nor want.
Relationships: Brock Lesnar/Seth Rollins | Tyler Black, Roman Reigns/Seth Rollins | Tyler Black
Comments: 64
Kudos: 119





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya.
> 
> HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
> 
> Sending light, love and positivity your way this year. 
> 
> This won't be long, just five chapters and hopefully you'll like it as much I do...plus, I love these two. They are literal baes. Anywhore, here's the first chapter - not much but it had to end here. More will come!!!

“Roman, p-please...” Seth whimpers, toes curled viciously, his trembling hands grasping for a handhold on the solid desk – seeking an anchor, _something,_ to keep him from jetting to the ceiling. He hadn’t expected this, what is happening now, to consume him so entirely – revealing things about himself that he didn’t even know or ever desired to know. “If you don’t stop, I’ll die.”

Roman’s response is to wound his hand in Seth’s hair and pull him to him. Warm chest against flushed back – the bigger man’s strokes pumping into Seth fast and deep, working the brunet’s prostate for all it’s worth. “You won’t.” There is a dark promise in the lust-roughened voice that has Seth convulsing like a drug addict in Roman’s sizzling embrace. “On the contrary, Seth. You will come _alive._ ”

It’s true. Seth feels it now, gasping in sheer pleasurable agony as he fights to bring air into his suffocated lungs. There is something addictive about Roman’s touches, something that Seth hasn’t ever experienced before. He feels _alive –_ all of him. So alive, so sexy, and every bit desirable. “ _Fu_ _ck!_ ” he squeals, shaking uncontrollably. “Oh yes... yes, yes, yes!”

Seth peers in between his legs, and moans lewdly at the string of liquidy white against his thighs and belly. His dick is hard again, jerking uncontrollably. He aches to touch it but fears dying from the overstimulation. They’ve been at this for hours. Seth has come so many times he’s stopped counting. He doesn’t want to count. He doesn’t want to do anything. Nothing except lose himself to these mind-blowing sensations.

Behind him, Roman groans – the sound so sinfully enticing that Seth clenches himself as tightly as he can around that dick that literally feels like it will explode inside him – as he wraps a hand around Seth’s neck. “That’s it, baby. Just like that...squeeze yourself around me. You’re making me feel so good.” Roman murmurs, and even through his lust-fogged mind, Seth registers that Roman had called him baby. Seth doesn’t want to admit to how the term of endearment brings a weird, warm fluttering to his chest.

His eyes close, mouth parting silently as Roman’s hand wraps tighter around his throat; forcing Seth to turn his head to look behind him. There is something intense about Roman’s expression. A mystery about his eyes that can make you feel whatever Roman is feeling. Seth wants to tear his eyes away, fearing the primal fire found in those eyes. They burn him in a way that could ensure that Seth will never feel a chill again. Seth’s conscious is begging for Roman to stop, but he says nothing because this is something he hadn’t even known he’d yearned for so ferociously but here he is.

A gasp, Roman’s grip tightens, nails digging into Seth’s skin, against his pulse point – as if trying to learn the secrets that reside there. Seth makes a sound deep from the back of his throat, desperate and needy; a look of pure pain or pleasure (or even both) pinching his drenched face. “You feel so good, Seth,” Roman whispers, ruggedly in Seth’s ear, breaking the tension of their stare. “Is this what you’ve been missing, mhm? A skilled cock to fill you up, and show you just how beautiful you are?”

That desperate sound again; Seth starts to writhe against Roman, fucking himself desperately on the thick, solid throbbing dick inside of him. He hates to admit that what Roman’s saying is true, forces himself to push the guilt away. “P-Please...” _Don’t._ A silent beseech, barely manageable with the hand around his throat.

Roman says nothing, that small stiffening of his jaw is the only acknowledgement Seth gets. Seth doesn’t mind at all. Not with how he’s losing himself all over again. Not with the stars exploding before his very eyes as the pace picks up, almost animalistically – to the point of violence were it not what Seth is craving – and the electricity running through his veins, and the way his veins are on fire with pleasure. “I – uh, f-fuck...AAHH!” a shock-filled cry falls off swollen lips, tears blurring Seth’s vision as another crippling orgasm rips through him.

Seth starts to cry, ugly wailing and snotty tears; he doesn’t think he’s ever felt anything more intense. The tears are a way of explaining what his mouth can’t – how amazing the sex is. They make up for his numb mind; how it feels like there isn’t another world outside of this, and _them._ The tears make up for how awestruck he is with reverence at how their bodies just gel together, how they fit like two parts of neighboring puzzles – wordlessly giving each other what the other craves.

“Fucking hell, _tesoro!_ ” Roman groans, his hands moving to grip Seth tightly at his waist, pounding even deeper into the young man – ferociously, slam after slam. Seth’s upper body falls onto the desk, he dry heaves, clenching his hands at the edge of the desk. Roman is yelling something above him; heady breath on Seth’s neck. He keeps saying something, in Italian perhaps, over and over again – like a prayer; mouth occasionally tasting Seth’s skin like a secret or a sin.

“What is it?” Seth asks, heart exploding with fireworks, the softness in which the foreign words are being said tugs at his heartstrings. He aches to know what they mean, to have them stick in his mind, and stay there like a broken record.

“I prefer to show you, _piccolo._ ”

In one swift movement, Roman has him spun around, Seth’s ass perched on the edge of the desk. The brunet’s legs wrap around Roman’s waist. This is the first time since they begun fucking that they’re facing each other. They both can’t afford to be in intimate positions like this, for different reasons. Seth wants to look away but Roman’s eyes imprison him. “Look at me.” Roman growls, it’s an order that Seth is helpless against following.

And then with their eyes still locked, Roman slides in again – slowly, teasingly, big hand wrapping around Seth’s throat once more. “Good boy,” Roman groans, his words are Seth’s undoing. Seth falls again, with a silent whimper this time, body blushing in a way no one’s ever made it to. His legs are quivering, body and soul completely intoxicated by Roman’s presence. “Can you take it again?”

Seth hears the words from afar, his heavy eyes have closed again. _You’ll kill me if you don’t stop._ A sigh – very harsh and painful. Insecurely, Seth moves to wrap his arms around Roman. “W-Will I be able to walk tomorrow?” he has to know. He’s sore all over. His chest hurts. There is no feeling in his fingers or toes.

Roman smirks, but there’s something almost playful about the small smile. Seth doesn’t mean to press his hand against the man’s cheek – maybe he’s just so out of it that he’s losing himself to illusions – _almost...lovingly._ Maybe he’s been so touch-deprived that he’s craving to feel another body close to his. Maybe he misses being looked at like this. Maybe Roman’s just so good at what he does. Seth has no idea. He doesn’t care. Not when Roman grabs his hand to gently kiss his fingertips.

“You’re so beautiful, tesoro.”

Part of Seth probably wouldn’t believe Roman. He hasn’t felt desirable in so long. He wouldn’t believe Roman...were it not for the look in his eyes, his genuine aura – even with the humid room alight with erotic need. “Thank you.” Seth whispers breathlessly, caressing Roman’s cheek. _Please kiss me._ He prays, anxious to know if Roman’s kisses are just as good as the rest of him. He says it desperately, with a persistent ache in his chest.

Roman looks ready to do it, with the way he leans down, as if he can hear Seth’s every thought. He pauses, a breath apart – with their breaths mingling as they share it – and looks down at Seth. And then he starts to kiss everywhere but Seth’s lips. Lingering kisses touch everywhere they can, everywhere but where Seth desires them the most – until finally Roman's breath curls against Seth’s lips once more.

Seth can smell him, all of him – in all his glory; and basks in it. Manly, earthly and so mind-numbingly intoxicating. _Please._ Seth beseeches again, because he’ll never have the opportunity again. It doesn’t matter. Perhaps this one time will be enough for him, and it will possibly kill him but what a glorious way to go it would be.

“If you’re still able to walk tomorrow, then I wouldn’t have done my job right, tesoro.” Roman whispers against his lips and then he kisses Seth. He kisses him. And kisses him. Again and again. Gently. And then roughly. Playfully. And then sensually. Kiss after kiss – smoldering, fervent, sinful. Seth’s heart is clenching, heart fighting to escape from the walls of his ribcage. All of him – consumed.

“Oh my god...” Seth breaks free from the kiss with a sudden gasp. Shocked at the feel of heavy balls smacking against his pained ass. He didn’t...was Roman...? Was he holding back on him all along? “I – mmm, I – fuck! Aaah, Ro – man!” Roman’s dick is plunging deeper and deeper, in what Seth can only describe as an endless pleasure-pain-filled glide. That dick is actually penetrating every inch of his body, exploring all of him, and plunging hard into his soul. Seth’s eyes widen with realization.

_Oh. My. God._

His eyes roll to the back of his head, and he buries his face in Roman’s neck – hiding. “Still good?” Roman breathes against his ear, his hands groping Seth’s ass, forcefully pulling a screaming brunet up and down his cock. The pace is so hard and fast and vicious that Seth’s ass is jiggling against Roman’s cock – red and aching, almost swollen – and making the most obscene sounds as it connects with Roman’s thick cock.

“Tesoro?” Roman tries again.

Seth has no idea what that word means. He can’t talk; is struggling to form a coherent thought let alone one coherent word. He’s shaking, bouncing up and down Roman’s cock like his life depends on it, as if he’ll die if he doesn’t take more, or feel it burning him with a pain so delicious. It’s so good, so freaking good that his ass starts to cream on Roman’s cock – almost as if he were churning butter. That’s never happened to him before. Ever. Things like this only ever happen in porn.

What has this man done to him?

“You’re in so deep,” Seth whispers shakily. “So...deep.” he’s never felt anything like this before.

Roman’s response is a breathless laugh, he starts to fuck Seth with reckless abandon. Seth is being fucked hard, Roman’s dick hitting all the right spots inside of him. Roman’s office doesn’t disguise the lust-filled sounds. Seth’s head is thrown back as if praying to some unknown deity, meeting Roman thrust for thrust. He has been reduced to nothing but a quivering mess, a mouthpiece for Roman’s dick.

When another orgasm tears through him, Seth’s hands grip Roman’s face; forcing their lips together. His fingers dig into Roman’s shoulders, and literally everything in him tenses, his back arching into Roman. His entire world freezes for a couple of long seconds as endless hoarse praises exalt the man still fucking into him.

Seth hasn’t the energy to do anything else after he comes but he wants to pleasure Roman – so desperately, it is a burden to his soul. He aches to gratify the man as pleasurably as Roman’s done him. So he clenches his sore hole around Roman, holding on for the painful ride. The pace of Roman’s thrusting is growing frantic, pressing Seth even harder onto the desk. It hurts but Seth bears the pain, wanting to be so good for Roman. In and out. _Smack, smack._ Ram after ram. It’s a rough pounding.

As Roman comes, his orgasm is a tidal wave that overwhelms a worn out Seth, but Roman’s pushing deeper still – deep-dicking Seth into blissful oblivion. It’s even as worse as Roman sucks on his nipples; the oversensitivity is too strong. Seth cries stormy tears, vision tunneling even as he tries to keep his eyes open. There’s a vicious vibration in his body, and everything is so overwhelming. The electricity is palpable, and shocks his overstimulated body.

Seth can only take so much.

The last thing he sees, before his world goes dark, is the glinting gold of Roman’s wedding ring. 

***

Dark light, warm air, the scent of sex heavy in the air – Seth can hardly take a breath that doesn’t feel painful. He’s awake, unfortunately, and Roman is...gone.

Seth doesn’t mind at all, in fact, a bigger part of him is relieved because this leaves no room for awkwardness. But there’s the minority within him that feels like a worthless slut, he was good enough to be fucked but not to be told that Roman was leaving. Redressing – in what little part of his clothes remain intact – is a strenuous task. All of Seth’s muscles are screaming in agony.

After he’s done, Seth takes the time to really look at Roman’s office. It’s huge, classy with everything in it but still embraces the theme of a family. There are pictures on the wall. Seth tries not to look at them for too long, not with the bitterness clawing at him anyway. He only notices the note on Roman’s large desk because his phone is beside it.

_I had to leave. Responsibilities at home. There’s a gentleman at the foyer waiting to drive you home. Feel free to make use of the jacket I left on my chair. I’m sorry for your clothes._

_Kind Regards,_

_Roman._

The note is courteous enough, coming from his boss that is, but it still leaves a bitter taste in Seth’s mouth. He doesn’t know why – maybe it sounds too dismissive, maybe detached. And it’s dumb of him to think like that knowing what’s waiting for him at home. Seth’s last thought stabs his heart like a vicious dagger. _Get a grip._ He chides himself. Lingering on regret won’t help him now; neither will self-pity.

Gathering what few pieces of self-respect he still has, Seth braces himself to leave Roman’s posh office. It hurts to walk, like seriously hurts to take any step at all. He’d like to cry but figures he can’t do that if Roman’s driver is out there waiting for him. So he puts on a brave face instead, gripping whatever surface he comes into contact with to support him as he makes his exit.

“Um...hi!” gosh, this is awkward. It hurts to talk, and Seth has to massage his throat to ease the pain. Heat creeps along his skin as the driver finally notices him. One, Chad Gable. Seth’s seen him a few times, probably talked to him once, with how inaccessible everyone in Roman’s close circle is.

“Seth Rollins, right?” Chad Gable murmurs, and Seth doesn’t miss the way his curious gaze wanders, discreetly widening with what could be realization. “Roman said he left you a jacket.”

Right...

Seth attempts to close his hands around what’s left of his shirt as he replies, “Don’t need it.”

Chad Gable doesn’t look sold but still he nods. “Alright. Are you ready to go home?”

_No._

“Yes,” Seth says nothing else, embarrassed enough as it is. He wonders what Chad Gable must be thinking of him right now. Probably thinks that Seth is a slut who was trying to sleep his way up to the top of the corporate ladder. Seth wouldn’t surprised but he’s grateful as the short man leads them in the direction of the lift. There’s only one lift here, for Roman’s – and his immediate staff – use only. It’s a good thing because it means Seth’s colleagues won’t see him do the walk of shame. Doing that in Chad Gable’s presence is embarrassing enough as it is.

In the elegant car – that smells so good and looks so clean – Seth lays his head against the window. The entirety of him is still in pain, and he almost wants to curse at how unwelcomed it is. The pain is a reminder of everything Seth is trying to forget. He has no desire to go home. Has no desire to do anything. Except maybe die. Right now, it would spare him a great deal of emotional distress.

***

The house is pitch-black.

Seth silently curses as he collides with some shoes at the entrance. That emotion is quickly replaced with guilt though. So sudden and vicious that he clutches his chest, biting his bottom lip to keep from crying out dejectedly. He has no right to, not after he...after he – 

_Don’t think about it._

Right, he really shouldn’t. Seth decides to take a shower, rid himself of tonight’s events. He hides his clothes, not that he needs to – _he_ never pays attention to lots of things anyway. The water is warm on Seth’s sore muscles, it alleviates the pain he’s in. Once the soap touches his skin, Seth is scrubbing his body – every inch of it. He’s panicking, and he’s trying his damn hardest to remove Roman off of him.

It’s not working, part of him feels like Roman’s buried so deep inside him. _We used protection._ Why, why is it not working? It feels like his body is where Roman’s buried all of his secrets and desires. Despite his guilt, Seth can still feel his body shiver with need. A need that seems to vibrate throughout his body. He sighs, giving up eventually, and allowing every emotion – vicious, negative, inappropriate – to torture him.

When he finally goes to bed, Seth makes as little noise as possible, to not disturb the other occupant. It’s 02:15 am – and Seth has to be at work by eight. Work. He’s dreading it. Funny enough, it has nothing to do with the rude clients now and everything to do with a man he never thought he’d ever have the chance to talk to, let alone be alone with. But it helps working on the second floor, it means Seth’s far away from the 28th floor as possible – and hopefully, that means no run-ins with Roman.

An arm folds around his waist, pulling him to the bulky body behind him, and cutting his guilty musings short. “You’re late.”

“Yeah, sorry.” Seth fists on the bedsheets, seeking an anchor. He can feel his vision blurring as the guilt stabs through him with the force of a sharp dagger. “We were short-staffed and the thieves are busy around this time of the year. It was call after call.”

A kiss touches the back of his neck. “Don’t work yourself too hard. Your voice is wrecked. I don’t know why you don’t resign once and for all. I can give you everything you need.”

“Brock, we’ve talked about this...”

“Yeah, I know, I know.” Seth doesn’t protest to being spun around. He cups Brock’s cheeks, looking him in the eyes for longer than three seconds is proving a challenge – it feels like he will see everything. “That’s going to change once you’re pregnant with my kids though. I want you at home.”

“If it means you’ll be here more often, too.” Seth teases, planting a kiss to the man he loves. His eyes open as someone else’s eyes different from Brock’s gaze at him. _Please go away._ Seth’s heart whines pitifully. He made a mistake, just one – he doesn’t need the reminder. It’s bad enough having to be in Brock’s embrace, knowing how he’s betrayed the man.

“Will that get you to finally quit your mundane job?”

“No.” Seth’s lips purse in amusement. “Because I love to hate my job – and it’s nice to come home and have something to complain to you about.”

Brock laughs, though not as hard as him. “You’re a piece of work, sweet darling.”

“A rare art,” Seth agrees with a little smile. “So you better treat me right.”

“Is that so?”

Seth finds himself on his back this time. “Tis so,” he murmurs, masking the pain in his voice. Brock is working him open with his fingers and then laughing, and asking if Seth had put on the butt-plug just for him today because he’s already loose. Seth doesn’t respond with any words but he laughs nonsensically. The pain, guilt, loneliness, sadness – everything, hitting him at once. He is still laughing as Brock presses into his aching ass, laughing until the dejected tears spill out.

Brock doesn’t notice. He never does.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya!!! I think this will be six chapters long instead of five - by the looks of things. This is too long, sorry for that.

“Thank you for calling Amalgamated American Banks. Have a great day, goodbye.” Seth heaves an exhausted sigh as the line becomes silent once more.

Shifting in his seat, he winces at the painful movement. Perhaps giving himself the day off wouldn’t have been a bad idea—never mind that Corbin would probably have chewed his head off. But with how the slightest movement feels like a torture of sorts, the rebuking he would’ve received from his supervisor would’ve been like a tiny smack to the wrist compared to the purgatory that Seth is in. His back is on fire, and his ass looks something straight out of a ransacking crime scene—Seth knows because he checked this morning—and it certainly feels that way too. Between Brock’s two minute noodle attempt at fucking and that other, more... _sensual,_ but physically demanding romp(s) with his boss, Seth is both physically and mentally exhausted. He’s been trying to avoid it all morning; thinking about Roman—who also is his very much taken boss.

As uncomfortable as it is to think about, Seth can’t do much about how his mind keeps revisiting last night. The mind is not the heart after all, and sometimes, sometimes it’s desensitized to situations, and actions—sometimes it doesn’t give two fucks. With how much it gives the ability for rational thought, it can also produce and encourage every irrational thought that can do more harm done good—and even... _hurt._

Seth doesn’t want to think about Roman but he is—the man’s breath-taking face, his impressive jawline that even a sculptor would be jealous of, and lips that were as beautiful as they were talented. Seth heats up again at the memories. He doesn’t want his mind to encourage any reaction to his body but it happens regardless. His heartbeat quickens—probably in guilt—as Seth basks in the glory of how extraordinary last night was. Nether regions throbbing, his stomach quivers with an anxiety unlike he’s ever known, while his fingers tremble as he closes the last query he was dealing with from that previous client.

It’s absolute torture, how he feels like a drug addict desperately craving his next fix. _This,_ this is what he meant when he said thoughts could be irrational—part of him is ashamed of every lewd thought crossing his mind right now, at his fucking _workplace._ Part of him is ashamed of even desiring Roman when they’re both...involved with other people—Roman, even worse because he is _married_ —and Seth never thought he’d find himself in such a predicament but here he is. And while his heart cowers in guilt, his mind is celebrating the victory of extraordinary sex—it’s been so long.

With a shaky exhale, Seth’s trembling fingers tap against the spot—hidden beneath his shirt collar and a scarf for further surety—that Roman’s hands were squeezing against; his throat. It’s a good pain—choking has always been a kink of his, if it’s done right; and Roman had outdone himself. And though, in the light of day, Seth is too ashamed to admit it; last night he’d come harder than he has in a very long time because of those wicked hands that were around his neck, because despite their roughness, they’d still felt tender—conversing with his body in a way that few men have managed to. It was everything and more—so much more. And Seth would probably do it again in an instant, and then make sure that Brock never finds out.

“Oh good, you’re done.” A voice murmurs from behind him, causing Seth to jump in his seat. Pain immediately spreads throughout his body and his eyes water, he holds back a distressed cry, glancing over his shoulder to find Corbin glowering down at him. Beside him is a tall and chubby woman that Seth doesn’t recognize. She looks gorgeous but he doesn’t admire her for longer than two seconds.

Quirking an eyebrow, Seth attempts to look as relaxed as possible as he refocuses on his supervisor. “What is it?” He hates the way his voice breaks, making him sound like a teenager going through puberty. 

“This is Nia Jax. She’s chief assistant to the company’s chief executive—”

Something in Seth’s ears rings loudly, rendering him deaf to Corbin’s words. Maybe it’s the panic, a skin-prickling and heated fear that spreads over him. Because he knows _who_ exactly Corbin was referring to when he said chief executive officer. And Seth’s heart is threatening to leap out of his ribcage, to proclaim loudly : _do you mean the cheater who drilled our bunghole into sawdust?_

_What? No!_

Seth shakes his head, body burning crimson in mortification, he blinks up at Corbin. “I’m sorry, what?”

“I said,” Corbin starts, the frown of his thick brows darkening, and he looks so ridiculous that Seth wants to punch that expression on his face away but he says nothing. “this is Nia Jax. Roman Reigns wants to see you. What the hell have you done, Rollins, that a higher-up is requesting to see you? Not your line manager or his boss or—”

“I don’t know, okay Corbin?” Seth grits out a false smile, struggling to his feet. “Hi, I’m Seth. You’re looking for me?” His attention is back on the beautiful thick woman.

“Nia, like Corbin said. Yes, I’m here for you actually. Though I don’t know why.” Nia adds, a little smile stretching her glossed lips. She extends a hand in greeting and Seth accepts. “Are you ready to leave?”

“Do I have a choice?”

Nia has a good sense of humor—unlike balding Corbin—thankfully, and laughs as she should. “Yes. Although it might not sit well with an executive.”

“No, then.”

“Precisely.” Nia winks playfully, and Seth laughs this time. She looks at Corbin. “You’ve been so helpful, thank you so much. I’ll see you around, yeah?”

Corbin smiles, it’s so dazed and weirds Seth out a little. He wonders if the tall man might have a crush on Nia. It would be so interesting to see—how the two would pair together. Nia looks every bit an alpha female as Corbin is an excessively annoying alpha male.

“Seth?”

“Right behind you,” Seth murmurs quietly, following behind Nia. On the way to one of their floor’s exit, Seth meets the probing glances of his colleagues—Dana, Xavier; Tyler Breeze is looking at his manicured nails for far too long for it to be considered innocent; Zelina is unashamed in her staring—that's her fearless, ‘I give no fucks’ nature; and right near the exit, Asuka tilts her head as she observes him in interest. Seth just smiles, says nothing.

They reach the elevators, and once inside, Seth finds himself escaping to stand in one corner of the lift like a petulant child who has been placed on a timeout. He doesn’t know why he is so nervous, and part of him is too aware of their small surroundings. He steals a glance at Nia, only to find her already looking at him curiously.

“What is it?” He looks at the digits, the light signaling the thirteenth floor, and Seth could let out an internal scream—how long until the twenty-eighth floor?

“Do you know what this is about?”

“Beats me.” Seth gives a half-shrug, anxiously nibbling on his bottom lip. They’re now on the eighteenth floor, and he’s beginning to think that maybe this elevator is torturing him with the slowness on purpose. He can hardly look Nia in the eyes without feeling like she’s onto him.

“I’ve never seen Roman look so urgent about meeting someone—and he’s usually the unperturbed type.”

If she expects him to reply with something, then she’ll have to bear the disappointment because Seth has nothing—his nerves are all over the place.

A breath he doesn’t know he was holding escapes as they finally find themselves on the 28th floor. “This is our spot,” Nia informs him as her heels click on the tiles on her way out.

Seth follows her out of the sliding doors and makes a conscious effort to suppress a gasp that might’ve otherwise revealed his childlike awe of his surroundings.

Wow. Just...wow is the only thing he can think.

Before him is a large, very impressive lobby—all floor-to-ceiling glass windows showing off Madison’s impeccable view and it’s skyscrapers. A huge sandstone desk that looks big enough for maybe half a dozen people is the centerpiece, and behind the desk is a beautiful, young woman with really pale skin and ink black flowing hair. She doesn’t spare him a single glance as she types away on her desktop.

“Paige, this is Seth.” Nia tells the woman, whose name Seth now knows is Paige. “Roman made a request for him.”

“Yes, of course.” Paige has an accent—British, and she finally looks at him and smiles. “He was on a call with Helmsley not too long ago. Why don’t you take a seat while I found out if he’s available?” She points to a row of meticulously placed leather chairs around a coffee table that Seth hadn’t seen before. “And Nia here can get you refreshments while you wait?”

“I’m good,” Seth responds with a nervous laugh. Being on this floor is greatly intimidating, and it’s not that their own floors aren’t gorgeous or elegant but the sophistication found on this floor steals his breath away—they remind Seth of Roman, because they epitomize him perfectly.

“Seth. Roman’s done with his call. If you’d go through that door, please…” Paige points to an elegant chocolate door on the right. “He’s waiting.”

Seth complies, albeit hesitantly, and goes to open the door. Roman isn’t looking at him, and is chatting away on his cellphone. Seth stands near the door, feeling as awkward as he assumes he looks—and staring at the office in which he’s in. It’s different from the one he got fucked in last night. This one is more homely, and has a warm aura. There are too many family pictures that Seth can’t decide which one to focus on. There’s a section that houses a thick coffee table and chairs—a comfy looking white rug covers the floors in that area. A vase with beautifully crafted flowers sits atop the table. This whole office exudes a warmer atmosphere, so cozy that one could easily curl into one of the plush chairs with a good book and forget that a world exists outside of here.

“Mr. Rollins, you’re here.”

That voice. Seth doesn’t like the way it sends shivers down his spine, causing goosebumps to stretch out on his skin. Despite the indifference found in it, Roman’s voice is still as smooth and cultivated as it was last night—and Seth wonders how Roman does it. Where on earth did he get the ability to sound so hypnotizingly and soothingly calm while murmuring the dirtiest, most nasty erotic shit that Seth’s own dirty mind couldn’t even dream of conjuring up? How is he so calm after last night?

“Not like I had a choice,” Seth responds, sounding like a sulking child who’d rather be anywhere but where he is.

“No. Unfortunately, you don’t.” Roman says it without missing a beat—calm as ever. At least he doesn’t sound threatening, Seth thinks that the man might even empathize with him—but he can’t be sure with how Roman is turned away from him. Is this a thing he does after he fucks his employees? Or is Seth too disgusting to look at? Maybe Roman thinks Seth isn’t even worthy to be looked at. “I apologize in advance if this will make you uncomfortable but I find it necessary to do—we need to talk.”

“Of course,” Seth whispers, knowing that Roman’s right. They need to clear the air, confront some issues—and then let go...hopefully. “I’m all ears.”

“Good.” Roman finally whirls around to look at him. Face to face with Eros himself, Seth can only stare—stunned. He’s seen this man countless times—from afar (once or twice), on the television, in business magazines and on billboards but they don’t do his beauty justice enough. Roman is supernaturally _beautiful_ —a truly riveting masterpiece that you can’t help but want to look at. All enviable bone structure and sharp nose, all arrogant eyebrows and gorgeous brown eyes that make him look like he was chiseled from marble. He has the kind of face that can stop anyone in their tracks—to do a double-check, an unnatural expression glancing his way that’s probably always followed by overcompensating with a nonchalant gaze and a weak smile. Seth wonders if Roman’s used to it by now.

“Are you with me?”

Roman’s voice is deeper somehow, almost stern—but dammit, does he always sound so calm?

“I am now,” Seth murmurs truthfully. “Permission to take a seat? I’m afraid I can’t stand for much longer.” It’s a fact that embarrasses him, and Seth can’t look Roman in the eyes as he makes the confession.

“Of course. Forgive me, please.”

Seth can only manage a hint of a smile as he sits down. Roman comes to his side of the table, perching his ass onto the edge of the desk with an elegant grace. It’s the last thing that Seth had wanted. Roman’s scent seduces his nose, taking Seth back to last night—it’s not cologne but maybe a body wash. The scent is sinfully delicious and mouthwatering, just like Roman is. Roman extends a long-fingered hand toward him, bringing attention to his crease-less, crisp white shirt. Not a single thing about him is out of place which makes him even more intimidating. His aura, savagely masculine and authoritative but still graceful like a man raised with impeccable manners. Their gazes lock as their hands meet.

Something shifts in the air between them.

The electricity—alive and consuming. The atmosphere—heady and seductive. Seth attempts to discourage his body’s ardent reaction, to dispel any irrational thoughts—because dear god all he can think about is guiding Roman’s hand to where his dick is nestled against his thigh, throbbing with ravenous lust and desire. It’s almost a burden to Seth’s soul—the magnetic force of the pull he feels in his body for Roman, it’s too strong and unrelenting, drawing him to the one man he cannot have.

When Roman still doesn’t pull out of their handshake, Seth takes the decision to do it for them. He clears his throat, fighting for air as his breathing comes in short bursts.”

“Mr. Rollins— ” Seth hates it when Roman talks like this—as if they’re business partners discussing today’s order of the day or the fucking weather or something equally detached and boring. He hates how he’s suddenly become ‘Mr. Rollins’ when he was _tesoro_ and _beautiful_ and a _good boy_ and _baby_ and _sweetheart_ and _Seth_ just last night. He absolutely detests it, he does! Not voicing his displeasure, Seth looks at Roman, blankly, already wanting to hightail it out of here. “How are you?”

Roman’s stare is on him, unwavering, looking awfully serious. A man who genuinely wants to know and not asking for the sake of asking. He looks to be in the present, at least that’s what Seth thinks. But he could be projecting what he hasn’t had in so long onto Roman—maybe he’s led himself into believing an illusion. So Seth doesn’t respond, opting to look at that area with the family pictures again. He lands on a picture of Roman and his wife. A beautiful African-American woman with perfect teeth and a beautiful face. She has such a pretty smile, one that can literally light up an entire room—it could have to do with the fact that the picture was clearly taken on her wedding day. She’s wearing a breathtaking white gown, while Roman looks just as good in a black tux. Seth has only ever met Roman’s wife once—at the elevators one time when she actually used the employee lifts with them.

He remembers she was turned away by a new secretary who didn’t recognize her as Roman’s wife as she’d been attempting to use the personal elevator that leads to Roman’s office. Roman’s wife, Naomi, isn’t well known to a lot of people with how private both her and her husband are. Roman isn’t on social media, you can barely find a picture where he has been captured with her on the internet, let alone pictures of Roman himself. It’s like the two of them isolate themselves from the world as much as possible.

Seth finally looks at Roman, or his hands to be more precise, and notices the absent wedding band on his finger. He wants to ask where it is, especially since Roman was wearing it last night—but is too scared to, fearing that he won’t like the response. He’s no homewrecker.

“Mr. Rollins—”

“Will you cut it out with the polite bullshit, please? You can’t fuck me crippled and then decide that it’s back to Mr. Rollins. We’re long past that stage. You know my name, you were groaning it out while you were pushing your dick into me and choking me—what’s changed between then and now?”

“A lot of things,” Roman starts sternly, his voice clearly rebuking. Seth makes a conscious effort not to duck his head and glares at the man before him. “For one, last night shouldn’t have happened. I don’t mix business with pleasure—”

“So are you saying this has happened before?” Seth can’t contain his snort.

“No, never.” Roman appears to be truthful so Seth believes him. “I—this is complicated. But I don’t sleep around if that is what you were asking. Now back to what I was saying, a lot of things have changed. I went home and I realized that this was a mistake—at least on my part. I acted wrongly in a moment of weakness and for that I apologize. Because of my lapse in judgment, I realize that I’ve put you in an awkward situation—as an employee and someone who was vulnerable. Fraternizing with employees is something I avoid at all costs, Mr. Rollins—because of personal morals, and to avoid situations like the one I find myself in right now. I’m sorry.”

_And what if I’m not sorry?_

Seth has been nodding blindly to everything that Roman has said. Part of him is hurt, even though he shouldn’t be. Roman owes him nothing. What happened last night _was_ a mistake—one that could cost him a relationship of _five_ years were Brock ever to find out. Last night has the power to destroy everything Seth has worked hard towards in the last five years—so why is his heart unfulfilled with Roman’s apology. Why isn’t it enough?

Maybe it was the mindblowing sex. Seth will tell himself that. Because he can barely keep eye contact with Roman with how badly his dick wants to explode with an orgasm—and they haven’t even done anything sexual.

“I came onto you,” he says absently, thinking back to last night. “I kissed you first.”

“And I took that as a cue to rip your shirt off of you.”

If Roman’s response is supposed to come across as apologetic, Seth’s ears completely ignore it. He is seduced by the exquisite masculinity of it all instead—and squeezes his thighs to hide the hard-on he has just thinking about all the rough-handling.

“You were just...good at learning the different reactions in my body. I wanted you to do it. And I—personally, I don’t think I regret a single thing.”

“I don’t think you really mean that. You’re still heartbroken, you know the...problems with your man and other factors. You regret it, believe me.”

“Just like you regret cheating on your wife?” The words leave Seth in a rush, sounding more like a dig than anything. It’s too late to take them back now.

Roman’s face is hardened, brown eyes steely and intimidating, his large body suddenly imposing—making him appear bigger, menacing. “I would appreciate it if we kept my wife out of this—please.” The last word is clearly added as an afterthought, as if Roman isn’t used to being rude so he has to atone for his actions by adding something kinder. He even schools his features, his face goes back to impassiveness.

“I’m sorry. I just—” Seth shakes his head, and hugs his waist, the guilt is taking over now. He hates to admit that he feels more guilty about possibly ruining Roman’s marriage than he does for his relationship with Brock. He won’t even try to decipher what that means. He has no desire to. “Your...w-wife seems like a, she looks pretty sweet to me. Why would you...betray her like that? Are you guys divorcing? Is it—”

“Seth Rollins!” Roman’s stern but soft usage of his name has Seth standing at attention, voice practically petering off on it’s own. “My personal life is none of your business. If you’d be so kind to refrain from questioning me about the things you have no business knowing, and maybe accept my apology, I would be grateful. Alternatively, take the time to think about it—and decide whether or not I am worthy of your forgiveness. That’s all I called you here for—and also to find out if you reached home okay. Was Gable welcoming? I saw you left the jacket I left you in my other office. I was worried you were going to catch a cold—in fact, I’m surprised you made it to work in one piece. Are you in discomfort? How may I be of service?”

“The CEO to a multibillion dollar company is asking me how to service _me_?” Seth cackles loudly, clutching his quivering belly anxiously. “Don’t play with me, man. We all know how you rich folks are. What are you looking for; another fuck?”

“I admit that you are impressive impressive in the bedroom, Mr. Rollins—but this is serious. I’m asking because I care—from one human to the other. I realize I left you in an unwell state last night but I really had to leave. I would’ve liked to stay with you until you were okay but I couldn’t. So I called Gable. Was he okay? Did you have any problems?”

“N-No,” Seth stutters, taken aback by how genuine Roman looks. He has no idea how to receive it, so he shuns it. “I’m not an incompetent child. We fucked, and you bailed—which I’m so fucking fine with by the way— and your driver came and took me home. I don’t think you need to know anything else. And I don’t need any of your services, I refuse to be used again and then left behind like some disposable takeout dish. Actually, are we done here because I really have to get back to the job your HR team pays me for.”

Roman doesn’t respond. For quite some time, he looks at him. An arrogant eyebrow quirked up in question, his brown eyes looking far too shrewd and wise, his head cocked to one side. “You’re free to leave,” he says finally, in a tone that reminds Seth of the principal dismissing a troublesome child. “Oh, and Seth…” the man calls out to him when Seth is at the door. The brunet looks over his shoulder in question. “It wouldn’t wouldn’t kill you to be respectful and good-mannered sometimes. We’re too old to be behaving like five year olds. And I don’t have the time to teach you how to be a decent human being, it’s something you should’ve learned long ago. I’m not going to blame it on your parents—I believe it’s a personal thing. You’re a stunning young man, I believe you can do better than this.”

With that, Roman gestures with his hand toward the door, as his other one grabs his cell. He needn’t say anything else—the silent dismissal is enough.

At his desk, Seth thinks back to the encounter with Roman. He’d like to say he’s angry at the man—but he’s hot with the embarrassment he just caused himself if he’s being honest. Part of him wanted to go and apologize to Roman. _I’m not usually this rude,_ he wants to plead his case but it’s probably futile. He doubts they’d allow him the opportunity to speak to the man again. And he hates that Roman’s last impression of him was of a rude, petulant brat with a big mouth. He’s not like that at all—at least most of the times. It would’ve been better if Brock were here, because although Seth hates it sometimes, at least the man keeps him in check. Makes him aware of the embarrassment he could potentially put himself in, he makes Seth aware when Seth is beginning to be too much.

Seth wants to apologize to Roman, to tell him he just isn’t used to a guy like him—he’s weird and Seth was nervous so he didn’t know how to act around him.

A cup of weird smelling but mouthwatering tea is placed on his desk. Seth follows the steam that travels to where the owner of the tea stands. It’s a young man, with purple hair and a mousey face. His name tag reads ‘Simon’. “Hi, I’m sorry but what is this? I didn’t order this.”

The lanky man shrugs nonchalantly. “Kofi told me to bring it up. Mr. Reigns ordered for Seth Rollins. Sore throat concoction.”

Kofi is the head chef in one of the many restaurants in their cafeterias. He owns a West African restaurant that sells one of the tastiest cuisines in their building. And Seth decides to settle on this fact first because he feels like crying and he has no idea what to do. Roman is being unnecessarily kind right now, even after, even when Seth behaved like a fucking brat in front of him. Surely, this isn’t coming from the goodness of his heart. He probably just wants to find a way to lessen the guilt he feels for cheating on his wife—it’s a crazy theory but could be true. Or maybe he’s feeling guilty for how violent their romps had been—and how it wouldn’t have been as nice had Seth not been consenting. Seth doesn’t know his exact motives but he knows Roman feels goddamn guilty—and this is why he’s doing this.

Offering the delivery guy a small smile, Seth fishes his bag for spare change to tip him and then thanks the guy with a smile before he walks away.

***

“YOU WHAT?!”

“He slept with a taken man and paid dearly for it, judging by the way he is struggling to make any movement without wincing.” Xavier rushes to explain to Dana before Seth can say anything else. And Seth would be annoyed were it anyone else but this is his best friend and they tell each other everything.

“Seth Tyler Rollins!” Dana starts, her blue eyes narrowing and making Seth feel like a scolded child. “Have you no shame?!”

“In my defense, the cheater slept with me too—and I am very much taken as well.”

Xavier starts to laugh while Dana smacks her forehead, and looks to the heavens, as if questioning the deities about Seth’s existence. “That is not the—baby, this is your boss! How could you be so careless? He has a wife, last I heard, she is pregnant and expecting their first child—”

“First? Only now? I thought they’d have like six by now—with how gorgeous they both are. I imagine they have a hard time keeping their hands to themselves.” Xavier cuts in, but he appears to be joking, and Dana rebukes him with a gentle nudge to his nose.

“Not everyone wants to have kids, lovey. I don’t have kids, I don’t want them. I prefer to baby you two. Maybe it was the same for Roman and Naomi. Or maybe they were struggling to conceive, either way—it’s none of our business. And this isn’t about them, it’s about this one’s carelessness.” She points an artificial nail toward a blushing Seth. “Please tell me you used protection. This can’t be a telenovela drama where the wife and the mistress are both pregnant.”

Xavier’s eyes widen, while Seth chokes on the carrot he’s eating. “No!” He gasps, horrified at the mere idea. “Fuck, Dana...I’m horny but I know to not just think with my dick. We used protection!”

“Hey, now, I'm just double-checking.” Dana rubs his back soothingly, the calming touch of a mother—it’s always welcomed. “So how in the hell did this happen, Seth? I thought Brock was coming home more often and that you guys were talking.”

“We are—I mean we do...sometimes,” Seth whispers, feeling a familiar ache squeeze the muscles of his heart. It’s this very ache that led him to bouncing on another man’s cock who isn’t his own last night. It’s the hurt, and the frustration, and confusion and doubts—it’s the feeling of emptiness and being alone. It’s being in love with your pain and joy. “We talk. I just—I don’t want to be too clingy. He’s doing everything he’s doing to secure our future so that when we start a family, our children don’t suffer like he did; like we both did. He works so hard, I know why he does it. I just miss him sometimes—but I want to support him, like a good boyfriend. I’m doing my best to be really good for him—less complaining, y’know? He says I’m like a nagging wife and if I’m not careful I’ll start looking like a boring one—there are wrinkles on my forehead, he made me aware of them a couple of weeks ago. But this morning he called me beautiful, flawless—so I don’t know…’m not sure what to believe.”

Dana sighs, like she always does when Seth reveals these things—he can never help himself from revealing too much information when talking about Brock, especially to his friends. Sometimes it’s negative, sometimes it’s all positive—him expressing his pride and joy for the man he’s in love with.

“He’s a jackass—and you should’ve dumped his ass a long time ago.” Xavier snaps, looking genuinely annoyed—and Seth has heard him say this a billion times to know that he needs to ignore the young man, like Brock told him to. Xavier just dislikes Brock—and would probably have Seth date a frog if it meant he broke up with Brock. “You should’ve listened to me when I said fuck him once and leave. The Scottish guy would’ve been a safer bet or Finn. I remember you had a brief fling with the Scotsman.”

“No offense, but beyond the sex, there wasn’t much of a connection between me and Drew—and even that gets repetitive and boring after a while so what do you have to fall back on? And Finn? Come on, Xavier, I told you he’s like a brother—I can’t fuck my brother, let alone date him.”

“Okay, how about Elias? He was pretty cool also, or Cesaro. Most relationships begin with friendship and Ceasro is great, right?”

“Don’t pressure him into dating all these man, Xavier.” Dana, thankfully, comes to his aid and admonishes a frowning Xavier. “You don’t have to like that he’s with Brock but the only thing we can do for now is wait until he’s ready to finally leave that man he calls his boyfriend.”

“Dana!” Seth lifts his voice a little, irritated that they’re discussing his boyfriend so carelessly—in his presence, with no regard for his feelings whatsoever. “I don’t appreciate what you and Xavier are doing, okay? Yeah, I get it, you don’t like Brock but he’s still my boyfriend. And I...I’m in love with him. You don’t need to like him or my relationship, but please, in my presence, respect us—what we have. It means the world to me.”

“So much so that you went and fucked another man, right?” Xavier gets out sarcastically.

Seth’s eyes widen with surprise, his gaze focused solely on the man he calls his friend. He doesn’t want to be emotional, but he can feel his heart breaking into a million pieces as he fights for control. “What did you say to me?” He’s too controlled, asking so quietly, almost like a threat—although Seth doesn’t even have an idea what he wants to do. The lumps forming in his throat are painful, and he wants to rip his throat open so that the heaviness can disappear.

“I d-didn’t mean to.” Xavier looks up at him tearfully but no tears leave him. “I just—look sweetheart—”

“No!” Seth shouts, earning himself and his friends a few curious stares. He ignores them and narrows his eyes at Xavier. “Don’t call me that! What kind of friend are you?” Seth shakes his head in disgust, rising to his feet, and trembling with anger. “You’re supposed to support me and be—there for me. But all you ever do is criticize, my relationship is never good enough for you. And in your eyes I’m always doing something wrong. Are you jealous? Is that what it is? You couldn’t get dick even if you were smacked with it because you’re too focused on what everyone else is doing, on _my_ relationship. You can’t even hold a guy for longer than three minutes, Xavier! How dare you think you’re an expert. Who gave you the authority? Brock’s right…” Seth whispers, like it’s a revelation of sorts to him. “You’re jealous of us—and so you, you create all these crazy ideas that he’s bad for me in your head. He loves me, and sure, I made a mistake—but I love him too, so fucking much. And we’re in it for the long haul, so I suggest you get used to it—or you leave. It’s that simple. I’m not going to lose him because of you.”

“Seth, will you sit down?” Dana cuts through the tension, voice gentle but Seth isn’t focused on her. He’s too busy glaring at the man he considers his best friend, questioning him until finally Xavier nods his head, there are tears in his eyes. He isn’t far from crying. And when Seth finally sits down, Xavier stands.

“I forgot that I have to speak with Ruby, from the Investigations department. I’ll see you guys around?”

Xavier’s going to cry in a corner somewhere—probably a bathroom. Seth knows him so much by now. But he refuses to allow himself to feel guilty—it’s Xavier’s fault for prying. He has no idea the sacrifices that go into making a relationship work. Twenty-six and he’s never had a serious relationship in his life.

“See you.” Seth, at least, consoles Xavier with a smile and a kinder tone. He doesn’t like it when he argues with his best friend, but Xavier has no business commenting on matters that he has no experience of.

* * *

When Seth said Brock works hard, perhaps it wasn’t clear just how hard he works.

They get to spend just three days together before his man is travelling to yet another state for business. Seth doesn’t know for how long this time, but then again, he never does. Usually, he'll come home to find Brock’s imposing body on the couch, watching a game of football, with chips and beer to keep him company—or on rare occasions, Brock will surprise him by fetching him at work. The latter is Seth’s favorite but it rarely happens—maybe three or four times a year. Brock is the owner of a logistics company and travels a lot because of his job. His company had been struggling for sometime but it’s his hard work that is seeing him succeed year after year. Seth can’t say he’s mad about it, there’s something rewarding about seeing the success of his man but it gets lonely sometimes—when they’re so far away from each other.

It sucks now, with Seth flipping through the channels to find something he could watch. He’s been at home for only two hours but he’s already so bored. He’d call Xavier but their friendship is still sour from their encounter nearly a week ago. Dana is out on a date with a firefighter she met on Tinder about three months ago. A _Dave Bautista_ who Seth will admit he likes because the man basically worships the ground Dana walks on.

After scrolling through the channels, he finally finds something he remotely likes. It’s a movie he’s sure he’s watched with Brock a couple years ago—and his boyfriend loved it. Seth decides to text him, just to remind him about it, and maybe Brock can watch it too—he’s in New York.

_Hey, babe. I still fucking miss u <3\. Anyway, guess what I'm watchin? <smiling face emoji> _

He sends the text and goes back to movie watching. He keeps alternating his gaze between the movie and his phone—but it isn’t until ten minutes later that he gets a reply.

_Br <3ck : Hi. Miss you too, sweet darling. I'm busy at the moment. Sleep tight. _

Okay…

Seth blinks at his phone, taken aback by the detachment. He feels embarrassed all of a sudden, and smacks his forehead repeatedly, cursing his stupidity. What if Brock read that message and thought that he was too clingy? The man hates it when Seth does that, and Seth has been trying to be more independent. He keeps his texting to a minimum, and calls less. This is his third message that he’s sent Brock in an entire day. Surely the man can’t be annoyed by him already? What is he so busy with anyway? It’s so late into the evening.

Seth has lost his appetite for the Cesar salad he was eating. He’s lost the appetite for the movie, too. All he wants to do is retire for the night, maybe he can go to bed and ponder about how stupid he just acted.

In the bedroom, he lies in bed, on Brock’s side and spends ten minutes trying not to cry. And when the tears finally fall, they’re silent—at least they’re not baby-like he tells himself.

He cries himself to sleep, only to wake up later that night—breathing ragged and body on fire. Another dream. Just as raunchy as the others. The body of a god sheltering his own body, a throbbing cock ramming into him from behind. All slick bodies and rough dance. Mingled breaths and sweat. Souls falling and clashing. Seth can still feel the pulse deep in his depths, how _his_ secrets are buried deep inside him—in places that Seth himself will never be able to reach. He wants to shun everything away, to shun _him_ away, but he can’t. Perhaps tonight, he’s feeling a little more vulnerable than he should or maybe he’s just so goddamn _lonely_ that he craves the comfort—anyway he can get it.

Slowly, Seth shifts to lay on his side of the bed. He refuses to go through with this while sleeping on Brock’s side of the bed. His body is trembling, like a crack addict, and feels feverish beneath his hungry touch. His palm presses against his crotch and he moans, arching his back. With his eyes closed, he starts to jerk off, having only brown eyes in mind. Feeling lips he’s only ever had the pleasure of kissing once, nipping at his skin. He thinks about Roman’s dick throbbing inside him, and tries to remember every drag, every burn, every pulse.

 _Oh god, please._ He’s begging internally, and then parting his lips to sing an erotic chanting of : _please, Roman! Harder, yes_ — _like that. It hurts. Daddy, it hurts so good. More. More. More. Please_ — _Daddy, please._

It takes imagining Roman’s voice in his head, showering him all the compliments known to mankind, with his hand around Seth’s throat and his dick bludgeoning deep into Seth’s being for the brunet to come in an intense, earth-shattering orgasm. He’s a crying mess that is screaming Roman’s name over and over again.

Seth heaves a broken breath and stares at the ceiling. _What the fuck just happened?_ He knows but he won’t admit. He refuses. So he blanks out every thought, and collects the stream of cum on his chest with his fingers to lick clean. He imagines this might be what Roman would tell him to do after they are done. Maybe if he hadn’t passed out on that day, Roman would’ve done it.

After he comes to his senses completely, Seth reasons that this was a mistake. A mistake that won’t happen again because although Seth is lonely and horny, he is still an adult who can think rationally.

* * *

It does, in fact, happen again.

Again, and again, and again. Because as it turns out, since Seth is lonely and horny, his mind has lost all logical reasoning. And although Seth is an adult, his libido is that of a teenager. It’s like he’s just discovered that there’s this phenomenal thing called masturbating and now all he ever wants to do is jerk off. At work, in the toilet, bathroom, in bed, on the couch—everywhere. What makes it worse—pleasurably so—is that jerking off with Roman in mind always makes things doubly intense, leaving him boneless and seeing stars. That’s a married man he’s jerking off to, but Seth has managed to convince himself that as long as he’s not fucking the man then no harm done. His conscience seems to agree with him—or maybe, they’re both lonely and horny, he doesn’t know. He doesn’t care.

It feels too good for him to care.

* * *

Brock comes home a week later.

They spend two days together before Brock announces a suit and tie event that Seth is to accompany him to. Seth hates it, he feels like he only ever serves as eye-candy when he goes to these places with Brock. The men and women look at him like a piece of meat, or a toy that they want to use for one night and then discard of in the morning.

Seth remembers that he once told Brock about it, and the man laughed it off—claiming Seth to be exaggerating, and maybe a little delusional. “If you’re thinking that every man and woman in there wants to have sex with you then maybe you’re the problem. Maybe you’re projecting onto them, darling. There’s nothing wrong with admiring beauty—that’s all these people see. Don’t be too sensitive,” Brock had told him, their argument raw and heated in the car.

_Sensitive._

It’s a word that Seth gets a lot. That he does everything in his power to avoid being called. Having heard it all his life, he tries to be desensitized as possible. Sensitivity has never been associated with strength, or positivity, or anything good. Someone sensitive is usually considered a weakling, people like that don’t survive in the real world—and Seth is a survivor, he considers himself strong and determined and a go-getter. He’s no weakling, but sometimes, the feeling of bravery leaves him when he desires it the most.

“Another drink?” A woman Seth doesn’t recognize comes to stand beside him, disrupting his ogling of his boyfriend, who is standing with a man Seth recognizes as one of Brock’s best friends: Shelton Benjamin. The two go way back together, best friends from childhood apparently.

“No. I think I'm good, thanks.” Seth tells the woman. Her eye is wandering, and it makes Seth squirm but he smiles through the discomfort. “I’m such a lightweight. I’ll probably embarrass myself should I drink more.”

“Oh, honey, I’d like to see the things you get up to when you’re drunk.” The woman drawls in her southern accent. “Something tells me you’re very obedient, and...fun.”

“Uh...guess that’s why I stick to two wine glasses.” Seth laughs, although he’s starting to feel very uncomfortable. Maybe he’s imagining it but he swears the woman’s right hand is slightly brushing against his lower back, nearing his ass.

“Lordd, you’re cute.” She practically purrs, as she gets into his space now, laughing when he squirms away from her touch. “I’m Lacey. What’s your name?”

“Seth. And I’m taken, although I am flattered.” Seth tells her, pointing to where Brock is watching them impassively, drinking whiskey with Shelton. “My boyfriend’s over there.”

“Brock? Oh, I know him.” She smiles, it doesn’t feel too genuine to Seth, and continues, “Well, I know he don’t take kindly to sharing. I remember when we was in high-school...anyway, how’d he nab a fine thing like you?”

“I—it was sort of love at first start. He’s my first serious boyfriend.” Seth always gets honeyed when talking about Brock—and how they met. He remembers it was at one of the few clubs in New Glarus. He was twenty-three and had just moved to Wisconsin. He wasn’t as financially stable as he is now so he’d been staying in Madison with Xavier who’d suggested they hit a few charming small towns around Wisconsin. Although, Seth says it was love at first sight; it really just could’ve been lust at first sight. He’s always had a thing for guys bigger than him and after his fling with Drew had finally ended, he’d found the perfect guy in Brock.

Only with Brock, Seth kept returning, and then somehow Brock was moving to Madison so that they could see each other more often—and six months later they were moving in together. And now, they’ve been together for five years. They could start a family, but something is holding Seth back, part of him isn’t ready. Maybe twenty-eight seems too young or, or the idea of being a parent scares him—he’s not sure what he’s so afraid of exactly.

“Well, I’ll tell you—he’s damn lucky to have a young, fresh thing like yourself that he needs to keep up with. You tell him I’ll steal you for myself if he doesn’t please you.” Lacey laughs, her blue eyes predatory in their revisit of Seth’s body. She clearly likes what she sees and is unashamed to show it, even as it makes Seth uncomfortable.

Before Seth can so much as register it, she smacks his ass—loudly, gripping it for far too long as it jiggles, and then disappears into the crowd, but her smug laugh remains with Seth.

He. Is. Humiliated.

Seth stares in Brock’s direction, notices the little smile playing at his lips. He says it’s funny when people hit on Seth. There was nothing funny about being sexually harassed by that woman though, she went too far. And she said she’s friends with Brock. Does he behave the same way, too? Is he equally creepy or self-entitled? Seth is too humiliated to care. All he wants to do is go home.

“I’m ready to go home,” he tells the man he considers his boyfriend, stopping in front of him and Shelton. “Right now, Brock. Take me home.”

“We’ll leave in an hour,” Brock says coolly, not even glancing his way.

The blood boils within Seth, making him snort fiery flames. “No. You’re going to do it right now. I am not comfortable in this stupid, snobby party. I don’t like these parties, Brock—I tell you all the time. All these people think they’re entitled to our bodies because they have all this money and—”

“Shelton has money and he doesn’t think like that. Do you, buddy?”

Seth stares impatiently as the African-American man shakes his head solemnly. “No.”

“There you go.” Seth hates it when Brock eyes him like there’s something wrong with him—like Seth is a pervert for even thinking that all these people want him. Because that woman—

“That woman just, she just touched my butt—so easily, as if she had every right to my body—and fondled my ass. That is sexual harassment, Brock. I don’t why you wouldn’t see it that way. I don’t go around smacking people’s asses because I understand how wrong and disrespectful that is. How I’d be taking away their dignity by so doing. Why wouldn’t you see it that way? She’s just, she’s lucky I won’t sue or press charges but I still—”

“There you go again, with your stupid crap.” Brock sighs, he doesn't even lift his voice—but the way he speaks is so condescending, igniting Seth with an angry fire. “You’re overreacting, again—like you always fucking do. She’s a fucking woman—how can she sexually harass you? Go to the police station and they’ll laugh in your face for being a wuss. We’re all having a good time, Seth. Why must you always fucking ruin it?”

Seth gasps in pain at Brock’s words, and shrinks back, completely surprised. Is this man, is he serious right now? “I’m sorry for loving my body, and wanting it to belong to me, Brock. I’m sorry for—”

“And now we’re playing the victim. Jesus Christ, always so fucking sensitive! This is why people die alone. Christ, Rollins—live a little!”

“Brock—”

“No, brother. It’s true.” Shelton is immediately cut off by Brock. “Fuck, is this what you have to deal with too, Shelton? He just goes on and on and nags and nags—he’s worse than a woman!”

“I’m l-leaving.” It’s a stutter, Seth despises the way his voice betrays him, revealing his heartbreak. It hurts how things have changed just like that. Just this morning he was the happiest guy on earth and now, now his heart is shattering into a thousand pieces. Is it really him? Does he complain too much? Maybe that woman really didn’t mean anything serious by her uncomfortable flirting. Maybe Seth can try to tone it down on being too emotional, too sensitive.

He just wants to keep the peace. But for now, he needs to get out of here.

* * *

In the end, Seth ends up apologizing to Brock—though part of him isn’t even sure what for. It shows in the apology, too—he’s stumbling on his words and mumbling incoherent gibberish until he apologizes with his body instead.

The sex is as boring and dissatisfying as it has been for the last two years or so. Brock collapses on top of him—all heavy limbs and limp body. “We work so well together because we understand each other. Me and you, sweet darling. I love you like no one else ever can again. And I won’t ever leave you.”

Seth can only stare at the ceiling, tears in his eyes. “I love you, too.” He returns after light years of silence.

“Good. Should I make you breakfast?”

“Breakfast in bed? What’d I do right?” Seth chuckles, he bites his bottom lip, holding back a whimper as Brock pulls out.

“Nag less.”

Even if Brock means it as a joke, it still hurts somehow. Seth’s had people tell him his voice is annoying, he’s had people tell him his laugh is annoying, others hate the way he talks—but it doesn’t compare to the pain of hearing the person you’re in love with say that. It’s a million times worse—and Seth tries to talk less, laugh sexier, talk more eloquently, and listen more.

A kiss touches his forehead, cutting short his miserable musings. “I’ll be right back.”

Seth can only nod blindly. He waits until Brock is out of the room completely before his hands explore his body. He closes his eyes, and allows a married man to take him away from it all.

* * *

“Wait, so you’re saying he’ll be joining us? As in he’ll be right in this room with us?”

Seth can hear Sasha’s excited chatter, she’s questioning Bayley—the two are best friends, and barely interact with the others. He doesn’t catch what Bayley says to Sasha. He’s been in an anxious mood since yesterday—when he found out that _Roman_ would be sitting in on their Employee Development session. It’s never happened to their department before, but the finance team on the ninth floor have had him sit in on it. The excitement has been buzzing since yesterday—for a lot of them, Roman is like an unattainable god, sat at the very top of the heavens and looking down at all of them, watching and inaccessible. There are some people who don’t even know what the man looks like now and rely on old photos they find on Google images.

Roman is older now, like smooth refined whiskey—all greying beard and hints of salt and pepper hair at the sides. He still looks like some masterpiece carved by Michaelangelo though—and he is aging well. If the information that Seth got online about Roman is true, then the man is thirty-nine. Still far too young to be CEO of one of the major banks in America, Seth thinks to himself.

“Hey, you.” Dana comes to sit next to him. She looks gorgeous in a pink sundress and heels. Her eyes are popping out more than usual today and she’s a glowing goddess. “You good?”

“Not as good as you,” Seth murmurs, returning her beautiful smile. “Is everything going okay?”

“Dave’s a babe,” is blurted out, and then a little blush colors Dana’s pink cheeks. “A total amazing babe, and I—gosh, baby I don’t know what to do with myself. Butterflies everywhere, I think I understand what Cardi B meant when she said she felt them in her vagina. I’m getting them down there a lot lately.”

“Dana!” Seth cackles softly. “TMI! Gosh, you’re like my mother.”

“Alright, alright—I’ll stop. So how about you, how are you doing? Are you ready for this meeting?”

Seth knows what Dana’s asking, she needn’t be direct about it because he already knows. He can hear it in the silence between them. _Are you ready to see Roman again?_ Truth be told, Seth is looking forward to it—maybe a little too much. Kinda like those high-school days when he couldn’t wait for the morning to go to school and meet his crush again. Yes, feelings have changed somehow. He is...attracted to Roman. It took him a while to admit but after basically fucking himself while thinking about the man on a near daily basis, it was time to admit. And Seth can admit because nothing will happen, it won’t go beyond him jerking off to Roman because Roman is married and while Seth has problems with Brock sometimes, he still loves the man.

“More than ready,” Seth tells Dana, opening his notebook to doodle nonsensical characters on his pad. The large room is slowly filling with people, and Seth notices Xavier sitting right at the front, near the projector. They’ve been avoiding each other a lot lately, Seth knows he’s somehow severed their relationship with that tirade he went into a couple of weeks ago. Part of him is starting to regret it, and wishes the whole thing was just a dream. He can’t lose Xavier, the younger man is his best friend. But Xavier was out of line too, judging him and trying to separate him and Brock when he’s no relationship expert. “How’s Xavier doing?”

“Good, he—” Dana goes on a talking spree. Seth half-listens, focused on his best friend and trying to come up with a way that they can go back to that carefree place again.

The chatter dies off when someone enters the room. It’s incredibly fascinating to see how everyone collects themselves when this new person joins them—perfect posture, and everyone standing at attention. Even the air transitions into an electrically charged one, spreading over their large meeting room. It appears that everyone has forgotten the other altogether, as they’re focused on their new occupant. There’s naive awe on faces, and starry-eyed expressions on some.

Seth knows who it is by the unforgettable manly scent—he’s spent countless nights recreating it in the comfort of his room, envisioning it’s owner, and so many lewd activities that they got up to, that always lead him into having the best orgasms of his life. Immediately Seth sees _him,_ his body goes in a frenzy. His pulse leaps with anxious joy—and need. His heart is fighting to escape his ribcage. And there is a discomfort in his nether regions that causes Seth’s pants to tighten.

Roman looks so darn impressive—which isn’t even a surprise anymore—and wears a classic white shirt that is perfectly creaseless and teases his sculpted body. His pants are formfitting, clinging to his muscular thighs so perfectly—and Seth just wants the man to crush his face with them. They only briefly make eye contact before Roman looks away, focusing his attention on their line manager—Charlotte Flair.

Seth can’t stop staring at Roman. Across the room, in a lone corner, his boss sits quietly and observes—too invested in what everyone is saying. Some try to impress him, Seth can tell—and Roman takes it all in stride, even humoring them. It takes everything in his willpower for Seth to not just rise out of his chair and curse Mandy Rose to hell and back for so blatantly flirting with Roman. It takes an excessive amount of sheer control not to chew Finn’s Irish head off for cockily murmuring something flirtatious at an amused Roman. Roman clearly doesn’t need him, he’s taking all the compliments in stride, and smiling, and actively engaging.

“You’re staring again,” Dana whispers in his ear. “Stare any longer and you’ll telepath all your thirst for him into his brain—maybe even everyone here.”

“That can’t be bad,” Seth snickers, not removing his eyes from Roman. Xavier’s talking now but Seth has no idea what about—and Roman is smiling like he’s goddamn impressed by the young man. It pisses Seth off, and he hates to admit it. “Maybe if that happens, everyone will back off. Maybe _he_ will want me just as much.”

“Are you listening to yourself?” Dana whispers, her disbelief is so evident.

“He arches his brows when he’s fucking into something wet and warm, too. The way he’s doing that thing with his eyes, he did it as he fucked into me. I was—” Seth releases a mindless laugh, that is bitter as it is humorless. “Folded in half on his desk, and he was—choking me and ramming into me.”It’s embarrassing to admit just how incredibly aroused the memories make him. “I think that—his voice alone can make orgasm. He says things so—innocently, but they’re like all so...nasty.”

“Are you sure now’s the right time to be doing this?” Dana runs a comforting hand on his thigh—and Seth wants to tell her to suck it because he’ll do whatever the fuck he wants. “We’re at work.”

“He fucked me unconscious at work—and then left me. What’s your point?”

“If you’re hurt by how he treated you then—”

“M not hurt,” Seth snorts, and a bigger part of him isn’t. He just kinda feels—resentful toward Roman. He has no idea why. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s allowing every Tom, Dick and Harry to flirt with him—and is not put off by their forwardness. He’s being so goddamn modest that Seth wants to scream into the void. “Just—look at how they’re all flirting with him!”

“They’re just talking, Seth.”

“Whatever,” Seth rolls his eyes. “Next thing, you’ll tell me I’m delusional—like Brock.”

“Baby!” Dana gasps, sounding seriously horrified. “He’s said that to you? I will kill him with my bare hands.”

“You do that and I won’t talk to you ever again. That’s my boyfriend you’re thinking about murdering.”

Dana sighs, “Fine. Let’s focus on the meeting, then. Corbin is sneaking nasty glances this side.”

A snicker, but Seth says nothing and finally concentrates—or he tries to. Every few minutes, he’ll steal a glance, look at Roman, and feel an aching disappointment as the man pays him no mind at all. Had Seth imagined their connection from nearly a month ago? Had the extraordinary sex been clouding his judgement? He has no idea, but he’s leaving his chair a disappointed man as the meeting is finally adjourned. He is at the door, following behind Dana when—

“Mr. Rollins—a word, please.”

Knowing who exactly that voice belongs to, Seth pauses at the doorway, a bit frozen if he’s being honest. Dana is looking at him, while Seth feels his heart break apart and heal with lightning speed. What the fuck does Roman want?

“Now?” Seth inquires, doing his best to ignore the curious glances of his colleagues.

“If you’re busy, you’re free to leave. It’s not mandatory.”

Seth turns to face Roman, marveling at how the world around them fades into a distant concept. That shift in the air again—delicious, sinful and oh so wrong, so very wrong. But Seth can’t help but desire to bask in it again, maybe one last time—if that’s what Roman wants. If that’s why the man is calling him. Seth’s feet work of their own accord, carrying him to where Roman is standing. The others have slowly left, and it’s just the two of them in the boardroom.

“Hello,” Roman starts, his unwavering gaze is electric, it sends shock up Seth’s arms that somehow raise the hairs on his nape. “We meet again.”

“We—do.” The smile that he’s being graced with is hypnotizing. Seth wants to look away but he’s locked in place by the most calm gaze he’s ever seen. How the fuck does this man do this—make even the simplest things sensual?

“And how are you?”

It’s still as genuine as the first time Roman had asked him this question. Seth still isn’t sure how to respond to it—what if he talks and he’s unable to stop? Or what if he says something wrong—like the last time—and Roman deems him senseless or stupid? What if he comes across as shallow or conceited? He’s so scared—and he hates it.

“Thank you for my clothes,” Seth whispers instead. On that day that Roman got him something for his throat, the man also had new clothes brought to him, to replace the ones that were ripped off of Seth’s body. Clearly, he looked at the sizes before he left because all the clothes he got fit Seth perfectly. “Even if you did go overboard.”

“Two pairs of jeans and a t-shirt, I didn’t think it would be too much. I’m sorry.”

“No, you don’t need to—fuck, you’re a millionaire and you still apologize? What the heck’s wrong with you? You’re so weird.” Seth releases a mindless grin, and then shakes his head—anxiously. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to sound ungrateful—or disrespectful. Just surprised is all.”

Roman cocks his head to one side and then laughs—but not at Seth. “Are you well, Seth?”

“Fine,” Seth gives a half-shrug, and a timid smile.

“How are things with your boyfriend? Is he acting more deserving of a pearl like yourself?”

“He’s trying,” Seth says coolly. He hasn’t argued with Brock since that Lacey woman encounter and they talk. But he’s away again—in Tampa this time. “He left on business yesterday—don’t know for how long yet.”

“Oh…” Roman hides his hands in his pants pockets. And Seth is beholding the sight of him in this suit—although another part of him is thinking beyond the gentleman behavior, to uncivilized, brutish, sheet-fisting and tearing sex. It’s in the air between them—a lust so thick and filled with such palpable tension, you can cut through it with a knife. Seth bites his bottom lip, and folds his arms around his waist—to comfort himself, to try and create the feel of Roman’s arms around him. He hears Roman take a deep breath, and then clear his throat, and when Seth risks a glance at him, it’s to find Roman’s eyes closed, a pinched expression on his face as if in deep contemplation about something. When he opens his eyes again, it’s with a determined resolve—like there’s no going back from here on forward.

“Allow me to take you to dinner.” Roman murmurs, with a soft confidence that is unlike anything else Seth has ever heard—Seth’s falling for the gentle masculinity, how Roman is never too loud or rough to prove his alpha masculinity.

“And you’re probably hoping this will lead me into falling in bed with you.” Seth searches Roman’s eyes. Not that he needs to, their bodies are speaking for them—barely a breath separates them now, and Seth is intoxicated by the heat of Roman’s body. He is struggling to keep his thoughts pure, and his heart is hammering viciously against his chest. His lips have gone dry at Roman’s scrutiny of them—and Seth is internally begging the man to say something, anything—desperately—so that he won’t suffer the burden of hearing how hard his heart is pounding. Roman can probably hear it too, but Seth has no way of controlling it.

“Yes,” Roman admits with that soft certainty again—voice sleek and sensual. His thumb is pressing against Seth’s mouth, parting his lips open. The touch is exhilarating as it is a devastating blow to the gut and bruises Seth with such force, the air is sucked from his lungs. “Does this make you uncomfortable?”

What?! No!

What gave Roman that impression?

“Your pupils are blown wide, Seth.” Roman seems to read his mind. “And you’re awfully pale, your pulse is raising—” Again so concerned but _sensual,_ he’d make billions running a pornography podcast. “There’s a bead of sweat forming on your forehead. Your lips are chapped. What’s wrong?”

Seth takes a deep breath, doesn’t really trust himself to speak at the moment, and slowly reaches out to palm Roman’s chest. The intense magnetism between them grows in strength, drawing them together. “I think you know exactly what’s wrong, Roman.” Seth whispers, a little lightheaded. It’s embarrassing to admit that he’s hard as a rock, leaking like a faulty tap inside his pants. Roman promptly flips them so that Seth’s back is against the wall. A shiver runs along Seth’s spine, and he grips Roman’s bicep firmly—to anchor himself. “I thought this wouldn’t happen again.”

“Nothing _has_ happened,” Roman replies softly, and goddamnit it’s too sensual and Seth can hardly breathe right, not with the close proximity. “Nothing _will_ happen.” His breath ghosts over Seth’s temple, the brunet arches into Roman’s muscular body, and his face heats up in mortification at how wanton he is behaving but he’s Mr. Lonely and horny—his body has a mind of its own, it desires Roman so freaking much! “Not without your consent, tesoro. All it takes is one word and I’ll back away. No hard feelings. No grudges. We move on.”

Seth looks into Roman’s eyes, searching—he looks so freaking genuine. Seth flushes with insecurity, his heart racing, and skin tingling from where Roman’s breath was brushing against it and where his thumb had been touching his lower lip. Seth struggles against squirming...in need, a desperate, lecherous need. He’s never felt so entirely consumed before—never felt the feverish, ardent burn.

What is he supposed to say?

If this happens again, a mistake is what it won’t be. And Brock...what about Roman’s wife, his beautiful pregnant wife?

Heart and mind go into battle. It feels like a century of waiting, with Roman looking down at him—his expression clearly saying ‘no hard feelings’. The battle ends with a victor. Inside Seth, the dust settles and the battlefield clears.

Seth regards Roman with a distressed smile, wrapping his arms around the taller man’s—and acts upon the decision that won the battle.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is getting longer than I want :/

They get to the hotel room and suddenly there is a tangle of arms and hands, buttons and zippers as they try frantically to undress each other. Hungry kisses travel down Seth’s neck, making him hold on for dear life—shattering any resistance that he may’ve still had within. The sounds leaving his lips betray him, sounding too randy and desperate to his own ears, any other day and he would’ve felt embarrassed, but not tonight—not with how sinful Roman’s lips feel against his neck.

A hand runs through his hair—gripping with tender roughness, as Roman’s lips move to imprison Seth’s. His kisses are passionate, making Seth lose all rational thought—and he’s consumed at the thought of him, with Roman, like this forever and ever. He hasn’t the time to process the danger of his thoughts, too encapsulated by the lust rushing in his veins, to his head, making him lightheaded. Any second longer, and he will explode—far too soon.

Gasping, Seth inches backwards, sucking in a searing ball of air. Slowly, his gaze meets Roman’s—there’s a fire in the older man’s dark depths, smoldering and ready to devour. He’s enthralling, far too hypnotic that it stirs something in the pit of Seth’s belly—an aroused fear unlike anything he’s ever felt before.

Roman holds his hand out, a silent plea. The idea of accepting is still so dangerous—for multiple reasons. But no romantic feelings are involved—just lust. Seth reminds himself as he accepts, backing through the room with Roman in tow, each step is a freaking mission but he doesn’t care, he’ll go wherever Roman takes them to.

Another room, larger than the previous one but it’s details are lost on Seth. There’s an absolute silence in the room, a moment of nothing in which they’re both looking at each other, and Seth can’t help noticing how hard his heart is beating while Roman looks...poised as ever, too controlled. Seth doesn’t know why it makes him uneasy.

“I got you something—a little gift.”

Roman breaks through his thoughts. The man’s right in front of him now, holding out an expensive looking, matte black gift bag. Seth accepts with curiosity, and skims inside to find an elegantly wrapped gift box. “Thank you.” He murmurs quietly, carefully unwrapping the box —it’s so beautifully decorated he doesn’t want to destroy it.

“You’re not obligated to wear it,” Roman tells him, probably seeing the confusion Seth is sure is showing on his face.

It’s just, this is...lingerie. Like a gorgeous looking red lace panty that could be a thong. It is a thong. Lacy, and nice to touch. Seth has never worn something like it before. “Do you want me to wear it?”

“Yes.” Roman’s eyes sparkle an erotic shade of dark brown. “But only if you’re comfortable with it. Wouldn’t dare dream of making you do anything you’re uncomfortable with,” is added, Roman’s tone deceptively neutral, expression indifferent as ever. “Wear it, toss it, donate it to charity or an old age home—it doesn’t matter.”

Seth can’t help laughing at the ‘donate to charity or old age home’ bit. Roman returns the favor with a slight quirk of the lips. Shaking his head, Seth looks at the skimpy item again—will it even fit him? “How’d you know I was going to come here with you? That you’d buy me this gift.”

“Call it intuitive optimism,” Roman shrugs.

Biting his bottom lip, Seth nods softly, trembling hands clutching the thong eagerly. Roman is beholding the sight of him, expressions neutral in a way that makes Seth think that maybe the older man is being considerate. Because Seth doesn’t think he’d trust Roman’s smile, part of him thinks it would unintentionally coerce him into doing something that he maybe wouldn’t be comfortable with. Just like he’d probably feel obliged to wear the underwear if Roman were frowning.

Neutrality is...good.

For the first time in a very long time, Seth feels almost...powerful. Like the power is in his hands, and he can come to whatever decision without fear of being—ridiculed or patronized. It could be the reason that he finds himself releasing a clear, almost confident, “I’ll do it.” Not because he’s into cross dressing or whatever but because he was allowed the right to choose for himself. He took the decision.

Something darkens in Roman’s gaze that ignites a wildfire in Seth. He’s already naked so, slowly, with Roman’s stare fixed on him, he slips on the thong. It’s the perfect fit, a little tight, but nothing uncomfortable. Roman motions him to the mirror, and Seth flushes bright red with...embarrassment? Arousal? He doesn’t know.

The skimpy item barely covers his private parts, aroused dick and balls visible through the pretty fabric. Seth is surprised to find that he actually feels _desirable,_ and so, so _beautiful._ Unconsciously, he turns around, admiring himself from every angle, caressing his hips, his thighs, and his butt cheeks. “I love it,” he tells Roman, their gazes meeting on the mirror. There’s a small smile on the older man’s lips that steals Seth’s breath away. “Will you fuck me in this?”

Roman appears to be rendered speechless—and Seth doesn’t dare think it’s because of him. It can’t be. But the way that Roman is looking at him. At every inch of his body. Maybe it is him that’s making Roman speechless. Roman moves slowly, running his fingers through Seth’s hair, with Seth waiting, breathlessly, to be kissed.

One of Roman’s hands slide, possessively, down into Seth’s thong. His lips are on Seth’s shoulder, with his other hand moving up to caress the back of Seth’s neck. Then Roman takes a firmer grip and makes a noise deep down his throat. At the sound of it, Seth’s hearts starts to pound hard against his chest as if fighting to crawl to Roman. A gasp from Seth. In one swift movement, he’s off his feet, and in Roman’s capable arms. He’s not sure if they’ll make it to the bed with how they’re grinding against each other like wild animals—rough biting, teeth clashing, bruising kisses—they are both consumed.

They make it to the bed somehow, with Seth giving into Roman’s gentle press against his chest, pushing him back. He lands with a thud on the soft bed, exposed for Roman to see. He feels strangely vulnerable, would do anything to cover himself were it not for the authoritative burn in Roman’s dark pools, blatantly instructing him to do no such thing.

Slowly, Roman climbs onto the bed, hovering above Seth. Pushing Seth further up on the sheets, and nudging Seth’s legs apart, Roman settles between them. The feel of Roman’s erection pressing against Seth’s barely covered one is almost too much to take. Seth almost shoots his load, and clamps his thighs around Roman waist to anchor himself.

Roman takes Seth’s wrists, holding his arms down to the bed. He leans over and kisses Seth again, hard—and Seth eagerly reciprocates until Roman pulls back. A low whine from Seth, who is humping up into the man whose entire body weight is pinning him to the body. “Please...” he croaks, looking up into Roman’s eyes. He wants more. So much more.

“What do you want?” Roman’s thumb touches his bruised, lower lip—caressing. Each stroke with his thumb tempting the fire beneath Seth’s skin.

“ _You!_ ” Seth says, breathlessly. He can’t think, just knows that he needs this so bad. “I want you. You. You. You.”

A hand behind Seth’s neck. Fingers in his hair. A tug.

Roman plunders his mouth, with Seth greedily devouring the sensation, never wanting it to stop. Because everything Roman’s invoking is magnifying to the point of being incongruous. Every experience before him pales in comparison. Seth goes to grip Roman’s cock, sloppily trying to get him off, while simultaneously begging for more. So much more.

It comes as Roman flips him over, placing a lone hand between Seth’s shoulder blades. An anchor to counter the tempest inside. Roman’s slicked fingers tease his trembling entrance. Seth’s chest heaves with each breath as Roman fingers press against Seth’s prostate, coaxing deeper and deeper, taking his time, teasing reaction after reaction to surface.

When Roman finally sinks in behind him, the need that was vibrating through Seth’s body seems to still for a moment. Then as Roman sinks in further, all breath leaves Seth. It feels like Roman’s dick is sinking in somewhere deep, penetrating every part of him, even his esophagus—and snatching his breath. “This good?” Roman asks, sounding like he’s in heaven.

“Yes...yes.” Seth breathes shakily, his eyes tightly shut. His hands seek a handhold on the soft sheets. “Now fuck me.” He whispers, arching his back to allow his thong-clad ass to serve as an offering to Roman. “Give it to me—hard.”

Roman clearly lives to serve because he delivers. Give it to Seth he does—as hard as the brunet had requested. The headboard is banging, bed moving—there’s sheet clenching, Seth’s legs are shaking, Roman has a fistful of his hair, his other hand positioning Seth’s arch. This isn’t lovemaking. It’s pure animalistic, rough fucking—and Seth is gasping, in heaven with no intention of coming down.

Roman is completely controlling Seth’s position. With the piston of his hips against Seth’s ass, and the viciousness of his cock ramming into Seth, so hard that Seth’s ass starts to blush crimson. All Seth can do is take it. His knuckles pale as he seeks something to steady him, because his prostate is receiving a head-on vicious pounding that Seth’s vision blurs. He grits his teeth, and clenches his ass around Roman.

“ _Cazzo inferno,”_ Roman growls, before his hand leaves Seth’s waist and grips his thigh. He lifts Seth’s leg which forces the brunet’s body to tighten around him even more. Seth reaches up, planting his hand against the headboard to get a balance. “Rock those hips, Seth. Fuck me back,” Roman demands and Seth pushes back against him.

Seth can feel an adrenaline whirling through his body. He can feel every slick, hard inch of Roman’s cock as it slides deep inside him and then withdraws. Part of him wishes he could see—but he knows he’s dripping all over the bedsheets. He cranes his neck to the side to find Roman’s gaze—and the intense, sheer unadulterated lust in Roman’s heavy-lidded eyes bruises Seth’s lungs, snatching all his air.

Seth is burning from inside out, fighting to keep sane, and caught in a rush of desire that can’t ever end. Roman drags Seth up by his hair, embracing him from behind, breathing on the brunet’s heated senses. “Aaah...fuck!” Seth gasps, stunned, as his orgasm crashes through him out of nowhere. He cries out breathlessly as he convulses with the intensity of his orgasm. “Please...please...please.”

He has no idea what he’s begging for but he’s grateful and terrified when Roman fucks him through his orgasm. Roman’s going for the kill—ramming that spot inside Seth that has the ability to make him forget his own name. The same spot that is currently sending intense shockwaves through him, it’s absolutely terrifying.

They go at it like animals, for hours—in every fulfilling position. Seth can’t get enough. He wants as much of Roman inside him as possible. To have Roman—all of him—inside him. To never allow his escape. And he’d do it, too, were it possible. All of him feels possessed, claimed and wholly dominated.

Roman—whose lips were heaven on Seth’s elongated nipples—shifts to look at him, never once ceasing his controlled but vicious pounding. “You’re creaming on my fucking dick, tesoro.” Roman groans, voice raspy with desire, intense gaze pinning Seth in place. “I’m making you feel so good.”

It’s not a lie. Seth can hardly breathe with how sweetly he’s being fucked into. His cheeks heat up in obvious admittance, and he wants to look away. He would too, were it not for Roman’s unreal ability to imprison him with the intensity of his stares. Seth bites his lip, and swallows the lumps forming in his throat. Roman’s pushing in even deeper, plunging hard into Seth’s soul.

Seth’s eyes widen, all of him falling apart beneath Roman with ridiculous ease.

It literally feels like Roman’s penetrating every crevice, leaving no place unturned, no space for Seth at all within his own body. “Nnha! Oh god, oh god, oh god...” is a broken chant, as Seth shakes violently against Roman’s body. His spirit wants to leave his body. “Roman, I-I can’t—too intense.” He manages to heave out, eyes swelling with tears. He can’t black out again. Not again.

Roman must hear his desperation because he lets go—his own orgasm (and Seth has stopped counting how many they’ve had) exploding inside Seth. The warmth—even through the latex of the condom—feels like it shoots to Seth’s depths, hiding in every corner of his body. His eyes roll to the back of his head, a strange mixture of hoarse crying and laughing escaping his trembling lips.

It ends with a sweet kiss to the forehead, before Roman collapses on top of him, their sweat mingling and his weight pushing Seth downward. Seth remains completely still, blurrily looking up the ceiling. His body is completely useless and sore. They do not speak. The only sounds coming from the city rush outside. It’s comforting how it feels like they’re disconnected from the outside world somehow, how it feels like nothing matters besides what they just did.

Seth releases a shaky sigh as Roman’s lips press against the inside of his neck. He gets the longing to embrace the man so desperately but fears what that would mean. He’s already feeling so bare. “Are you okay? Hurt...?”

Seth would be lying if he said it didn’t hurt. He can feel his hole gaping around Roman’s dick, how loose it is—and how raw it feels. It does hurt. But a good pain, one that he’d hope stay with him forever—if it means they’re not going to do this again. He needs a reminder. A proverbial trophy for having had great sex. Something to remind himself that this wasn’t some cruel dream.

“I’ll survive,” he tells Roman eventually. Something tells him that Roman wouldn’t appreciate dishonesty so rather than lie or risk the man feeling bad for going too hard, he’ll say this. He will survive. “That was amazing. Thank you.”

Seth has no idea, but it feels like Roman’s laughing inside his neck, with the way he’s shaking on top of him. His suspicions are proved correct when Roman comes out of hiding, to reveal the mirth in his eyes. “Your body damn near killed me. Couldn’t even take a breath with all that sweetness—and all you can say is thank you?”

“Well,” Seth croaks, his voice is wrecked, “I think that would be a pretty sweet way to go, don’t you?”

“I concur.”

Roman pulls out, and Seth holds back a whimper, digging into Roman’s biceps for anchor. He has no idea where Roman is going, part of him desperately wants to sleep. Part of him is too scared to. He doesn’t want to wake up alone, to have to do that embarrassing walk of shame again. So he forces himself to sit up, groaning in pain and clutching his lower back as he does so. He looks at the bed, it’s soaked completely with their bodily fluids. The entire room smells of passionate sex. It feels like the aura is sinking into his skin as well. Seth looks at the underwear that wasn’t removed, his dick and balls have slipped out of their confines. The red item is drenched, the contrast it creates against his limp, blushing pink private parts too erotic. He’s embarrassed to admit he likes it.

Roman comes back with a wet cloth, wipes Seth clean, and is returning to the bathroom when Seth requests that he bring him a glass of water. He’s parched, dying actually. “Can I keep your shirt?” the question slips out of Seth’s mouth before he can stop it. It’s just Roman’s getting redressed, and Seth, he foolishly thought they were spending the night here. “For your scent. At h-home.”

Roman, who has paused his task of pulling his pants up, observes him in interest—and then a hint of a smile paints his lips. “Only if you’ll allow me to keep that underwear you’re wearing.”

Seth is noticing that he blushes a lot around Roman. It pisses him off but he can’t help it. He’s blushing as he nods okay. He decides to leave the bed too, especially after Roman tells him that he can stay the night here if he wants to—this is his permanent room apparently, and sometimes he comes here to think. Maybe that’s code for escaping his wife. Seth noticed that he’s not wearing his wedding band again. He chases the thought away, he won’t stir the emotions pot—not tonight.

He’s wearing Roman’s shirt as they leave, and he saw how ridiculous he looks with how big it is on him but he loves it. Roman, on the other hand, has the lacy thong Seth was wearing sitting comfortably in his dress pants. In the elevator, it’s hard not to touch each other, Seth is pressed up against the wall, with his legs wrapped around Roman, being sensually rutted into. They’re a disheveled mess as they step out. It’s 11:00 pm, few people are in the lobby at this time, but those half dozen or so eyes still glance curiously at them.

Roman is poised as ever.

Not fair. Seth is leaning into him, avoiding any and every stare. Roman drives him back to their head offices, where Seth left his car. In the parking lot, he receives the gentlest of kisses. Roman only leaves when his phone rings—something about being needed at home.

For a while, Seth stands in the parking lot (sagging against his car really, his back is on fire), staring in the direction in which the black Lexus left. An overwhelming sense of grief and shame overtaking him. Over what he’s done—again. Over him not regretting what happened. Grief over Roman’s wife. A certain level of regret for sneaking around behind Brock’s back. He wipes a lone tear, getting into the car and driving off.

* * *

“He made me sign a confidentiality agreement.”

The dramatic jaw drop on Dana’s face would make Seth laugh were he not fucking bitter about the entire situation he’s in. It’s been three fucking days and he’s still so fucking pissed. It shouldn’t come as a shock that after that last encounter with Roman at the hotel, when the man offered, Seth went back for more. It’s been nine days of fucking everywhere, for hours, and then leaving as if nothing happened right after. Seth doesn’t think he minds much, the mind-fuck sex is worth it.

But three days ago, seemingly out of nowhere, Roman called him to his office—to sign a goddamn confidentiality agreement form. To say Seth was shocked is an understatement—and part of him was even offended. Like he’d go around opening his big mouth to the world that he’s cheating on a man he’s been with for the past five years. Like he’d want to ruin Roman’s marriage. He’s private too, maybe not suffocatingly so, like Roman, but he’s still private, and his private affairs are his own.

He wouldn’t dare go around telling people that he’s fucking his boss. Well, except Dana and Xavier—they know.

“What’s he hiding?”

Seth shrugs, slurping his orange juice. “Said it’s to protect both of us. There was a lawyer and everything. He told me I could take the form home to read through, and yesterday the lawyer was present again to explain anything I may’ve misunderstood. A whole fucking lawyer—like we’re doing a business transaction or shit.”

“Did you sign it?”

“Didn’t have much of a choice. It was that or end it—the sex is too good.” He chuckles but it’s without humor. “And I, he’s nice to be around, the whole world shrinks into a mere speckle when he’s loving—”

“Whoa, whoa there, hunny bun. Loving?” Dana’s blue eyes search his, her worried expression is worrying him too.

“I don’t mean it like that,” Seth sighs, trying to find the words. “Like when we’re fucking, it’s like the world disappears. He’s passionate, and caring and gentle and rough—it’s all a turn on.” A cold shiver wraps Seth’s heart as he thinks back to that fucking contract. “It fucking sucks that the stupid document isn’t even unfair at all. Probably works in my favor—I can leave when I want to, no hard feelings. In the mean time, he’ll take care of me—blah, blah, blah. It’s all fair, all works in my favor. Then there’s the other one. He knows I’m a carrier, has fucked that other hole a few times, and he has this, like, weird obsession with my nipples and the area around it. Anyway, the form says I can’t fall pregnant. The way it’s worded—” Seth shakes his head. “The man’s practically begging me not to fall pregnant. And I wanted to laugh in his face because I wouldn’t want to have his kids anyway.”

Dana eyes him knowingly. “Do you like him?”

“A little bit,” Seth sighs, looking away. “Don’t know why. It’s only been nine days.”

“Feelings have no time frame.”

“You don’t say.” Seth murmurs, still insulted that Roman was so adamant about him not falling pregnant. He’d give the man damn beautiful babies. “I’ll have to snap out of it quickly. The man’s married, and possibly having a child on the way. I’m with Brock.”

“It’s always interesting how you put Brock second. When you’re talking about this, he always seems to be an afterthought. And I don’t want to be hopeful about what that says.”

Seth’s heart starts to pound hard against his ribcage. He looks anywhere but Dana. He never allows himself to think like that. Why is Dana? “I love him. He’s the first real love I’ve ever had. Sometimes, it’s hard but I think he loves me too. And he understands me.” It’s true. Seth doesn’t get how Brock behaves sometimes, he’s like a rollercoaster most of the time. When they’re good, up there in the skies, they’re really good. Brock is supporting, sometimes, Seth can go to him when work’s getting to him.

But there are times, when things can get really bad between them. Like when Brock thinks Seth’s exaggerating when he expresses his displeasure of having sexual advances made towards him with Brock right there with him. Or when Brock tries to convince him to leave his job—but that happens rarely. He hates the jokes that knock down his self-esteem. Or the comments that make him second guess himself. It wasn’t always like this. Sometimes, Seth thinks that maybe the success has just gone to Brock’s head—or that he’s pressured into fitting in. Conforming to snobby, rich people standards.

Because a lot of times, when it’s just them, Brock can be so caring. He can be so thoughtful and loving. Like when he surprised Seth with a romantic getaway to Ibiza earlier this year. His thoughtfulness even made up for how bland their sex life has become—because it’s not always about that. Seth gets that. And maybe he’s contradicting himself with how he’s cheating on Brock, and having sex with another man. But Roman’s giving him attention, too—so it’s not just about sex. The man _listens._ Sometimes, he remembers things that Seth says in passing, small details that aren’t even significant.

“Maybe he did—in the past. But I’ve seen you lose weight over the crap that man’s put you through.” Dana lifts her hand in a surrendering gesture, clearly noting that Seth is on the verge of defending his man. “I’m not saying he’s a complete douchebag, but he is a douchebag. The emotional abuse you go—”

“I wouldn’t take it that far, Dana.” Seth whispers, almost embarrassed, he feels bare. Like everyone in the cafeteria can see right through him, his weaknesses. “Sure, he—you know how bad it can be sometimes but it doesn’t erase the fact that I’ve got a roof over my head because of him, that he sees a future with me—lately, he’s been talking about starting a family. He tells me all the time he won’t leave me. I think we just need to work on getting back to that place where nothing but our love mattered. How genuine our connection was.”

“And what about Roman?”

“The contract says I can back out whenever I feel like it. He’s not going to fall in love with me when he’s saying things like that. And sure, I may have this little crush on him but I’d end it in a second if Brock and I ever found our center again. Roman’s not Brock. I’m not in love with him.”

“I think—I think you’re very confused at this stage, Seth.” Dana regards him empathically. “You don’t look or sound very remorseful about the effect your cheating could have on this man you claim to love—and you say you’d readily end things with the other man that you’re clearly starting to feel something for, and couldn’t even end it with him when he made you sign a document you didn’t want to because it was rather that or lose him—”

“Not him,” Seth jumps in to elaborate, and he sounds defensive to his ears. “Just the sex—and maybe the attention.”

“So you like him for the attention he gives you and not who he is?”

“I—it doesn’t matter. God, Dana, why are we even reading too much into this? All I know is the sex is great, the attention amazing—and when we’re both tired, we’ll go our separate ways. We’re adults, we know what we’re doing.”

There’s a look of sympathy that sweeps across Dana’s face, gone too fast, Seth would’ve missed it were he not entirely focused on her. It makes him feel some type of way. Her hand reaches out across the table, she gives his wrist a gentle squeeze. “I sincerely hope you do, Seth.”

* * *

Seth wants to laugh at Dana and say : _See, I told you we’re adults who know what they’re doing._

Things with Roman are...great. More than great actually.

The sex is so great it brings him to tears just thinking about it. And he thinks it’s like that because they somehow both wordlessly come to this conclusion that what they have between them is a mutually exclusive sexual relationship—almost like an emotionless transaction. Two partners that have a mutual, respectful business transaction built on...Seth doesn’t know but he doesn’t care either. And sure, Seth still gets butterflies anytime he’s around Roman or even thinks about him. It’s nothing intense though—and so unimportant that he doesn’t think Roman’s even noticed.

They’re all skin again—bodies dancing and connecting in a way that needs no words. It’s primal, unrestrained thigh bruising, back scratching and lips biting, good sex. At their usual meet up. The headboard is banging loudly again, and thank god that the entire floor belongs to Roman because Seth wouldn’t want to be his neighbor. It’s always so intense but also controlled—on Roman’s end. Each touch drives Seth insane.

_Because lust not love._

Distantly, the thought registers in Seth’s mind. This is why it’s so good. And then he’s dropping a mouthful of expletives because fuck it feels so good he hates it. His fingernails are digging into Roman’s shoulder blades, and he throws his head back in pleasure. Above him, Roman is saying something in Italian—he always seems to speak in Italian when he’s in too deep (no pun intended). Like he is now, with his face pinched tightly with pleasure.

“Cristo, ti senti così bene.” Roman groans, his hand continuing to work itself up and down Seth’s dick. “How are you this hot?”

Seth doesn’t reply with any coherent sentence—he’s too drugged up on good dick to form something constructive. His ass muscles attempt to weakly clench around Roman though—and it works, just slightly, Seth’s been stretched so much, for an extended period of time. His body seemingly can’t take any more. It feels like there’s no where else for Roman to probe. 

“R-Roman, I’m going to come!” Seth shouts, eyes rolling quickly to the back of his head as his orgasm hits him like a tidal wave, release drenching Roman’s chest as the older man spills inside him.

Roman collapses beside him, and there’s a silence between them. No talking. Just their chests heaving. Sweat clinging to their bodies. Minds floating on clouds.

“I think,” Seth starts after an infinity of since, while moving to straddle Roman’s waist. He leans down to press a kiss to Roman’s lips and then continues, “we should write a book. We’ll call it : How To Engage In Causal Sex And Survive It.”

Roman laughs, and flips them so that Seth is beneath him. “We’ll follow that up with : Sensual Heat – A Guide Into The Making Of Explosive Orgasms.”

As Seth releases his own chuckle, Roman doesn’t give him the chance to respond, sliding an arm under Seth’s ass and the other across his back, easily picking Seth up. “Before we offer our expertise, we’ll need to conduct a lot of research—a lot of hard labor goes into it, the strength of your grip, lots of drilling, and restraining—when necessary—but also intense penetration. Are you willing to labor, Seth?”

“Fuck yes!” Seth murmurs, a little too enthusiastic, offering himself up to the man smirking down at him.

* * *

The first time Roman spends an entire night with him is around three weeks into whatever they have between them.

They’re at Roman’s suite at the hotel, as usual, and Roman is readying himself to leave after three hours together. Seth can’t explain where the feeling comes from exactly, but the reality shatters his whining heart. Perhaps it’s the clinginess that Brock is always telling him about but the tears gather in the wells of his eyes completely uninvited. He wills them away, praying for some semblance of sanity, as the lumps form in his throat, suffocating his airway.

“Won’t you stay?” He finds himself asking, feeling stupidly shy, hands fidgeting with the covers. “Just to—talk. Feels like all we ever do is have sex.” And he knows that this is their agreement, so it’s unfair to ask Roman for anything more but he finds himself craving some sort of personal connection between them—even if it’s just on a friendly basis.

“I...don’t think I can.”

Seth nods, it’s small and timid, his eyes meeting Roman’s. Too indifferent for him to read. The man’s always such a fucking mask. It feels like he’s impenetrable—there’s always this...barrier around him. Seth sees it in the way Roman rarely allows himself to be undressed by Seth. He sees it in the way he’s always the first one naked, all of him vulnerable, before Roman in his stealth suits and blank scrutinies.

“You—you don’t have to if you don’t want to.” And maybe that’s a little unfair to say, could count as emotional blackmail, but what else is Seth supposed to do? All he wants is just one night, just one—for...something. He doesn’t know what, maybe a bit of closeness. He hasn’t had it in so long.

“That was beneath you,” Roman sighs, he hasn’t put on any upper garment. Most of his work shirts, he gives to Seth because the brunet needs them when he’s alone and craving. Just like Roman keeps every piece of underwear that Seth puts on during sex afterwards. Another of their silent agreements. “I have—how about I stay until you fall asleep? I don’t think it’s possible to stay the whole night, tesoro.”

Seth will take it. It’s better than nothing.

“Thank you,” he murmurs, making space for Roman to sit beside him. The older man gathers him into his embrace and it’s...nice. Cozy. Like cuddling a teddy bear. He opens his mouth to say something, doesn’t remember what exactly, just that he’s talking and talking and making Roman laugh, and that somehow brings the flutters to his chest because he’s making Roman _laugh._

Eventually, he tires and try as he might to keep his eyes open, slumber steals his consciousness.

***

The next morning he wakes up to the feel of strong arms surrounding him. Although he immediately recognizes whose scent is seducing his nostrils, he doesn’t look up to meet it’s owner—fearful that his mind may be playing some cruel prank on him.

A kiss touches his forehead, and the body with him shifts around a little. Seth relaxes as he recognizes the intricate tattoo on a scrumptious chest. “Still right here,” Roman murmurs, his voice is a sexy rumble in the morning, chasing away Seth’s fear. “’M not going anywhere.”

It’s stupid how Seth reads too much into Roman’s words. Stupid how part of him desperately wishes Roman would do just that.

* * *

The second time Roman stays, Seth doesn’t even have to try and convince him.

After they have their round of passionate sex, Roman stands and says he has to make an important phone call. He’s speaking in another language, not Italian this time, so Seth will assume Samoan. A business magazine he read on Roman a few weeks ago (yes, he was consuming every Roman content he could find), told of his boss’ heritage.

“Scoot over,” Roman tells him, as he joins him in bed. They watch bad television, scrolling through the channels until eventually Seth just decides they watch a cook show. “This is ridiculous. How do you watch this?” Roman sounds so passionate, he does a funny hand gesticulating thing with his hand, as he expresses his disgust over the show they’re watching. “How do they allow this on TV? A two year old knows not to mix pasta with meat. Who does that?”

“Chef Annelise, apparently.” Seth laughs softly. Slowly, he shifts to settle in between Roman’s legs, his back finding refuge in Roman’s arms. He rests his head on Roman’s shoulder. “And the entire America.”

A kiss touches his shoulder, it burns him on the inside. “This is why I hate American foods,” Roman murmurs against his neck. “You ruin good food. Why would you ruin your food like that?”

“Wait. Is that why you drove us to a restaurant nearly two hours away from here that first time you brought me here. Because I’m not going to lie, I’d started to feel uneasy as you were passing every restaurant and food joint we saw.”

“Genaro’s is an authentic Italian restaurant. Not these Olive Garden and other restaurants you Americans go to. I should make you real Italian cuisine one day.”

Seth bites his lip, tries and fails to contain his laughter. “Do you even cook, Roman?”

“I’m Italian. Of course, I need to learn how to cook because Americans are so incompetent. Imagine the pain I’d be subjected to had my mom not taught me. Meat in pasta. Pineapple pizzas. Your Fettuccine Alfredo. Who is this Alfredo you speak of?”

“Now, you’re just exaggerating.” Seth can’t hide the wide smile stretching his lips. It makes his cheeks hurt. But every so often Roman will kiss his shoulder or his cheek or his temple. No reason why. He just keeps doing it. And Seth—he loves it so much. He hates to admit it though.

“Easy for someone with no taste to say that,” Roman quips, kissing the inside of Seth’s neck.

“Says a lot about why I’m here with you then.” Seth retorts, gasping as he finds himself trapped beneath Roman, his legs readily spreading for the bigger man.

“I guess we’ll have to let you taste it again, to remind you how good it is, Seth.”

Seth moans in arousal, searching for sweet friction. He won’t stop Roman.

* * *

They’re at a gay bar.

Seth took Roman to one because the man apparently doesn’t know how to have fun. He’s never been to a gay bar before. He’d confided in Seth about a while ago. It’s packed, and though Seth would’ve liked for his friends to join him, he remembered that that stupid confidentiality agreement means that no one else is supposed to know about this thing they have together. The whole thing kind of leaves a bitter taste in Seth’s mouth but what can he do?

Part of him has recently been feeling that he spoke too soon when he gave Dana that ‘we’re adults and therefore in control’ nonsensical crap a month ago. Lately, he has been feeling really, really funny around Roman. The butterflies in his belly can get really intense—and sometimes, seeing Roman makes his heart twirl. Seeing his name (well the fake feminine one – Ramona; not original, Seth knows – that Seth made up) pop up on his cellphone makes Seth’s stomach flutter. And Seth can’t help it, not even when around Brock. Part of him thinks that’s a good thing, it makes dealing with Brock’s occasional shitty moods easier.

Lately, he’s found himself confiding less and less to Brock. That’s because Roman’s easier to talk to. Seth remembers the first time he did it. On their third night together, when Roman was playing 90s music in the background, and the TV was silent, and it was raining heavily outside with nothing but the warmth in Roman’s hotel room cocooning them in an invisible bubble.

Seth wouldn’t be able to tell you what he’d been talking about on that day. He just remembers that Roman couldn’t get too many words in because Seth was talking and talking. And Seth remembers that he’d had to stop as he realized how intently Roman had been staring into his eyes—with an occasional glance at his mouth—and having that mysterious look of his.

As soon as he’d realized, Seth had backtracked, apologizing profusely. “I’m sorry, I just, for right there when I was talking about myself. You’re probably asking yourself if I ever shut up. I—do. Sometimes, I can get carried away. You should’ve told me.” He’d tried to shrug off the insecurity with a cackle—and then wondered if his laugh had annoyed Roman too. Seth remembers the insecurity he’d tried to pass off as confidence, when he’d cleared his throat and squared his shoulders, moving strands of hair that weren’t even in his face, in a bid to keeping himself occupied with something. “You must think I’m too self-absorbed.”

“To an extent, I think you are.” Roman hadn’t bothered to deny the truth. His voice had been steadily calm, soothing as always, that Seth hadn’t even been able to tell if the man were annoyed by him or not. “But that’s one of your endearing qualities. I quite like that about you—almost as much I love hearing you talk. About yourself. Football. Horror movies. It doesn’t matter. I just want to hear you talk. I enjoy it very much, Seth.”

“That’s a first,” Seth hadn’t known what else to say. He’d laughed and shook his head in disbelief. And he remembers feeling so angsty at Roman’s words. Foolishly vulnerable that all he’d wanted to do was cry but couldn’t afford to do that in front of yet another man. And then he’d reminded himself that Roman _i_ _sn’t_ just another man. He is _the_ man. Too good to be true. All Seth could think about was how lucky Roman’s wife was to have a man like him in her life.

Roman’s arms embrace him from behind. Seth leans into the touch, ears perking up at the foreign song blasting the speakers. He’s never heard anything like it before. It’s—there’s a sensual beat to it. “Follow my lead,” Roman breathes into his ear, his smooth voice sounding like sex.

“This your song?” Seth asks, trying to clear the wanton thoughts clouding his judgement. He’s grinding his ass into Roman’s crotch, guiding the man’s hands beneath his shirt to his swelled nipples.

“Yes,” the rush of air escaping Roman’s lips shoots to his groin. “Have you ever heard of Nigerian music?”

Seth shakes his head no. Roman’s hands are the devil, exploring every inch of his body. His firm hold of Seth’s hips appears infused with sensual passion. The claim is silent, unnervingly calm.

“This is Burna Boy – Gbona.” Then Roman proceeds to say what the artist is singing about. Seth tries, but his mind is going to the gutter, because the way Roman is talking is so obscene. He’s explaining in that smooth and innocent but nasty way again. It shouldn’t come as a surprise when Seth whirls around, to press up against the taller man firmly.

“You are so sexy,” he tells Roman, hypnotized by the power of his dark stare. He fails to notice how almost everyone at the club is looking at them. Because the only thing he can focus on is Roman. How their bodies mold together without word, as if they’ve been connecting their entire lives. How they move in synchronization, as if there are no clothes between them. They’re practically fucking on the dancefloor—slow, unhurried, like the night won’t ever end.

As soon as the song ends, he’s pulling Roman with him in the direction of the toilets. It takes less than ten minutes for both of them to release their pent up tension. Roman leaves first, while Seth remains behind to buy some time. Not that anyone unlucky enough to have entered the bathroom after them didn’t hear the lewd noises.

Seth stumbles out of the toilets feeling an elation, can’t exactly pinpoint where it comes from. Or maybe he does, and with his current woozy state, he can admit. Roman Reigns makes him feel funny. The slightest touch from him and Seth unfurls, like the petals of a beautiful flower. And sometimes, it feels like the movement in his chest is too intense to be butterflies. Sometimes he feels like there are lions dancing around in there, making him feel things he shouldn’t.

Part of him is proud that he’s finally admitting what he’s known for the past two weeks now, but was too afraid to admit. He likes Roman. A lot. And wants to be with him.

But where will that lead? Aren’t they doomed to fail?

Roman’s a married man. And yes, he doesn’t wear his wedding band anymore but who’s to say the two are separating? It seems highly unlikely—especially if they have a child on the way. And what about Brock? He’s behaving lately. When he’s home, he’s actually kind—and Seth remembers why he fell in love with him. The big guy who could literally kill him but acts nervous, and is socially awkward around the people he’s not used to. Seth has been seeing those glimpses in him again.

Besides, Roman never even looks or sounds bothered whenever Seth cancels their plans because something came up with Brock. It’s always an : ‘I understand. Do what you need to.’

He’s not bothered at all. So why should Seth?

Seth stares after Roman from a short distance. The dancefloor is crowded and noisy. He’s dancing with someone else now. A young twink who clearly enjoys feeling up on him. Their gazes are on each other. Seth is mesmerized. He finds himself uncomfortably aware of Roman’s maleness, even with the distance. He’s about to go over when the song changes—but the blond twink starts to twerk against Roman’s front.

Oh no. This is not happening, not in front of him. He won’t stand for it.

Which is why he leaves.

Seth goes outside, encouraging himself to suck in as much air as possible. There’s a nasty wrench in his heart fighting to take over so he can go back inside the club and give that stupid twink a piece of his mind. To give Roman a piece of his mind.

“Seth?” Roman calls out from behind him, and Seth doesn’t really wanna hear his voice. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Seth shakes his head and stares at the starless sky. It’s infinitely black, and for the first time in so long, the feeling of loneliness really crashes down on him. He has no idea what to do with the ache growing in his chest. “Go back—inside. It looked like you were having fun.”

“Not without you, I wasn’t.” Roman comes to stand beside him, draping an arm over his shoulder. “You’re my fun. All I need is you, tesoro.”

That causes Seth to release a little laugh, it’s teary. “Sap,” he sniffles, turning to face Roman. He looks into Roman’s eyes and the way the older man is looking at him—it’s disarming, tearing down the walls that Seth is trying so hard to keep intact. Those brown eyes seem to pierce through Seth’s soul, gauging deeper.

How does Roman do that?

A step forward, Seth’s breath hitches as Roman gets in his space. A gentle wrap behind his neck, drawing him close to the taller man. Roman presses his forehead to Seth’s. A few seconds of absolute silence follow, silent enough for Seth to not only hear his speeding pulse but also Roman’s controlled breathing. The nothingness seems to last forever until finally...

Roman’s lips meet his.

In that split second, every nerve in Seth’s body and brain is electrified. His body naturally curls into Roman’s, as if it’s written in their anatomy—their chemistry. An invitation to learn about the other. A few moments later and Seth pulls away, feeling lightheaded. His heart is racing, and his belly feels like a popcorn maker. “Tell me what made you leave—at the club.” Roman adds in the last part as if he can sense Seth’s confusion. He probably can, the man’s so in tune to him it’s infuriating.

“I—” Seth shakes his head, not sure if he wants to do this. To appear insecure, and needy and petulant. “That guy back there was very pretty, huh? Kinda looks like a blond Timothée Chalamet with youthful skin, and a tiny frame. I wouldn’t be angry, just so you know, if you ever—no. You know what, I’ll stop now lest I sound too pitiful.”

“Pitiful?” Roman blinks down at him, his brows are furrowed together as he tries to understand it seems. “I don’t know who Timothée is. And I do not know much about that blond, just that he came up to me for a dance. I don’t usually do this with males, Seth. In all honesty, I think you’re the first one.”

“Do what?”

“This...us.”

“Us?”

“Our arrangement.”

Of course. It’s still just a transaction. It bothers Seth so much when it shouldn’t. He’s taken. Roman’s taken. They’re both going behind their spouses’ backs. What makes him think they stand a real chance at something? “I’m sorry, I was overreacting.” He finally whispers, looking anywhere but Roman.

“I don’t think you were. If it makes you unhappy seeing me like that with other people—especially in your presence—then you express exactly what you’re feeling. We’re adults, I’ll understand, if you explain. I don’t mind not interacting with other people like that, I’d rather I didn’t actually. But sometimes it’s hard to turn them down.”

“You’re too noble.” Seth frowns, lightly punching Roman’s shoulder. “And I hate you for it.”

“Yeah? I hate you too, Rollins.” Roman wraps an arm around his waist, so that their bodies are touching—without an inch separating them. “And I can fucking end you—just like that.”

Seth snorts, he wraps his arms around the taller man’s neck. “I’d like to see you try.”

Roman’s gaze darkens, he licks his lips in a way that renders Seth speechless—almost. He sucks in a huge intake of air, mind seduced and running wild. “Yeah. You’d definitely like that, wouldn’t you?” Roman smirks, he knows exactly what he’s doing.

“More than anything,” Seth murmurs, thankful for the steadying hand around his back. His knees are seriously weak, and he’s grinning like a stupid fool up at Roman. “You’re naughty.”

“You ain’t seen nothing yet.” Roman kisses his forehead, so gently that it has Seth’s heart racing once more—it touches his soul like nothing else. “Permission to take you home so I can show you just how much.”

“Thought you’d never ask.” Seth grins. He’s standing beside Roman as the man requests an Uber. They’d come with one to the club too—because Roman doesn’t believe in drinking and driving. The cab arrives in less than five minutes, they’re laughing and stumbling inside the back even faster.

Seth’s mind is still a little dazed from Roman’s kisses that it takes him a while to actually notice the hand gripping his thigh. It’s only when Roman squeezes gently, that the warmth of his touch starts a wildfire within Seth.

There, in the backseat, he senses the shift in the air. How it thickens with lust, and how their bodies sort of find each other, doing all the talking. A hand at his back, it slithers down, inside his jeans—going for what’s underneath. Another lace thong. Black this time. Seth isn’t thinking as he yanks Roman’s t-shirt, smashing their lips together. Roman responds immediately, pulling Seth onto his lap.

Buttons are undone hastily, both men don’t seem to care about the driver—who keeps stealing glances at the rearview mirror—too focused on each other. It’s a devouring of lips, the sounds leaving both of them frustrated and desperate. “Fuck, Seth. If you don’t stop feasting on my lips like a starved man—”

“I am starved,” Seth begins, humping crazily against the big bulge hidden in underwear. He licks Roman’s ear, his earlobe and tugs at it seductively. “And the only thing that will satisfy me—the only thing that will satiate me, Roman, is your cock deep inside me.” The cab is heating up, their breaths steaming the confining area—there’s another shift in the air that Seth is too scared to address.

A shift he feels as he slowly starts to unbutton his shirt—one button after the other. Roman does nothing except lean back and stare. There is something tender about the hungry fire in his eyes. He’s absolutely silent, watching Seth undo his shirt. The desire to cover himself up hits Seth again, suddenly shy. He’s been nude with plenty of men before, but never this naked.

No, not like this.

Shyly, he takes Roman’s hand—and kisses his fingers. “I—” he hesitates, not sure what he wants to say. His body talks for him as leans forward, chest searching Roman’s mouth. He guides a distended nipple into Roman’s mouth who latches on immediately, and sucks as if his life depends on it. Seth moans burying his fingers in Roman’s hair, and then somehow managing to sheath himself on Roman’s cock.

He’s still loose from when they did it in the bathroom, but the burn of how wide he’s being stretched open is still there. “Shit, Seth!” Roman must realize what’s going on because he groans like a man bruised in the gut. Seth, himself, is trying to gain composure. He’s trembling on top of Roman, digging his nails into his shoulder blades to center himself.

Seth takes a deep, calming breath because he can feel _everything._ Black dots dance in his vision, as his soul seems to want to escape his body. Roman’s dick is pulsing frantically along the walls of his ass, so ardently that Seth feels like the man’s orgasm might explode inside him. He wants that to happen. This feels too good. Slowly, Seth leans into seductively whisper in Roman’s ear, “I want you to put a baby in me.” It’s a little joke, meant to be seductive more than anything, Seth is on the pill after all. “Breed me, Roman.”

Roman takes a second, one deep breath and then laughs. “Damn, you gotta let a man breathe first. You’re killing me, man.”

They’ve never had sex without protection before, even after they both went to the clinic (as per Roman’s instruction) and got tested together and Seth got his birth control pills. They just never have. Unprotected sex feels like a different level of intimacy.

Seth feels like he’s going to pass out in this car tonight. It’s in the way Roman’s fingers are going after his slit, and how that birth canal just swallows them up. It’s in the way Roman acknowledges that, filthily murmuring, “Your hole is so greedy for my fingers. It just swallows all of them, sweetheart. Should I add more, hmm? This is where our baby will come out right?” And Seth can’t do nothing but fuck himself hard on Roman’s dick while simultaneously trying to grind his birth canal onto Roman’s thick fingers. He might pass out because of how thorough Roman is being with his nipples, how Seth holds his head in place, wishing the man could milk him dry. Maybe if they had that baby he could.

Seth will pass out.

And it’s in the way Roman’s dick is touching even his soul. All of him is so fucking full, to the point of pain actually, and he can hardly breathe. Seth wants to fuck it and tap out, even as he chases his orgasm on Roman’s cock. The sensations are too intense, so alien and unbelievable that Seth trembles on top of Roman, making his eyes water.

“Am I hurting you?” Roman asks, even though it’s Seth who is ruining himself by bouncing on something that can barely fit into his tiny hole.

“I really love this,” Seth confesses, terrified at how his voice doesn’t sound like his own. Terrified at how the world somehow fades into a distant concept when he’s with Roman. Terrified at how part of him doesn’t even want this to ever end. _I want this forever, Roman._ He wants to say but maybe the tears can confess it better than he ever could.

Roman understands, Seth hopes he does, as he embraces him and controls their pace. He goes slow, almost languidly, as if they have the entire night in a stranger’s car. It’s horrific and it’s silly. Seth can’t help laughing next, much to Roman’s confusion. The man says something about him being a freaking weirdo—there’s a smile in his voice that tells Seth he’s proud.


	4. Chapter 4

Seth puts on his best smile as soon as the door opens. “Um, hey babe,” he greets, taking in his best friend’s flushed state. Xavier is yet to respond, but Seth swears he can see impatience hiding in kind brown eyes. “I—I brought your favorite,” he gestures to the plastic bag filled with Chinese takeout. “Thought we could, I um, don’t—look can we hang out? Maybe play video games, or whatever. I just miss my best friend.”

Xavier doesn’t reply, but he leaves the door open. Seth will take it as invitation to step inside.

The door closes silently behind him. He follows Xavier to the living room, looking around. He’s sad to admit that he’s missed coming here. He’s missed talking to Xavier—like really _talking_ to him. Not just polite, awkward exchanges in the cafeteria or the elevators. He hopes Xavier feels the same way—but can’t be sure with the mysterious emotion in Xavier’s eyes.

“You, like, have the worst timing ever, Seth.” Xavier chuckles, sounding a bit nervous, and readjusts the knot on his robe. “Will you take a seat? I gotta do something real quick.”

“Sure.”

Xavier nods once, he actually smiles a little this time, and Seth just about melts like butter—he hasn’t seen a smile that genuine in so long. He sits down, placing the plastic bag on the coffee table. There are sounds coming in the direction of Xavier’s bedroom that hint at more than one person in the room. He’s proved correct as Xavier reappears with a very tall, half-naked man with piercing blue eyes.

“Are you really doing this? You didn’t even give me a chance to get dressed, Xavier!”

“You’re wearing pants, Randal.” Xavier’s voices raises an octave, he’s pushing behind the tall man’s back, clearly struggling to lead him outside. “And you’re driving home. No one’s going to see you.”

The guy, Randal, stops suddenly. His penetrating glare almost intimidates Seth into looking away but he stands his ground. “Your old neighbor, Mr. Trendo—yeah, it won’t be hard for him to notice me. You scream like a fucking banshee and—”

“Shut up, Randal.” The two are now looking at each other, and Seth would laugh at how they look like something straight out of an ‘enemies with benefits’ rom-com were it not for his confusion. Since when does Xavier bring guys to his flat? And why does their body language hint at a pair who’ve had more than one night stands together? “Get the fuck out of my apartment.”

“Tell me who _he_ is first.” Randal points at him, and Seth doesn’t miss the underlying threat in his voice. It sends the wrong kinds of shivers down his spine. “You’re not kicking me out to get fucked by another dude, man. I will fucking shove a rusty spade up your ass.”

“Kinky.” Xavier snorts, glancing back at Seth. There’s a nervousness about him that Seth doesn’t understand. “Bet you’d get off on it, too. You sadistic fuck.”

“I’m serious, Xavier.”

“Me too, Randal.” Xavier rolls his eyes, getting into the taller man’s space. “Seth’s my best friend. Nothing more, nothing less. Now please get out of my face—seriously.”

“Now I remember why I didn’t like you the first time I saw you but then we actually started spending time together and I can safely say it ain’t getting any better.”

Seth giggles quietly, he says nothing though, and watches the two banter, with Xavier pushing Randal to the front door until it finally closes with a loud bang. A distressed, almost comical scream, before Xavier comes back. “Sorry about that,” he plops down on the couch, right next to Seth.

“It’s cool,” Seth is still laughing. “When did that happen?”

“Randy? Two weeks ago.” Xavier bites his bottom lip. “He’s a fucking asshole.”

“Who doesn’t want to share _your_ asshole apparently.” Seth ducks away from Xavier’s light punch. “Warn a guy next time. I’m too young to die for your sins.”

“What sins?” Xavier huffs out a little laugh. “Randy’s just overreacting. We’re not together like that.”

Seth nods. “You looked happy back there, with him. Whatever the fuck is going on between the two of you, I’m happy for you as long as you’re happy and he treats you right.”

“We’re not getting married or anything.” Again that nervous laughter. “Probably won’t last beyond a month. Think I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that I wasn’t meant for long term relationships.”

The guilt hits Seth almost immediately at Xavier’s words. He’s taken back to the time he snapped at the younger man. To what he said to Xavier. How he probably knocked down his self-esteem. “Xavier...” He starts, gently gripping his best friend’s wrist. “I just want to say I’m really sorry. I’m really, really sorry. For a month ago. For what I said. That was really immature of me. I know how hurtful those words must’ve been to you. I was angry and defensive but that’s not an excuse. I make no excuses for my behavior. I’m not the best of friends but I love you, and I want us to get back to the way we were.”

Xavier smiles, it looks so genuine that Seth hates himself. His best friend is literally a ray of sunshine—too good, too pure. A kind sunbeam that should be protected at all costs and he...he—

“You apologized already.”

“I know,” Seth nods. He did apologize, but they’re not back to that place again. That place where few boundaries exist between them, where they’re not careful with each other and share any and everything. There’s a light veil of...something, separating them. Probably the awkwardness. “I just, I miss the old us. I have so many things to tell you and I miss you. I miss my brother.”

“I miss you too, Seth.”

Seth nods, hesitantly getting into Xavier’s space, who meets him halfway. Their embrace is something that Seth has missed so much. Seth buries his face in his best friend’s neck, and breathes him in. “You smell like sex,” he mumbles, managing a choked laugh. There are tears in his eyes as Xavier hugs him tightly. “It’s a good smell on you.”

“You’re crazy,” Xavier grins, he pulls back, and plants a kiss to Seth’s cheek. “I’ve missed you so much. I’m sorry too, for that day—I, you know, overstepped my bounds and—”

“You were looking out for me.”

“Yes. But I understand how it may have looked otherwise.” Xavier says, joining their hands. “I just always want you to be happy. Like how you look now—all glowing, and I don’t know... _beautiful_.”

Seth flushes with embarrassment, tucking his hair behind his ears. He is happy and so full—of light, joy, and sweet melodies—that often times he doesn’t even know what to do with himself. Brock’s noticed it too, tells him often that there’s a change in him, that he looks beautiful. Seth usually responds with a smile, never knows what to say. Saying something like : ‘ _It’s overdosing on good dick, babe’_ probably won’t sit well with Brock. 

“Thanks,” Seth murmurs, grabbing the gaming console from Xavier. They’re going to play Mario Kart. “I kinda feel good as well. It’s been a crazy month, Xavier. Don’t know where to start.”

“The beginning,” Xavier looks and sounds too eager for the details so Seth doesn’t withhold anything. He squeals, and laughs, and wobbles everything with emotion. Things are great, so great that Seth can’t even see beyond Roman. Doesn’t want anyone else beside the man—which means his relationship with Brock is suffering somehow. But Seth thinks it’s payback for all the times that his boyfriend’s been an asshole to him. Not that Brock notices much, he’s rarely home. Which used to affect Seth, probably still does, but his mind always sees Brock being away as a good thing.

It means Seth has more time with Roman. Sweet, caring and attentive Roman. The man practically worships the ground Seth walks on. And Seth isn’t just saying that. No, it’s in the way Roman will have lunch brought to him just before his lunch break. Or how sore throat concoctions are brought to Seth’s desk after a particularly rough night with him. It’s in the way Roman takes care of him after sex. It’s in the sweet morning messages, and how he humors Seth with all the memes that Seth sends him. It’s in how adorable it is when he doesn’t understand a few text lingo and millennial jargon.

Roman’s the best. And Seth isn’t just saying that because the man’s dick game is on point but it’s because he’s seen it with him. How Roman treats him like a prince. The food. The gifts. The hella good sex. The conversations. It brings a sickening smile to Seth just thinking about it all. The man’s a ten out of ten. Even when he’s being super protective—unlike anything Seth has ever seen.

The only, sometimes persistent, thought that runs through Seth’s mind is Roman’s relationship status. Is he still married? If yes, then why doesn’t wear his wedding band anymore? Is his marriage on the rocks? What happened? Will they divorce? Is he to blame? Or were the problems even before Seth spread his legs for him? What about their child? Is there even a child?

The questions sometimes visit his mind to the point of annoyance. To the extent that Seth stays up late at night, twisting and turning. He hates it. He feels guilty for it. For the wife. For the unborn kid. He’s selfish and he knows it. What else could be preventing him from asking Roman? His own selfish reasons of course. What if he doesn’t like what he finds out?

Seth doesn’t mind sharing Roman. He’s been teaching himself to detach from different situations—and to separate the two aspects of his life as well as Roman does. There’s his personal life with Brock—love of his life (his heart wrenches something nasty lately whenever he thinks like that) and future. And then there’s Roman—amazing human, and sex god—and Seth (deep inside) wouldn’t mind keeping him forever (he wants to) but Roman’s taken. And Seth, well at this point, he’s nothing more than a dirty little secret that he knows Roman wants to keep hidden.

Why else was he made to sign a confidentiality agreement?

Chasing the thoughts away almost immediately (Seth can’t afford to think like that), Seth regards Xavier solemnly. “I mean yeah technically I’m not supposed to be divulging this to you. But he’s just so great, Xavier. He treats me really good. I took him to a gay bar last week and we had fun. We’re going skydiving this Friday, and then spending the weekend in his cabin near Lake Mendota.”

“Like a date?”

“No. Like—I don’t know.” Seth offers a tiny shrug. He doubts it’s a date. What married man takes out his side on dates? Sure, married men take out their side piece out on expensive trips and buy them luxurious gifts but only because of the services the side is offering. It’s all a transaction, like it is between himself and Roman. The man is never vulnerable with him, or offers up too much of himself. There are always limits. But then the little offers feel like so much to Seth that he can’t help giving all of who he is to Roman. The man lures it out somehow. So that Seth is left helpless and defenseless beneath his touches. “Quit asking me difficult questions. I’m losing the game because of you.”

Xavier grins a beautiful smile and nudges his shoulder. “Excuses, excuses. But cheers to you, sugar baby. I don’t normally condone cheating, but in this case, I see why you did it. Just wish you would’ve gone with someone single. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“I am not a sugar baby,” Seth glowers, mouth upturning into a little pout. He’s freaking twenty-eight years old, which means he’s a grown ass man. And sure, Roman is eleven years older but Seth is still very much an adult—one who makes poor decisions sometimes but fuck it, he’s an adult. “And I will not get hurt. Roman’s one of the good guys.”

“But the thing with good guys,” Xavier turns to face him, tone sounding somber, giving Seth the urge to hug him. “No one pays attention to them because everyone gives them the benefit of the doubt. I think they’re just as dangerous. Good guys have a talent of reigniting your hope. Of making you believe in the impossible. I don’t want to you to get hurt.”

“Not me,” Seth makes a funny face, to make Xavier laugh, and holds out his pinky finger in promise. “I’m not going to get hurt. I promise, okay?”

Xavier frowns like a child, “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

“Well, rest assured that this one I’ll keep.” Seth tries for a positive smile, although deep down something seems to be mocking him. He’s thinking about Roman again, feeling those lions roar inside his belly again. Feeling Roman in every crevice within his body. He doesn’t detest the feeling that his body no longer belongs to him somehow, because Roman owns it too. It’s worrying. How every inch of him is consumed by it all. How he almost... _welcomes_ the feeling. It’s really worrying.

It’s Xavier’s maniac cackles that bring him back to the present.

“What is it?” Seth observes his best friend curiously.

Xavier scrutinizes him, shakes his head, and doubles over in laughter. It goes on for so long, and just when Seth thinks the younger man is on the verge of spilling, Xavier laughs manically again. Seth is close to smacking him upside the head when Xavier takes a deep breath and finally says, “Oh, nothing. It’s just—” still the loud cackling, and then, “Does your life insurer know that you love being strangled during sex?”

Oh crap!

“Xavier!” Seth’s eyes widen, he’s pretty sure his jaw is touching the ground. At Xavier’s nonchalant shrug, the brunet goes on a cackling spree, it doesn’t take long before Xavier joins in again.

Seth thinks his heart is literally smiling. He has his best friend back again.

* * *

_It’s a beautiful evening._

Seth can’t help but think as he watches Roman, deep in thought, as if the question that Seth’s asked him forms part of some difficult quiz that needs some distinct, very well thought out answer. He always does this and where it would be annoying with anyone else because Roman can take up to five minutes thinking about an answer to the most trivial _Buzzfeed_ questionnaires, with Roman it’s totally endearing. 

How he bites his bottom lip, and rubs on his pinched eyebrows, a look so heartwarming on his face that Seth doesn’t dare disturb him. Because he’s so overwhelmed. Everything’s overwhelming. The coziness of their hotel suite. How they sit inside the fort that Seth built for them because he’d make a goddamn fine architect. The soul-snatching soul music playing in the background. Seth, in Roman’s shirt. Roman, shirtless, because it’s almost become instinct for him to remove his upper clothing and give it to Seth. How it feels like they’re on an overtly cheesy romantic date.

Seth is so full of emotion that he thinks he might burst. He has no idea what to do with himself, never does lately. And it’s all Roman’s fault. How effortlessly he makes Seth _feel_ again. Joy. Light. Intense affection. Contentment. It’s all so overwhelming. And sometimes Seth thinks everything he’s been through, the pain and heartbreak, now makes sense somehow. That every heartbreak he’s been through must’ve been to allow his heart to expand so that there could be room for Roman. There’s so much of him in Seth’s heart than Roman realizes—if he realizes at all.

“I think,” Roman starts, seeming to finally have his answer apparently. “this one,” he points to a picture of Anthony Mackie. “I’ll have sex with. And this one—” a picture of Sebastian Stan. “Marry for sure. Now the other one—I’ve decided to marry him too. I can’t kill anyone, Seth.”

Seth blinks at Roman, he looks so serious, probably is, which makes his entire response funnier. “That’s not how the game works, Rome.” Roman’s eyes light up—as Seth’s noticed they always do when he calls the older man ‘Rome’ and Seth isn’t going to lie, he’s been calling Roman that more often just to see the brown transition into gleaming gemstones—and Seth leans into steal a kiss as soon as his laughing subsides. “One of them has to be killed.”

“Why? If they’ve done nothing wrong. Marrying both is more plausible.”

“Fine,” Seth huffs out a sigh. “What’s the reasoning behind your choices then?”

“Easy,” Roman steals his own kisses but his are always lingering—and Seth always tries not to shiver at the contact. This particular kiss—on the inside of his wrist—brings Seth’s heart to joyful tears. He sees the tenderness in Roman’s eyes as the man continues, “Anthony Mackie has the best ass between the three of them. He also looks like a guy game with anything, would probably agree to being tied to the Statue of Liberty and fuck. I think that I’d...have a great time with him. Sebastian Stan—with him, it’s all in the eyes. Have you seen his eyes? He’s ridiculously good looking. And because I can’t kill Chris Evans, I’ll have to marry him too or fuck him, it doesn't matter.”

“You’d really marry two people?” Seth focuses on that specific topic because he doesn’t know. Maybe, some tiny—really _tiny—_ part of him wouldn’t mind being second spouse. It’s stupid, he knows.

“Many people practice polygamy, Seth.”

“Yeah but what about you?”

Roman looks at him, it’s a scrutinization really. Seth holds the eye contact although he desires to look away, fearing that Roman will see everything all at once. Seth doesn’t know whether to be disappointed or relieved when Roman shakes his head. “No,” his tone sounds calm, but there’s a strain to it. “I’m a one man guy.”

_Then what are you doing here with me?_

“I, uh...see.” Heat creeps along Seth’s cheeks. All of this makes no sense to him—at all. He desperately wants to ask Roman about what they’re doing then. If he’s a one person guy then what’s he doing with him? Why isn’t he with his wife? He wants to ask but he doesn’t get the chance to—not as his phone blares to life, breaking the one-sided tension.

It’s Brock.

Seth looks at his phone then back at Roman. If it weren’t for Seth trying to learn all about Roman’s facial cues, then he knows he would’ve missed that barely there jaw clench that Roman does as he fixes his face with indifference. “Go ahead...” he mouths silently.

Seth’s first thought is to refuse, but then he figures that he doesn’t want Roman to think that he’s hiding things—or to exaggerate (even though Roman’s never even done that) and so he accepts and puts the phone to his ear. “Hey baby.” Maybe he is imagining the way Roman’s arms tighten around his waist. But he is definitely _not_ imagining the gentle kisses and nuzzles to the inside of his neck. Seth squirms, and releases a breathless sigh before finally relaxing into the embrace.

The call doesn’t last longer than five minutes but it’d felt like an uncomfortable eternity. There was a little argument between him and Brock which ended with Seth just cutting the call. “He wants me to join him in LA. Work’s getting to him and he could really use my company.” Seth tells Roman although the man didn’t ask.

Silence and then a controlled, “When?”

Seth bites his lip, hesitates this time, doesn’t know how Roman will respond. He starts to fidget with the fabric of Roman’s shirt and tries for an indifferent shrug. “This weekend.”

The silence is longer this time. Roman says nothing at all. It’s getting awkward by the second, and Seth can feel the tension fighting to run away. He wonders if Roman’s disappointed. Is that why he hasn’t said anything? They’re supposed to be spending the weekend in Lake Mendota. The same weekend that Brock wants him to join him in LA.

Slowly, Seth shifts around to face Roman.

For a split second, Roman looks hurt—all pinched face and squinted eyes. It’s gone too fast that Seth thinks maybe he imagined it. This is Roman. Resident good guy who never wants to impose—with his ever understanding nature. The silence is suffocating, and Seth can’t breathe with how desperately he wants Roman to say something, anything.

_Ask me to choose you._

It looks like Roman will do just that. For a hopeful second, it seems like Roman will choose to be selfish this time. Seth looks him in the eyes, imploring.

“Seth, I—” and in the blink of an eye, it’s gone. Roman’s back to being the impenetrable, untouchable robot. And Seth can practically see the barriers rebuilding around him. “I understand. Make sure you have fun. I’ll knee your boyfriend in the balls if he doesn’t deliver.”

Seth chokes out a bitter laugh. It’s not like Roman’s response wasn’t expected but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. “I’ll make sure to have fun for the both of us.” It’s a careless quip and he knows it. But he’s so fucking hurt and bitter. He doesn’t care. He doesn’t.

Roman says nothing. Nothing except press a kiss to Seth’s temple, and that somehow makes things worse. It’s there in the silence between them. Why won’t Roman acknowledge that he _feels_ too? Seth isn’t stupid enough that he’d want more than what Roman can offer but a little acknowledgement would be nice. To have him be selfish for once would be nice. To see his other facets would be nice.

Seth craves nothing more than vulnerability with him.

* * *

He wasn’t exaggerating. Once upon a time, when Seth said that Roman has a talent of remembering the small, almost insignificant details about him, he hadn’t been exaggerating.

Seth is on the verge of crying. Actual, salty liquid.

All around him, he’s surrounded by beautiful, breathtaking flowers. They’re at a greenhouse in Madison. “Because you said you like to touch flowers to remind yourself that there is some good in the world,” Roman had told him as they’d entered. It was probably so long ago and Seth may’ve been coming down from a sexual high (because he’d be too embarrassed to say that in the right headspace) when he revealed his sappiness to Roman. But somehow, the man remembered.

They’re currently on a flower tour, learning all about the different flowers. Seth’s literally squishing Roman’s hand with how tightly he’s holding onto it. The intensity of how he’s feeling is like a weight in his chest. It’s a surprise his heart is still beating under such a beautiful burden. He’s too fearful to admit what that means. But as the tour guide gives him and Roman step by step instructions on how to plant his favorite lilies, and he notices how seriously Roman is taking the task, Seth can’t help melting with affection—the emotion spreading all over him and making him giddy.

Seth, bored with how sloppy his gardening skills are, moves to stand behind Roman. He slips his arms in between Roman’s, and hugs him tightly, breathing in his scent. It’s so distinctly _him_ that Seth can’t even describe how great it smells or how it smells exactly.

“What are you doing?” Roman asks as Seth links their hands so that they’re both working on Roman’s more meticulous gardening.

“Helping you,” Seth murmurs quietly, wanting nothing more than more skin-on-skin contact. In a completely nonsexual way. Just their bare bodies connecting. “But you’re taller than me and I can’t see. Not fair.”

Roman chuckles, it’s a sound that sends tingles everywhere—even Seth’s toes. It’s ridiculous. “You just trying to recreate that Ghost scene with Patrick Swayze, huh?”

“Yup. Totally. Playing with soil is _so_ erotic.” Seth quips playfully. “This is me channeling my inner earth worm. After this, we should roll around in dirt naked.”

“Would that satisfy your inner kinkster?” Roman whirls around to face him, tenderly brushing his cheek. Seth can’t even bring himself to complain about being dirtied with soil.

“What haven’t we done, Roman?” Seth asks, sounding more confident than he feels. He’s just a little embarrassed because they literally try everything when it comes to sex. Roman even has a few cameras installed in different areas of his suite. They’ve had sex with those cameras recording everything. And Seth usually jokes about how they’re practically porn stars now because of it.

“Rolled around in dirt naked,” Roman retorts.

They look at each other and just laugh; at each other, with each other. Seth thinks they probably look like a pair of dorks with how loud they are but he doesn’t care. He loves this. Everything about it. And god, he doesn’t want it to ever end. Never ever!

Wrapping his own arms around Roman’s neck, Seth presses a hungry kiss to Roman’s lips. And then feeling childish, he brings his hands to Roman’s white bomber jacket and fists on it with his soiled hands. He starts to laugh into Roman’s mouth, kissing him over and over again apologetically.

“You’re so going to pay for that,” Roman murmurs in between sweet kisses.

“I’ve already paid for it. To next week’s Niners game. I have the tickets with me.” Seth doesn’t want to let Roman go, but the older man has pulled away. His brown eyes—ever soulful—are searching, and Seth hopes the affection isn’t betraying him. “I know you love them, Roman. You told me, in passing once.”

“Didn’t think you knew—or...it doesn’t matter what I thought.” The brown sparkle of surprise—and...joy? Seth would do anything to see Roman like this everyday—with that mysterious quirk of his lips. His smile is the most beautiful thing ever. It makes Seth unbearably happy. “Thank you so much, Seth.”

Seth can only nod. He’s full with happiness. “Can we be like this forever?” he asks as soft kiss that was touching his lips ends.

Roman strokes his cheek with a gentle claim. Their foreheads touch, slightly parted lips sharing the same breath, and Seth thinks even their breathing is in sync. Roman’s arms are firmly around his waist. Their heartbeats beat the same. A kiss to his forehead. “Forever?”

“Forever.”

“Forever.”

* * *

“Are you okay?”

That question never ceases to give Seth the butterflies (they’re still lions actually) in his belly. Probably because of the rasp that always seems to be in Roman’s voice as he asks—an almost silent testament that Seth isn’t the only one being ravaged. That Roman finds him just as sexy—and that the older man fucking into him wrecks him just as much as Seth gets wrecked taking his dick.

“Will survive,” Seth mumbles, half asleep. He’s wrung out, and desperately wants to sleep. It’s wrong timing unfortunately. He has to get back to his job in under fifteen minutes. Which just proves how much of a stupid adult Seth can be sometimes. Having sex during work hours wasn’t a good idea. And as much as he would like to blame Roman for this one, he knows it’s his fault. He offered, and Roman almost never says no. And when he does, Seth will coax until his hot as fuck boss gives in. “And I’m—leaking all over the expensive couch. It feels like I have a gallon of your cum inside me.”

“When the demand is high, we aim to deliver.”

Seth manages a tired laugh, relaxing into Roman’s body, as the older wipes him clean. “The demand is still so high, Mr. Reigns. Another ten gallons. Or ten thousand.”

Roman’s laughter is always a delicious rumble—with hints of childlike giggling. It’s also warm, like a blanket on a cold winter night. It envelopes Seth whole. He sighs, really content, and accepts the bottle of water from Roman. “You’re going to have to wait until tonight,” Roman tells him. “Fraternizing during work hours is strictly prohibited. Could result in a serious punishment—like you being fucked over this damn desk.”

“Noted.”

They look at each other; a second, then two, and then start to laugh. It’s effortless and _light._ And lately, it’s been hitting Seth like a ton of bricks to the head how _lighter_ he feels around Roman. How the older man fills him with so much of it, that Seth thinks it will burst out somehow. He’s giddy from Roman’s absent habit of giving him little kisses—to his shoulders, the back of his neck, his cheeks, his face.

Roman’s phone (well his office phone) beeps, and interrupts their moment. Roman goes to the desk, accepts the call. “Mr. Reigns,” Paige’s voice sounds on the other end of the line, “you have guests.”

It’s strange to see Roman shift back into ‘serious businessman’ mode. How, even shirtless, his stealth suit seems to reappear. His voice is blank, no tenderness, and for some reason it makes Seth feel good. It means that maybe, just maybe, Seth affects Roman just as much.

“They’re not leaving,” Paige explains when Roman chides her for granting said guests unauthorized entry and a meeting that he has no knowledge of. “It’s Jimmy. He’s here with Dolph.”

Something in Roman’s demeanor changes. His eyes have transitioned into a cold glare. He’s glaring into the phone, as if contemplating murder. “Tell him to go home. He knows not to bother me at work. I’ll meet him there.”

There’s a brief silence, almost as if Paige herself is scared. Roman is still glaring at the phone, and gripping the edge of the desk, knuckles turning ashen white.

“They’re here with...Matteo.”

Roman freezes, an undecipherable emotion sweeping across his face faster than Seth can keep up—and then gone in an instant. He rubs his face, making a hoarse sound from deep inside his throat.

“What’s wrong?”

Roman looks up, eyes wild and searching. Seth thinks the man may’ve forgotten that he was still trapped in his office with him. “You need to leave.”

“What?” Seth whispers stupidly, blindsided by the cold instruction.

“It’s not rocket science, tesoro.” Even the term of endearment doesn’t sound loving. All Seth can hear is suppressed anger and impatience. It shows in the way Roman rubs his temples as if Seth isn’t worth the headache. “Leave my office. Now.”

Seth stands on shaky legs, it has nothing to do with the rough fucking he received from the same man who’s now throwing him out like worthless garbage. He is rooted to his spot, staring in doe-eyed horror as Roman opens his drawers. A tiny black box. The beautiful glint of his wedding band. If Seth thought his heart was breaking before, then watching Roman slide on his ring is some form of slow torture.

Roman looks up again, face closed off, and posture squared. His eyebrow lifts expectantly. Seth knows what he’s saying. With a stiff nod, the brunet turns to leave.

“Seth!” Seth’s at the door when Roman calls out to him. His voice is softer—and were it not for the abrupt change in it, Seth wouldn’t offer him the privilege of his attention. “I—listen, I’m sorry. I’ll call you. I just need to take care of this. I care about you.”

Seth doesn’t really know how to receive the last confession. For a few minutes there, it didn’t seem like it. So he only nods.

And then he leaves.

In the lobby, his eyes find the guests that Paige was talking about. An attractive man with light brown skin whose features bear resemblance to Roman. Seth remembers he’s seen him on the family pictures plaguing Roman’s office. He’s an identical twin. Beside him, another man with blue eyes and blond hair. The pair must be married judging by their closeness—but also the rings on their ring fingers. The blond is carrying a little baby whose loud babbles fill the entire lobby. Seth is unable to have a good look at the baby with how the little one is squirming and bouncing on the blond’s lap. Matteo, Paige had said. Maybe he’s the pair’s son.

“Hello,” he offers a polite smile on the way to the elevators.

His greeting is returned by the one who looks like Roman. His husband just gives him an unimpressed once over—and if looks could kill, Seth would be six feet under. He’s taken aback by the hostility, unsure what he’s done to the blond. Is there something on his face? His body? In his walk? He’s been trying his best not to limp.

Seth shies away from the vicious stare, bids Paige farewell, and enters the elevator. Before the doors slide closed, he catches a small glimpse of how beautiful the pair’s baby is. A breathtaking boy with infectious dimples and big brown eyes. The little boy seems to notice him too, as he starts to wave up and down frantically. Seth grins and waves back—and then they’re no longer seeing each other.

* * *

“Is he still ignoring you?” Is the first question Xavier asks him as he opens his door.

Seth shrugs, and bites his lip.

“Would you like to come inside—” Xavier shakes his head, and then smacks his forehead. “Dumb question. Of course you want that. Why would you come all the way from your house?”

Seth wants to laugh but fears that it will turn into ugly crying somehow. He holds out a plastic bag with fast food instead. “I brought comfort food.”

“Oh goody! I have some beer. We’ll get drunk and then be philosophical about love and feelings and shit.” Xavier murmurs as they head into the kitchen first, and then to the living room. “Dana’s on a date with Dave again. I think it’s getting serious.”

“Lucky her!” Seth exclaims sarcastically. It’s not that he’s not happy for Dana. But it’s kinda hard to celebrate love when his love life is in shambles. When it feels like his heart is slowly being ripped apart—piece by piece. “How about you and Randy?”

Xavier looks hesitant to answer.

“’S okay. You can tell me,” Seth tells him, although feeling something nasty twisting in the pit of his stomach—the telltales of envy and jealousy.

“A month now.”

“Imagine that. And once you thought you wouldn’t even make it that long.”

“Tell me about it.”

Seth sighs, and grabs another can of beer. “We almost made it to two months. Roman and I.” He reveals absently, bitterly. “We were so close. And I was foolishly letting my guard down for a married man. How could I be so stupid?”

“I—Seth, I don’t know what to say.” Xavier admits, it could be that the alcohol is travelling to his brain already, but Seth thinks he can detect the genuine loss in Xavier’s voice.

“You can start with an ‘I told you so’,” Seth slurs, tapping his fingers on that place at his neck that Roman is obsessed with. He hates how he can feel the man’s lips nipping at it softly. “You warned me, I didn’t listen. He was supposed to be—different from Brock. I—uh,” the black spots start to dance in Seth’s vision and breathing is starting to feel like a strenuous task. “He was supposed to be different, Xavier. I was—falling in love with him. But it’s just the same. He doesn’t care.”

Xavier says nothing, his comforting touch is enough. Seth breaks down in his arms, angry tears spilling down his face. How dare Roman do this to him? How dare he blind Seth with an illusion! How dare he?!

The angry tears are aimed at himself as well. What the hell was Seth thinking? That he’d stupidly lower his guard and allow himself to develop feelings for a married man. Why hadn’t he stopped when things were starting to change? He regrets giving himself to Roman. He’s so angry. So angry. At himself.

And then he’s feeling the anger and resentment towards Brock. Because Seth wouldn’t be here had the man loved him the way he deserves. Had Brock not changed, Seth wouldn’t have even needed to cry in the arms of another man. There wouldn’t have been a need to seek comfort elsewhere. Roman wouldn’t have happened. He wouldn’t have.

And now, Seth is—falling for him.

So hard and effortlessly it hurts.

Seth has no idea what to do.

* * *

Their morning meeting has just ended. And Seth couldn’t catch much of what Corbin was saying because he’s too emotionally drained to care. His body doesn’t feel like his own—with how the slightest task feels like too much effort lately. He watches his colleagues scatter around like ants—wanting to get in a little unimportant chatter before heading to their cubicles to start the day.

Dana comes to say something to him about going clubbing tonight (even though it is a Wednesday) and Seth not having an option to decline because she and Xavier have decided and it’s final. Seth’s been moping around for too long apparently—and they’re fed up. She leaves before he can respond. Then Elias comes to talk to him. Seth hears the words ‘clubbing’ and ‘tonight’ and it doesn’t take much to come to the conclusion that either Xavier or Dana planned this.

They want to hook him up with Elias. He’d laugh at how silly the entire thing is. His best friends, who know perfectly well that he’s still with Brock, attempting to hook him up with someone else. They’re practically begging him to cheat on the man again. Seth isn’t sure he can do that. Not with how badly it backfired the last time.

It’s been two weeks of torture—and he can barely stand it. No phone calls. No messages. Nothing. It hurts how easy it was for Roman to move on. And the man didn’t even have the decency to tell Seth that he got back with his wife. Seth doesn’t know for sure if that’s what happened but it’s the only plausible logic. And he’s embarrassed, so freaking embarrassed that he’s grateful he hasn’t run into Roman yet—or Paige, or Chad Gable. They’d probably laugh at how stupid Seth had been from the beginning.

And the worst part is, for once Brock has noticed that something’s off with him but Seth can’t divulge a single thing. He’s mourning a relationship that his boyfriend of five years wasn’t even aware of. He can’t go to him for comfort. They’re going to move forward with their life—but somehow things are never going to be the same again.

“We’ll discuss the details around lunchtime, Seth.” Elias places a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently. “Reigns is here—and he does not look pleased.”

“What?” Seth asks, ears perking up.

“Reigns,” Elias says, looking over Seth’s shoulder, with the brunet following suit. “He has a thing about time. It’s two minutes until our shift. I’ll see you around.”

Seth’s stomach clenches, and he quickly averts his gaze to Bayley and Sasha. They’re gossiping about something, or someone. Bayley briefly meets his gaze, and Seth knows he probably looks pale, like he’s seen a ghost. It feels like it. He hasn’t seen Roman in two weeks. And he’s shaking, can’t breathe, let alone produce a coherent thought.

On their way out of the meeting room, Bayley stops to ask if he’s okay. Seth wants to respond but he can’t get a single word out. Sasha starts to drag Bayley away—and Seth is begging his feet to fucking cooperate too. He needs to leave this place now.

“Seth, I would like a word please.” Roman calls out when Seth’s feet eventually start to fucking function, and he’s heading for the door. That voice causes Seth’s belly to quiver. He tells himself he hasn’t missed it. _Walk away, Seth._ He does just that until a calm but authoritative, “Mr. Rollins! Would you follow me to my office, please?” freezes him in his tracks.

It’s posed as a question but the demand in Roman’s voice is so clear. Seth turns to face Roman, doesn’t bother to hide his disdain for the man he considers his boss. He’s ready to tell the man to fuck off. He really is. But the longer he looks at Roman, the angrier he becomes. The more frustrated he becomes. The more hurt. He has so many questions. He doesn’t know where to start.

“After you, your dictatorship.”

Roman’s eyes narrow, and the muscles in his jaw bunch together in what looks like a barely contained explosion. Seth glares right back. Roman has no right to be angry. None whatsoever. He wasn’t the one whose calls and texts were being ignored for two weeks. He wasn’t the one second-guessing himself and wondering what the fuck he’d done wrong. He wasn’t.

Seth can feel his eyes swelling with tears, he bites on his bottom lip, face growing red with suppressed anger. “Are we fucking going or not? Don’t waste my time. I’ve got a job to do.”

Roman seems to break out of his stupor. He nods, and they’re heading for the exit. Seth ignores the eyes on them. Xavier and Dana will ask, and probably Zelina (she’s like a reporter with how much she enjoys office gossip). The elevator ride isn’t any better in terms of volatile emotions. Seth is fuming, even as Roman stands close to him, so close that their arms are brushing. He doesn’t move away but he doesn’t dare look in the inconsiderate bastard’s direction either.

The ride feels like it takes forever and Seth is relieved as the doors finally slide open on the 28th floor. He’s not sure whether or not he greets Paige on his way into Roman’s office. But the man enters after him, and closes the door silently. There is a tense silence between the two of them as Roman goes to perch himself on the edge of his large desk.

As the silence grows longer, Seth finds himself growing angrier. “Did you bring me here to silently stare at me like some creep or are you going to get the point? What the fuck do you want?”

“For you to drop that attitude first, please.” Roman doesn’t raise his voice but the command in the tone is clear. “We’re adults and—”

“Oh, now we’re adults?” Seth spits out contemptuously, cheeks flushing with heat. “We’re adults, huh Roman? Were we adults when you ignored me for two whole weeks?! My calls. My messages. You just—you _ghosted_ me. No warning or explanation. And now you want to come and give me the adult speech? Fuck you! Fuck your stupid maturity. You fucked up Italian piece of shit!” Seth’s chest is heaving up and down in anger—the tears are burning behind his eyes but he’ll be damned if he allows them to fall. To reveal this stupid fucking vulnerability that he feels looking at Roman.

“You’re absolutely right,” Roman starts, the strain in his voice revealing things that Seth doesn’t want to hear. “One hundred percent right, tesoro. I’m a stupid piece of shit. Me. And I have no right to expect more than what you’re giving me. Your anger is justified. I fucked up—and I’m telling you right now that I am so sorry. For hurting you. You don’t deserve any of that.”

Roman’s response hurts even worse because Seth was expecting the man to defend himself. To come up with an excuse. To tell him not to be so sensitive. To not be clingy. Because the world doesn’t revolve around Seth. He’d been expecting Roman to tell him he was busy with work. Something. Anything. But not the admission. Not the concession.

So he shakes his head, getting into Roman’s personal space. “No. No. NO!” He pokes the older man’s chest repeatedly. “You do not get to say that. Fight back, argue back. Tell me I’m exaggerating. Tell me! You’re not supposed to agree with me.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Seth.” Roman starts softly. “I was wrong. Shouldn’t I admit that I’ve wronged you? I apologize sincerely. It wasn’t my intention to do that but I did—because I was scared.”

“Don’t you dare touch me. Roman, I’m warning you!” Seth screams, slamming his hands against Roman’s chest as large arms envelope him. He’s falling apart, the tears coursing down his cheeks. Roman keeps murmuring a silent apology, and all Seth can do is cry into his chest, and scream about how much he loathes Roman. Over and over again. And he hates that Roman keeps admitting his wrongdoing. How he keeps apologizing. “Y-You’re just like him, Roman. You’re the same. You’re not different. You don’t care, you don’t!”

Roman sways them side to side, one of his hands gently brushing along Seth’s back. His other hand tenderly gripping the back of Seth’s neck—and Seth is pulled into Roman’s strong chest. The touch is so welcomed, and very familiar. Seth breathes in the scent that he was starting to consider his...home. Forces himself to relax in the arms that were starting to become his safe place. “You—you w-were supposed to be different. A-A good guy. M-My good guy. Mine. But y-you hurt me. Why?”

Roman sighs, and then he’s moving them until they’re sitting on the couch, with Seth on his lap. Roman’s lips press against his temple—lingering, tender. He makes Seth look at him by cupping his face gently. “I’ll apologize again—first and foremost.” His eyes look so genuine, face so serious but still having a tenderness in his eyes. “I’m truly sorry. It’s not enough but I am. And it’s okay if you’re not ready to forgive me just yet. I’ll understand perfectly.”

Seth says nothing, just hiccups.

“Now, to the reason I have been avoiding you.” There’s that strain again. For the first time since they began this, Seth thinks he can see Roman’s guard lower completely as behind brown eyes a frightened look makes an appearance. “You’re probably not going to forgive me for this but I need you to understand that I wasn’t doing it out of spite. I’m just a private person, Seth. Someone really, really private that few people know about my personal life. I prefer it that way to protect the ones I love, and myself. That’s the reason I had you sign that confidentially agreement. At the time, I didn’t think anything more would become of this. I didn’t think I’d care for you as genuinely, and as deeply as I do. I’d been hoping that we’d fizzle out eventually—because I wasn’t looking for...emotional investment wasn’t in the cards, Seth. And now that it’s happened, I owe you an explanation. I should’ve done it sooner, when I realized that I’m starting to—that I’m—”

Roman’s phone starts to ring. He skims through his pocket, and then drops the call without checking who it is. It happens for quite a while until eventually, he puts it on silent. And then his office phone rings next. It’s also persistent but Roman doesn’t move to answer. Eventually, Paige knocks on his door and then opens it without waiting for Roman’s permission.

Seth can’t bring himself to care as she takes in the sight of him and Roman. He knows he must look awful, what with his heavy crying. He’s still so emotional, feeling too many things at once. His mind probably resembles jumbled Christmas lights. And he doesn’t know what to address—out of everything Roman’s said.

“Margaret called,” Paige starts, unreadable expression sweeping across her face. “She’s been trying to get hold of you with no luck.”

“I was kinda busy,” Roman says, his tone chiding.

“Yeah, well it’s an emergency.” Paige replies, her own voice sounding impatient. “Her youngest son just got hit by a car. She’s going to the ER. You’re needed at home. Dolph and Jimmy aren’t free. Matteo will need you.”

That gives Roman a tense shift, barely noticeable. Seth peers at him, how his face pales, and a lost look masks his face. “Paige...”

“Just—trust your instincts. Jimmy will be over in three hours. Dolph, in four.”

Roman still looks hesitant, and Seth is uneasy, because he knows that these two are discussing something he doesn’t know about. He’s dumbstruck as Roman shifts him to sit on the couch though. And then the man’s grabbing his suit jacket, and taking out his phone. To dial this Margaret, Seth assumes, as he gets a few hints in the conversation. Roman seems to have forgotten about him, is at the door, when he turns back to face him.

“I’m sorry, Seth. I have to leave.” He looks and sounds apologetic but Seth’s heart cracks nonetheless. “This is an emergency. I’ll call you as soon as I can. We have plenty to talk about.” With that, he leaves, not even waiting for a response.

Seth stares at the door, long after Roman’s gone, and Paige has given him his space. His chest is tightening with newfound disappointment. If Roman tells him what Seth thinks he wants to tell him, will he be okay with coming in second place? Everyday, for the rest of his life?

He can’t think straight enough to come up with an honest answer.

* * *

Seth hasn’t seen Roman in two days, when he left abruptly due to a ‘family emergency’. He didn’t have much time to visibly be sad about it because on that same day, he returned home from work to find Brock home. Seth was happy to see him. But it’s not the same. Things just aren’t the same—and he thinks Brock can sense it too.

Yesterday, Seth was spoiled with a surprise evening date at one of the first restaurants he and Brock went to when they first moved in together. It was...nice. The food. The drinks. The ambiance. Even the company was great. The only thing that kept spoiling things was how Seth kept thinking back to Roman, and then feeling guilty for even doing that in the presence of a man who loves him.

A man who loves him.

Lately, he’s been noticing how he says that. And not ‘the man he loves’. It’s been making him sick to his gut just thinking about it. He loves Brock, he does. He’s just not sure if he’s still _in love_ with the man. Part of him thinks it’s been a long time coming—they haven’t been really, really connecting lately. With Brock away more times than not. And Seth too engrossed in Roman to care about anything else.

He remembers telling Dana he’d leave Roman in a split second were him and Brock ever to find their center again. The roles feel reversed now somehow—and it feels like it’s Brock that Seth would readily leave were Roman to ask him to. The chances are very slim though. Seth knows that perfectly well. As he always says, Roman’s infuriatingly good. Too good. Except for when he’s breaking Seth’s heart with his silence.

This time though, Seth has been receiving messages from him. In the morning. The afternoon. And goodnight texts. Roman hasn’t returned to work since Wednesday after that whole Margaret issue. But he’d wanted to meet up tonight, said he wants to continue their conversation from the last time, and Seth wanted to agree so badly. But he’s escorting Brock to one of his extravagant networking parties.

He hadn’t had much of a choice. This party is something that was in the works for a long time and everyone is coming with their plus one. It would be embarrassing for Brock not to show up with his spouse. Sometimes, Seth thinks they’re meant to serve as trophies at these kinds of events. For the bigshots to compete on who has the sexiest trophy in their arm.

It’s pathetic and it’s embarrassing—and Seth loathes it so much. He fakes a smile as Brock comes back, holding two champagne flutes. “To us,” his boyfriend smiles, clinking their glasses. He looks so nervous though. “Heyman’s late. He’s supposed to help me network with these people. You know I can’t talk for shit.”

Seth smiles, and squeezes Brock’s shoulder reassuringly. “I’m sure he’s on his way. He never misses these things. It’s where he gets the chance to shine.”

A kiss is pressed on his lips. “You’re probably right. What would I do without you?”

“Be a nervous wreck,” Seth teases. “This suit really looks good on you.”

“You’re just as stunning.” Brock responds, wrapping an arm around Seth’s back. Seth’s wearing an expensive suit that they somehow can afford now. It’s beautiful, if not a little tight. He tries his best to look good for Brock whenever they attend these things. His hair is in beautiful messy curls, his beard trimmed so thoroughly, his jawline is appearing. He won’t say he’s unhappy that his efforts have been realized.

Seth follows Brock here and there as the man tries to make small talk with a few people that he is used to. Like Shelton Benjamin. The two are laughing, like the best friends they are, and talking about one thing or the other until finally Paul Heyman makes his appearance. “Gentlemen,” the short pudgy man greets. “Impressive. All of you.” He nods with approval as he takes in their attire.

A round of thank yous from all of them. Paul requests to speak to Brock and Seth is about to give them their space when the man tells him to stay. “Brock, you’re in luck. I just got word that Leati arrived not too long ago.”

“Really? I thought he’d cancelled.”

“He did. But he was stood up in another commitment, so he’s here.” Paul explains, and he sounds genuinely pleased. “What matters is that he’s here with us.” Paul nods in the direction of the bar area. But there are a sea of bodies that Seth can’t even tell which man Paul’s referring to. “I’m going to introduce you two. You need to know that the man’s very big on family, Brock. Which is why you’re going to go with Seth when I introduce you.”

Oh...wow.

Seth can only blink, dumbfounded at the revelation.

“If he knows that you and Seth here have been together for what is it? Three, four years?”

“Five,” Brock replies, he looks deeply engrossed in Paul’s advice. “Six in January.”

“Right,” Paul nods. “He’ll take you more seriously. He loves the idea of families, and togetherness.”

“Okay. What are we waiting for then?”

“Patience, Brock.” Paul grips his arm. “You don’t even know who he is. Also, don’t, under any circumstances ask him about his private life. I recently heard that his wife passed on about six months ago—leaving him with their six month old son. He hasn’t been taking it well. The whole matter’s so private that few people know about it. Many people don’t even know what his late wife looked like. I’m telling you because I don’t want you asking about his spouse. I don’t expect you to spread it around either.”

Brock scoffs. “You know me better than to think I engage in useless gossip, Paul. Give me more credit.”

“I know, and the same goes for your little thing here. He needs to keep his mouth shut.”

Seth fights back the urge to tell Heyman off. He doesn’t want to embarrass Brock—and the man is helping them. He just has the tendency of behaving like a bitch sometimes. “I won’t say anything. This all so pretentious and boring to me. Rich people stuff.”

Brock snorts out a little laugh. And then he’s placing his hand on the small of Seth’s back in a possessive claim. They’re following Heyman to wherever this ‘Leati’ is. Seth’s already feeling sorry for him though. Losing your wife can’t be easy. But he imagines how worse it must be when an infant’s in the picture. Seth wonders if she died giving birth—the timeline would add up. The baby’s six months, and the mom died six months ago.

“Right. There he is. I want you both to smile and act all lovey dovey,” Paul instructs them as they get closer to a tall man with an impressive build. Seth doesn’t like the way something is starting to twist with each step they take. He’s starting to recognize everything. Even though the man is turned away from them—and talking to a young woman with light pink hair.

They get closer, and Seth pales, feeling the energy drain out of him.

It can’t be...dear god, it can’t be.

“Reigns,” Paul calls out with a familiarity that tells Seth the pair are friends. Seth knows that name but still he hopes, for...he doesn’t know. The man doesn’t seem to have heard Paul so the elderly man tries again. “Leati!” that name again. Seth’s never heard it before.

Finally, the man turns around. His eyes light up—in the way that Seth’s seen them countless times—as he holds Paul’s gaze. Kissing the girl on both her cheeks, he steps away, gesturing to where Paul is. But the man doesn’t seem to have noticed Seth’s and Brock’s presence yet. He gets closer, averts his gaze, and then his footsteps falter.

Seth doesn’t know what to do. His vision is blurring. He can’t see straight, can’t think, can’t breathe—and it’s because of _him. Roman._ What is he doing here? Leati? Who is Leati?

“Gentlemen,” Roman’s voice is strangely calm, given the current situation. “Paul, it’s good to see you again.” The man blatantly ignores him. Seth, he has no idea how to feel.

“You too, Reigns, you too.” Paul offers Roman a hug. When he pulls away, he’s introducing all of them. “Leati, this is Brock. Brock, Leati—although he prefers Roman. He and I go way back to when he was a scrawny Italian kid hungry for an opportunity to be great.” Paul and Brock are the only ones laughing—and Seth can’t find his voice. He’s just looking at the man who is doing everything in his power to not look at him. “And right next to Brock is his fiancé. This is Seth. They’ve been together five years.”

Seth’s eyes widen at the fiancé revelation, his gaze quickly snapping to Paul and then Roman. Roman, whose jaw clenches and then goes into blankness. His cold eyes find Seth, making the brunet shivering cold. Silently, Seth’s mouth moves stupidly. He has no idea how to get things across to Roman without tipping the others off. _We’re not engaged. It’s all a lie. A lie!_ He wants to protest. But his mind also has it’s own accusations aimed at Roman.

_Your wife is dead and you have a kid._

Why didn’t Roman tell him? Why did he lead Seth to believe and feel guilty over something that wasn’t even real? It hurts, and Seth has so many questions but it’s not the right time, or place.

Roman’s hand draws forward. A silent plea.

Seth doesn’t want to accept. But finds himself giving in nonetheless.

“Seth,” Roman says in greeting. His grip tightens.

Ignoring the delicious pull in all his muscles, Seth bites back an emotional gasp. “Roman,” he returns, tone as blank as Roman’s.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to stop this here because...too much angst.

Brock stays home for two more days, after the networking party, before he’s jetting off to another state for business. For Seth, staying in the same house with him while simultaneously pretending that nothing is amiss is a form of torture he’ll be glad to never be subjected to again. It’s almost as if Brock could sense it too, and tried his best to make Seth happy the entire weekend.

They went bowling, and to the movie theater and had dinner at cozy restaurants. For some reason, Brock put in so much effort that Seth didn’t understand why. There’s one occasion that he’d literally stopped Brock as they were midnight strolling to ask the man if everything was okay. That was on Saturday, right after they’d left the cinema. The response he’d been given was a kiss on the lips. 

A freaking kiss on the lips.

Torturous. Heartbreaking. Gut-wrenching. The entire weekend Seth felt like someone had punched him in the stomach. The entire weekend—while in the presence of his boyfriend—his mind would wander off to someone else. The entire weekend it felt like his brain wouldn’t shut up. It never did shut up. Questions. Suspicions. Accusations. It’s been one hell of a weekend.

Seth hasn’t contacted Roman at all. Didn’t even attempt to. With Brock having been by his side the entire weekend, it was too risky. But this entire weekend has been such a test on Seth’s emotional and mental strength that he’s surprised he survived it at all. Maybe he’s stronger than he realizes. Or maybe life has taught him a thing or two about compartmentalizing. He doesn’t know. His mind’s been too jumbled up for him to determine the most plausible possibility.

This morning, he finally got around texting Roman and asking to meet up after work. The anxiety wouldn’t let Seth wait any second longer. He’s in desperate need of some answers. It’s only fair that he get them because he’s already given so much of himself to Roman. He’s been allowing himself to fall in love with the man—whether intentionally or unintentionally, he still can’t be sure—so hard and fast that it surprised even himself. Roman owes him some answers. And it’s only fair that Seth would want them.

Work is long and exhausting to the point that it feels like a drudgery task. The hours move by slowly, at a snail’s pace, and every time Seth checks the clock it feels like the minutes aren’t ticking by fast enough. Seth is easily frustrated, guiltily takes it out on the customers over the phone a few times, until he decides he needs a break. He goes to the bathroom to calm his nerves, and talk his emotional self down. It works slightly, and for the rest of the day, he tries his best to avoid any light chatter with colleagues as much as possible. Dana promises they’ll talk after work but Seth makes his escape before she can get the opportunity.

A message comes through on his phone as he’s driving to Roman’s hotel. It comes from the devil running through his mind. The message says Roman will be late. He got caught up in a very important meeting and it’s taking longer than he initially assumed. Seth doesn’t reply, in case Roman’s gone back to the meeting, or had stolen a little time to send him the message.

It’s seven as he reaches the hotel. He’s tense, fails to greet Sarah Logan at the reception desk like he usually does. The elevator is thankfully empty, he presses the button to the 26th floor. Roman gave him a spare keycard about a month into their affair—and Seth remembers going back home ridiculously happy about it. He didn’t sleep that entire night, distracted by the butterflies in his belly. He made Roman lunch that following morning, complete with a sweet note thanking the man for his gift.

It’s all so stupid now because that was one of the first warning signs that Seth foolishly ignored. And now he’s...here—feeling deeply for a man who wasn’t honest with him, and so unsure as to where to go on from here. So confused that he wishes he had more guidance. So hurt that he’s surprised he’s still holding it together with how much it hurts to breathe. So emotional, and deep in thought, he doesn’t catch Roman’s footsteps echoing from the other side of the door.

Seth only looks up as the door opens because of the shivers racing along his spine. He hadn’t even heard the door open. His body’s natural reaction to Roman is what alerts Seth to him. Roman looks gorgeous as the last time Seth saw him. Signature white shirt with the top buttons undone and royal blue dress pants. Controlled footsteps move to stand at one corner of the room, Roman leaning against the wall. Slowly, almost as if compelled to (at least that’s what it feels like to Seth), Roman finds Seth’s gaze and holds the eye contact.

Roman’s eyes resemble the darkness of a light-deprived tunnel. Absolute nothingness. It makes Seth uneasy how blank they are—and how he can’t read a single thing on the man’s face. Why does he always do this? He’s an impenetrable guard in his stealth suit—and the barriers are surrounding him. Seth can’t help feeling he deserves better for all times he’s allowed himself to be vulnerable with him.

The silent staring seems to last forever. It’s tense, an indescribable shift in the air between them. They have so much to discuss, things to get out of the way but Seth doesn’t know where or how to start. Roman still doesn’t know that Seth knows the truth about his wife and child. And Seth has been going through a moral conflict about the manner in which he wants to break the bombshell to Roman.

“Hi,” Seth finally says something, voice quiet and unsure.

Roman clears his throat, he says nothing.

Seth has this vague feeling that the man’s mad at him. Which will be unfair of course because Seth has done nothing wrong. He didn’t know that Paul would lie about him being engaged to Brock. It’s not like he was keeping it from Roman. The man knows almost everything about Seth’s relationship with Brock—all of their downs. It’s the reason that Seth fell into bed with him to begin with, because he and Brock were fighting. Roman was assessing their cubicles that night and happened to find Seth at his work desk, emotional and dreading to go home.

Roman’s too good sometimes, it’s how Seth had ended up in his office, being comforted by the man. It’s how Roman’s innocent attentions clouded Seth’s judgement and he’d found himself kissing the man like a hungry dog. Roman hadn’t stopped him. His own hands had been the devil, luring Seth further in. It’s how they’d had their first sexual encounter that night. All hot bodies and desperate hands. The pace and the roughness a testament of something that didn’t involve much love. Just a game of give and take.

When Seth thinks back to it, he thinks that Roman may’ve been using him too that night. That the man may’ve felt just as vulnerable. It was four months into his wife’s death. And despite the rough passion, Seth can’t help feeling that Roman was taking it out on him. His hurt, maybe. His anger at the world. His sadness. Perhaps his loneliness. He was vulnerable too—and the warmth of Seth’s body had been refuge for him.

A transaction.

It hurts more than Seth would like to admit. He doesn’t know why. Maybe because, on his end, Roman had known from the beginning that Seth had been experiencing problems with Brock. Roman fucked him knowing—so in some twisted way, his guilt couldn’t overpower him because maybe in his mind he thought Brock deserved it for being a jerk. While Seth, although he hadn’t been thinking straight as he was being ragdolled and fucked hard by Roman, he still remembers waking up and feeling guilty. How he’d done everything in his power to not look at the pictures of Roman and his wife because it was too much to bear. The guilt was vicious, and it’d only added to his list of problems.

“How’s your wife?” Seth asks, gripping the bedsheets in a white-knuckled grip to anchor himself as he shifts once on the bed, and slowly lifts his gaze to Roman again.

Save for a barely noticeable jaw clench, Roman remains completely blank. “Keep her out of this.”

“Where is she?” Seth ignores the instruction.

Roman’s eyes narrow. “What are you doing?”

“Searching for answers.”

Roman’s quiet for a second, appears to know that he’s being goaded into something. Knowing him, he’ll probably do his best to avoid any conflict and push it under the carpet. But Seth’s tired of not talking, of this illusion of a fairytale they have between them. It’s stupid to admit that he wants more, to know Roman better. Part of him is angry at Roman for not having told him about Naomi but they can work it out. Roman just needs to be honest with him.

Roman clears his throat. “What...answers?” There’s that strain again in his voice. 

“I want to know why you’d lie to me,” Seth says, praying to every deity out there to keep things together, voice trembling with emotion. Roman is silently looking at him, clueless. “Should I explain or will you order me to keep quiet? Because I’m not allowed to know about your private life, right?”

“What do you want to know?” Roman says it coolly but the way he leans back against the wall and crosses his arms gives him away. _Defensive._

“Tell me about your wife,” it comes out more like a demand this time. Seth’s patience is wearing thin. It feels like all the anger might just explode, and he’ll blow up like a granite.

“Naomi?” something about the way Roman says her name hurts the depths of Seth’s soul. It could be the way Roman’s voice wavers, revealing a subtle hint of emotion. It could be how his eyes turn away from Seth, because an emotion dances in the shifty irises. “She’s beautiful, intelligent, charming, sassy, independent, assertive, humble, caring, vibrant—a force to be reckoned with. I am proud of her.”

It’s all in the present tense. Roman says it all as if she’s still here, alive with them.

“Where is she now?”

Roman’s face hardens, but as he swipes a hand across his face, emotional exhaustion appears in his eyes. Seth would give anything to comfort him but he needs these answers.

“Tampa, Florida.”

So he’s still lying.

“What is she doing there?”

Roman doesn’t reply at first, there’s an aura about him that has the shivers running down Seth’s spine. Roman sighs, it sounds heavy and burdened, and hides his hands in his pants. “Sleeping peacefully, I would hope. I haven’t visited her in a while, Seth.”

Why is this man so blatantly lying to him? Seth doesn’t get it. He’s giving Roman the opportunity to reveal the truth but he’s just lying and lying. Looking so serious as he does it. Seth feels like he’s going to be sick. His stomach is churning pitifully, and the bile is rising inside his throat. “Did she die giving birth to your son?” he asks, immediately regretting how heartless and scornful he sounds. He just, he has no idea what to do. It feels like Roman’s hurt him somehow. And the desire to snap at the man only increases tenfold as Seth thinks about it.

The hotel room fills with silence again. But Roman is looking at him, his face made of rigid marble. Seth feels everything inside him shrinking at Roman’s unwavering stare. Dark, cold, and filled with what Seth can only describe as a dark promise. Unconsciously, he shuffles backward, and starts to open his mouth in an apology, “Roman, I’m—”

“Out of respect for you—that I’m not sure you’re worthy of at this point—I’ll back away. You’re clearly not in the position to be talked with at the moment.” Roman says calmly, although the throbbing of the vein in his neck tells a different story. One final disapproving glance, and Roman pushes off against the wall. “If you’re levelheaded tomorrow, we can try this again.”

Seth panics as Roman starts to walk out of the bedroom. Getting up, he runs past Roman to block the exit. “No, you’re not doing this. You’re not walking away.” Seth shouts, chest constricting with an overwhelming fear. “You’ve done that enough, Roman. When will you quit hiding? Why can’t I know anything about you?!”

“You aren’t exactly forthcoming about your personal life too, Seth,” Roman states, and based on the tense air around him, Seth can tell that the man isn’t very pleased with him.

“Then what do you want to know, Roman?!” Seth screams, desperately imploring the older man. “What do you want to know? Because I’ll tell you anything. My childhood? I grew up alone. Just me and my mother. She couldn’t keep a relationship if you paid her to. I don’t want to be like her so I’m with Brock. A man I’m not even sure I’m in love with because all I can think about is you. A five year relationship and you come along, and make me question everything I thought I knew about love. You, Roman!”

Roman’s face changes—the cold disappearing instantly. So much is flashing in the dark gemstones and Seth is trying his best to keep up with every new emotion. Shock. Panic. Fear. Guilt. “I don’t think I understand, Seth.” Roman whispers, there’s a strain in his voice, his eyes searching.

Seth can’t understand himself. Yes, Brock hasn’t been the best person to be with these last few years but Seth feels like there’s something more to it. To being with Roman. The man makes him happy in a way no one else ever has. Being with him feels like freedom. Seth was revealing parts of himself that he thought he hated because Brock didn’t like them. He was learning to embrace the clinginess, the selfishness, his dorky side—every facet of himself, he was learning to love. Because of Roman’s attentions, the way he made Seth feel whole.

“I was—falling in love with you,” Seth whispers dejectedly, watching Roman move backward, his eyes flashing different emotions by the second. It hurts to witness Roman move away, as if he wants no part in this. “I think—I am in love with you and I am terrified.”

“Why would you do that, Seth?” Roman asks him, sounding genuinely confused. “I specifically told you not to fall in love with me. It’s all in the contract. What have you done?”

Seth stiffens, eyes widening in disbelief. Is he, is he hearing right? “I—have no control over what my heart wants, Roman. I didn’t choose to fall in love with you. It wasn’t done out of spite or on purpose. It just happened. I...don’t know what you want me to say.” He shrugs, managing a small humorless laugh.

Roman rubs his face, groaning into his hands. His stealth suit has disappeared, as far as Seth can tell. Leaving just them, and the influx of emotions. The silence is suffocating, almost taunting. Seth would give anything for Roman to say something. “You weren’t supposed to fall in love with me, Seth.” Roman sighs, he’s walking away again—pacing back and forth in the spacious master suite. The room still feels too small though, the air stagnant—stifling.

“Why? Because you’re still in love with her?” Seth asks, offhandedly, as a way of avoiding any further silence.

Roman says nothing. It’s confirmation enough.

“Get out,” Seth starts quietly, averting his attention to the numerous floor-to-ceiling windows, and very determinedly not looking at Roman. He wants to bash his head against the wall for his stupidity. _Good guys have a way of making you believe in the impossible._ Xavier’s words sound like a broken record in his mind. Seth wants to laugh at himself for not listening. For entertaining this illusion they shared for as long as he did. “Please leave, Roman. I-I can’t s-stand to be with you. Please...”

“Seth,” Roman’s voice sounds closer, and the intense shivers racing along Seth’s spine confirm that. “I do care about you.” It’s his hand coming in contact with Seth’s shoulder that sets the brunet off. “I—”

“No. Don’t touch me!” Seth screams, pushing the older man away. “Get out. Leave, Roman. I don’t want you here. Please, please, please. Give me this, I am begging you.”

“I-I’m sorry,” Roman stammers, and that’s a first for him. He’s always so sure of himself, always knows what to say. Seth is forcing him out of the master suite, ignoring every whispered plea and apology. He’s falling apart but he’ll be damned if he allows Roman to see him in a moment of weakness. He’s done with offering so much of himself to men who don’t deserve it. He’s so fucking tired of being the vulnerable one, always at the mercy of men who don’t deserve his love.

With Roman gone, Seth goes to throw himself on the large bed, burying his face in the pillows. A lancing pain in his throat is making it hard for him to breathe. Alone, he falls apart like he wants to. He’s a bitter, crying, crazed mess. Why does this always happen to him? Why can’t he, for once, fall in love with a man who’ll choose him? Over work. Friends. Dead people.

It’s stupid to admit that Seth was hoping they’d work it out with Roman. That part of him, deep down, had hoped that things would go smoothly. Roman would have a good reason for hiding his wife’s death, and they’d work around the entire issue and move past it. Seth, part of him, had even been willing to learn more about Roman’s child. To make space for him in his heart were it necessary. He wouldn’t have minded sharing Roman with his son.

But Roman’s still in love with Naomi.

Seth thinks he gets it. Her death was barely six months ago. It’s been less than a year. But god if it doesn’t hurt on his side. He’s in love with a man whose heart belongs to a dead person. Seth can’t compete with a dead person. He’s already losing. Roman clearly hasn’t healed completely. It will be a long time until he does—if he ever will.

It hurts, and Seth cries his heart out—loudly. He can’t stop crying. His head starts to hurt, but the tears still fall. Desperately he craves Roman’s scent to comfort him. But he doesn’t want the man anywhere near him. Shakily, he lifts off the bed, headed for the door. He hadn’t heard any activity at all from the front door so he knows Roman’s still here.

Seth finds him sitting on one of the long couches, with his face buried in his hands. The older man looks up as Seth gets closer. But he remains silent, much to Seth’s relief. Seth stalks towards him with one goal in mind. “Get—up,” he orders tearfully. Roman must know what’s good for him because he obeys without hesitance. Seth tugs on the dress shirt that covers his upper body.

Roman gets the hint. Wordlessly, he removes his shirt and gives it to Seth. The brunet isn’t done though, he also tugs on the formal pants that hide Roman’s lower body. Roman’s brows furrow in clear confusion, but again, he’s wise enough to grant Seth his wish. He’s left in nothing but his silk boxers. Once Seth has everything he needs, he scurries back to the bedroom.

Hastily, Seth removes his own clothing and puts on Roman’s shirt first—and the older man’s scent hits him something sweet. The dress pants are next. Everything is big on him but Seth doesn’t mind at all. It’s the feeling of closeness that he was craving. It was Roman’s scent that he needed. Going back to bed, he hugs the pillows, trying his best to go back to a time when things were good between himself and Roman.

The door to the bedroom opens silently a while later. Seth somehow manages to hear it over the sound of his erratic heartbeat. He doesn’t do anything. Barely moves an inch, and stares blankly at the skyscrapers visible through the open curtains. He can’t even bring himself to say anything as Roman joins him in bed, blocking his view.

Brown eyes find his, looking apologetic. Roman strokes Seth’s hair out of his face. “I’ll be the first one to tell you that you deserve better, tesoro. Not someone like me—a man plagued with guilt, and battling some demons. I’m too complicated for you, Seth. I should’ve let you go—I should’ve let you go when I started feeling….strange things for you. Because, although it may seem hard to believe, I do care for you. So, so deeply that I wish you’d open my chest to see how much. But at the end of the day, we both know I don’t deserve you.”

Those final words hold too much weight. Seth doesn’t want to think of the implication of those words. But part of him feels like he can almost...sense it in the air. And it shatters his heart for the millionth time tonight. He misses Roman so much. So fucking much. He’s so fucking lonely, the pain is almost unbearable. Even with Brock, the pain wasn’t ever this bad. He’d never felt as lonely as he does now—with the man he’s achingly in love with right in front him, laying in bed with him.

Seth doesn’t know what to do except try to get closer—in any way he can.

He kisses Roman, cups the man’s cheeks, and forces their lips together. The kiss is overwhelmingly nuclear, and Seth whimpers into it. _Don’t pull away._ He beseeches Roman, draping a leg over the other man’s waist to keep trap him. Yet Seth still feels so empty. It’s a feeling that has his heart trembling cold. It feels like he’s missing something vital—so much emptiness within his own body.

Seth guides Roman’s hands to his body, silently beseeching the man to undress him. Roman must sense his desperation because he does just that. The kisses are peppered on every inch of Seth’s body. He doesn’t want to admit that they feel loving. Seth arches his back, craving for _more, more, please._

It comes as Roman grabs the lube from the drawers. He pauses a moment, looks at Seth. It’s too much for Seth’s fragile heart to take. He already feels so naked but Roman is stripping him bare. _What do you want from me?_ The first hint of a slicked finger against his entrance sends him on a downward spiral. He’s failing to cling to sanity, with Roman wanting him undone with his measured touches.

The world shrinks into a mere speckle as Roman sinks inside Seth’s body, holding his waist in a death grip. Seth makes a deep, pained sound from deep inside his throat, tears swimming in his eyes. It feels like it’s been forever since Roman last penetrated him—and it’s a surprise his body was able to hold out for so long. A miserable surprise because everything within him roars to life at the considerate intrusion.

A kiss touches his temple, and Seth chokes back a cry. “Are you—okay?” Roman asks him. He’s still the perfect gentleman.

“More than—okay,” Seth says back, tone trembling. He can feel his hole eagerly winking and gripping around Roman’s cock. The entirety of him is undoubtedly hungry for the man pressing a gentle thrust into him. Seth gasps, and throws his head back in pleasure and pain. It feels so good, so _right,_ he hates it. Damn Roman for making him this way. Fuck him for allowing Seth to catch all these feelings. Fuck him for not reciprocating.

Unrequited love is the worst.

Seth feels it now as he gives his body to the man who admitted not too long ago that he’s in love with someone else. Seth feels it in how he feels so vulnerable, making all these helpless noises for a man who doesn’t feel the same way about him. Feels it in the way his body greedily devours every sensation Roman brings to the surface. Feels it as his body helplessly asks for more. How it wants Roman in the worst way possible. To have all of Roman crawl inside him and never escape. Seth would never allow his escape.

“I-I hate you for doing this to me,” he chokes out a cry, stunned as his orgasm crashes down on him with a vengeance. It comes out of nowhere, so intense, it has him struggling to get away from Roman, to escape it’s burn. “Please, please, please...” he implores Roman desperately, fighting for air, he has no idea what he wants.

Roman makes the decision for him as he pushes in deeper still, leaving no room at all for Seth within his own body. It’s sweet torture with the pace in which Roman is going. Agonizingly slow, driving Seth to the brink of insanity. “Faster. Fuck me harder!” he begs, uncaring that he sounds so desperate. Roman’s cock is an explosive inside him, spreading Seth’s walls open with each languid thrust. The command goes ignored, Roman peppering kisses on every inch of Seth’s skin he can get to.

“Is this okay?” Roman checks in on him a while later, he doesn’t stop moving.

“Faster!” Seth practically screams this time.

“Relax,” Roman’s voice is a wildfire, it burns Seth’s furnace of a body. “We have the whole night. Let me drive you insane.”

_You already are._

“I d-don’t think I can,” Seth whimpers, digging his nails into Roman’s shoulder blades to anchor himself. Roman is torturing him with the slowness, it almost feels like making love. Seth hates it. He wants to be fucked as viciously as he was the first time they met. He wants bruising, and tearing, and pain. He needs the pain. “Please, Roman...” he begs again, tears forming behind his eyelids.

“Let us have this, Seth.” Roman makes his own plea, having the audacity to sound so sincere. “Won’t you let us have this?”

“No!” Seth screams, shoving at Roman, but the man doesn’t budge. “You don’t—love me, Roman. Don’t do this to me. Don’t trick me i-into this illusion.” He’s still fighting against Roman, clawing into his chest, and yanking the older man’s hair, futilely trying to rough fuck himself on Roman’s cock. When that doesn’t happen, Seth breaks down again, the tears rolling down his cheeks.

Roman holds him tighter, almost comforting, murmuring nonsensical Italian in his ear. Seth clings to him—doesn’t want to let go. In that moment, he loves Roman so much he hates it. His hate collides with the love, the desire, the lust.

Roman wounds his hand in Seth’s hair, pulling him in for a kiss. Seth feels like Roman’s instrument—a classic piano that the older man’s played for him a few times. And like the piano, each touch calls forth a new note, only growing in intensity. Seth distantly realizes just how strongly his heart is clenching, captured by the powerful surge of pure passion. Roman continues to compose, to play, to conduct—and the music is evolving, steadily growing—until it transforms into a whirling wind.

Seth’s sweet melodies are brought forth, he can no longer do anything but give in. Roman’s touches are calling for his soul, and like a submissive eager to please his Master, Seth readily makes space for Roman—letting him in. Emotions well forth, disregarding every barrier that Seth had been trying desperately to keep in place. Seth starts to cry because the connection is too deep. And when the music finally reaches a fearsome crescendo—the sound is beautifully piercing.

Seth falls apart, mellifluous notes of vulnerability falling off his lips. His orgasm stains Roman’s chest, and not too long after, he gasps as the heat of Roman’s orgasm coats his insides. Their synchronized breathing becomes the only sound in the room—in fact, nothing at all exists outside of this. Not the world. Nothing. Seth doesn’t spend too much time staring at the ceiling, he’s so close to breaking apart again. He closes his eyes, and hugs Roman as tight as possible. 

“ _Bellissimo,_ ” he hears Roman whisper in what sounds like an awe-filled voice a while later.

Seth opens his eyes to find the man looking down at him. Studying, really. So intently that it makes him more bare than he’s ever felt. Roman touches his face as if trying to learn the secrets behind every scar, every freckle, every line of Seth’s face. The brunet finds himself leaning into Roman’s touch as the older man caresses his cheek. He closes his eyes and leans his head over Roman’s hand. With his other hand, Roman wipes away Seth’s tears. His touches are always...dangerously deceptive. They could lure anyone into feeling deeply cherished. Like Seth feels now as Roman fixes the sheets around them, and gathers Seth into his embrace.

Their bodies tangle together comfortably, perfectly, naturally—it’s written in their anatomy. Seth breathes Roman in, savoring the feel of Roman’s body against him. Time flies by, it’s only spent in silence. It’s...comfortable, feels so right that Seth wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. He can barely hear his own breathing over the steady rhythm of Roman’s heartbeat. It’s the most beautiful sound in the world. Seth tries to memorize it. 

“Please don’t hate me,” Roman says it so softly that Seth knows it’s not meant for his ears. Roman must think he’s fallen asleep. “I never thought it would get this far. I didn’t want things to get this far. It’s why you signed the contract. You were not supposed to fall in love with someone like me. I don’t think I can give you what you want at the moment. Not fully. I can’t even do it with my own child. I’m sorry for hurting you—like your fiancé. It will never be enough but I am. I can’t undo the hurt I’ve caused you, that you’re probably still going to feel but I can try to protect you—and be there for you. Anytime. No expectations. And that is what I will do.” 

Seth can do or say nothing, remaining completely still in Roman’s embrace. He wants to tell Roman that he’s not engaged to Brock but what’s the point? This feels like...goodbye. It’d felt that way immediately their bodies were joined together in a spiritual dance. So he keeps silent, says nothing except cry on the inside.

He’ll never be the same again.

* * *

The next morning, Seth wakes up alone. He tells himself he’s fine with it, even as it feels like the empty space beside him is taunting him as if it knows exactly why Roman left without saying a word. As he gets up, readying himself for a shower, he notices the white piece of paper on Roman’s bedside.

_Went to get us breakfast._

_R_

The note’s nice enough, Seth figures. And he also takes the time to admire Roman’s beautiful handwriting. He can’t help wondering why Roman didn’t just call room service instead. Deciding not to rack his brains over something so trivial, he shifts around, groaning in pain. He ignores it, heading to the shower to wash up. A long while after sitting on his ass, with the water pouring down on him, Seth decides to step out—and start his day.

It’s Tuesday, 08:02 am, and Seth doesn’t think he’ll make it into work today. Corbin is a headache he’ll just have to deal with tomorrow. With the towel wrapped loosely around his waist, Seth exits the bathroom. He doesn’t notice Roman until his eyes go to the beautiful scenery of endless skyscrapers. Roman is in the balcony, sitting at the elegantly set up table, he’s on his phone—looking serious as ever as he types away.

Seth averts his attention to the bed. He throws on the sweats and t-shirt that have been placed on the bed for him. The clothes fit him perfectly, a reminder that Roman hasn’t forgotten what size Seth wears. The brunet tries not to let the knowledge affect him, but something blooms in the depths of his heart regardless.

“Morning,” he greets silently as he slips through the sliding doors.

“Seth,” Roman stands immediately, moving to get his chair for him. “You’re done?”

“Mhmm.” A quiet hum, Seth thanks Roman for helping him to settle in. They eat together in silence, there’s an aura around them both that is making things awkward. The only sounds being an occasional clink from when Seth accidentally knocks his cup against his plate, and also their cutlery. He reminds himself to cut back his audible moaning at how delicious the food is.

Roman merely looks at him, amused, while Seth’s cheeks heat up. It’s authentic Italian breakfast, Roman tells him, before proceeding to explain every dish on Seth’s plate. His chatter seems to lighten the mood, if only a little, and Seth is ever grateful. He tries to make a stupid joke or two—and Roman laughs, like he always does. Seth can’t help pausing to really look at him and commit the moment to memory as the other man does that. With the sun shining down on him, Roman looks cosmic—like an otherworldly creature. So goddamn beautiful it hurts.

“Are you finished? We need to talk.”

Great. Seth can feel his heart dropping to his feet. He only nods because the bile is rising to his mouth, he won’t be able to mouth more food. They go back inside, and shakily, Seth moves to sit in the middle of the bed, with his feet firmly rooted on the marble floors. Roman doesn’t feel the need to sit down apparently, and stands a distance away from him, one hand in his pocket.

The room is silent once more—the air so stagnant that both of them can barely breathe. Seth gathers enough strength to shift his eyes from his trembling hands to a quiet Roman. The older man has his eyes closed, but they twitch every so often, his mouth is pressed into a thin line and he looks like someone suffering from a migraine. 

“You know I lay awake the whole of last night,” Roman starts quietly, voice sounding strained. “Just...watching you. Observing. I lay awake, spending so much time on your minutiae, on the parts that make you so uniquely you, hoping for some sort of revelation—or enlightenment. For most of last night, I was conflicted on what to do, Seth—bouncing from one resolve to the other and then back again. I’m not quite used to feeling that—indecisive, and it was one of the most unsettling things. The decision I finally came to wasn’t easy—probably will make me look like an egocentric, selfish bastard but I think—haven’t we determined that already? I am not your perfect guy—at this point, it’s safe to say I come with too much baggage.”

Seth bites his bottom lip, doesn’t know what to say. But for so long, this is what he’s wanted—vulnerability. To see Roman’s every facet, and learn everything about him. Even the insignificant details that people don’t care about. So far Seth knows Roman can’t drive anywhere in silence, there always has to be music. Seth’s caught him eating toothpaste more times than he can count. He cuts his sandwich into eight small pieces before eating it. And sometimes, he silently mouths the words to every billboard that grabs his attention.

Seth wants more, so much more, but part of him knows where this is going. He’s known since last night—and so the only thing he can do is sit silently. His mind stuck in a loophole of silent denial. His voice stuck somewhere deep inside his throat. His body rigid, and unmoving. His watery eyes fixated on nothing else but Roman. 

“My wife and I—” Roman’s deep voice demands that Seth be in the present. “All my life, I’ve always felt like time was running out, Seth. Like I wasn’t doing enough, working hard enough, being successful at the right time. I worked damn hard to be where I am today, so damn hard. Always trying to catch up. What were other twenty-two year olds doing? Did I have the right car at twenty-five? The right house at thirty? Thirty-two? I achieved more than half the people my age will ever achieve. Success pushes one to go harder—so I kept going and going and going. Naomi’s right by my side—she has the same mindset. She’s strong, and independent and assertive. With her I felt on top of the world, I could do anything I wanted. At thirty-four, I’m CEO to one of the largest commercial banks in America. It wasn’t just me, it was all her; her support and guidance—we were a team.”

Roman pauses a second, swiping a hand across his face as he releases a hoarse groan deep inside his throat. It takes Seth back to that day he was chased out of the older man’s office like something worthless. He tries not to let the painful memory get to him. Roman is looking at him, liquid dark eyes unreadable, making Seth squirm in bed.

“Thirty-six, and it feels like I have everything I ever wanted. Naomi tells me she feels that way too. And for a while we’re okay. We’re successful. We’re private. And we’re happy. In our own world, finally slowing down to actually enjoy our relationship—and reap the rewards of our hard work. Fast forward, a year later, and I...I feel like maybe we should start a family. Because part of me wants to continue my family’s legacy, part of me is curious about fatherhood. Jimmy and his husband have three kids of their own—and I find myself intrigued by the glint in their eyes, the warmth in their voices. It’s all so intriguing to me that I tell Naomi about it. She’s reluctant at first, it takes us going to a therapist to reach some sort of mutual resolve. We agree to revisit the topic a year later to see if feelings might change.”

“I’m thirty-eight, and she’s thirty-five when we start trying. It’s relatively hassle free for us to fall pregnant, despite what science says about older women and pregnancy. Naomi’s healthy, we’re expecting the pregnancy to be a breeze. She doesn’t feel sick, is energetic, and hyped about the pregnancy. She tells me the idea of being a mother makes her giddy with happiness. I—it’s a relief for me considering the fact that she wasn’t sure just last year about starting a family. I remember everything about the day she gave birth, I remember the nurses, the delivery room, the smells. I remember the t-tears in her eyes, I remember her nervousness, the underlying pride and joy. It made me proud too, we’d made the most invaluable investment and it was time to reap the rewards again.”

“When our son is born, it’s love at first sight for Naomi. I fall in love with him, too. I remember feeling like the hard work was worth it. That everything I’d been working hard toward was leading me to the very moment my son was born. We get to go home three days after our son is born. Two days later and my w-wife’s complaining about an excruciating headache. I’m not sure what’s going on but we contact the family doctor who advises us to go back to the hospital. Later that day, I—eh, in the b-blink of an—eye, she’s taken—away from me. The doctors tell me it’s preeclampsia. That she got it after she gave birth to Matteo. Not even a week into motherhood and she was—taken f-from me.”

Seth can see the pain in Roman’s eyes. Every barrier is down, revealing the man behind the stoic exterior. He’s a broken, confused, guilt-ridden man whose ink black eyes reveal the demons that lurk within. Roman’s posture is slumped in a way that reminds Seth of a man who’s given into failure. There are no tears rolling down his cheeks but the wetness still swims in his eyes—resembling a terrifying, dark storm. His face isn’t made of stone this time—the pain is visible in how tightly pinched it is.

“I’ll tell you now I have no idea how to—love my son for the both of us. I’m struggling with that love on my own. We were supposed to be a team, to be doing this together. She’s gone and I—” Roman pauses a moment, looking at Seth as if it hurts to breathe. “I’m so lost. I’m doing everything wrong. Doing nothing right. I can barely remember my son’s voice. I don’t know who I am supposed to be without her, Seth. I don’t know. I don’t know.”

“I want to tell you that it gets better but I don’t know, Roman.” Seth murmurs softly, heart breaking into pieces. He’s not sure if it’s because of everything that Roman’s just revealed to him or because it’s so painfully obvious that he’s still mourning his wife’s death. That he’s still so helplessly in love with her. Maybe it’s everything. “I just wish you’d told m-me all of this earlier. It would’ve spared us both a lot of pain.” It’s his stupid way of telling Roman how he feels but doing his best to not make this about him—or to dismiss Roman’s pain. 

Roman sighs, a heavy and burdened exhale that Seth wants to steal and replace with fresh, light air. “I’ve been so used to living for her that nothing outside of us mattered. I wanted to protect, and keep pure, what we had from the world. When she left me, I only fought to protect our connection harder. I didn’t want people issuing opinions on the love we share. With you, no feelings were supposed to be involved. It was all a matter of give and take, Seth, at least in the beginning.”

“I know,” Seth whispers in acknowledgement. “I just hate that I’d stay up late at night sometimes, wondering if I had anything to do with your marriage failing. I know that sounds hypocritical because it didn’t stop me from repeatedly falling into bed with you but it’s the truth.”

“I’m sorry.”

Seth nods, wringing his hands together anxiously. What else is supposed to happen? This clearly feels like goodbye. Should he get up and leave? Should he wait for Roman to dismiss him? It’s quiet again between them, the air ominously suffocating. Seth can’t keep his body from trembling hard, he knows that they need to get the final words out of the way but he can’t bring himself to do it. He’d, personally, do anything to keep this. It’s pointless though. He’ll never be able to compete with a ghost.

“What you said yesterday...did you really mean it?” Roman asks, and something in his tone has Seth rushing to look at him.

Roman’s eyes reveal absolute disbelief, a far cry from the reprimanding glower they were last night. _How can you?_ They seem to ask this time. But not out of self-pity. It’s almost as if they’re fearful for Seth because Roman’s clearly emotionally unavailable. Roman’s entire stance reveals a man who wants to protect Seth from himself.

“I—uh,” Seth looks at his hands, very determinedly not looking at Roman. “It feels like I’m yours now Roman, in every possible way. It feels like you own my heart. What hurts is I don’t know what you plan to do with it.”

“Give it back to you,” Roman doesn’t miss a heartbeat. “Because I can’t promise that I will be able to take care of it the way you need, Seth.”

“Because yours still belongs to someone else.” It’s not a question, Seth tries to keep the bitterness out of his voice.

Roman clears his throat, shifts around as if he’s uncomfortable. “Yes,” he finally replies, breaking the stilted silence.

_Silence—longer._

“Okay,” Seth sways as he lifts to his feet, looking anywhere but Roman. “I think it’s safe to say that this is it. Thank you—for caring, and treating me as good as you did. Thank you for never expecting anything in return. It was good while it lasted, Roman. I—wish you nothing but the best.”

A beat, and then, “Likewise.”

Seth lectures himself to hold it together. He’s done a brilliant job of not being a crybaby today—and he won’t start now goddammit. He is at the door, gripping the handle for anchor when Roman calls out to him. Seth takes a second, closes his eyes and begs himself not to break down, before whirling around to face Roman.

“My door is always open. Anytime you need to talk, you have the perfect listener in me. I don’t want this to—ruin any positive vibes between us. I don’t want us to be awkward. I’ll always be a phone call away. I do apologize that it’s ending this way. I don’t—want to hurt you. But I acknowledge that I already have, it was never my intention to do so. I apologize sincerely.”

“It’s fine,” Seth whimpers, tapping at that spot on his neck, the one that Roman’s obsessed with. He notices the darkening of Roman’s pupils and clears his throat. “And I’d rather we don’t try to keep in touch, please. It’s the only way I can move on. Besides, I don’t think my fiancé would appreciate me divulging our problems to another man.” It’s a petty dig, and he knows it. It’s the bitterness in his heart that Seth can’t help. That miniscule desire to hurt Roman as badly as the man is hurting him.

His words bring forth the desired result. Roman steps back, as if he were punched in the gut, his jaw clenching. His lifeless eyes are the most telling. Seth isn’t going to stick around long enough to feel guilty about it.

“Goodbye, Roman.” Without another word, and not even a peek at Roman, Seth spins on his heels and walks way. He keeps walking, left foot then right, one step and then another. Until he’s at the door. Outside. He sags against it, closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and tells himself to walk on.

That ‘keep walking’ mantra seems to be a resolve that strengthens him all the way to the parking lot. It strengthens him as he gets in the car. Strengthens him as he escapes the hotel premises—until it gets smaller and smaller and smaller, until eventually, it transforms into nothing but a fragment of Seth’s imagination.

The pictures and memories flash in front of Seth so quickly, and ever changing that he finds himself growing confused. He sees Roman with him at a greenhouse. Then another image of him in the shower with Roman. That quickly changes and he’s seeing himself at a bowling alley. His mind visits the memory of Roman’s cabin next—he is at the fireplace, sitting next to Roman at the grand piano. Roman is playfully seducing him with his rendition of Lenny Williams’ ‘Cause I Love You’. Another image—Seth’s with that little boy, Matteo, this time, together with Roman—at a park. Then it transitions again—this time he’s in a kitchen, all big-bellied like a pregnant person, and scrambling away from Roman and the boy, Matteo—he looks older this time, possibly three years old. They look so happy.

With each changing picture, Seth finds himself growing heated, chest constricting tightly. He hits the brakes somewhere along his drive as his vision starts to blur. He’s dry heaving, rubbing his chest to lessen the lancing pain in there. He’s so confused, doesn’t know what’s real and what’s not anymore. The images keep changing that he’s left wondering if any of it even happened at all. Blindly, his trembling fingers look for his phone, hopes he has the right number as he puts the phone to his ear.

“Sweetcheeks?”

All it takes is Dana’s motherly voice for Seth’s face to crumple. He breaks down, and starts to cry, futilely wiping at the tears that only fall harder. He cannot stop them. Can’t stop crying into the phone. He has no idea what Dana is saying, her voice sounds too far away. All he knows is—he’s never felt more alone, or this heartbroken before. Like his chest has been ripped open, his heart snatched by a man who is in love with someone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alexa play 'Visions of Gideon' by Sufjan Stevens.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long as fuck again :/

If there is one lesson that Seth takes from his breakup with Roman, it’s to live in the present, to cherish every moment. Life is too short to dwell on the negative, to focus on the heartache. Such things will do nothing for him, except maybe make him unproductive. Last Tuesday, after he’d cried his heart out on Dana’s chest, he’d made the resolution to move on. To take the all the heart-wrenching memories, and gut-bruising words from that night and store them far away, all of it far away, and fill his mind with other thoughts instead.

He has been successful so far. A week into it, and he’s managing just fine. He wakes up, takes care of his hygiene, eats and goes to work. At work, he’s polite to the customers, makes sure there’s a smile in his voice to put them at ease—and resolves all queries in a timely manner. When he goes back home, it’s undress and then cook and then TV. Brock came home last night though, and that was a pleasant surprise, he even had flowers and complimentary tickets to a Bears game for next weekend.

Seth has decided to make it work with Brock. After Roman left, he’d realized that Brock’s the only constant in his life. Brock’s been here, since the beginning—has fulfilled his promise of not leaving. From that first time when Seth had been worried that the man would leave after giving his body to him. He didn’t leave that following morning, he hasn’t left now. They just need to work on their issues. Seth thinks that they could see a therapist, maybe, to help them with their struggles. He thinks that maybe Brock’s growing success is taking a toll on him somehow—and if he’s unhappy then of course their relationship suffers too.

He hasn’t yet made the suggestion to Brock but he will. He wants this to work. Throwing away a relationship of five years would be stupid of him. Every relationship goes through hurdles, it’s part of life. This time, Seth will listen too—make any improvements within himself that are needed. It’s all going to work out for the best, and maybe, marriage and a family can finally be on the cards. When they sort through their shit—but definitely in the near future.

“Honey, I’m home!” he shouts as soon as the door closes behind him. Removing his shoes, along with his socks, he pads barefoot across the hallway, past the kitchen to their living room. “Blondie,” he teases as soon as he finds Brock. The TV is on, his boyfriend’s watching a boxing match. “Can I get a kiss?”

Brock quickly averts his gaze to him, pecks him on the lips, and then refocuses on the match. Seth sighs, taking in the tiny mess on the coffee table. Empty beer cans. A packet of chips that have fallen over. An empty dirty dish. “Are you hungry?” He asks. “I’m going to take a shower. I can make something when I come back.”

Brock nods absently.

Seth leaves with no other word. In the bedroom, he removes his clothes, and goes to dump them in the hamper. He brushes his teeth, and then puts on some music before stepping in the shower. AC/DC’s ‘Hells Bells’ plays first—and it’s exactly what Seth needs. For a while, he dances around in the shower, with the song blasting loudly, making him feel so good he songs along. He’s fifteen again—the music his friend, his escape; he’s a rock star. And he laughs until he’s giggling, until eventually he sighs loudly, as he slowly comes down from the euphoria.

The next song, he’s not even sure what it’s doing on his playlist. He doesn’t even recognize the artist but he bears it nonetheless. The songs are changing, and it feels like a karaoke session as he sings along to his favorites. It’s the next song that gives him a terrified pause, like a deer caught in the headlights, he doesn’t know why. Just barely registers as his heart seems to leap to his throat, before free falling back to his chest and landing with a violent crash.

“Kisses on the foreheads of the lovers wrapped in your arms. You’ve been hiding them in hollowed out pianos left in the dark…”

_“This song is really not you,” Seth murmurs, as Cigarette After Sex’s ‘Apocalypse’ comes on. His sleepy gaze finds Roman’s through the little bit of light pouring in from the silver of the moon. Even though exhausted, Seth can’t help noticing Roman’s beauty, how much he wants to keep it all for himself. Perhaps if he wishes hard enough, it will be possible._

_One of Roman’s hands runs down his spine. Seth can feel the goosebumps break out, the electricity flowing as a kiss touches his forehead gently. It makes him feel like a...treasure. A pearl, Roman had once called him. Entangling their legs, so that they resemble jumbled Christmas lights, his searching eyes remain on an amused looking Roman. “Why? Am I not indie enough for you?” Roman smirks._

_“No, well...yes,” Seth replies, just as quietly, he doesn’t want to interrupt the nature of the calm, post-coital atmosphere in the hotel room. “You play it a lot, Roman. A lot. More than Grande amore—and that’s saying something because you love that song.”_

_For a while, Roman’s response is to look at him. All soft and mysterious, it ignites the desire Seth feels for him even more. It shows as Seth, without hesitation or thought, leans into Roman’s gentle caress. “I love the way the song sounds. I love the meaning behind it.”_

_“Oh...?” the rest of Seth’s words are clogged up in his throat. He knows he wants to ask more but it feels right to leave it like that. Tonight, he just wants Roman to talk to him—until dawn._

_“I like to think of it as a tribute to lost love,” Roman explains, and Seth can slowly feel his cock react to the soothing voice—it sounds too obscene. It always happens when Roman is explaining something. Perhaps it has to do with the seriousness his voice takes on, he ends up sounding like smooth chocolate melting on silky bedsheets—too sensual. “ Some people, you can’t forget. They haunt you, like ghosts—and they’re trapped in here—” Roman taps his chest quietly._

_“But that can be good too, right?” Seth asks. “If it’s the right person.”_

_“Of course,” Roman murmurs softly, pulling Seth into his embrace. The brunet snuggles up against him, body limp against Roman’s. What he’d give to have this every night. It has been slowly dawning on him just how much seems to be investing in...this. Every night Roman agrees to spend the night with him and it feels like Seth has won the lottery. Every morning that they wake up together, and get ready together, like an actual couple—with stolen kisses and dressing each other—it feels like, like...like Seth has the entire world in the palm of his hand, and he can do anything. He feels whole._

_“In that case, I hope to haunt you too, Roman.” He comments, placing his hand on Roman’s chest to feel the beat of his heart. “I hope memories of me follow you everywhere you go.”_

_“If you promise not to forget me.”_

_“I don’t think that’s possible. You’re my waking thought—and my last one when I go to sleep.” Seth admits, nibbling anxiously on his bottom lip. He hopes he hasn’t given away too much of himself. It’s too soon—barely a month. Mentally, he laughs at himself. All it took was Roman finally agreeing to spending some nights with him. But Seth doesn’t care about the implications this evening, he wants to be vulnerable with...this man he feels so much for. “You’re my ghost.”_

_“You’re mine, too.” Roman moves them swiftly, and Seth finds himself trapped beneath the bigger man. “And I am holding onto you.”_

_“Don’t let go.”_

_Roman nuzzles Seth’s neck, his throat to be exact, he’s so obsessed with the area. His fingers are tapping along Seth’s pulse point. “You’re alive,” he says that a lot lately—as if the existence of Seth fascinates him like nothing else. “In my arms.”_

_“In your arms,” Seth confirms, hugging the man on top of him close. If this universe is on his side, then they both won’t ever let go._

Seth gasps, completely blindsided by the memory. He clutches his head, and tries to chase away that _voice_ — _his memory._ Gathering all the strength left within him, he commands his mind to store away the memory. It’s a painfully exhausting task, and when he’s done, he collapses on the tiled floors. The water is running cold, and he’s shivering, but his mind isn’t functioning well enough to alert his body to step out of the shower.

The tears that race down his cheeks are silent, and if Seth is being honest, he doesn’t know what they’re for. Or whom they’re for. They can’t be for Roman. Seth isn’t even in love with him. At the time, he’d just convinced himself that he was. But that’s clearly not the case because he’s too prideful to fall for a man who wouldn’t return his feelings. He’s not stupid.

As the water runs completely cold, he finally revives some of his strength. Leaving the shower, he goes back to the bedroom. He slides on an oversized tee and goes to the living room. Brock is still heavily engrossed in the boxing match but Seth is happy to find that he’s cleaned after himself. Deciding not to disturb his boyfriend, he goes to the kitchen to start on dinner. He’s not the best cook in the world, but Brock is worse than him, unless he’s barbecuing meat. And they can’t live on takeout on a daily basis.

For supper, he makes them Bacon Cheeseburger Pasta. It’s a recipe he found online a few months ago, and Brock actually complimented him for it. It hadn’t turned out too bad. While he waits for the food, Seth goes back to join Brock in the living room, burying himself in the man’s arms. Three minutes into it, he starts to shift around, can’t find a comfortable position to sit in. This happens until Brock even notices it. “What the hell is wrong is with you?”

“Nothing,” Seth returns quietly, unconsciously tapping along the front of his neck to his pulse point. The boxing match has ended, which means all the unwelcomed attention is on him. Seth shifts again, meeting Brock’s stare. “Just thinking about work is all.”

“Yeah, well you better stop that shit. You’re home, your thoughts should be centered around me. You step through that front door and you leave work behind.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry, okay?” Seth leans forward to plant a kiss on Brock’s cheek. “Let me go check on the food. And then I think we can, maybe watch a movie. Netflix and chill?”

“That’s more like it,” Brock gains a soft smile on his face.

Seth convinces himself the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach is nothing but love—the all too known butterflies. The sick feeling is only because of hard they’re fluttering. It’s proof of how intensely he feels for Brock.

* * *

“You know seeing you is like seeing a damn comet these days. Rare and far between.” Xavier says, hint of annoyance in his voice. He steps aside, allowing Seth inside his apartment. “I’m trying to be patient with you, babe. But c’mon, you can’t live your life like this.”

“Has Dana arrived already?” Seth ignores his best friend’s little rant. “I brought the booze.”

“Sweeping things under the carpet never helped anyone, Seth. All it does is create dirt and dust mite—which means you’re eventually going to suffocate in your own home because it’s stuffy.”

“Death by asphyxiation,” Seth looks over his shoulder and smirks. “What a way to go. Too bad my life insurer still doesn’t know what a sucker I am for that, hmm?”

“Don’t be a smartass.”

Dana is already in Xavier’s living room, wearing her pink rabbit jammies. Seth has no idea how she manages to always look so effortlessly beautiful.

They’re having a sleepover at Xavier’s. All Xavier’s idea, and when Dana went along with it, Seth knew he didn’t stand a chance. Turning them down would’ve meant them coming to his house, and Brock is still at home so that would’ve been a big no.

He greets her, plopping down the space beside her. Xavier disappears, and then comes back a few minutes later with some board games to keep them company. _Twister_ is Xavier’s first preferred game so they play that. It’s surprisingly fun, ends with both Xavier and Dana on the ground—but it was a mission. They’re all so competitive and super flexible. Seth requests that play Scramble next—and he beats both his friends easily. Then they eat, drink, and dance.

“I can’t feel my legs,” Seth mourns, as his legs fail him and he collapses on the carpet floor next to Dana. The giggles burst out of him. His heart is racing, sweat dancing along his forehead. “Am I going to die?”

“Highly doubt it, sweet cheeks.” Dana kisses his forehead, and Seth weakly shifts to lay on her bosom.

“Your boobs are very comfy,” he allows himself to get completely comfortable. Distantly, he can hear Xavier’s loud, drunk giggles. “They’re like pillows and I wanna lay on them forever. Is that okay?”

“Yes, you baby. You’re good as long you don’t want to fuck them with your dick,” Dana laughs.

“Ew!” both Xavier and Seth say at the same time. “Men do that?” Seth this time.

“Oh, I find it hot!” Dana exclaims, confusing both of them. “It’ll only be weird if you and Xavier wanted to do that. You’re my precious babies.”

There’s disgusted looks on Xavier and Seth—a moment, then two. The two break into fits of giggles. It’s so loud and hard that Seth can feel his stomach starting to hurt a little. Hetero sex is always so weird to him, even though he does have a slit that slightly resembles female genitalia. He sighs, staring at the ceiling, feeling himself grow hot with desire. “I’m so horny,” he confesses with a giggle.

The others laugh at him. That only prompts his giggles to grow louder, and a lone tear reveals things he hasn’t the desire to address. Slowly, his hand seductively trails to his neck. He closes his eyes, meeting ravenous brown eyes. “Roman wants to fuck me. I can see it now.”

“He’s not here, sweetheart.”

“What are you talking about?” Seth queries, eyes still closed. “He’s right here, and I can tell that he wants to fuck me. But I’m tired, I want him to love me back.” He’s slurring his words, wrapping his hand tighter around his throat, a little moan slipping out. It’s twisted how much his cock is aching inside his jeans; at the mere thought of Roman. “I love him but he told me not to.”

“Well, it’s his loss.” That previous voice again, it sounds like Dana’s but Seth’s mind is too blurred to register a lot of things. It feels like his soul is floating out of his body. “He didn’t deserve you.”

“But he cares for me, he told me.” Seth whispers, hazy mind defending Roman. “He cares for me. But he loves his dead wife.” He can a collective of gasps from his friends, ignores them as he drunkenly spills everything. Why Roman was ignoring him. The goodbye sex. Their final words. Tears burn in Seth’s eyes as that day plays like a tragic film in his mind. Roman’s smile, his scent, his being. The man haunts him. “I’m so strong though, so strong. Haven’t cried since that night, Dana.”

“Oh, sweetheart...” A gentle hand caresses his cheek—the touch of a mother. “You don’t have to be so strong, you know, right? It’s okay to cry, and to mourn. I know that what you had with that man was meant to be nothing more than a fling, a little affair. But it meant something to you. So you have every right to cry about it. To be angry, and mad, and confused—to _feel,_ Seth. I want you to allow it, and to address it...head-on. When the time comes, and you’ve allowed yourself this process, you will heal. You will move on. And you’ll find someone so much more deserving of your love. Just don’t go about pretending that you’re okay.”

“’M doing just fine,” Seth slurs.

“Denial is especially dangerous because you’re telling yourself that you’re okay,” Dana isn’t buying his story. “You keep telling yourself that, while storing away the pain, and brushing the emotions aside. But what happens when there aren’t any closets to hide the pain in anymore? What happens when you’re filled to the brim, with everything that you haven’t been addressing? When you can’t even find space to allow the good inside because you’ve put away so much of the bad that there just isn’t enough room anymore? I’ll tell you again, I want you to talk to us, to know that it’s okay to cry and that there will be bad days but as you address the pain, the lighter you’ll become—it’ll start to hurt less. And sometimes, you will fill a twist of pain when you think of that man, but it won’t be as bad as having a complete meltdown, which is what you’ll have if you continue this way.”

“Lucky me will still have Brock,” Seth giggles, in a self-deprecating manner, pulling the hair away from eyes. “His arms will be open and waiting.” He sways to his feet, palming the front of his jeans. “I gotta take a leak.” In the bathroom, he relieves himself, washes his hands and focuses on his image. Fuck, he looks horrible—all pale skin and sunken eyes. He looks like a starving man, which is just crazy because he eats so much but sometimes he gets sick and his stomach rejects the food. “Fuck!” He slurs as it feels like his legs are going to fail him again. 

The last thing he hears as he collapses to the ground, in his own bile, are Xavier and Dana’s cursed, “Jesus Christ, Seth!”

* * *

After that embarrassing incident at Xavier’s, Seth decides to stay away from alcohol until further notice. It’s bad enough that he’d somehow vomited all the alcohol, but to collapse on it too? That takes top tier of drunk embarrassing stories.

So he takes to reading instead, develops such a love for it that most of his time is spent there when he’s not working. Seth scouts the coziest bookstores, preferably ones that integrate his newly-found hobby with his love for coffee. There’s a cozy little coffee shop bookstore on Williamson street that Seth is obsessed with. Nirvana suits the peaceful little place perfectly, because Seth escapes the known world completely when blissfully trapped inside it’s warmth and the lovely scent of old pages.

The aroma of brewing coffee teases Seth’s nostrils suggestively. Rich, heady, full-bodied, and dark; he wonders if he can get away with ordering another cup. His mind tells him it would be a bad idea. It’s only ten in the morning, and he’s already had four cups in the hour and a half that he’s spent here. Maybe buying another muffin will do but his belly is rolling around in discomfort and maybe that also wouldn’t be a bright idea.

So he decides to walk around a little, scan the different sections again, although he does have a book that he’s been reading for the past hour now. The stretch does him some good, and as he goes back to sit down, he chooses the area near the electric fire place. It’s pouring cats and dogs outside, and Seth left the house prepared, which means he could go home if he wanted to but he wants to stay here a little while longer.

Seth reads until he feels a pair of eyes practically drilling a hole into his forehead. When he looks up, it’s to find the attention of the guy at the registers looking at him. He’s short, all smooth and flawless looking with long wavy brown hair. Seth can’t accurately describe his eyes with the distance but the intention in them is clear. Short guy’s stare is lingering, appreciative—clearly begging for dick. Seth wants to laugh and tell him to join the club because he wants dick, too. His sex life has gone back to being as dull and unsatisfying as it was before. He always realizes this afterwards, because when Brock’s dick is inside him, his mind convinces him that the sex is good until his boyfriend comes and collapses on top of him.

As Seth looks up again, to check if the beautiful guy is still giving him all the stares; part of him is half-amused, half-insulted to find that someone else has caught the twink’s attention. Those feelings quickly morph into something else as Seth notices just _who_ the twink is appreciating so much. He can feel the blood draining from his face, heart thumping hard against his ribcage. It’s the _laugh_ that does Seth in.

His cock instantly reacts with a hard jerking motion, it grows erect in an instant, standing at attention—as if it _knows._ Seth lifts his feet to the couch, tries to hide how twisted his body is for reacting so easily for a man who broke his heart not even a month ago. The twink is leaning toward _Roman_ , smiling like the other man’s the fucking stars and the moon. Seth wouldn’t be surprised if the little thing bent over one of the couches to hand his ass to Roman on a silver platter if the other man so requested. It’s disgusting. The twink’s lack of self-respect is repulsing. Roman smiling down at him is nauseating. What happened to him not fucking men? Because with the two’s body language, they honestly don’t look far from doing just that—and in such a public area! They have no morals, the both of them.

Seth is lifting to his feet before he can fully process his actions. He’s just going to greet Roman, he tells himself. He’s going to greet, and also prevent the two from doing what clearly will cause them both embarrassment. Their flirtatious actions are quickly escalating. Who rubs his bottom lip while talking to strangers? Fucking Roman does! It’s pathetic. And he never even did that while he and Seth had...that stupid affair.

Seth gets closer, steps faltering a little over how good the man looks. He’s never seen Roman in a leather jacket before. He’s hot—in a ‘I’m a mafia boss’ kind of way. All formfitting jeans, black t-shirt that teases what’s beneath just the right amount it isn’t bordering on obnoxiousness, and that leather jacket. He’s still so good-looking. After all this time. Three weeks and two days to be exact.

Just as Seth reaches the two men—who both spin around, as if they can sense the glaring stare on them—another person joins them. It’s the blond that’s married to Roman’s cousin. Seth can’t remember his name, just the vicious glare that had been sent his way. He’s carrying the little boy, Matteo. Another misstep, and Seth actually curses this time as he’s sent flying to the ground—on his hands and ass.

_Crap!_

Talk about embarrassing. His cheeks inflame as he struggles to his feet, with the help of Roman. “Thanks, I got it.” He pushes the tall man away, to prevent any embarrassment of revealing just how much the other man’s touch still affects him. He’ll be lucky if they don’t notice the painful boner in his pants. “I just c-came to say hi,” he stammers, averting his gaze to the little boy in the blond’s arms.

Seth thinks the little one is a toss between his mother and father. He hasn’t changed much from the last time Seth saw him. The little one is beautiful bronze skin and dimples. He has the biggest brown eyes Seth has ever seen, and they look like his mother’s. _Who are you?_ the little one appears to be asking himself as he babbles happily in the blond’s arms. Gosh, he’s perfect.

“I’ll be at the front desk if you need further assistance, Roman.”

Seth quickly snaps his attention to the twink, and then Roman. _Since when do people call you Roman?_ Seth tries to keep his stare from being accusing. But Roman’s usually ‘Mr. Reigns’, everywhere they go. Since when is he Roman?

“Of course, Demi. Thank you so much for your assistance.” Roman isn’t looking at this ‘Demi’ as he replies. The entire time, his eyes are on Seth. With the twink gone, it just leaves them and the blond and Matteo. No words are said, but Seth can feel the tension coming from both him and Roman. And as rude as it is to say this, it feels like the blond and Matteo are outside of this little invisible bubble that surrounds him and Roman.

Seth doesn’t know if he’s glaring at Roman in anger or desire. It seems like both at this stage. The anger and desire are colliding, igniting a fire within him. “What are you doing here?” it sounds accusing, rude even.

“Shopping for books. What are you doing here?” Roman sounds amused, his left brow arched.

“Escaping my problems. Well I was, until I ran into them.” Seth quips, only briefly averting his gaze to the blond. Does he always look so unimpressed? The man has a resting bitch face.

“I’d say you collided with them and fell on your ass.”

They look at each other. Seth can see that little quirk at the corner of Roman’s mouth. There’s always something mysterious about his smiles but Seth loves them. He doesn’t want to return the gesture but he can feel his stretching a little. In the back of his mind, a voice is screaming loudly in the walls of his head.

_Don’t you dare let your guard down, you traitor, don’t you dare!_

This is the same man Seth can’t have. Even a hint of weakness from him wouldn’t do him good. But as Roman’s smile brightens, his attention making Seth feel like the only breathing creature in the world, Seth can’t help but betray himself. He can’t help his weakness for the man in front of him. So he smiles right back, feeling his heart bursting out of his ribcage.

“Dolph, a moment with the gentleman, please.”

Seth isn’t looking at Dolph to see if he’s okay with that. But he does hear the blond’s displeasure as he huffs out an annoyed, “Fine. Matteo and I will scan the children’s section. I’m sure I can find something for my little smoochie.”

“So you’re fucking librarians now?” Seth asks as soon as Dolph is out of sight. “I thought you didn’t fuck men. Or did I turn you gay all of a sudden?”

“I thought people couldn’t be ‘turned’,” Roman replies, there’s a hint of amusement in his tone. “I don’t do labels, Seth. I do connection and relation. Gender means nothing to me.”

“But I was the first man you slept with. I was the first one you fucked.”

Roman cocks an eyebrow, “Are you going somewhere with this?”

Yes. No... Maybe. Seth doesn’t know. He just doesn’t want Roman to forget that they shared something. And it hurts to think that the man may be moving on when Seth can’t even look at guys without comparing them to Roman. He has no desire for men, not even the one he considers his boyfriend. But it’s better to think he’s happy than to dwell on heartbreak. “Are you fucking other people now, Roman?”

“No,” Roman replies without hesitation. He looks so serious, brown eyes fixed on Seth. There’s a barely there disappointed expression in his eyes that has Seth looking down in shame. “I’m on a break. I’d rather focus my energy on more important things. I—you know I...” He clears his throat. “My son takes first priority now. He calls me Dada. I think he recognizes me more now. His favorite toy’s a fluffy frog that I got him. He, uh, giggles a lot when I call him Matteo. He’s a sweet, beautiful boy. And I’m trying my best to catch up, and learn all about him. I’m learning to give him the love he deserves. So to answer your question again; no I am not _fucking_ anyone. Relationships are not on my list of priorities at the moment.”

Seth clears his throat, and nods. “I’m so very proud of you, Roman. For your son.” He truly is. Because a child deserves the love of at least one parent. It will never make up for the ache of the missing one but the pain won’t be so bad. Seth knows it with him. He wants to know more about his father, tried to track him, but the man doesn’t want to be found. Seth last heard from him when he was nineteen. He’s never attempted to find him again. It sucks, hurts so bad sometimes, but he has his mother. And he doesn’t thank her enough for her love, and support. Part of him harbors resentment toward her for the things that went wrong between her and his father. It’s not her fault, he’s been getting better at reminding himself that.

“How are you holding up, Seth?”

“Never better,” Seth shrugs his shoulders. “Brock and I, we’re...talking, forming some sort of relation. He’s great, life’s great, sex life is great.”

Roman’s jaw tightens once. He nods says nothing.

Seth bites his bottom lip, feeling awkward. Why the hell did he bring in his sex life into this? _To make him jealous. Duh!_ Yes, that’s the truth but why? Seth swears he’s moving on. He’s even falling out of love with Roman. He’s falling out of love with his seductive manly scent. He’s falling out of love with the disarming stare. He’s falling out of love with his dominant but gentle aura. He really is.

Which explains why his heart is beating so loudly, he fears Roman might hear it. He’s falling so out of love that, unconsciously, he invades Roman’s personal space, looking up at him. There’s a magnetic shift in the air that draws them closer. Seth doesn’t know how long he spends looking into Roman’s eyes, until finally, the man’s lips steal his attention. Roman’s got such gorgeous lips, talented unlike any other thing Seth has ever felt—on every inch of his body. He still remembers the beard burns...on his chest, his neck, his ass, against his lips.

Roman’s hand moves to pull the hair away from Seth’s face. All a messy mane of regal curls. Seth remembers that Roman used to compliment him about the beauty of his hair. The taller man’s hand travels down Seth’s cheek, caressing, and he shifts closer. Finally, nothing but their clothes creates the barrier between them. _This is how it should be._ Seth stops breathing all together, his eyes instinctively closing as he feels Roman’s mouthwatering breath against his lips.

_Kiss me, please._

“Hey, do you think the— _oh._ Christ, he _still_ hasn’t left yet?”

That hurts. Seth jumps away from Roman faster than his body can process it, pushing away the man who is already pulling away. A regretful look swipes across Roman’s face, and Seth isn’t sure if he regrets what was about to happen or having their moment interrupted.

“I need to...to uh,” Seth notices the ugly stare down Dolph is giving him. The blond’s nose is upturned in clear superiority, as he holds Matteo tighter to him as if Seth might infect them with a contagious disease. Seth hates how unworthy it makes him feel. How exposed. It’s strange because part of him thinks he’d definitely be able to hold his own against the blond but right now...his throat feels tight, and he wishes the ground would swallow him already. “I’m gonna leave. It was great seeing you. I have to leave.”

“Seth...”

He can hear Roman calling out behind him but Seth only walks faster at the sound of his name. He refuses to be compelled into doing what he’s uncomfortable with. Outside the bookstore, he let’s out a searing ball of air. He feels like crying but there are no tears to spare. He did that long ago in Dana’s arms. He promised himself to never do it again. Beginning the exhausting task of pushing the hurt away, he reminds himself that he’s not in love with Roman. So that stupid Dolph is wasting all his energy hating on him for a man Seth doesn’t even want.

* * *

“Are you done?”

There’s something about the way Brock asks the question that has Seth snapping his head to him. In the man’s blue eyes, there’s judgement, that isn’t being properly concealed. It annoys Seth that the blond idiot isn’t even man enough to say what he really wants to say. “What am I not pretty enough for you?” he queries sarcastically, glaring at Brock through the mirror.

“No, that’s not what I’m saying at all!” Brock is quick to say. “I’m just thinking...don’t you think the jeans are too tight on you? Kinda looks like they’ve been painted onto your body. I can see your private parts—and that isn’t for anyone’s eyes but myself.”

“So you’re saying I’m fat. That's what you’re saying?”

Brock says nothing.

“Fuck you, you’re nothing but a judgmental prick.” Seth murmurs, looking at himself in the mirror. The jeans are perfectly fine, if not a little tight, but that’s just because he got them a size smaller when he bought them. He’s finally putting on the weight that he lost back, and maybe he put on a little extra. There’s still no need for Brock to be a dickhead though. “You know you’re the last person who should be commenting about my appearance. It’s not like you’re hot as you were five years ago.”

“Seth, c’mon...” Brock sighs, lifting off the bed to stand behind Seth. His scent is nauseating, but Seth bears it, angrily clamping down on his bottom lip. “I never said anything about your weight. I just think you look too sexy in these jeans. What if people look at you the wrong way? I don’t like sharing what’s mine.” A small smile is attached to his lips.

“I am not yours. I am not your _possession,_ you stupid brawn.” Seth feels himself growing hot with anger. “And it’s funny how you don’t want people looking at me when it suits you. When I’m complaining about it to you, you don’t even give a fuck! Stop pretending you do now. You’re just annoying me.”

Brock clenches his jaw, hands on Seth’s shoulders tightening. “Now, Seth—”

“Step away from me, you’re going to make me barf!” Seth shrugs away his touch, going to the closet to find something else to wear. Fucking Brock just killed his entire desire to wear these jeans. He always does this. Seth doesn’t care as item after item that he dislikes falls in a pile on the ground.

Brock exhales loudly behind him. “What did I do now, Seth?”

“What didn’t you do? Because you can’t spend more than ten minutes without finding something new to annoy me with. My hair is messy. My eyes are horrible. My ass is like goddamn jello. What do you want from me?”

“For you to calm down, first and foremost. God, Seth, you’re always angry about something these days. I ask something, you blow up. I leave you alone, you insult me. I’m here for you and you want me far from you as possible. It’s like nothing makes you happy these days.”

“Food,” Seth retorts absently. “And the other things? Payback’s a bitch, ain’t it?”

He turns to face Brock, who rubs his face and squeals a disgruntled scream into his hands. “You know what, stay here. I’m not taking you anywhere like this. Get your attitude in order. You have a problem.”

“That you caused!” Seth shouts after the man. The audacity! How dare Brock just walk away from him. “Coward! Coward! You are a coward!” Seth sing-songs loudly, fuming with anger. He rushes out of the bedroom, in just his underwear and t-shirt, finding Brock in the kitchen, grabbing his car keys. The man gives him a once over and leaves. “And don’t you dare come back here. I will kill you!”

Seth means it. He really does. A blond bitch is being murdered tonight!

* * *

Brock doesn’t stay that long in the house with him.

Seth learns from his boyfriend that he’s becoming increasingly unbearable. The brunet’s laugh is crazed, because to him it’s good riddance to bad rubbish. He tells Brock that, tells the man to go buy himself a better attitude and while he’s at it, take courses on how to be a better boyfriend. Because he’s at the bottom of the fucking barrel at the moment.

He realizes afterwards that he may’ve been a bit harsh to the boyfriend but fuck he doesn’t care. There are more worrying things that he should concern himself with. Like how he almost got a warning letter at work the other day because he fell asleep while on a call with a customer. He’s always fatigued lately, doesn’t matter the number of hours he sleeps. He can’t keep his eyes open for anything. His fucking nipples are swollen and sore. And he’s horny! So insanely horny that it feels like he’s on Viagra or something.

“ _You fucking Italian piece of shit!_ ” Seth screams, as he slams back onto the bed, panting weakly as he tries to regulate his breathing. He’s trembling from aftershocks, hole clenching weakly around the vibrator still inside him, and his hands cupping his private parts shakily. The intensity of his orgasm brings tears in his eyes. Seth is too weak to guide one of his hands to his drenched face.

His eyes are glued to his laptop screen. The sex scene hasn’t finished yet. That night was a long one, Seth still remembers everything about it.

_“Oh...fucking shit. SHIT!” Seth screams, trying to crawl toward the headboard because it’s too much, too intense—so unbelievably intense that his mind can’t even begin to fathom how a man’s dick is able to reduce him to this. He can’t breathe, mind in complete disbelief, with his body soaking wet and the disgusting mucus dripping onto his saliva drenched jaw._

_Roman just chuckles, grips Seth’s hips, and without warning, slams into him again. Fuck... Seth’s eyes water, he turns into a blubbering mess. Roman leans forward, presses erotic kiss to the nape of Seth’s neck, one of his large hands cupping Seth’s butt-cheek. He smacks it, and then cups it again as it jiggles in his hand. And then he grips the pink string of the thong that Seth is wearing, pulling on it tightly while pounding into Seth’s quivering hole like a wild animal._

_Another rapacious nudge and Seth screams, struggling again, he wants this as much as he doesn’t want it. He doesn’t know how much more he can take. Roman’s fucking into him enough to make it hurt. It’s such the most intense, most fulfilling sensation in the world. He starts heaving, fighting for air while praying to reach the headboard for anchor._

_“There, there, baby. Don’t run from it. Let me make you feel good, Seth. This is what you wanted, right?” Roman says, there’s something sadistic about the way his soft voice contradicts the force in which he’s plunging into Seth. So much force that Seth’s knees give out and he falls flat on the bed. “Isn’t this what you wanted, baby? For me to fuck you hard. Is this hard enough for you? No? I think we can do better don’t you?”_

_“Yesss,” Seth hisses, voice higher than usual. He lies limply on the bed, his dick aching in the confines of the thong. Successfully releasing it, it lies hard against his stomach. He doesn’t get the chance to touch himself as Roman grips his hand, pulls it to his back. Seth lets out a sob this time. “P-please, daddy please. Please let me cum.”_

_“Daddy?” Roman groans loudly, he starts to pound harder, literally fucks Seth into the mattress. It’s loud, it’s hard, it’s erotically primal. “Say it again.”_

_A gasp, each snap of Roman’s hips drives Seth closer to completion. “D-Daddy.” Seth is able to choke out, drool leaking onto the sheets as his head swims with pleasure._

_“Again!” Roman is growling into his ear._

_“D-Daddy. Daddy. Daddy. Da—AAH!” Roman is spreading Seth’s legs, causing the brunet to tighten even more around the other man’s boisterous cock, the burn edging Seth on closer to completion. Roman is pounding harder, without restraint, like a wild animal let loose. Each kiss is overwhelming, snatching Seth’s breath just a little bit more. Each touch is a fire, ravishing every inch of Seth’s skin. Each thrust is a welcomed robber, snatching Seth’s soul unapologetically._

_Before Seth can realize it, he’s falling again. For the thousandth time, it may as well be. His release is painful. His dick is pulsing as ropes of thick, white cum burst free. Tears spill down his inflamed cheeks as Seth grips the sheets in a white-knuckled grip. His balls are drawing up again as Roman prolongs his orgasm. Seth can only manage a terrified whimper as Roman’s release shoots into his soul. He has to squeeze his eyes to center himself, it feels like his spirit will escape his body._

_A comforting kiss touches the back of his head._

_“I think I’m dying,” his tremulous voice whispers when finally it doesn’t feel like he has to fight for air inside his lungs. But his throat is still throbbing, and it actually hurts to breathe._

_A chuckle rumbles on his right side. “Tsk, tsk. And here I was, thinking we were just getting started.”_

_Seth’s eyes widen, his head lifts weakly and he peeks at Roman. “Are you insane? Do you want to kill me?”_

_“Now, now.” Roman gently grips Seth, guiding him on his back. “The plan is to drive you completely insane, Mr. Rollins. Bit by bit—until you fall apart completely. Until every inch of your being realizes that gods like yourself are worshipped this way.” Before Seth can fully process things, Roman’s slamming into him again. The brunet’s eyes roll to the back of his head._

_He doesn’t even have the energy to scream anymore._

Seth throws his head back, in pleasure, as another toe-curling orgasm rips through him. He falls limply on the bed this time, tears in his eyes as he shuts his laptop. He wonders if Roman had sent him all these copies of them fucking to reduce him to this. Sure, his letter said he didn’t wish to invade Seth’s privacy like that and for the brunet to do with them as he saw fit. But what took him a full month? Why did he wait so long? Isn’t he scared that Seth might leak them or do something bad?

_You signed the confidentiality agreement._

Of course he did. Seth sighs, telling himself that he’ll destroy the copies tomorrow. He’s been saying that for the past two weeks. But he means it this time.

_That’s what you said the last time._

* * *

“You are not going to make me feel guilty about this. Nope. Forget it,” Seth glares at both his friends. Sometimes he really regrets how he can’t keep secrets from Dana and Xavier. It’s like immediately he sees them, then he needs to spill something. “I’m a grown ass man—and sex is not a taboo,” he continues as he shoves another spoonful of ice-cream down his throat.

“No one said it is,” Xavier rolls his eyes. “But isn’t it weird that you’re...” he leans forward, looking around their packed cafeteria. “jerking off to, I don’t know, our boss? The man who runs shit around this motherfucking building.”

“Then he shouldn’t have sent me the copies,” Seth argues.

“That is weird,” Dana comes to his rescue, thankfully. She has more sense than Xavier. “How long has it been since you two called things off?”

“Nearly two months,” Seth swallows another spoonful of ice-cream. “Just three more days. It will be two months this Friday.”

“And he sent these tapes when?”

“Around three weeks ago. Exactly a month after we—um, after we...”

“I get it,” Dana saves him the stupid task of saying more. “What do you plan to do with them? After you’re done jerking off to your boss that is.”

Seth chokes on his ice-cream. Xavier starts to cackle loudly, capturing the attention of the people in the cafeteria. “Jesus Christ, Dana!” Seth pats his chest. “Warn a guy next time, will you? I don’t know what I’ll do with the damn copies. I haven’t decided yet.”

“Why?”

Seth shrugs.

“How are things with Brock?”

Seth is starting to think that he’s being psychoanalyzed here. Dana is looking curiously at him as if she wants to understand something. Seth is too exhausted to call her out. He’s not in the mood for fights. So he tells Dana how things are with Brock. They’re okay, maybe a little more than that. Brock has slowly been opening up to the idea of going to see a therapist to work on their relationship. It’s a good thing seeing as he was so against it before. But they’re going to have to work out the details, and a time that works for both of them.

“Wow. Did you just finish that mint chocolate chunk ice-cream all by yourself?”

“Yeah, so?”

Xavier rolls his eyes, in a way that clearly tells Seth he’s missing something.

“You hate mint chocolate!”

“Your point...”

There’s silence for a while, as Dana and Xavier look at each other. Seth feels like they know something he doesn’t. He can just tell that the two are having a private conversation. Growing annoyed by the minute, he glares at both of them. “Are you guys going to continue gossiping about me in my presence? It’s fucking rude, and I’m not going to stand for it.”

Dana gives him a once over and then nods to Xavier. “He is a lot moodier. I’ve seen him go for toilet breaks more than Mandy Rose goes on her makeup breaks.”

“Oh...oh! The other day he was complaining about the smell of Cheetos! I was confused because he loves that smell. But he snapped at me and rushed to the bathroom.”

“To vomit, most likely.” These two continue rudely as if Seth isn’t even with them. “He also does look a little thicker. And he’s always exhausted. Look at those rings around his eyes.”

“Can you stop?!” Seth shies away from Dana’s probing hands. She was poking his skin, feeling his forehead, looking at his eyes. Her scrutiny of him makes him nervous. “What is wrong with you?”

“Don’t you dare leave without waiting for us after work,” Dana instructs. The authority in her voice brokers no room for argument. Seth doesn’t try to argue, he doesn’t get the chance to because he’s rushing to the bathroom to relieve himself.

***

Seth has been uneasy since they left that Target store. If he’s being honest, he’d been uneasy as they were scanning the aisles until eventually they found what they were looking for. _Pregnancy and Ovulation Tests._ The first thought on his mind was who the hell between the three of them is pregnant? Dana’s still with Bautista but wouldn’t it be too soon for her to fall pregnant? And Xavier...as far as Seth knows things are going good between him and that Randy character. But Randy lives in Louisiana and how are they going to make it work?

Those had been his thoughts, until Dana told him that they were getting the tests for him. “You’re behaving very strange lately,” she’d told him.

Seth hadn’t known what to say so he’d kept silent. The silence that is still there as Dana gives him the tests. “We’ll be right outside the bathroom. I just really need to you to take these and follow the instructions, sweetheart. It’s for your good.”

Numbly, Seth grabs the tests. He goes inside the bathroom and locks himself inside. Robotically, he reads the instructions. Robotically, he follows them to the tee. Robotically, he sits on the toilet seat and waits for the results. He jumps as he hears a soft knock at the door. “It’s been over ten minutes, sweetheart.”

Seth is fearful to check the results himself. He grabs all three pregnancy tests and exits the bathroom. He gives them to Dana. She looks at them, then at him. Her face gives nothing away. “Did you read them?”

A negative head shake.

“Okay. Why don’t we take a seat?”

Seth remains motionless, until Xavier takes it upon himself to guide them into the living room. They sit down, and Dana hands the tests to Xavier. There’s a brief tense silence between all three of them that is broken by Xavier’s delicate sigh. “It says here...seven weeks. You’re pregnant, Seth. The test is positive.”

_Silence._

“How is—that possible?” Seth asks finally, shakily lifting to his feet to go to the bathroom. He returns with a small pack of pills. “That c-can’t be...that isn’t...it’s not accurate. I was using this. H-He took me to the hospital to get this. I—told, I told Xavier... M not pregnant. Just a little exhausted.”

“Then why are all these tests saying the same thing, baby?” Dana queries, tone nonjudgmental. “I’m sorry but I think you need to consider the possibility. Besides, birth control pills aren’t always 100%. Were you taking them like you’re supposed to? Hmm? Why are you vomiting? Emotional? Always rushing to the bathroom?”

“Because!” Seth screams, blinking rapidly to prevent the waterworks. He can’t think straight, and he’s getting lightheaded. Xavier comes to help him back to the couch. “I’m not ready. I don’t want this.”

“Then you have options, Seth.” Xavier says this time, just as soft as Dana was. “You don’t have to bring anyone into the world if you’re not ready. It’s your body. Your decision.”

“How—far?” Seth asks again, his mind racing.

“Seven weeks.”

“Oh n-no,” Seth starts to panic, heartrate accelerating, with his mouth growing dry. He’s touching his belly, gripping the fabric of shirt in a white-knuckled grip. “Oh no. No. No. I can’t...I can’t—” he pants harshly, panic cutting off his air supply. “I, uh—” weakly, he struggles to his feet.

“Seth, I’ll need you to calm down. You’re so pale!” Seth hears Dana’s instruction from afar. The pain is clawing it’s way up into his throat. He blinks rapidly, trying to clear his vision. “You’re hyperventilating, sweetheart. Calm down!”

“He doesn’t want any more kids!” Seth screams right back, the tears finally escaping. They fall like a heavy storm—thick and filled with destruction. The timeline makes sense. Before his breakup with Roman, he wasn’t having much sex with Brock—the man’s hardly home anyway. And the pills...when Roman was ghosting him, Seth can’t give out a definitive yes on whether or not he was taking them. The only thing he’d be thinking about was Roman. And their last night together...they still had unprotected sex. This is all a mess. He’s such a mess! How could he be so careless?

“I-I w-want this to be Brock’s baby. Please, that is what I want.” Seth pleads, looking desperately at his friends—beseeching them for any kind of help.

“Wait...it’s not?” Xavier is taken aback. “You were careless enough to let another man have you bareback?”

“Xavier!” Dana thankfully cuts in. “Now’s not the time to lecture him about what he did or didn’t do. The only thing we can do is be there to help. He’ll need us until he figures out what to do.”

“Sorry.”

“Come sit down, baby.” Dana, again, guides him to the couch. Seth lays his head on her shoulder, folding his arms to his waist in panic. “I want you to process the shock first. The other things, we can discuss when you’re ready. It doesn’t have to be tonight. Take your time.”

Seth wishes he could but he fears he’ll have to think fast. He doesn’t want to grow attached to the baby that he’s not even ready for. _You’re already calling it a baby._ His subconscious screams at him. At seven weeks, what’s inside him is still just an embryo—it’s not a baby yet. But somehow, Seth can’t stop hearing the word ‘baby’ ring in his mind over and over again.

He’s having a baby...and he’s not sure how to feel about that.

* * *

The following day, Dana skips work with him to take him to the doctor.

Dr. Britt Baker, a professional gynecologist, only confirms what the tests already said last night. She performs an ultrasound, in which she detects the baby’s heartbeat. 105 beats per minute, she tells them. It’s an assuring sign of the health of the pregnancy. Seth can only look at her blankly, trying to be put off by the sound, but Dana’s awwing, and cooing. Her laugh is vibrant, she squeezes his shoulder.

Seth starts to cry. He doesn’t know how to tell her that she’s only making his decision harder. Dear god, he doesn’t know what to do. He’s in such a deep sandpit that he doesn’t know how he’ll pull himself out of this one. Dr. Baker offers him a few words of comfort, and asks to be excused. She has another appointment to set up for in fifteen minutes.

On the way home, Dana stops at a Popeye’s. Seth suspects it’s to make him feel better because she knows it’s one of his favorites. She stops at a grocery store as well, and comes back with two bags filled with comfort food. There’s the mint chocolate chunk Ben & Jerry’s ice-cream. Seth still doesn’t get his sudden love for the ice-cream, pregnancy cravings be damned, but he starts to feel better as he eats it.

“Go to your room. I’ll grab us some plates then come to you,” Dana instructs as soon as they reach home.

Seth doesn’t argue, follows the instruction without hesitance. He has no idea where to hide the sonogram pictures he got from Dr. Baker so he keeps them on his bedside drawer. “How are you feeling?” Dana asks as she sits beside him in bed.

“Don’t know,” Seth shrugs, attention on the TV show that’s only serving as background noise. “Fearful. Lost. Sad. Hurt.”

“Good. I’m happy you’re acknowledging that. It will help us tackle the whys.”

Seth looks at her, and gives her a teary smile. The first tear that slips past is brushed aside. He doesn’t have the energy to do the same with the others. He starts talking, like an informant, spilling the beans. Roman doesn’t want kids. He was having a hard time loving his son. So Dolph and his husband were the boy’s primary caretakers. They were taking care of him until Roman finally gathered the courage after he broke up with Seth. He’s a great father now—from what Seth saw at the bookstore. This and more, he tells Dana.

“I don’t want to mess up this...stability that he’s working so hard to build for himself,” he whispers, sniffling loudly. “This will turn his world—upside down, Dana. Matteo isn’t even a year old. I-I think he’s nine months. That also means it still hasn’t been a year that Naomi passed on. He has h-his own—battles to fight. I d-don’t want to complicate life for him.”

“But yours is getting complicated,” Dana argues. “Yours is being flipped upside down. By something that you didn’t do alone. You weren’t fucking yourself, Seth. He participated too. Besides, you said yourself that the man cares about you. I’m sure if you told him, he’d understand.”

“And if it’s the opposite? If he wants me to get rid of it?”

That gives Dana a momentary pause, she eyes him up and down. “Seth...do you—” she shakes her head. “Do you want to keep this baby?”

“It’s not a baby yet,” he’s stalling and he knows it.

“Just answer the damn question.”

“Maybe,” Seth blinks rapidly, taking a long deep breath. “If I can’t have him fully, then why not have a portion of him?”

“So you are still in love with him?”

Seth doesn’t answer.

“Then what are you still doing with Brock, Seth?” Dana clearly already knows the answer to her previous question. “You’re both wasting each other’s time. And I know I said we should wait for you to do it but now’s never been better, Seth. Life is too short. You told me the story about how hard that man worked. Do you persistently want to continue working towards something that clearly isn’t working out? If tomorrow or even next month was your last day on earth, would you be pleased with yourself knowing you settled for less than you deserve? If you’re not going to do it for yourself, at least do it for your child. He or she deserves to have a brave mommy. I know how courageous you are. It just takes that one bold step.” 

“But then...I won’t h-have anyone. I’ll be all alone.”

“Sometimes,” Dana starts, she brushes his hair out of his eyes, gently wiping away his tears. “Being alone can be the best thing that happens to us. It’s better than being miserable _with_ someone. It’s time to move one, sweetheart.”

Seth doesn’t know what to say so he cries.

He cries himself to sleep.

* * *

Seth has thought of a dozen ways to do this.

A text. A letter. Perhaps a brief phone call. Or to do what Roman did to him that time Seth was ghosted. He’s thought of a lot of ways to do this. But nothing seems more satisfying, or mature than doing it face-to-face. A few days ago, after Dana spent the night here with him, Seth really thought hard about her words. For the past three days, he’s thought of nothing else.

And today, he’s decided to set himself free.

To let go of the things that he can’t change. He wants to be happy but that can’t be done around the man who continuously puts him down. He is in love but not with the man sitting in front of him and giving him a searching glance. He’d give anything to be with Roman but he can’t make the man love him. He wants to have a bright future but that can’t be done when some things are still pulling him behind.

Seth has decided to let go.

For his sake. For the sake of this baby growing inside him. For the sake of his future. For the sake of his baby’s future. For his happiness. For his baby’s happiness—because you can’t make someone else happy when you’re unhappy yourself. He’s letting go for his sanity—and the wellbeing of his baby. He knows it won’t be easy, the hardest challenges are still to come. There’s so much that needs to be done. But breaking ties is his first priority.

“Thank you for coming back as soon as I asked,” he tells Brock. “You haven’t done that in such a long time but I think it shows you’re trying. It means so much to me.”

“We sacrifice for the ones we love, don’t we?” Brock asks seriously and then he laughs, and adds, “Besides, you’re always moody lately. I don’t wanna get on your bad side.”

Seth manages a small laugh, that ends with him releasing a few tears because he is emotional. He wipes the tears away with a handkerchief. “I’ve got s-so much to say, Brock. And I hope you—listen carefully and try to u-understand,” he croaks, holding the eye contact, he owes Brock that much at least.

Seth begins to tell his story, right from the beginning. That morning when they were arguing about family, how Seth felt ganged upon by Brock’s family because the man sometimes discusses their problems with his mother and brothers. Seth tells Brock the truth of that night he came home after 02:00 am. He shrinks in on himself, fearful at the changing expressions on the man’s face. “I-I have no excuse for my actions, Brock. I wish I could—”

“Shut up!” Brock stands in slow, measured movements. Seth watches in horror as Brock’s face goes from hurt to rage in 0.01 seconds. He doesn’t say anything else but his predatory movements do. Seth stands to his feet, attempting to backtrack from the man that he’s so hyperaware of, but his legs merely collide with the edge of the couch and just as he’s about to fall back, Brock grips his left arm. The touch is far from gentle, long fingers dig into his skin—bruising, Seth whimpers in pain. “ _Why?_ ”

“I-I,” Seth scans his surroundings, for any possible escape, should Brock turn into a vicious beast. He tries to pry away the hand on his arm but it only tightens. “You’re hurting—me.” He croaks, fighting to get air in his lungs. Brock is so much bigger than him, and with the man in his space, Seth feels suffocated—can’t breathe right. “Please, Brock. I—didn’t want to continue lying to you. T-This is why I’m telling you.”

“And you fucking waited until you decided that you’re breaking up with me.” Brock grits out, he’s still gripping Seth to the point of pain. His eyes are stormy, emotions volatile. “How convenient.”

“I’m—sorry,” Seth doesn’t know what else to say. He’s trembling, hoping to be allowed his leave. He doesn’t want to stay here a moment longer. “I just—it hasn’t been working out for years. We’re unhappy, and I’m just so very tired. You have a way of making me feel like I’m not good enough. It doesn’t matter what I do. You’re hardly home, you never take my side. You don’t like the way I look, the way I dress and—”

“That’s it? That’s what gives you the excuse to fuck around? You never told me any of this before, Seth. I would’ve fucking listened if you talked to me!”

“Like you did when I told you about that blonde? Like you do when I send you something and you ignore me? Like you do when you’re home? By watching the TV all day and barely paying me any attention,” Seth queries, tears in his eyes, as he feels himself grow frustrated. “This is your fault, too. If you just—fucking _listened_ to me, I-I wouldn’t be here.”

“So what this is about attention?” Brock snorts, sounding just as frustrated. He gets into Seth’s face, voice shaking in fits of rage. “I’m not listening to you so you decide to fuck another man? Not once. You _repeatedly_ let him inside you! I—” Brock throws his hands in the air. “Fuck this! I don’t even know why we’re doing this. You’re nothing more than a fucking slut. And you’re going to die alone, Seth. Like your sick mother. I was trying to create a dignified person out of you but you’re just like her. Get the fuck out of my house. We’re done here.”

It hurts to watch Brock walk away. But it’s his words that twist the dagger further into Seth’s past wounds. The man has just preyed on his fears. Seth is stripped naked as he walks out. He is humiliated, once more by the man he was in love with for so many years. It’s getting harder to breathe, and he’s thankful as he makes it outside. Taking out his phone, he texts Dana.

_It’s done._

A response comes almost immediately. She’s on her way.

Seth falls on their sidewalk, hugs himself tightly and waits for Dana to come pick him up. He still has so much to do. Tonight he’s spending the night at Dana’s. He doesn’t want to be alone so they’re spending the night in—him, Dana and Xavier. Tomorrow, they’re going to help him unpack all his belongings into a flat he found twenty minutes away from his job. It was expensive as shit, and Seth didn’t have that much saved in the bank but Xavier helped him out.

Dana is going to help him with the groceries. Next month, he’ll just have to figure himself out. Then there’s also the issue of...Roman. Seth has been trying to gather the courage to call the man but he’s so scared. He’s eight weeks in but just as terrified as he was when he found out a few days ago. Dana told him he needn’t rush it...for now. There’s already so much that he has to deal with—telling Roman can wait. Seth knows she’s right. He’s still processing the pregnancy so rushing to tell Roman will do him no good.

Seth blinks to clear his vision as the sound of stilettos clicking against the ground capture his attention. He stands to his feet as Dana gets closer. “Hey, you...” She pulls him into a tight hug. Seth returns it, just as tight, allows it to anchor him. He breathes in her scent, missing his mom so much. “It’s going to be all right, baby boy. Things will work out.”

Somehow, hearing those words cause Seth to crumble. He cries in her arms, takes comfort in her embrace—until eventually his body is too weak. He follows Dana to the car, gets in the passenger seat. Brock’s house grows smaller and smaller as they drive off, until Seth can’t see it at all. Strangely, he doesn’t feel burdened at all at the knowledge. It doesn’t freak him out. Of course, he’s mourning a relationship of five years but part of him can’t help but feel...relieved.

_It’s over._

Dana interrupts his musings, and grabs his hand. Seth looks over at her, managing a tired smile as she squeezes his hand. “I am so proud of you.”

_Me too._

“Hey, can you play T.N.T by AC/DC?”

Dana stops at a red light, peers over at him and laughs. She grants him his wish nonetheless. Finally. Like books, music can take you away. It can shield you away from everything wrong in the world—if only for a little while. Seth starts to hum softly to the song, closing his eyes as he shuts away the world. Unconsciously, his arm folds around his middle protectively.

It feels like almost...everything is right in the world. It’s such a soothing feeling and Seth can only hope that it will last for a very long time.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya. Forgive any mistakes...

Living alone after all these years will take some getting used to. Seth reminds himself gently as he enters his building’s doors, absentmindedly greeting the doorman once inside. He can feel the exhausting tears fighting to push out behind his eyelids, the telltale signs of his frustration at himself. He did it again. After work, instead of coming here, he took the route that leads to Brock’s house instead. _At least this time, you didn’t go all the way there._ It’s true but Seth still hates it.

Part of him knows it’s not his fault, just reflex. For five years, Brock’s house was his home and now things have changed—but his mind hasn’t fully processed that things are different. And it’s not even about missing Brock but the routine—of making a half-hour drive instead of fifteen, and passing his favorite ice-cream spot, and the cute little bakery that he always bought his bread at. All those little routines, and things that he was used to are no more. And Seth doesn’t regret the decision he made but it’s still so hard for his mind to accept. 

Noticing that all three elevators are not on the ground floor, Seth decides to take the stairs. He lives on the second floor—in a cozy, little two-bedroom apartment. Everything about it is breathtakingly luxurious and he has a balcony—the view isn’t so bad, considering he’s on the lowest floor. And stepping out into the open, and being able to see his lightly traveled, tree-lined street, leading to the beautiful coffee shop just a block away from his apartment is always comforting.

The expensive rent is worth every penny but Seth isn’t sure if making timeous payment is something he’ll manage over an extended period of time. With all the expenses and responsibilities that he has (that he’s going to have with a baby on the way), he’ll have to find something more affordable over time. For now, he’s telling himself to not stress too much about the things that don’t need urgent attendance. It hasn’t even been a week that he up and left Brock’s home—just five days.

As soon as Seth enters his apartment, the loneliness attacks him. It’s such a sudden feeling that Seth can feel his throat constricting a little. Will he ever get used to living alone like this? He doesn’t know, but hopes so. Because he hates feeling this way, like the darkness is literally seeping into his bones, draining him of any light and warmth. It’s not helping his case that Brock’s words are almost always playing like a broken record in his mind. Seth is all alone—just him, no partner.

He can only hope it’s temporary.

***

The shower doesn’t rid him of his exhaustion unfortunately. Seth knows why—mental and emotional exhaustion aren’t always remedied by hot showers but he was hoping. Seth tiredly moves to the walk-in closet, scans what he could wear. His eyes flicker to the medium sized black suitcase and he shakes his head franticly. He promised himself he wouldn’t do this anymore. How else can he move on otherwise?

But...but...wearing Roman’s clothing isn’t going after him. It’s not stalking him or doing anything bad. Roman gave Seth his clothes—the sweaters, the hoodies, the t-shirts, the dress shirts. It was all him. And though his scent has long faded, Seth can’t help but feel safe in his clothing. He can’t help but feel comforted. Like no one in the world can hurt him.

No one except Roman but Seth is slowly trying to move on from him.

He puts on Roman’s white shirt—from the first time they went to that hotel together. Not bothering with underwear, Seth goes to the kitchen to find something to eat. Dana helped him out with groceries but Seth keeps on reminding himself to not eat too much. He’ll be starving come month end if he’s not careful. He makes ramen noodles, adds in some avocado, pepper and lemon juice. Then he goes back to the bedroom, gets his laptop and scrolls through Netflix.

He’s not sure what selection he makes. The film serves as background noise anyway. Seth’s thoughts are running away with him again. Maybe it has to do with the silence that seems to echo around the room. It makes his room appear much larger, making him feel terrifyingly small and alone. He’s really not used to this, and feels so idle and helpless that the tears start to fall silently.

Seth wipes them away, but that only makes things worse. His sobs are the only sound in the room, somewhat comforting, it means he won’t have to be trapped in the silence, in his own thoughts. Seth readjusts himself on the bed, and hugs one of the pillows tightly and cries. He cries himself to the point of exhaustion, teetering on the edge of unconsciousness—until finally he surrenders, his mind going into a free fall, swirling with the beautiful chaos of a new dream.

Roman stays with him that entire night.

* * *

Seth _hates_ being pregnant.

He’s being serious. It’s only been two weeks but he’s fed up—and so close to ripping his spirit right out of this damn body. It’s 02:14 am—and he’s scanning the stupid aisles of a grocery store because his fucking hormones decided that Seth is hungry for that stupid mint chocolate chunk ice-cream, peanut butter and pickles—everything that Seth currently doesn’t have in his fridge.

So he left his apartment, confusing the nightshift doorman, in one of Roman’s hoodies and some Game of Thrones pajama pants that have seen better days, headed to where he is right now, looking at the different flavored beef jerky longingly. It’s all so insane. He came here for the other things, goddammit! But now he’s taking a packet of each flavor—teriyaki, sriracha, Korean BBQ—and adding it to the list of items in his basket. The last thing on his list is the ice-cream, so he follows down the path leading to the refrigerators.

“Fancy meeting you here,” Seth hears a voice smoothly rumble from behind him. He spins on his heels, too fast that he almost falls on his ass.

Fuck, why does this always happen to him? In front of _him_ no less. “Roman!” his voice lifts an octave, heart starting to pump faster than it was three seconds ago. “What are you doing here?”

“Could ask you the same question,” Roman cocks an eyebrow, slight amusement betraying his impassive features. He’s as hot as the last time Seth saw him, and the younger man can’t hide his fluster over the wanted, but overwhelming, attention. “Are you a vampire? Hmm? You don’t sleep at all in the night so you go around scouting for your next victim at grocery stores?”

“Yup, you caught me,” Seth plays along. “This is all a ploy to get someone naïve enough to go back home with me. So...wanna hang out? I’d really like to get to gnaw you!”

Roman rolls his eyes, but Seth’s stupid little joke doesn’t go over his head. He laughs, the sound so distinctly him. The beauty of it travels to Seth’s belly, causing the lions to stomp around in there—in jubilation. “That’s a...that’s a good one. I wasn’t expecting that one.”

“Me too,” Seth smiles, taking the time to scrutinize Roman. He’s not even carrying any basket or cart to show that he was buying something. Seth has a fleeting suspicion that the older man was wandering around aimlessly. “Why aren’t you at home, Roman?” Seth asks worriedly, hoping that nothing is amiss back home. “Is—your son okay? Everything fine at—home?”

“Fine,” Roman’s return of Seth’s scrutiny makes the younger’s cheeks grow warm. He barely stops himself from fidgeting, especially as he realizes that Roman is also taking in his appearance—the hoodie that Seth has on. Something flickers in Roman’s eyes, gone too fast for Seth to read. He wouldn’t have been able to anyway, not with his current bashful fluster. “I’m glad you’re getting some food, Seth.”

What does Roman mean?

“You look like you’re not eating enough. I am worried.”

“I j-just, sometimes I’m not feeling well enough to eat,” Seth replies, his stomach fluttering anxiously at Roman’s unwavering stare. It feels like the man is close to seeing everything single thing, to reading all of him—and Seth knows he can—and Seth can’t have that. He’s not ready. Not ready at all—even as he helplessly gazes into his baby daddy’s soulful brown eyes. “I-I’m trying to eat though. It’s...so I’m buying this—to eat,” he adds in the last part weakly.

Roman’s assessment of the food that Seth has in his basket is a toss between a glower and an annoyed frown. “I don’t see any real food here. Vuoi morire di fame a morte?” He asks in a sharp reprimand, brown eyes narrowed in on Seth. “Do you want to starve yourself to death? Or are you on a diet that the rest of the world hasn’t caught onto yet? This...this is not food, Seth.”

“It’s what I wanted,” Seth defends, tone wavering slightly. “I was hungry for this—and the last time I made something myself, I ended up vomiting badly I thought I caught a bug or something.”

Roman has the grace to reveal his mysterious smile this time. “Only you would poison yourself with your own cooking,” he gently wraps a hand around Seth’s arm, leading him to the cashiers. “Settle your bill, I’ll wait outside. I know a 24/7 Polynesian food shack ten minutes away from here.”

“What about my car?”

“It’ll still be here when we come back.” Roman says without missing a heartbeat. “If something happens, I’ll get you a new one.”

Of course he’d say this—and so casually. Like buying a new car isn’t a big deal. “Rich people!” Seth huffs, rolling his eyes at a grinning Roman.

***

“You never did answer my question,” Seth asks around a spoonful of ice-cream. They’re at the Polynesian spot that Roman was talking about. Seth has eaten enough for five days but that still won’t discourage him from pounding into his favorite ice-cream. Roman keeps directing intrigued glances at him—and Seth isn’t sure what he’s searching for. There’s nothing to see. Just another normal night—with him eating ice-cream with peanut butter and pickles. “About your son. Where is he now?”

“Jimmy and Dolph,” Roman murmurs coolly. “They are going to Florida for the weekend to visit my extended family. I am unable to join them as I will be travelling to Botswana on a business trip come morning.”

“What time?” Seth asks worriedly, wondering just what in the hell Roman’s doing here with him then.

“06:00 am,” Roman looks at his watch. Seth doesn’t know what the time is exactly but he knows it’s very late into the night—or early into the morning. Maybe 03:00 or 03:30 am. His face falls slightly, and he starts to tug on the end of Roman’s hoodie. He only stops as Roman grips his wrist. “You’re fine. I couldn’t sleep anyway. Usually, Matteo’s right in bed with me—and now I can’t...sleep without him.”

“You miss him,” Seth’s lips pull into a tiny, smitten curve. He hates the emotional rollercoaster he can go through in just one sitting with this man—just two seconds ago he felt bad for keeping Roman like this.

“I think I do,” Roman nods, proud smile on his face—but there’s a boyish expression on his face that reveals how bashfully shy he actually is about everything. Seth’s never seen this side before.

“I’m proud of you,” the younger says softly, looking up at Roman and then his hands. From what he can see, Roman’s changed so much. It’s clear he’d meant what he said when he said he wanted to make his son his priority—the growth and love is clear as daylight. And Seth is happy for him. Truly he is. But his heart aches for what they lost. For what they could’ve had. He was even willing—

“Do you still go to that bookstore on Williamson street?”

Seth blinks his tears, as Roman cuts through his thoughts, and clears his throat. “N-Not really. Not since—” _that day I saw you_. “Life’s just been really hectic—and confusing...”

They spend close to two hours at the restaurant. Roman buys him takeout, indecipherable expression etching his features as he guides Seth to the car. He’s silent for the rest of the drive—almost absentminded but Seth has no idea what’s going on with him. As he goes ignored, Seth decides to give up any form of attempts at light talks. He has no idea what’s changed the mood so he rests his head against the window, focusing on the nothingness outside.

After they get to the grocery store’s parking area, Roman steps out of the car, goes to the passenger side to help Seth out. He always did this—no matter Seth’s half-attempted protests. They walk to Seth’s car. Silently, they stand in front of it, looking at each other. Seth bites his lip anxiously, isn’t sure what to say exactly. Not as he’s lost in Roman’s eyes. So brown and deep.

Books always go on and on about how blue eyes are pretty, but brown eyes are beautiful. Rich and deep as the color of the earth—and completely spell-binding. At least that’s the case with Roman. The air around them is swimming with emotion, daring one of them into making the first move. Seth aches to do just that—to crumble into the desire, and _surrender_. But weakness leads to heartbreak, at least in his case, as he stares at the man he’s ridiculously in love with.

Two months and a week later, but still the same fervor.

Seth wonders if it will all fade away someday.

He hopes so... He doesn’t.

A tender kiss touches his forehead, unexpected, and his body goes into overdrive. Feels like an internal inferno. He grips the front of Roman’s jacket, staring up at the man who suddenly moves his hand to gently rub on Seth’s bottom lip. The seconds go by again—all so silent. They’ve never needed words to speak for them, their connection. Seth can feel it now—how _profound_ it is.

_Kiss me, please._

He makes the beseech from all those weeks ago again. Aching. Needing. Like a burden on his soul.

“Congratulations,” Seth feels Roman’s lips brush against his lightly—moving ever so slowly. As if they’re caught in a place where time is nothing but a mere concept. Seth can feel the barriers rebuilding around Roman again as his lips hover against his forehead once more. _No...please_. _Not again, Roman._ His heart is whining as Roman pulls away. “You’re going to make a great mother.”

For a while, Seth’s hazy mind isn’t registering the full meaning of Roman’s words. Not until the man’s a distance away from him, closing in on his black Bentley. “I—left him. I left Brock!” He murmurs, loud enough for Roman to hear. He wants to say more but somehow, his breath is clogged up in his throat, and words fail to reach the tip of his tongue.

Not even as Roman says, “Good for you,” almost indifferently, before getting into his car and driving off.

* * *

For the next week, things are...weird.

A good weird. Roman, he keeps in touch—and Seth can hardly believe it. The first time he did happened only two days after they’d met at the grocery store. “Sorry for the late call. I had delays with my flight—and lost my phone somewhere during my travels. Unbelievable but true. How are you, Seth? Have you eaten?” Seth had heard Roman’s deep rumble on his phone, the man’s voice affecting him unlike anything else Seth has ever experienced.

It’s how he finds himself here. Getting morning calls from Roman. “Don’t forget to eat,” the man reminds him every morning. “Are you feeling okay? You sound off.” He is asked whenever he has morning sickness. “Have you tried inhaling citrusy smells—like a slice of lemon? Dolph used to do that when he was pregnant,” Roman will proceed to suggest. ‘ _It’s 12:00. Tell Corbin you’re due for lunch. I’ll personally kick his ass if he denies you._ ’ A text will come through just before lunch. Another one reminding Seth to eat will follow after work. And then finally one last call before bed, “Go to bed. I can practically see you dozing off. Have a goodnight, Seth.”

All the understated gestures are turning Seth into a pile of goo—constantly reminding him why he fell in love with Roman. Why he’s still in love with him. It’s all a torture that Seth is stupidly happy to be subjected to. Because it strengthens his resolve to tell Roman. He’s still stuck in Africa, in Namibia this time, but they spoke this morning and Roman said he’ll be home by Friday. Unfortunately, they won’t even cross paths.

Seth is going to des Moines this weekend—to visit his mother. He really does miss her—and maybe the pregnancy is making things ten times worse. His mother, Agatha, lives in a rehabilitation center. It’s been that way for a while. She suffers from depression and has a deep fear of being alone—and well, Seth isn’t available to cater to her every hour so they mutually agreed on the center.

He hasn’t visited her in a while though, probably close to a year, but she’s always so understanding. Always so happy that it’s hard to believe that she’s the same woman who’d fall to pieces every time a new boyfriend left her high and dry—with Seth having to pick up the pieces each time. If only, she hadn’t left his father, his thirteen year old self would resentfully scream internally. Yes, he told her she was stupid and ugly and called her an overweight pig but it wasn’t so bad as the physically abusive temporary boyfriends his fifteen year old self would reason.

It all happened so long ago but the memories are a fresh wound. Seth knows that part of him stayed with Brock for so long because in his head, he was fighting for what his mother had foolishly thrown away. For so long, he’d fought hard to not be like her—alone and miserable. But last night, he talked to her and she’s...happy.

She’s so happy. So very happy that it makes his heart hurt.

Alone, with no man in her life, she’s doing so well. And Seth realized that that’s exactly what he wants too. Pure happiness. Exuberant joy. Just...unadulterated joy. He wants that for his unborn child. For him or her to be so happy that they’re not fearful of being alone. That they don’t stay in toxic relationships for the sake of being with someone. He wants his child to remember only his smile, his positivity, his confidence. He wants his child to remember mommy as a beautiful sunray.

He’s already making the changes. As much as he’s in love with Roman, Seth has decided that he’s going to accept the fate of being nothing more than acquaintances with the man. He’s accepted that they’re not in a relationship or going to be in one. Maybe one day, when they’re both in similar phases of their lives, maybe they can try—with everything in the open this time. For now, Seth is hoping that Roman will believe that the baby Seth is carrying is his—and then they can figure out the way forward.

A soft, “Mr. Rollins, come in,” brings him back to earth. Dr. Baker is looking at him with her sunny smile.

Seth returns it, and steps inside. 

* * *

Seth returns from Iowa feeling refreshed. He had a great time with his mom. The doctors at the center thought going out would do her some good. So they went to Seth’s childhood home, it’s now in the care of one of his distant uncles but he’s the only family they have that isn’t a leech.

He’d taken his mom to the carnival, like she used to take him as a youngster. They went on a little road trip, to a farm not far from their home. Seth indulged her the entire weekend, with his crippling bank balance but it doesn’t matter because in the end, his heart feels so fucking full. And it’s a feeling that Seth knows will last for a really long time. “Is he a good man?” she’d asked him the morning that he was driving her back to the center.

She hadn’t needed to elaborate further. Seth told her everything immediately he saw her anyway. She hadn’t bothered to hide her joy over Seth ending his relationship with Brock. She’d never liked him—but didn’t want to further strain their relationship with her honesty. “To the point of frustration,” Seth had told her. “He’s too good, mama. Sometimes, I think he’s too good to be true.”

“Don’t we all say that? When our self-esteem has been bashed to the point that we don’t remember what it’s like to be treated as humans anymore. When it’s so low that we stay with the cheater, the manipulator, the cheater...because that’s where our level of confidence is. Because our minds have become accustomed to it? That we end up thinking some men are too good for showing the slightest kindness because we’re just not used to it.”

Seth hadn’t known how to respond.

He still doesn’t.

The door to Seth’s apartment opens before Roman can knock. They have surveillance cameras outside their doors that allow them to see who’s outside from the small monitors in the kitchen. Seth commends the owner of the building, as the cameras are a great added safety feature. Not that he needs protecting from Roman. The man’s never done anything remotely violent that would make Seth uneasy. He just uses his natural command a lot—but even then he’s never compelling.

“Hello, you’re here.” Seth says, breathlessly, as he looks up at Roman.

“You called me,” Roman says slowly, obviously amused. Dammit, he looks so good in his suit—and Seth is mesmerized by the sight of him. “I didn’t know you stay here.”

“La residenza!” Seth shrugs, making way for Roman. “Xavier made the suggestion. It’s closer to work—and that means I wake up later now. I’m not going to complain about that,” Seth says, as they pass the kitchen. “Can I get you anything?”

“Water.”

“Be right back,” Seth informs Roman, casually adding that the man can get comfortable as he pleases. In the kitchen, he grabs a glass from the cabinet. Seth can hear the sound of the TV over the running water. He pours Roman the fridge water, and smiles stupidly at the sound of music as he gets closer to the living room. This man is literally the only human that Seth knows who enjoys music more than he does normal TV, movies, documentaries. “Here you go,” without another word, Seth hightails it into the kitchen.

It would be greatly impolite of him to not give Roman some food. Quickly, he scans the cabinets, part of him already feeling like a failure. Nothing in these cabinets will be quick enough for Roman to thoroughly enjoy. But he moves around the kitchen, trying his best to mix this and that. “That’s not how you cut carrot, tesoro. You could hurt yourself,” Seth hears Roman’s voice behind him. “What are you doing? You could’ve asked me to help you.”

“I—” Seth cuts himself off, doesn’t even know what he wants to say. They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach—and Seth doesn’t know. He’s nervous so he thought he could make Roman some food but maybe it was also a stalling tactic on his end. He watches, dumbfounded, as Roman takes over cooking duties. He moves around with fluid grace around the kitchen—an expert who knows what he’s doing, and Seth can only stand near the fridge stupidly.

“How did you settle in your apartment? I hope everything went smoothly.”

Seth clears his throat, and nods. “It went really good. Dana and Xavier helped me. The pricing’s a little high but you can see why.” Seth murmurs, voice lifting an octave as he tells Roman about his apartment. He’s so proud of it, can’t stop rambling about it, the beauty of everything inside. He tells Roman about the young couple next door, and the garden on the rooftop. “Our very own greenhouse!” he exclaims, with a smitten sigh. “The only missing thing is a coffee bookstore—and then this place will be heaven on earth. I really love it.”

Roman is silent a second, and Seth is worried that he’s rambled too much—or maybe Roman’s grown bored of him. Once, the man had told him that he doesn’t mind. But people grow tired, don’t they? Seth is readying himself to exit the kitchen, thinking that maybe Roman wants some space. But the man whirls around to face him suddenly, eyebrow arched in bemusement. He’s so gorgeous, with his shirt sleeves rolled up, and the top buttons undone. He’s always so put together that seeing him like this makes Seth feel...things. Clamping his thighs together, the brunet furiously ignoring the throbbing in between his thighs. 

“Will that make you happy, Seth? A bookstore inside the building?”

“Well...yes,” Seth blinks, caught off guard by the question. Then a thought crosses his mind, and he gets a nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach. “ _Roman..._ do you...? You...you own the building I live in?”

“La residenza is one of my buildings, yes.” The idiot says it casually, as if he’s listing off a book collection or something as inexpensive. “My cousins and I, we invest in property too.”

“Just how rich are you?” Seth blurts out before he can stop himself.

“Enough to know that it can’t buy happiness,” Roman replies with a smirk. He’s dished up their food without Seth even noticing. The plates are very beautiful, and Seth’s stomach is already growling in anticipation. “Let’s take this to living room.”

Seth doesn’t argue, follows silently behind Roman. He says nothing except compliment Roman on how delicious the food is. After that, the silence remains until both their plates are empty. The silence between them isn’t awkward but Seth starts to get a little antsy. His mind is running away with him—to the first time he knew he had fallen for Roman. It’s funny, how Roman hadn’t even been looking at him. They were coming back from his cabin, and his head had been turned to the side as he checked a red light but Seth _knew._ He’d known then, he knows now.

But for now, it’s best to ignore.

“I, um, thank you so much for coming, Roman,” he starts softly.

“I’m always here for you, Seth,” Roman murmurs, he sounds truthful, but he steals a glance at his watch. “For thirty more minutes right now unfortunately.”

Seth rolls his eyes but manages a teary laugh. The nerves snatch his words again, and he’s looking at his hands, so damn scared. He’s had weeks of practice but this isn’t any easier—even after the reassurances from Xavier and Dana. Seth feels like his heart might jump out of his chest. Gathering the courage to refocus his attention on a patiently waiting Roman, he shakes his head and closes his eyes. _It’s now or never. Now or never. Now or never..._

“I’m—pregnant, as you know.” He takes a deep breath, lips trembling. His eyes are burning as he tries to keep the tears at bay. “It’s—yours,” the words spill out of his mouth before he can stop them.

The silence that follows is _suffocating._

Neither of them speak, Seth can barely breathe as it is. It feels like his body is failing him, like it doesn’t know how to function anymore. He wants to continue, tell Roman something else. _You’re not obliged to care._ That sounds a little like emotional blackmail, doesn’t it? Seth doesn’t want to force the man into anything. The last thing he needs is Roman resenting their child.

“How—long?”

“I...um, I h-hit eleven weeks yesterday. I’ve known for f-four.”

Roman studies him, all guarded expressions, but Seth can practically see the wheels turning in his head.

“It’s y-your baby. I promise you, Roman,” Seth blurts out, panicking. It doesn’t look like the man believes him. He’s not even saying anything, just staring into the distance. “B-Brock and I-I, we weren’t...we weren’t having sex often. It was you—I was giving my body to you.”

“But you did sleep with him?”

Seth knows the man doesn’t believe him. It hurts more than he expected even though part of him should’ve expected it. It’s just...he doesn’t know. He’s so stupid, feels humiliated as he admits with a small nod.

“Then how sure are you that it’s mine, tesoro?”

It isn’t judgmental, but it is sure as fuck accusing. The bile is rising to Seth’s throat, making him feel increasingly sick. Part of him doesn’t believe what he’s hearing with his own ears. “I know...because...Roman, I know because the only time I got off those useless pills was when you were ghosting me. I know because you took my body without using protection that night! You, all you. Not Brock.”

“But you had sex with him after we...ended things.”

“Yes! So what?”

Roman shakes his head, he stands to his feet, pacing around while rubbing his temples. Seth hates it so much when he does that. Everything he’d feared, it’s happening right now. This baby is Roman’s. Seth knows it in his heart. Why won’t the man believe him? 

“I don’t mean to hurt you, Seth. But I want us to be practical here. I concur we had sex—and no protection was involved. But if you had sex with your boyfriend afterwards, surely there is a possibility that he’s the father. I’d told you from the beginning—I don’t want kids. Matteo is a priority, and I don’t want for him to have to share my love...not yet. I’m still learning all I can about him.”

Seth nods blindly, doesn’t know what to say. It feels like his greatest fears are coming true. Everything he’d tried so hard to not be as a youngster happening before his very eyes. He’ll be another statistic—just like his mother. “Then why...why were you being so kind to me, Roman? When you discovered I was pregnant. I—thought this would go well because I thought you cared about us.”

“I do care, Seth.”

 _It doesn’t seem like it._ Seth hugs his waist, exhaling tiredly. “I won’t force you to stay, Roman. I’m not going to force the responsibility upon you. I’m not going my child or myself through that. You’re not going to stay with us out of pity. I’ll love my child enough for the both of us.”

Roman snaps his attention to Seth, beautiful face pinched tightly. Seth wishes he knew what the man was thinking but he’s in stealth suit—practically impenetrable. He starts to whisper quietly to himself, in Italian or Samoan, Seth doesn’t know. “How safe is it to do a paternity test while you’re pregnant?”

The question catches Seth off guard. “I...don’t know. I—we can call my gynae.” Roman’s blank stare is all the go-ahead Seth needs. Dr. Baker tells them about Non-Invasive Prenatal Testing. It’s painless, fast and accurate, she tells them. The results are available within seven business days—with an optional of three days but for an additional fee. Roman practically jumps at the opportunity for the three-day result. Seth doesn’t know whether to be insulted or relieved.

After they make an appointment for the next morning, the room is silent again. Seth isn’t in the mood for Roman, wants the man as far away from him as possible. He tells Roman that eventually, and the older man readily accepts but not without murmuring his sincerest apologies. That makes things worse somehow—and Seth doesn’t want to cry in front of him. “Your—shirt,” he says at the door.

Roman, automatically, starts to unbutton his shirt. Seth grips the edge of the door, expectant gaze only broken as the lifts ding and footsteps echo in the hallway. It’s old Mrs. Zulu, walking ever so slowly with her cane. She smiles at them, curiously, as Roman gives his shirt to Seth. “I—hate you,” is the last thing Seth murmurs before banging the door at Roman.

* * *

“Seth, hear me out—” Xavier says softly, and Seth still can’t stop glaring at him. “I just mean—”

“You’re taking his side!”

“I’m not taking any sides,” Xavier’s hands lift in surrender. “But seriously, he’s allowed to question the paternity of the child. Heck, I would too. You were in a relationship with Brock—and Roman was the side. Maybe it’s stupid but it seems a bit logical that one would think you’re carrying the baby of a man that you were with for so long. This thing you had with Roman—it didn’t even last two months!”

“But it was enough for him to make me pregnant!” Seth hisses, discreetly looking around to see if he’s scared any of the other shoppers with the loudness. A young woman is heavily engrossed in her task of inspecting the fresh produce. “It’s his baby, Xavier! And he’s a jackass for having wanted this in the first place.”

They went to the hospital today, to take the necessary test to determine what Seth already knows. It was awkward and embarrassing—at least on Seth’s end. What Roman made him do made Seth feel like a slut. He was so mad and hurt that he didn’t speak to Roman at all on the drive back to his apartment. Seth slammed his door in the man’s face again—after demanding his shirt again. He didn’t care that Roman was going to a meeting right after. It’s what the Italian bastard for putting Seth through this inconvenience.

“You know that but he’s not sure.” Xavier grabs the Coca Cola. “What if the roles were reversed, Seth? Would you be as easily accepting, hmm? The man might be trying to look out for himself here. Imagine forming a close bond with an unborn child only to later discover that it’s not even yours. Imagine the pain of the emotional investment. You have to get where he’s coming from.”

“I’m still mad at him,” Seth folds his arms across his chest, starting to feel like a petulant child.

Xavier sighs loudly, sounding impatient. “Why the hell...?”

“I—felt like a slut in there, Xavier!” Seth recalls, brushing his hair away from his face. A puff of warm, frustrated air leaves him. “Felt like Dr. Baker was looking at me...like some sort of thing that sleeps around. And I’d been giving my body to Roman more than Brock.”

“Sleeping around is not a crime, you know. We’re all adults, we’re allowed our fun. As long as you know what you’re doing. Besides, I think it was all in your head. I don’t know why you’d feel like that.”

Because that’s how he grew up. Seth remembers with the kids in his high school, how they’d gossip behind his back and talk about his mom. Sluts can’t keep men. They’re not functional human beings, the kids would say. Some of their words stayed with Seth. They’ve shaped certain parts of him—and unlearning all their negativity and toxicity is a slow process.

“But what happens after the tests come back? I’m tempted to punish him somehow.”

“Why? He’s been here for you since he found out, hasn’t he? Even now, he still calls to remind you to take care of yourself. I hate to admit...but he’s too good. That’s exactly what you need in your life.”

“My mom said some of us have been hurt so much that we’ve become used to the maltreatment. So when good guys comes along, we don’t know how to deal with them. We chase them away because of the fear.”

“I can agree with that,” Xavier nods, pausing briefly near their car to look at Seth seriously. “Do us both a favor and don’t repeat the cycle.”

* * *

“I told you it’s yours,” Seth says weakly as they look at the results of the paternity test. He’d thought he’d be angry at Roman—and deep down, he is—but he’s hurt that the man didn’t believe him the first time more than anything. Part of him wants to hurt Roman somehow, like he’d told Xavier two days ago but a greater part just wants to snuggle into the man’s chest and cry.

Seth settles for the latter.

“I...tesoro, look—”

“I understand,” Seth hiccups, readily climbing onto Roman’s lap—whose arms encircle Seth’s waist. “My friend and I spoke—and he told me you’re not doing it on purpose. You just want to be sure—to protect your heart from emotional pain.”

Roman pauses a second, kissing Seth’s hair. “You told your friends about us.” It’s not a question.

“I can’t keep secrets from them.”

Silence again.

Seth peeks up at Roman to check if the man’s mad at him. Roman has his mysterious smile, and Seth still can’t read much of him, but as he looks into the man’s eyes...dare he hope—

“Why don’t you ever listen to a single instruction I give you, tesoro? It’s all in the contract.” There is no reprimand, no judgment, no anger—nothing. Just...mysterious tenderness.

“I’ve been known to suck at obeying the rules, Roman.”

Roman laughs, his beautiful rumbling laugh, the sound finding it’s way to Seth’s core. “Yeah, you suck at a lot of things.” Seth thinks he might be imagining things but Roman sounds suggestive. He’s proven correct as the man leans forward for a kiss.

Regrettably, Seth shies away from it. “Please, let’s not complicate things, Roman. I—love you so much but I—don’t think we can just push things under the carpet. You’re dealing with your issues, and I’ve realized some of mine. I want to deal with things too—and I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship. Not even sexual.”

He’s not mad. Roman’s not mad. There’s a slightly disappointed expression on his face as he nods his understanding. “You’re right. My apologies.”

“It’s fine. I’m still i-in love with you, that hasn’t changed. Maybe one day, when we’re both ready...we can...maybe we’ll start afresh. Maybe you’ll love me too, then?”

Roman sighs, there’s something there, in his eyes, that Seth can’t read. “Maybe,” he finally responds.

“Thank you,” Seth moves around to get comfortable, guides Roman’s hand to that place on his throat. Roman starts to tap against it gently, feeling his pulse. “I want to keep this baby. Do you want to keep this baby?”

A kiss touches his hair. “I want what you want.”

Seth nods, before a thought that causes his heart to shiver crosses his mind. “What about what you said? About not wanting your son to...share you?”

“I talked to my wife—there’s enough space in my heart to accommodate two more people, Seth.”

He said...two. Roman said two. Remembering to breathe is a foreign concept for Seth once more. He doesn’t dare hope...surely, Roman isn’t saying—

“We’re not having twins, Roman.”

“I know.” Roman doesn’t say further.

Seth, himself, is too scared to explore the possibility. Why now? So he refuses himself to believe the possibility, and hugs Roman tightly. _We’ll figure this out together._ Seth’s not sure what’s supposed to happen next. But Roman’s a man of his word, Seth knows this. It could explain why the entirety of him perfectly lulls within Roman’s embrace—as if the weight has been lifted off his shoulders. “With the two heartbeats inside of me, I love you.” He murmurs softly, into Roman’s neck.

Roman’s response is to hold him tightly—like he won’t ever let go.

Not again.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long as fuck...sorry! Also, thank you to the lovely SassyPepper. She beta read this and her feedback is amazing as always ♡

Two days after he hits his twelfth week of pregnancy, Seth has an appointment with Dr. Baker for an ultrasound scan as well as testing options for genetic diseases. He tells Roman about it, making sure to keep his voice indifferent—although, deep down, he really wants the man there with him—so as to not pressure him into anything. Seth knows that Matteo is still Roman’s priority—and then his work is a close second. The appointment is on a Monday—the busiest day of the week, and Roman probably has a lot on his plate—having to oversee and run an entire bank can’t be an easy job.

Seth refrains from screaming in delight when Roman tells him to send all the details. He only does that as the line on the other end goes silent. He’s with Xavier, and his best friend literally pauses his anime to look at him weirdly. Seth doesn’t explain, as he hugs his best friend close and just...exhales. It’s that feeling that one has when you’re unbearably happy about something and you can’t help but let out a breath because you’re so full inside. So content.

Lately, the feeling comes so naturally. Seth wakes up in the morning, and he finds himself looking forward to life—and the challenges that it comes with. He knows it’s because he’s actually _happy_ this time—ever since he left Brock. The other day, Bayley told him he’s glowing. And Elias keeps trying to take him out on a date—but he’s not the only one. Braun Strowman, the lovely giant from Tech Support, came to him a few days ago—fumbling and all—to find out if they could possibly hit the gym together sometime.

Seth was insulted, and had told the giant man off, until Dana brought him up to speed. Braun was actually trying to ask Seth out on a date—and since he’s obsessed with physical activity, he’d probably thought going to the gym together was a good idea. Seth had been embarrassed, he apologized yesterday but turned Braun’s offer down again. Aside from having his own workout routine (that caters for his current condition), Seth is not interested in dating—won’t be for a long while.

The freedom of being single is...refreshing. There’s a lot he’s trying to unlearn. There are parts of himself that he’s learning to love again. Yeah, he talks a lot so what? Once he gets started on something he’s really passionate about, there’s no stopping him. His laughs can get loud and annoying sometimes. He’s a little insecure too—and sometimes, he needs a little validation. Most of the time, he’s a sore loser and will sulk when he loses a game (Xavier and Dana know this very well)—but he’s still very competitive and would rather lose than have someone be lenient with him. There’s a lot that Seth is learning to re-love.

The clinginess, though, he’s trying his best to shed off. 

Sometimes, Seth does it without notice—especially around Roman. They’ve been spending a lot of time together, mostly at bookstores and coffee shops. Seth is enjoying the time together more than he’d like to admit. Roman even _reads_ to him—at bookstores, they’ll find a cozy corner, sit there and Roman will offer to read to him. He’s got such a beautiful voice—all deep, smooth and soothing. He’s like a warm blanket on a cold winter’s night. Everything about him is just... _intimate_. Cozy. Private. And his presence alone makes Seth feel beautifully isolated from the rest of the world—perfectly sheltered and safe.

Seth never had any of that with Brock.

Perhaps this is the reason falling for Roman was swift and effortless. The man hadn’t even tried hard, just had to be himself.

Seth loves being in love with him. He loves it more than he can explain.

* * *

Seth will never admit it to Roman (because the man will be unbearably smug about it) but the other’s music is actually starting to... _grow_ on him. They’re in the car, driving to Dr. Baker’s. Seth was surprised by a knock on his door at 07:00 o’clock this morning—it was baby daddy. Unknowingly, he’s been referring to Roman as ‘baby daddy’ a lot lately—and there’s always a natural reaction in his body that Seth is still unaware of.

Anyway, Roman was at Seth’s door this morning, looking all stern and serious. But there’d been a hint of his mysterious smile on his face. “Morning, sleeping beauty. Go get dressed, I’ll make breakfast,” had been the only thing an underdressed Seth was told before Roman had maneuvered his way around him, the kitchen his destination.

They had breakfast together, over a lighthearted, flowing conversation. It was Seth who did most of the talking, he’s noticed that Roman doesn’t talk a lot (it almost seems like a strenuous task to him)—unless he really has something to say or to make a dorky joke that he thought was funny. But he never gets tired of hearing Seth talk apparently—and he actually _listens._ It’s a nice change from Brock—and for a second, Seth had wanted for them to be like that forever...maybe in the future, because although Seth is taking a break from dating, one day, he’d hope to have more with Roman. For now, he appreciates them as they are—friends who’re going to have a baby together.

“What’s the name of this song?”

Roman turns his head to look at Seth. There’s a knowing grin on his face that makes Seth flustered. “Good Girls – Joe Thomas,” the man says nothing else.

Seth nods, looks out the window, finds himself admitting, “It’s pretty good,” breathlessly. He has no idea whether the shortness of breath is another pregnancy symptom—or if he’s looked at Roman for longer than should be allowed.

“Naomi – she introduced me to this music.” There’s a nostalgic note in Roman’s voice that breaks Seth into pieces. “Sorry, I uh...I didn’t mean—forgive me.” Roman clears his throat.

Seth risks a glance at him as they stop at a red light, surprised to find that Roman is already looking at him. There’s a hint of guilt in his brown pools and Seth doesn’t want to believe he has something to do with it. “It’s okay, Roman. You’re like...in love with her, I get it. She sounds like she was a beautiful soul, I could hear it in how you said her name.”

For a few seconds, Roman doesn’t reply. His features reveal the reluctance. Seth can’t be sure whether it’s done to protect him—or if Roman feels Seth isn’t close to him enough to talk to him about his personal life. The proverbial stealth suit—his impenetrable barrier. Finally, Roman’s sigh fills the car and he nods once. “Few humans have the beautiful energy she possessed. Few people can balance the gentleness and fierceness she had. I really learned a lot from her. Part of me is the man I am today because of her.”

“Tell me more about her.”

Again, that reluctance. But at Seth’s soft, “Please...” Roman starts to talk. It hurts to hear him talk so passionately about Naomi, how his eyes light up. Seth wants to be jealous (deep down, part of him is) but dear god, he can’t help falling _harder_. It’s strange, the longer Roman talks about his dead wife, the more Seth realizes why he’s so in love with him.

It’s clear as daylight. Roman loves deeply. He gives all of himself when he loves. Seth has never been talked about the way Roman talks about his dead wife. No one’s ever had that sparkling glint or animated expression when talking about him. Seth can only hope that the love will be directed to him, too, one day—but maybe a different one.

A higher level of love.

One that will hold deep admiration and respect—the way Seth admires and respects Roman. One that will not replace the love Roman has for Naomi. But a different one, that will be reserved for just Seth.

***

Dr. Baker is quite surprised to find that Seth isn’t alone this time. But it’s apparent that she puts two and two together and comes to a conclusion. Seth tries to keep from blushing as he introduces the two, while Roman is his usual self—cool, calm and collected. He’s oblivious to Dr. Baker’s obvious fluster that betrays her—revealing that Seth isn’t the only one affected by Mr. So Gorgeous, It Actually Hurts. Yes, he’s just referenced Taylor Swift...so what?

They’re guided to the vacant examination room, and Seth finds it sickeningly sweet that Roman comes to one side of him, his large hand crawling into Seth’s. “Are you feeling okay?” the older man asks him while Dr. Baker sets everything up.

“I think I had a little too much to drink,” the corners of Seth’s mouth turn upwards, and his face heats up with joyous warmth. “My bladder’s a little too full.”

“Sorry,” Roman murmurs, his hand gently brushing Seth’s hair—the feeling is so arousing that Seth purrs like a content cat. Roman’s deep rumble echoes in the room but he says nothing

It’s a beautiful experience—getting to see their baby together. Seth has happy tears in his eyes as Dr. Baker guides them through the entire ultrasound scan session. Their baby is laying on his or her side and looking at them, Dr. Baker tells them. “Those are the little one’s hands, and the feet are right over there—crossed,” she continues, pointing to the screen. The little one is squirming in there, moving around so beautifully that Seth gasps.

“It’s so strange because I can’t feel a single thing but he or she looks so comfortable. Our baby is chilling in there—and wiggling around. So comfortable—like you when you prance into my apartment,” Seth quips at Roman, sniffle-giggling at the older man’s eye roll.

“I’ve never seen anything like this before—” Roman’s fascination will be the death of Seth. He’s like a little child—a kid on their birthday or Christmas morning. He’s a man grateful for the simplest opportunity of just _viewing_ something that isn’t even fully developed yet. The emotion is clear in his eyes. Seth wants to cry—but he laughs hysterically, bursting with joy. Especially as Roman turns to him, water in the brown pools. “Wow...wow, Seth.” A kiss touches Seth’s forehead—intimate, tender.

The bliss ends eventually, as Dr. Baker concludes their appointment, and informs Seth about their next appointment. Roman takes over, telling her that he’ll make sure that Seth is here. He’s not disrespectful about it—just...overprotective, attentive but the platonic nature of it all is still there. The respect above all is there.

As they walk out of the hospital, their hands are linked together. Seth can’t bring himself to pull out of Roman’s touch—it’s...desired. “Are you hungry?”

Seth pats his belly gently, and finds himself nodding yes. “For some nuggets. Maybe some mint ice-cream too.”

Roman laughs, as he pulls out of the driveway, and peers over at Seth. “You’re always hungry for the mint chocolate.”

“It’s funny because I used to hate it but now I can’t survive without at least one bowl a day.” Seth reveals, amusement in his voice. “Actually, that’s how we discovered I am pregnant. Well, my friends did.”

“Oh...?”

“Mmm,” Seth nods, going on to tell Roman about that day at work with Xavier and Dana. Roman laughs, he always seems to think that Seth is funny. Car trips with him always feel too short, because Seth really enjoys Roman’s company—it feels like there’s never any pressure for him to pretend to be someone he’s not. They talk about any and everything together.

Roman’s slowly becoming one of his best friends, Seth realizes.

* * *

A month goes by, before Roman asks Seth if he’d like to meet Matteo. It’s such a blindside, considering Seth had hoped and eventually gave up. A few times, Dana and Xavier would question him about it but Seth wouldn’t have answers. For a long time, he’d just tell himself (and them) that Roman probably wasn’t ready to introduce him to his son. For multiple reasons probably, but Seth would never allow himself to explore them. His mind still has the tendency to sometimes run away with him—and prey on his insecurities.

“I’d love to so much, Roman.” He tells Roman, unsuccessfully attempting to hide his stupid excitement. “Should I bring anything?” he asks, because Roman said Seth will be introduced at a BBQ that he’s having with his family over the weekend.

“Your weird humor.”

“That’s your trait,” Seth pokes Roman’s shoulder, not wanting to overanalyze what the fond smiles on the strangers’ faces passing them by means. They’ve come back from volunteering at an old age home, something that Xavier told Seth about a few weeks ago and Seth suggested they do with Roman. It was fun, Roman has a natural charm about him that makes people feel at ease. Seth enjoyed playing chess with the old men—and he won two games but lost three. Yes, he was a sore loser about it and Roman made fun of him until Seth began to sulk.

Roman’s reply was to play this song – Petty Lover by an artist that Seth still doesn’t know. He plays it a lot, too. When Seth is in a bad mood, or feeling cranky because of hormones and part of him feels like strangling Roman, then the man will play that song. Seth would be offended, had he not realized that it’s Roman’s way of softening him, to make him placid, or to make him smile. It’s their thing now, their song. Seth tries not to read too much into the lyrics—they’re both really good friends who are getting to know each other and enjoy spending time together.

“Your belly’s getting a little bigger,” Roman says, finding Seth’s hand. They cross the street together.

“Not as big as I want it to be,” Seth replies with a little sigh. “I was googling pictures of 16 week belly bumps and other moms have much bigger bumps.”

“Naomi didn’t even look pregnant throughout her pregnancy. She looked chubby but it wasn’t anything round. I think bodies are different, tesoro.”

Seth still gets a sickening feeling whenever Roman talks about her but he’s come far from last month. It hurts but not too bad. Maybe it’s because Seth really feels like Roman cares for him. No one’s ever made him feel that way before—not even Brock. It’s in the way Roman’s actions speak louder than everything else—he’s always there. Always. Not once does Seth feel neglected by him.

“I know that, Roman. But I still think it would be nice—to have the concave a little more pronounced.”

“Maybe that could be good...means you won’t be hogging any of my clothes anymore.”

“Don’t say that,” Seth presses a gentle punch onto Roman’s arm. “I love your clothes. I’m obsessed with your scent.”

“I’m obsessed with you.”

Seth grips Roman’s hand, halts their movement. He knows they must look weird from an outsider’s perspective—standing in the middle of a busy street, just gazing into each other’s eyes. The stealth suit isn’t on Roman, his brown eyes are ever soulful. “Do you enjoy making people flustered like this?”

“No,” Roman shakes his head, his little smirk makes Seth smile. “No, just you.”

Seth decides to return the favor. He’s noticed just how flustered it makes Roman when people get into his personal space— ‘his bubble’, the man likes to call it. Standing on his tiptoes, Seth gets into Roman’s face, wrapping his arms around the taller man’s neck to trap him. As expected, the tips of Roman’s ears inflame and he clears his throat. Seth gets closer, and closer—until he’s practically brushing his lips against Roman’s. “You’re cute when you blush.”

“I do not blush.”

“Not often,” Seth agrees, he’s so comfortable in Roman’s embrace and so very reluctant as he pulls away. “But I like that I can lure it out of you. You’re infuriatingly calm and collected about a lot of things—making you blush makes my day.”

“Do not breathe about this to anyone else. It’s top secret information,” the warmth and humor in Roman’s voice does nothing to slow down how fast Seth is melting.

Pretending to zip his lips, Seth nods with playful seriousness. “It will be our little secret. I promise you.”

Roman intertwines their hands again, this time Seth is sure the passers-by are looking at them with smitten, envious glances—it’s stupid to admit that he welcomes every positive glance. It almost feels like him and Roman are an _item._..which is silly of course, because they’re just friends and doing so great that it would hurt to take things a step further only to strain the beauty of the connection they share. It’s all so confusing—and Seth figures as long as he’s still confused then it’s best that he stay away from hoping for more. Right now, he’s enjoying himself in the company of his self-proclaimed number one fan. A man who’s probably as obsessed with him as Seth is with him.

* * *

The barbecue will be much louder than Seth expected. He is able to tell as soon as Roman leads him inside his house (which, by the way, is ridiculously large and classy. There’s even a stunning lake view that Seth saw on his drive here), when two kids that can’t be older than seven years rush past him and Roman. “Jimmy’s twins...” Roman says as way of explanation, and Seth just nods his head.

He is still marveling at the sight of Roman’s home—how big everything is. It’s all so elegant, and Seth finds himself hyperaware of his own presence, feeling uncannily out of place, like he doesn’t belong. And he hasn’t even met Roman’s people yet. He wonders if he’ll be judged for what he’s wearing—some simple jeans and a t-shirt. Perhaps, he should’ve worn one of Roman’s Tom Ford shirts. “You look breathtakingly beautiful, Seth.” Roman murmurs from behind him, sounding so genuine. He’s a mind reader—always is when it comes to Seth.

“Are you sure? I’m beginning to think I should be more dressed up.” Seth tugs on his t-shirt, glaring at the black item in embarrassment. “What are your friends going to think?”

“That you’re an amazing human. They’re going to see what I see. Heck, Seth...I don’t care what they think. You’re not here for them. My son will love you. Twice he’s met you and both times he liked you just fine.”

Roman’s right, of course, but Seth would be lying if he said he still wasn’t a bit anxious about meeting Roman’s people. With a hesitant nod, he accepts Roman’s hand as the other man guides him through the hallway. There’s a beautiful picture there, on the wall, that gives Seth a stiffened pause. 

It’s... _her_ – Naomi.

In a picture that was clearly taken when she was still in the hospital, probably right after she gave birth, the woman rests on a hospital bed—her hair a little messy—with her young son in her arms. She looks exhausted but there’s something beautiful about it—and the light found in her eyes. Whoever captured the picture did a stupendous job. They can’t have captured the emotional rollercoaster of motherhood more beautifully.

“Did you take—this?” Seth asks indifferently, doing his best to keep from revealing his true feelings. Truthfully, he has no idea what he’s really feeling—just a conglomerate of emotions. The hurt and envy are the most prominent, and he doesn’t want to explore the root of these feelings.

“Yes,” Roman tears his hand away from Seth’s to touch the picture.

“She’s really beautiful.”

“I—know.”

Seth bites his bottom lip, doesn’t know what else to say. 

Roman takes his hand again—and then, almost mindlessly, links their hands before kissing Seth’s fingers. They move on down the hallway, past the living room to the sliding doors that lead to the back area. The outdoors are breathtaking, a fresh breeze whips past Seth and the skies are clear—a perfect September afternoon really.

Seth can’t help blushing as Roman takes him here and there, introducing him to a good friend and then a distant cousin. All these people are polite, especially the twin cousins – Jimmy and Jey. Seth can’t tell them apart, but Roman tells him he’ll get better, he’ll have plenty of time to. Seth has no idea what he means by that. A few words are spoken by the three, in a language Seth doesn’t understand, but he assumes it’s Samoan, before Roman tells him that they should go back inside. “Matteo’s in the master suite. He was sleeping when I left. He should be awake now.”

“Is he alone?” Seth asks, hoping Roman wouldn’t be irresponsible enough to leave his son all alone in what he’ll assume is another ridiculously huge room (everything he’s seen so far is huge).

“No. Dolph is with him.”

Roman pauses briefly at the door on the far end of his wide hallway, knocks twice and then opens the door. The sounds capture Seth’s attention first—so beautiful and happy sounding. He hasn’t yet seen the culprit but he knows it’s Roman’s son, and he wonders what’s made the little one so happy.

Roman’s bedroom is large and airy—plushly furnished in the coziest browns, golds and beiges. There aren’t any pictures in this room, Seth notes with great relief. Beyond the sliding doors, is a balcony that offers a glorious view of the lake in the distance. Dolph is at the balcony with the little one, and they seem engrossed in a game of peek-a-boo.

The game stops as Dolph takes note of their presence. There’s a little grin on his face, only broken as his attention goes to Seth. What does this man have against him? Seth stumbles on his feet, causing Roman to wrap an arm around his waist. “Always so clumsy,” the older man smiles down at him. He continues to poke fun at Seth for having two left feet but it’s hard for the brunet to concentrate on him. Not with how hard his heart is beating. Not as they finally come face to face with Dolph...and Matteo.

“Dolph, I’m back. How long has he been awake?”

“Not long—about fifteen minutes.”

Roman nods, his firm grip around Seth’s hip brings the younger man closer. Seth is the recipient of a sidelong glance that Roman gives him—there’s something about it that makes his heart beat hard against his chest. Roman’s seriousness makes Seth anxious. What is he searching for? Does he find it eventually? Is that the reason for his mysterious smile?

“Dolph, you’ve met Seth before.” Roman reverts his gaze to Dolph. The blond simply nods halfheartedly, as if he couldn’t be bothered, giving Matteo a little fluffy frog that the little one is pointing at while babbling incoherently. “Will you give us a moment, please? Matteo will be a big brother in a few months. He needs to know the man who’s carrying his little brother or sister.”

“I’ll check on Malaki and Mika,” the blond says, and Seth is going to assume that he’s referring to his twin sons. “He can get antsy around _strangers_ —don’t force him into anything if he’s not ready.”

Seth knows that was a dig at him...that Roman seems oblivious to as he playfully tickles his giggling son. Dolph eyes Seth once—nose upturned—and then sashays past him, back inside. Seth refuses to let the man get to him, he refuses. At Roman’s instruction, Seth shifts closer to where the man is kneeling on one knee in front of his son. Slowly, the pregnant man goes on both his knees, so shaky he fears he’ll collapse. The anxiety, it’s increased tenfold, and he feels like crying.

In front of him, is a beautiful ten month old—all majestic topaz skin that resembles the precious gemstone. The little one’s all rosy cheeks and wide-eyed. And when he smiles, those little dimples of his snatch Seth’s every breath. Never has he seen someone so perfect, so breathtaking. He aches to touch, and talk to the little boy—find out what’s making him laugh so much.

Roman reads Seth’s mind—like he always does. The little one is in his arms, Roman hugs him close, nuzzling him as Matteo attempts to grab his face and eat his nose. Seth sniffle-giggles, wipes away the embarrassing tears. “Here, hold him...if you’re comfortable.”

Seth looks at Roman, searching for any reluctance in his eyes, relieved as he finds none. With all the terror within him, his shaky hands draw forward, and he takes Matteo, has him in his arms. Immediately the little one squirms in his arms (black curls brushing against Seth’s cheek) and the brunet is terrified, almost returns the little beauty to his father—terrified that perhaps there had been a truth to Dolph’s words. Matteo doesn’t like him—Seth is a...stranger.

He’s surprised as this...precious, invaluable little human curls into him suddenly. The side of Matteo’s head rests on Seth’s chest, his tiny arms barely clinging to Seth’s. “Oh my god,” Seth gasps in a barely there whisper, truly amazed as his eyes snap to Roman. It’s unfair how hard he’s falling. “Do b-babies always smell so good or is it in your genes? Is this something he inherited from you?”

Roman chuckles his deep laughter, and the little one goes insane at the sound, bouncing happily in Seth’s arms. “Dada. Dada—jkakghnjh!” the sweet babble turns Seth into an emotional duck. There’s something infinitely beautiful about Roman’s son instantly recognizing his dad’s voice. It shows that Roman really has been active in his son’s life—and it’s immensely sexy that he’s so hands-on.

“I think he really likes you. He’s already leaving all his love drool on you,” Roman says, sounding very amused.

Seth nods blindly, sitting on his ass, and readjusting the little one to sit comfortably on his lap. “I t-think so too,” he chokes out a watery giggle. Matteo’s curious little hands are wandering his face, as if trying to learn everything about Seth. They poke his lips, his nose, and pull on his hair. And gosh, the drool...Seth will be a drenched mess by the time they go back to join the others. Matteo’s biting on his nose, and then his cheek—and then he babbles happily. _Delicious, like milk._ Seth will assume the little one is saying. “He’s so perfect, Roman. I can’t ask for a better sibling for our unborn child.”

“I—” Matteo claps his tiny hands loudly, before his arms fold around Seth’s neck to squeeze tightly. Seth shares a bewildered look with Roman before bursting into laughter as he shakes his head. “I think that he agrees. He knows he’ll be a great brother.”

“Such a good boy,” Seth murmurs softly, smiling as the little one’s small hand fists around his index finger. “Is it okay to kiss him?”

At Roman’s affirmative nod, Seth chooses to smooch the little one’s forehead gently. He understands how a lot of parents are uncomfortable about people kissing their children—and doesn’t want to put Roman in the same awkward position. Forehead kisses aren’t so bad, neither are the little ones left on cute chubby knuckles.

“Ready to go?”

For a while, Seth is lost on the meaning of Roman’s question. He...has been too distracted by the beautiful baby in his arms, and as he realizes, his body heats up in mortification. “Um...yeah.”

If Roman notices anything, he says nothing. He’s already standing, holding his hand out in that gentlemanly way again. Seth holds Matteo tightly to his hip, accepting the offered hand. He doesn’t protest as Matteo makes a grab for his father, squealing out a dozen wet babbles. He finds it sweet. Roman has a thing for linking their hands, and Seth loves it too much to protest. This time, though, with the older man carrying Matteo in his arms—it feels like they’re a little... _family._

For reasons unknown to him, Seth hopes it looks that way as they rejoin the others. As soon as they’re out in the sun again, the others catch sight of them—and notice their intertwined hands, the baby in Roman’s arm. There’s an odd sort of satisfaction that Seth gets as Roman doesn’t let go, not even in Dolph’s presence (especially in his presence). The blond looks at their joined hands, he wrinkles his nose but Seth doesn’t care. Roman wants him here. And from what happened in his bedroom, his son is taken with Seth too. Dolph...he doesn’t matter at all. 

***

Seth doesn’t remember a time that he’s had so much fun—or truly enjoyed being around a lot of people. It has to do with how welcomed he was made to feel, how even these people’s kids seem taken with him. But Jimmy and Dolph’s sons (they’re five and they also have a three year old daughter) were the worst—and the irony that their mommy seems to hate him isn’t lost on Seth. The little boys seemed to understand that Seth is expecting their uncle’s child.

“Can you lift your shirt? We want to show the baby our cool toys!” one of them would say, holding out a plastic sword (the two had on knight outfits). Then the other one was rushing inside the house, coming back with a million toys that were falling all over the place. “Malaki, mommy says you’re not allowed to play with the long knives around Matteo... ‘s cause he a baby. So he can’t do that around our new baby as well, right? Hmm, am I right, unca Seff?”

A toothless, little boy had been looking at Seth expectantly. It took everything in Seth’s power for him to not squash the little one in a bear hug. He hadn’t wanted to offend the mother—but Dolph and Jimmy have the smartest cuties Seth has ever seen. It feels like it’s a thing within this family—the beauty, the good feelings, the warmth. Seth was surrounded by it, all around him, overwhelming him but still magically beautiful.

“Trying to earn ourselves some bonus points, are we?”

Seth looks over his shoulder, finds Dolph looking at him...with that famous snobby stare of his that makes him think he’s better than Seth. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” the brunet mutters, his focus going back to the dishes that he was doing in blissful silence.

Light footsteps echo behind him until Dolph is eventually next to him. Seth can feel the man glaring holes into his temple. “Just what are your intentions? You waltz your way into our lives—and now you’re expecting a child with Roman? You’ve barely known him a year!” his reprimand is quiet but stabs something like a dagger.

“This wasn’t planned,” Seth says coolly, although on the inside, he’s trembling with silent rage. “I—wasn’t even looking to get preg—”

“Then why didn’t you abort it?” Dolph doesn’t wait for him to finish, cutting in with a snort that tells Seth that the man doesn’t believe him one bit.

“Because it’s _my_ baby, _my_ body. I don’t have to do a single thing you demand from me. I love Roman—and this baby growing inside me is a piece of him. I won’t throw that away, doesn’t matter what you say.”

Dolph rolls his eyes. “How convenient...out of everyone, and you choose to fall in love with the hardworking, self-made millionaire. Your little fling barely lasted long enough to even be called that and suddenly you’re expecting his child? What, did you buy the test results to say the baby is his.”

“I don’t care what you think,” Seth shrugs, scrubbing another plate—perhaps a little harder this time.

“Of course, you wouldn’t.” Dolph spits out, his disgust is so clear. “Whores like you never give a damn. I’ll tell you something, you will never belong in this family. Not the likes of you—who think they can leech off rich men. You weren’t here when we had nothing, you sure as hell won’t be here to enjoy the rewards. Naomi—his wife, she didn’t grind and struggle with him for so long to have some cheap looking floozie to come try and replace her. You’re temporary, sweetheart. Don’t get too comfortable.”

“Look,” Seth turns to look at a seething Dolph. “I’m sorry that Roman’s wife passed on. Roman’s told me about her and I know she was a lovely woman. I have no doubt in my mind that they’d still be together were she alive. I-I know how—deeply he loves. I see it in how he’s struggling to let her go. It hurts because I am—in love with him. But never have I ever suggested or done anything that would manipulate or coerce him into forgetting her. Part of why I love him so much is because of how much he loves her. I’ve never intended to replace her. Just like it was never my intention to complicate his life by being pregnant. When I found out I was pregnant, I’d desperately hoped that the baby would be my ex’s. That wasn’t the case...and I’m sorry that I’m ruining your perfect, little world.”

“But I still think it’s unfair for you to hate me when I’ve done nothing to wrong you. It’s unfair for you to insinuate that I’m a gold-digger when I’ve never asked for a single penny from Roman. I never would. Just like I’d never force him into wanting to be in my baby’s life if he doesn’t wish to. I’m here because he wants me here. I’m also here because I’d like to get to know all of you better. I’m not here to take anyone’s place—or to assume positions that don’t belong to me. I’m not sure if I should at the moment, but I really respect you, Dolph. I know how present you’ve been in Roman and Matteo’s lives. I won’t take your place. I just want to be there for him, too. I make him happy. Why won’t you see that?”

Blue eyes waver, but there’s still a hostility that Seth can sense in the blond’s aura. It shows as Dolph blurts out an annoyed, “You’re not Naomi.”

“No,” Seth shakes his head. “No, I’m not. I’ll never be her. But I love him too. And I think...he deserves that. For all the love he gives, for the great man he is...I think he deserves the world.”

“He is a great man. He does deserve the world.”

“I concur—but I don’t have the world. I can only offer him my love.”

A long silence follows, not uncomfortable—just raw with emotion. Seth leaves it up to Dolph to make the next move, to decide. He’s not going to say anything else. Part of him is angry at Dolph for lashing out at him, and hating him for no reason really but hurling insults back at the blond would’ve done him no good. He’d have just been stooping to Dolph’s level—and part of him thinks the man was goading him into doing just that. To prove something to himself maybe. But anger and insults never help resolve anything—they cause further hurt and frustration instead. Which is why Seth opted to try and make the man understand. He loves Roman, and though they’re not dating, being there for him also strengthens Seth somehow. He feels useful, unselfish—and it’s a beautiful feeling. One that he wants to feel forever and ever.

A quiet sigh grabs his attention. “Need help with the dishes?” Dolph murmurs, there’s a softness in his voice that tells Seth that maybe they’re going to be okay.

“Sure...why not?”

It’s...silent again. Seth realizes that Dolph hasn’t apologized for that little rant he went on a while ago...but something tells him the blond isn’t good with apologies. His pride doesn’t allow him to. Petty, petty. Seth laughs to himself as that song comes to mind. Dolph’s definitely worse than him when it comes to ego.

* * *

Following that little confrontation in the kitchen, Seth can’t help but think that Dolph...warms up to him. The blond is less hostile, almost friendlier, and when Roman invites Seth over again a mere week after the BBQ, the blond greets him with a hug. This time, the setting is more intimate – just Roman and his cousins and their spouses.

Seth helps to prepare the food, pouting and all, because Roman warns everyone to not allow him anywhere near the meat. “He’ll use chicken spice to marinade the beef!” the beautiful bastard tells everyone. And that was a mistake that happened once but Roman still won’t let it go.

Seth helps to make the salads instead, makes sure they’re all very healthy but delicious. The others compliment him on how scrumptious everything is—and Seth instinctively curls into Roman’s side to hide his fluster. It’s even worse as the older man wraps a comforting arm around him, and kisses his hair. It feels so good to be apart of something like this. Lately, it feels like life is only getting better with each day that passes by and Seth is unbearably happy...so content that he wants to shout it on top of the mountain tops!

_So this is what it feels like to have a family._

***

That same night is the first one that Seth spends at Roman’s.

After they bid the others farewell, Seth decides to stay behind to help Roman clear the mess that they’ve created. Roman doesn’t have a helper, he and Naomi never saw the need for one. Roman just has a woman who usually looks after Matteo when he, Jimmy and Dolph are at their respective workplaces and cannot watch him. She’s a great woman, and one of these days, Seth will get to meet her, Roman had told him. 

As of late, Seth has acquired Roman’s habit of listening to music whenever he does something. Roman’s kitchen is all modern sleekness infused with futuristic elegance. Everything seems to work electronically and Seth discovered that you can connect your phone to the bloody refrigerator via Bluetooth to play music. As soon as the sound blasts gently within the room, he sets about doing the dishes—the old fashioned way even though there’s a dishwasher in the kitchen.

He could get used to this, he realizes, while deeply engrossed in the drudgery task. Every night, he can see himself leaving work to come right here—and to have this routine with Roman. He knows it’s stupid, especially since he and Roman aren’t together. But friends live together too—and as long as they don’t give into their desire for each other they should be fine. They’ve been doing fine for months now.

Seth sighs as he feels Roman’s arms wrap around him, his chin resting atop Seth’s shoulder. He’s swaying them side to side—and then he spins Seth around so that the shorter man is looking at him. “Is this...Taylor...something, something, something?” he looks both amused and bewildered.

“It’s her new album,” Seth replies with a deep flush, as he tries to gather himself. “Lover.”

“Hmm...” Roman says nothing else, there’s bemusement on his face. He spins Seth around though and dances with him until _Lover_ is over. He lets go right after, and stands beside Seth to help with the dishes. It’s comfortably quiet, and if their hands occasionally brush against each other’s, it’s no one else’s business but their own.

“My room’s right next to yours if you need anything,” Roman tells him later, as he shows Seth into the guestroom. Everything is so clean, crisp and white in the room that Seth thinks he’ll have to take a thousand showers before he can climb into the bed but he’s exhausted so he just tells Roman goodnight, goes on a fifteen minute shower and then crawls into bed.

Roman never stayed the night with him, but in Seth’s dreams—he does.

* * *

Staying the night at Roman’s is slowly becoming a routine—one that Seth doesn’t mind at all.

He doesn’t know how it happens (can’t even pinpoint when exactly it began) but all he knows is that he wakes up in Roman’s home a lot more than he does his own apartment. It’s a welcome change, and Seth doesn’t want to thoroughly explore what that means, but he enjoys the routine so much. In the morning, he gets the opportunity to wake Matteo—and help the little one to start his day. They usually spend some time together before Roman joins them around 08:00 am because he’s a heavy sleeper and not a morning person.

They’ll all have breakfast together, with Roman on his tablet, reading the latest business reports and occasionally murmuring a dorky joke or two. Seth will go to shower, with Roman patiently waiting for him (the man’s always showered and dressed by the time he joins them) and Matteo distracted by Margaret. They drive to work in the same car, and sometimes, Chad Gable will come through with the Lexus and drive Seth home when Roman’s held up in meetings. Roman tries his best to be back in time for dinner though, and they’ll have that together before getting Matteo ready for bedtime. Seth is always in the nursery with Roman, listening to him animatedly read to his son. It’s the sweetest thing ever, and melts him pretty hard and fast. It’s easy to tell why Matteo is so in love with Roman.

Then afterwards, they’ll curl up in Roman’s living room together (on the same couch), with Seth reading a new book that he bought from a bookstore and Roman typing away on his laptop. There’ll be music in the background—sometimes Seth’s, mostly Roman’s—and the lights will be dimmed to cast a warm glow in the living room. And recently, Roman’s discovered that Seth loves to have his hair played with...and he’s taken to running his fingers through the brunet’s hair and massaging his scalp. Seth will practically turn comatose when that happens—and be limp on top of Roman’s body. He’s not sure if friends sleep on top of each other but he doesn’t care. Roman doesn’t seem to mind too. He never says anything.

They still go to doctor’s appointments together. Seth recently turned twenty-two weeks—and they went with Matteo so that he could see his little brother or sister. The little one didn’t know what was happening, he’s only eleven months old, but he was disturbing Dr. Baker as she’d tried to move around the Doppler on Seth’s belly. Matteo is fascinated by Seth’s round belly and will often poke it to see what will happen. He’s the first one whose touch the baby reacted to. It happened a week ago, and now Seth can never tell the difference between Matteo or his father because whenever they feel the baby kicking they always sport the same intrigued boyish grins.

Seth stays up very late into the night sometimes, wondering if he’s dreaming. Part of him feels so undeserving of the life he has. He’s so happy—and it comes so naturally. The energy isn’t forced at all. It’s all thanks to Roman...but he takes the credit for himself too. He’s loving himself, appreciating himself and telling himself he’s deserving even when it doesn’t feel like it sometimes. Perhaps this is the reason he’s attracting so much light and positivity—because the goodness resides in him too.

* * *

Matteo turns a year old on Wednesday, November 6th.

Seth helps Dolph to plan his birthday party. The blond warned him about not having something too extravagant or large—a total of ten to twenty people is fine. Seth hadn’t known why, this is a milestone for Matteo, granted he’s young and won’t remember his birthday but Seth still wants to make it super special for him.

It’s not until he walks past the hallway just two days before the little one’s birthday that Seth realizes why. He pauses there, heart sinking as he looks at the picture that he’s trained himself to forget about. It’s going to be a year in a few days. It will be a year since Naomi’s death. Seth sympathizes with Roman, can’t imagine what a painful reminder it would be for him having his child’s birthday so close to the death of his mother.

Over the next two days, Seth tries to not be too obvious about it. His pain and the negative thoughts that visit him alone in his room. He does notice that Roman is mostly in a somber mood and keeps the distance. Seth takes care of Matteo instead —and helps around the large house. Cooking, cleaning and doing the little laundry Matteo has. It’s to keep his mind from going insane, and his emotions at bay. He doesn’t address anything at all. 

The day after Matteo’s birthday, Roman tells Seth that he and Matteo will be going to Florida for a few days. “I need to visit my wife’s grave. She hasn’t seen our son since that day she left for the hospital. My culture doesn’t permit infants to go to cemeteries. I think Matteo’s a little older now. He can finally meet his mom again.”

“You don’t need to explain, Roman. I understand,” Seth replies, with great difficulty because of the lumps in his throat. Truly, he does understand. But part of him hurts too—maybe because he’s looking at Roman and holding Matteo in his arms. Roman’s son is so drawn to him, that he always seems to think that Seth’s chest is his resting place. Maybe it’s in how Seth hadn’t realized that he was slowly assuming Naomi’s position. Maybe it’s the part of him that doesn’t ever see Roman moving on from Naomi, which means that Seth will have to wait forever or be content with coming in second. It just all hurts so much but he’s trying not to show it because they’re supposed to be friends and Roman hasn’t done anything to make Seth believe otherwise. “How long will you be...gone for?”

“Maybe a week, I’m thinking less. You can stay right here though...security knows you and it shouldn’t be a hassle.”

The gesture is kind enough but Seth thinks he’ll have to turn it down. The last thing he needs is to be trapped alone with the memory of Roman’s dead wife all around him— _haunting_ him.

“Maybe,” Seth says noncommittally, not wanting to have Roman bear the burden of Seth being a clingy monkey. “He’s falling asleep, I think I’ll put him to bed.” the pregnant man refers to the baby in his arms.

* * *

Their floor is always abuzz with chatter so Seth doesn’t pay attention to the noise much. They’re call center agents and if they’re not talking to someone then they’re not doing their jobs—at least that’s what Corbin says but still...

Seth is at his cubicle, minding his own business, and eating a granola bar to recharge. He can hear the whisper and chatter all around him—and it’s only growing louder. That has Seth wondering what the others have seen. He’s contemplating whether or not standing just to sit down again (in his condition) would be a good idea. Probably not. Just thirty minutes ago, he asked Finn to help him to his chair. He’d have asked Akam but the man always looks like a frowning child as he complies, and Dana told him that the big man is a little spiteful that Seth is pregnant. He’d been meaning to ask Seth on a date for a long time now. Seth laughed because he didn’t even think the man spoke much. He’s in the IT department. 

Seth feels the presence behind him before the owner can say anything. He knows it’s not Corbin because of the shiver running along his spine. His stomach churns nervously as he keeps his eyes on his computer screen. _So this is the reason they’re so loud._ He thinks to himself. Roman always creates a buzz, wherever they go. Mostly because he’s so attractive it’s unreal. But now, Seth can hear the speculative gossip among his colleagues. Some of them have seen him with Roman a few times—at the food market one time (that was Bayley and Sasha) and then at the park not too long ago (Bobby Lashley) so he knows that there has been speculation about the father of his child. Seth usually ignores everything—but it will be kinda hard to do with Roman literally in his space, looking down at him with a beautiful glower. 

“Do you need anything?” Seth asks, licking his suddenly dry lips.

“Yes,” Roman rubs an eyebrow – a telltale of his frustration – and continues blankly, “You, in my office. Now.”

The beautiful bastard never raises his voice—at least with Seth—his voice keeps it’s smooth monotony but the command is always so clear. Seth can hear it clearly now—all intimate and stern but said so nicely, with qualities of hypnotism, that Seth is already struggling to his feet. It’s embarrassing how hard he’s struggling, and Roman has to help him with the simple task eventually. “I, uh...thank you,” Seth whispers, ducking his head to hide his fluster. 

As they walk toward one of the exits, Seth feels the curious gazes of his colleagues on them. The questions are going to come no doubt, but Seth owes none of them any explanations. One of the elevators is on the second floor, thankfully, and they both step inside.

Seth knows what this is about, and is dreading the conversation. He keeps the distance from Roman, counting the numbers on their way to the 28th floor. He greets Paige, who eyes him with a ‘you’re in trouble’ look as Seth follows behind Roman. “Take a seat,” Roman assists him to the chair again. Seth thanks him, but the man barely grunts out an acknowledgement. “Water? Juice?”

“I’m good,” Seth whispers.

Roman nods once, going to settle on the edge of his desk and looking down at Seth. The glower is gone, in it’s place, blankness. For some reason, it feels like Roman is trying to figure him out. The silence only grows longer, Roman isn’t saying anything, he seems content just looking at Seth. It happens until Seth can’t take it anymore and starts to squirm in his seat. He gets the feeling that he’s supposed to explain himself.

“Do we disturb each other at work now, Roman?”

Roman cocks an eyebrow. “Yes, we do.” Seth knows he’s being indulged here, Roman is too straightforward to skit around their issues. The issue that brings Seth here. “If it’s the only way to grab your attention then we will, Seth. I know you’re ignoring me, and I know why. But you’re going to tell me so that I can tell you what an idiot you are. For all your intelligence, you can be pretty dumb.”

“Insulting me won’t give you the answers you seek,” Seth huffs out breathlessly, pouting like a kid.

“I have the whole day. You and I have the whole day,” Roman moves around his desk, grabs his phone that’s next to his laptop. He does something on it and great...that stupid _Petty Lover_ starts to play.

Again, Seth knows he’s being indulged here—the man’s giving him time to collect his thoughts, for Seth to confess what Roman already _knows._ Roman’s been back from Tampa for three days now, and Seth was planning to visit him to ask about his trip but he couldn’t. For the past three days, Seth has been promising himself to return Roman’s calls, and talk to him but each time, he’d be filled with so much shame that he’d end up just not returning the man’s missed calls (that Seth has been purposely not answering).

“I’m sorry for not returning your calls,” Seth starts, looking up at Roman. The man doesn’t seem angry at all. “I just couldn’t do it after...Naomi. I’ve been feeling like a fraud lately. I’m not trying to take her place, Roman.”

Roman pauses the song. “Good, because you can’t.” Seth’s face falls at the words, how hard and certain they are. This, this is why he’d stayed— “No one will ever take Naomi’s space, Seth. In here, no one can. It’s her spot alone. But there’s also a much bigger spot for you within me. A spot that not even Naomi can fill. That spot belongs to you alone. Naomi could never fill it the way you do because only you can. You are different, and sometimes you remind of her but you’ll never be her. Just like she could’ve never been you. Why would you feel that way?”

“I—” _I don’t know._ Seth clears his throat. Maybe part of him just wants to be the only one in Roman’s heart—it’s the selfishness that he can’t help. “Are you still in love with her?”

“I love her, yes, but I—”

“Then it’s still fine. I like us the way we are anyway, don’t think either of us are ready to date again—or to transition into something more. We’ve been doing so well as friends and I wouldn’t want anything to get in the way of that. You’re such a great friend, a father. You’re my best friend now.”

Roman’s face is crestfallen—for a tiny second he seems disappointed but Seth dismisses the idea as his mind playing tricks on him. What he’s just said to Roman, he didn’t really mean it. Seth would love more than anything if they tried to be more, knows it in his heart that it would work out but Roman’s still hung up on the dead lover and Seth refuses to allow himself to be second best. He deserves better. Because he has so much love within him...that unfortunately belongs to a man who’s in love with someone else. It’s all not fair.

“I miss Matteo,” Seth confesses after a bout of tension-filled silence. “Can I go home with you tonight?” The implication of his words take a while to register. But the thought still makes his heart flutter. _Home_. He thinks...with Roman. _Home. Home. Home._ It was beginning to feel like it. Like the two of them were...building something. Something so worthwhile. Seth doesn’t want to throw any of it away. He can only hope Roman feels the same way.

Speaking of Roman, his expressions change like the weather. There’s a tender smile on his face that has Seth melting with ridiculous ease. “We miss you too, Seth.” 

“Oh, I didn’t miss you,” Seth quips, struggling to his feet to stand in front of Roman. He pokes the older man’s chest, getting into his personal bubble. As expected, Roman clears his throat—uncomfortable. “You called me a petty lover.”

“If the shoe fits...” Roman’s arms enwrap around Seth.

Seth wants to insult him back but he’s enjoying the feel of Roman’s surrounding him too much. The man’s a giant teddy bear—big and intimidating but so fucking kind and gentle hearted that Seth is proud to be in love with him. “You’re running me a hot bath when we get home—and then you’re reading Lord Of The Rings to me.”

Roman sighs—all loud and annoyed sounding. “Whatever you say...your dictatorship,” the way he says it tells Seth he’s not mad at all. In fact, part of him swears that Roman’s looking forward to it—and this is what he means when he says the man’s ridiculously good. Who enjoys being stuck in a humid bathroom, while reading to their pregnant friend? Roman does—apparently.

“You’re lucky I’m so in love with you,” Seth huffs, burying his face inside Roman’s armpit. It’s strange the things he does because of this pregnancy but he really loves the smell of Roman. It’s always clean and crisp and distinctly _him._

Roman’s hand wraps behind Seth’s neck—a gentle tap that trails down his spine. Seth shudders, filled with yearning and he hugs Roman tighter. “Non più di quanto ti amo.”

Seth has no idea what those words mean but he takes comfort in them. Tells himself that Roman loves him, too—just differently but it’s still love. And one day, he’ll love Seth the way Seth is helplessly in love with him. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are - the final chapter! 
> 
> It kinda feels like I've squeezed everything into one long chapter here but I'm happy with it.
> 
> Warnings: Childbirth...kinda graphic?
> 
> Thank you for every read, comment and kudo.
> 
> Much love ♡

Darkness surrounds Seth, floating all around him, making him uneasy. He hadn’t had the thought to check the time on his way out but he knows it’s very late into night. Too quiet. It feels like his violent heartbeat is the only sound penetrating the silence. He tries to regulate his breathing (although impossible with how hard the baby is kicking against his belly) and soothingly rubs his large belly to soothe his discomfort.

In the darkness, the hallway seems longer than usual, but Seth reasons that his mind is just playing tricks on him. He carries on, having passed Roman’s room, and goes to check on Matteo. The little one’s door is cracked open just a bit, revealing the dim lighting. Seth peeks his head inside, checks and hears Matteo’s peaceful light snores. The sound soothes him, and he exits, stopping outside Roman’s door. Knocking on the door twice before he can stop himself, Seth then lets himself inside just as Roman is stirring.

“Seth?” a deep voice calls out in the darkness.

Seth scampers over to the side of the bed where Roman isn’t sleeping, and crawls inside. “I had a—really bad dream,” he cracks out, scooting closer to Roman, and coaxing him into laying back down with him. He lets out a sigh as the older man’s arm pulls him in, Roman tucking Seth’s head under his chin.

“Sorry,” Roman mutters. “Is it about you eating our gingerbread babies again?”

The way Roman says it makes Seth’s dreams sound ridiculous, and the pregnant man manages a teary laugh, lips pressing into Roman’s chest—and that heady scent of his. Clean, masculine...uniquely him. “No, this one was different. It felt like I was streaming through creepy YouTube videos. I had a dream I went into labor in a library in Paris—and then the books were attacking me because...I don’t even know. So I gave birth in the middle of a street...to a baby that looked at me and smiled—with a full set of adult teeth. I woke up before it started talking.”

Roman starts to laugh, like he did the last time Seth had another of these weird dreams. It’s the third one now, and they’re all different, always. “Are you sure you didn’t watch Little Man before bed?”

“I don’t even know what that is, Roman.”

“A movie,” Roman murmurs, his voice is slowly tempting Seth into slumber again. He goes onto explain what the comedy film is about, it’s not his favorite, at least compared to White Chicks but it’s not bad either. “We should watch it together sometime.”

Seth is almost asleep, so comatose in Roman’s arms that he wonders how the man does this. He always knows what Seth needs, and how to deal with him. “That was good deflecting,” the pregnant man says, voice a silent whisper. “I...can’t even remember why I’m here. Sex?”

“Don’t tease if you’re not going to follow through,” Roman returns just as quietly, long fingers caressing down Seth’s delicate spine.

They’ve had this conversation before, playfully—flirtatious banter, if you will. Although, Seth is always horny for the man in bed with him, and sometimes, he swears Roman can see it...but the older man never says anything. His touches are always...intimate but so respectful. Roman respects him, his body—and it’s the reason that Seth is always so comfortable around him, so comfortable that he doesn’t mind sharing the bed like this with Roman or being naked in his presence.

“How do you feel about meeting my friends?”

There’s a moment’s silence where Roman doesn’t say anything. Seth is thinking about backtracking when that happens, to tell Roman he needn’t to. It’s just that Dana and Xavier have been pestering Seth about this topic a lot lately. They want to get to know baby daddy better. If he’s being honest, Seth wants Roman to meet his friends as much as his friends want to meet him. For some reason, it’s important to him.

“Have they asked about me?”

“A lot,” Seth admits, grateful that Roman can’t see his deep flush. “You intrigue them.”

Roman laughs his hearty laugh that makes Seth feel safe and protected—the one that shoots to his belly and causes the lions to roar in joy.

“I’m the most boring human on earth, tesoro. They won’t be so intrigued once they get to know me.”

That must mean Roman is willing to get to know the humans Seth considers his family better. That must mean he’s looking forward to more than one meeting. The mere thought fills Seth with a warmth that is so beautiful he feels like crying. “Is that a yes?”

“Why not? They’re important to you, aren’t they?”

“Yes.”

“Then it’s settled. I’m sure I’ll have a great time, if they’re anything like the melodramatic man crushing my chest. I’m sure I’ll love them.”

This dork...

Seth tries and fails to hold in his breathless giggles. “You’re such a dorky cornball,” he smiles. His arm slides around Roman’s bare torso, until their chests are almost flush...his round belly is the only thing getting in the way. “But I wouldn’t have you any other way. I love you just the way you are.” Almost absently, his fingers curl into Roman’s growing beard, he pulls gently and steals a lingering stare on Roman’s lips. His eyes then snap to Roman’s to find them closed (but he doesn’t look asleep) before snapping back down to those sensuous full lips that Seth spends many a night dreaming about. He remembers the last time he felt them against his own—soft but heady, dominant, reducing Seth to a...

 _No. Mission abort. Bad, bad idea, Seth._ It’s too tempting a thought to let go of so easily. Roman’s too great a temptation—and maybe Seth is feeling extra horny tonight. Maybe he’s tired of denying himself the Greek god in front of him— _in_ _bed_ with him. Seth decides to give in.

Roman’s lips are softer than he remembers, sweeter. It’s as beautiful as Seth thought it would be...even if Roman is not reciprocating. Seth gently caresses Roman’s beard, silently coaxing him into returning his affections...it works. Soon, they’re kissing each other feverishly—and Seth’s groin is on fire. He throws a leg over Roman’s waist and struggles to rut against him. A small frustrated sound leaves him and he somehow manages to straddle Roman’s waist.

Seth is melting into Roman’s passionate embrace. Their kisses are heated and urgent—a reintroduction...after decades of being apart. A lovers reunion after a long, harsh war. Seth is frantically grinding into Roman’s big arousal, welcoming the sweeping desire. He doesn’t want this to end. Ever. His desperate fingers rush to strip off the t-shirt that he has on, and Seth cries out a frustrated sound as large hands stop him. “Wait...wait, tesoro. We can’t—” the rest of those disappointing words are stolen by Seth’s desperate lips. He’s kissing Roman again, trying to hold him in place even as the older man pulls away.

Seth lets out a shaky, disappointed breath, unable to open his eyes to meet the regret he knows will be planted on Roman’s face. To handle the rejection. He does lean into Roman’s touch as the older man rubs his thumb over his bottom lip though. “No, I don’t regret what happened,” Seth hears Roman say firmly. _How did he know...?_ “You and I know this wasn’t a mistake. But I still don’t think it’s a good idea...not if we don’t want to complicate things. I respect what we have. I respect you. I’m telling you now I’m not looking for any friends with benefits arrangement. I don’t do casual sex, tesoro.”

Silent seconds pass by before Seth finally opens his eyes. “You’re right,” he murmurs breathlessly. He knows Roman’s right but...what does Roman want? He’s so goddamn poised and gives nothing away that Seth isn’t even sure if the man finds him attractive at this point. He mentally scoffs at his train of thought—no one in their right mind would be attracted to him at the moment. He’s just a big balloon that resembles a pig—and he’s only twenty-five weeks into his pregnancy. “I’m sorry.”

“You’ve done nothing wrong,” Roman kisses his forehead, and then shifts Seth off his lap.

Seth is still tingling and lightheaded from Roman’s kisses. He grips the older man’s hand as Roman is leaving the bed. “Where are you going?” he asks worriedly.

Roman smiles, leans down to kiss Seth’s forehead again—it’s calming, reassuring...desired. “I need a cold shower.” He points to his obvious erection.

Seth would laugh if he weren’t salivating and blushing at the same time. “I, um...it looks delicious,” his hands then quickly move to cover his mouth. Seth groans into his hands in embarrassment, much to Roman’s amusement, and closes his eyes as Roman’s laughs grow louder, dorkier. Gosh...how will Seth ever live this down?

* * *

“That boy is ridiculously in love with you,” Dana says, her stare aimed above Seth’s shoulder, to the bar area where Roman and Xavier are. They’re at Kingston Intimate, a cozy little pub and grill that belongs to one of Xavier’s good friends. It’s a pity they had to meet during the week though but it can’t be the weekend because Seth (together with Matteo and Roman) is going to Iowa to visit his mother.

So far, they're all having a great time, and it’s been nothing but good vibes. Seth loves how his friends seem just as enamored with Roman as he is. They’ve all been bonding beautifully but Seth hates the subtle threats that Dana has been sending Roman’s way—to warn him to not break Seth’s heart. It’s silly, and Seth has been blushing furiously because of it...just what is Dana trying to imply? Seth...he and Roman aren’t _together,_ together.

“What?” Seth has never whipped his head around to look at someone this fast before. He wasn’t far from hurting his neck. Dana is looking at him intently, causing Seth’s cheeks to heat up, he looks down at his hands, unsure why he feels so ashamed all of a sudden. “That’s not...Dana, that’s not true.”

“Oh please, don’t bother denying it. There’s something going on between the two of you. A blind man would be able to see it. Even a deaf person would hear it, the way he talks about you...”

“Dana please...” Seth clutches his chest, his heart is thudding unnaturally loud. It’s ridiculous how he can’t even maintain eye contact with her. “You can’t say things like that...not unless you want to give me a heart attack!”

Dana throws her head back, shaking with laughter. “Oh please, Seth. Now you’re just exaggerating.”

“I’m—serious!” Seth squeaks, and then covers his face with his hands. _Could you be more obvious, Rollins?_ It’s embarrassing. “I’d probably die if Roman returned my feelings. But he’s not...he loves me but he’s not _in love_ with me. Get it right, Danny.”

“I beg to differ—that boy can’t take his eyes off of you. I know love when I see it...but I can tell you’ve made up your mind so I won’t try to convince you.”

“Whatever,” Seth plasters on a fake smile, crossing his arms in a manner that probably looks defensive. Part of him would like to believe Dana but it’s kinda hard to do with that _picture_ still there in Roman’s hallway—large, intimidating and conspicuous—demanding all of Seth’s attention, reminding him that Naomi is the chairperson, and owner of Roman’s heart.

“So how are hormones treating you?”

Blinking the pain away, Seth clears his throat, focuses on Dana who looks at him expectantly. “Like crap,” he admits with a sigh. “The other day, I cried over how cute Matteo was being. We were watching cartoons – don’t even remember what they were called – and the baby elephant lost it’s mommy. Matteo tugged at me, repeating _ma-ma-ma_ over and over again. I didn’t know what he wanted but I felt stupid when he went to the screen to wipe the elephant’s tears with his onesie because I was too slow to catch up. It was so freaking cute! I called Rome to tell him about it. He just laughed at my tears.”

There is a brief silence, as Dana looks at him with narrowed eyes. Seth clears his throat, tries to hide his fluster by looking at his hands. Despite the country song blasting the speakers, the silence between him and Dana is stifling. Seth keeps silent until he can’t take it anymore. “What is it?” he asks softly.

“Matteo is...Roman’s son?”

Nod.

“… and he calls you Mama?”

Seth flushes. “He calls everyone that.”

“Really?” Dana cocks an eyebrow.

“Yes... _yes_...I mean… n-not really.” Dana’s level gaze makes Seth squirm like a child caught doing something naughty...except he hasn’t. “I try to discourage him, Dana. But he thinks that I’m...he thinks that mommy is me. It’s what he always sees on those children’s programs – daddy, mommy and baby. I don’t know how else to make him understand. I swear I’m not stealing Naomi’s place.”

“Relax,” Dana’s hand covers his own. “That means he loves you and that you’re doing such a great job with him. He’s still young, and one day he’ll learn the truth but right now, you can’t do much about it. If Roman doesn’t mind...” Dana trails off, searching for an answer. At Seth’s small headshake, she continues, “Then you have nothing to feel guilty about. I think you and Roman are a family anyway. You’re practically living with him—and you call him _Rome._ Christ, Seth...I want to gauge his eyes out for keeping you away from us. But every time I see you, in passing or like this, I’m always so grateful that you cheated on that Brock bastard! I know we were against it before but now I’m really glad you did. Because it led you to _him—_ ” she nods over Seth’s shoulder. “And you look healthier, fat, and happy.”

“I think I’m going to cry,” Seth sniffles loudly. “You called me fat. I’m not fat just pregnant. Twenty-six weeks isn’t a joke, you know.”

“Out of everything I said...”

“I am purposely omitting the other things because I really will cry if I address them, Dana. I’m...I just, everything feels like a dream. A dream I don’t want to wake from. Tell me I won’t...” He hates how there’s almost a _desperation_ in his voice, like part of him would die were he to wake up and find himself laying beside Brock instead of being alone, in an intimidatingly large room in Roman’s mansion.

“Even if you do wake up, you’ll find that the reality is equally beautiful. Relax, child...”

Dana’s right of course, Seth knows it but sometimes...he’s just expecting life to smack him in the face with a different reality, and mock him for daring to think that he’d ever get a guy like Roman in his life. A guy who seems to really, really accept Seth’s every facet.

A guy who once said to Seth, “Be clingy with me, always text me, send me selfies, and funny videos you found online. Heck...annoy me in the middle of a meeting, not all the time though—” Roman had cocked an eyebrow sternly but the amusement in his voice hadn’t been hard to detect. “Just...tell me about your day. I freaking love it.”

 _He’s too good to be true_ ... But...but Seth can’t help thinking that maybe he’s a little... _deserving_ of someone like Roman. Not in an arrogant manner or anything. Part of him, deep down, thinks he doesn’t hold a burning candle next to the man but he’s growing, and learning to love himself so much. So, so much that he knows he’s deserving of a love similar to the love he gives himself. It’s what he deserves.

Seth is startled out of his thoughts as Xavier and Roman rejoin them. They apologize for taking so long, and Seth discovers from Xavier that the beautiful blonde bartender was flirting with Roman. She even made him her famous rainbow cocktail and decorated it with a pink umbrella. Seth laughs at the unamused glare on Roman’s face, the brightly colored drink seems to be offending him.

Climbing onto Roman’s lap, whose immediately embrace Seth, the brunet asks, “Being beautiful also has it’s disadvantages, huh?” teasingly.

“I know, right. You’d think she would’ve decorated her number on my drink or something.”

Seth looks at Roman, it’s his turn to scowl in disapproval. The older man is looking back, all mysterious smiles that hint at him teasing Seth. “You’re an idiot I find too gorgeous to kill,” the pregnant man huffs, lovingly punching Roman’s arm. “Why am I in love with you?”

“Beats me...but I’m glad it’s you. You’re pretty darn perfect.”

For a stunned second, Seth doesn’t know how to reply. He remembers a time when Roman told him different, remembers his admonishing glower because he’d told Seth to not fall in love with him and now they’re...here.

Dana and Xavier are looking at them—those expressions on their faces that Seth couldn’t decipher before. But he thinks he gets them now. His best friends resemble proud parents—all warm and content. They’re _happy_ for him. Seth can see it. He smiles because he knows he deserves this, the happiness that he feels when he’s with Roman. Like he’s told Dana, maybe Roman is not _in love_ with him but Roman does love him. 

Seth feels it now, as he soaks in baby daddy’s intoxicating aura. He is nuzzling Roman’s cheek, gently brushing his nose along skin pleasurably coarse with a five o’clock shadow and pressing a light kiss there… Roman always smells so good. And it doesn’t hurt how he’s never weirded out by Seth’s desire to cling to him—like a little monkey. _Roman’s little monkey_. The older man embraces it instead, embraces Seth. The hold around Seth’s waist tightens just a little, and he feels lightheaded but so giddy.

Yes, Roman definitely loves him.

* * *

The visit to his mother’s is lighter than Seth expected it would be, carefree. He knows that she’s known about his pregnancy all along when he waddles through the rehabilitation centre’s doors with Roman and the only thing she does is glance between him and Roman with a knowing grin. “Mom, this is...”

“Your new boyfriend? He’s better looking, I must say. He looks likes a classical painting. Well done, baby...finally someone _deserving._ And who is this?” she points at Matteo.

Seth’s too flustered to reply, he can’t even meet Roman’s penetrating gaze. He does hear the older man clear his throat, and then formally introduce himself and Matteo. They go to occupy one of the empty tables outside, to catch some fresh air and allow Matteo to play comfortably in the grass. “How are you, son? You look really, really good. Are you taking care of my son, Roman?”

“Mom...” Seth clears his throat, shifting nervously in his seat. “Don’t talk like that. I’m not some handicapped person who needs taking care of. I’m not a child either.”

“I try my best,” Roman smiles at Seth’s mother. “But like Seth’s said, he’s no child. He doesn’t need me but I like to think maybe he doesn’t mind me taking care of him sometimes.”

That’s...it’s actually true. For all his independence, and how much he loves it, Seth would be dishonest if he said he didn’t love and appreciate the attention Roman showers him with. It’s human nature. We all want to feel loved and wanted, just as much as we want to feel needed. We seek connection because we’re not meant to be alone...at least that’s what Seth thinks. He has that and more in Roman—there’s respect, and relation and compatibility. Seth feels all that even though they’re not dating.

He can’t do much as his mother starts to embarrass him, telling stories about his childhood and how boy crazy he was as a teenager. Seth protests futilely, getting even more flustered when Roman explains that the boys probably saw the same beauty that hasn’t left Seth. Bastard doesn’t even look jealous...just amused. “He belongs to me and Matteo now, Ms. Rollins. Sorry for the guys who didn’t nab him when they had a chance, huh?”

Seth is taken aback by Roman’s words, looking into his eyes. The older man looks serious, a mysterious glint in his eyes that Seth is failing to decipher. This guy is not fair, he can’t say things like that and expect Seth to not fall harder. Luckily, Matteo distracts Seth so he doesn’t even catch his mother’s reply. The little one is calling him ‘mama’ again, brown eyes blinking up at Seth tiredly. He wants to sleep, and the only way Matteo does it is by clinging to Seth’s round belly.

The cooing and awwing sounds are a given. Seth tries not to let them affect him but he does feel flustered and if he could, he’d hide his face inside Roman’s neck but the man is enjoying his mother too much. The two chatter on like long lost friends catching up and Seth has never seen Roman talk this much before, unless he’s in the company of his cousins. Eventually, they have to leave, especially as Matteo falls asleep. It’s been a long day, they went sightseeing to Seth’s favorite childhood places before they came here. Seth decides to take the backseat to comfortably hold Matteo because the clinginess is a big factor today. 

The drive back to Seth’s childhood home is easygoing, like Seth always says, trips with Roman feel shorter. They start discussing his birth plan, and Seth figures he’ll give birth the natural way. Roman is an idiot like he usually is, and wonders how something that tiny, and tight (he’s only ever penetrated _that_ hole twice) will birth a watermelon. Yes, he actually calls their baby a watermelon and Seth glares daggers at him but he’s too happy to be seriously mad at him.

They arrive at the house around 07:10 pm, they had to stop at a fast food outlet to get some dinner. Seth’s uncle greets them, and they all have a quiet dinner before they retire to their rooms. Their house is a small two-bedroom house and Seth shared his childhood room with Roman already...when they arrived yesterday so it’s not awkward or anything. Roman’s seen him at his most vulnerable moments, being half-naked with him and sharing the bed is nothing at this point. It’s not like anything will happen with Matteo lying in between the two of them anyway.

Seth lifts a hand to caress Roman’s beard. “Did you have a great time?”

“It was kinda overwhelming...but I had fun.”

A quiet chuckle bubbles deep within Seth. “Of course, I forget you’re such a hermit sometimes. You’d probably spend all your days home if I didn’t force you to go out sometimes.”

Roman cocks an eyebrow but slowly nods. “Perhaps.” He removes Seth’s hand from his cheek to kiss his fingers—as usual, Seth reacts to the touch. It’s going to suck real bad to get a boner with Matteo in bed with them...the thought is enough to deflate Seth’s erection. “Have you...thought about what happens when our child is born?”

“I...no...I don’t follow, Roman.”

Roman shifts so that his elbow is propped on the mattress. He looks so serious all of a sudden. “Well, I’ve had this thought on my mind a lot lately, tesoro. And I don’t want to pressure you...no hard feelings at all if you feel otherwise. But you’re practically living with me now and I know sometimes you go to your apartment but even then, it only happens when Matteo and I join you. So I was...I wondered if you’d just move in with us. My house is your home already and I promise to not...to take care—”

Gosh, Roman’s stammering so much—so unlike him at all. He looks like a teenage boy trying to ask his crush out to the school dance. The thought makes Seth’s heart flutter and he can’t help noticing how bashful Roman looks. It’s another one of his hidden facets. Seth loves it, being the only one who gets to see this side to him. He loves them like this, in the darkness, with only the walls sharing this moment with them. 

“You’re allowing me to pick the theme to our unborn child’s nursery and only if you promise to listen to my songs once in a while and stop telling me that wrestling isn’t a real sport. Also, if you’ll stop making fun of me whenever the Bears lose because I’m sensitive and pregnant with your baby and that really hurts my feelings.”

The look of disbelief on Roman’s face is comical. Seth bursts out laughing, but silently because he doesn’t want to disturb their sleeping son. _Our son._ His and Roman’s son...it certainly feels that way. Like Dana told him the other day, he and Roman are a little family. They are...and they’re making it work so beautifully.

“It’s a deal,” Roman holds out his pinky finger.

Seth links their fingers, and smiles as Roman kisses them. _I love you,_ he murmurs silently as his eyes close.

He dreams of Naomi that night—and that... _picture._

She’s still the owner to Roman’s heart.

* * *

The weeks pass by pretty quickly, from the 27th to the 28th and then week 29. Seth goes to his scheduled ultrasound, and this time, only Matteo tags along. Roman isn’t in the country, and on a trip to Kenya to support and have a dialogue with an organization there that is aimed at curbing animal poaching and bringing the perpetrators to justice. It’s a good cause, and Seth requests that Roman update him on everything.

Anyway, their little sunshine is growing. Seth tells Roman about how active their little one is at all times of the day, but usually problematically around hours 03:00 to 04:00 am. Roman has taken to calling the little one their night owl. Dr. Baker informs Seth that the little one can now see because his or her eyes are wide open. She even compliments him on taking such good care of himself, and Seth can only laugh because if only she knew...

Week 30 comes soon, and Seth can _really_ feel that he’s pregnant. He is struggling with some pelvic and back pain and he’s struggling to get comfortable because the baby moves around a lot. Roman is back, thankfully, and two days ago, they went to a chiropractor and it was amazing. She realigned Seth’s pelvis, his back, neck, his pubic bone...and he felt almost instantly better after he left her office. Roman said he can keep going until it’s time to give birth, and normally, Seth would decline because it’s Roman’s money that he’s using but the lady’s such a godsend that he can’t bring himself to feel guilty.

Week 31 heralds a dramatic increase in Seth’s exhaustion, and he falls asleep at work more times than he can count. Corbin doesn’t give him a warning though, and Seth knows why but refuses to even allow himself to think about it long enough. He’s a swollen, aching, out of breath mess that waddles around at work looking sorry and desperate. His and Roman’s little night owl is most likely a boy because Seth refuses to think that he’d have a princess who wouldn’t have sympathy for her own mother. The little one passes kick counts with flying colors and goes above and beyond what is expected of him. It’s not a good thing for Seth who can hardly breathe as it is.

By week 32, they’re adding the finishing touches to the baby’s nursery. Roman allowed Seth the freedom to come up with the theme and everything. Because, they’ve opted to learn their baby’s gender on the day Seth delivers, he went with gender neutral colors. With no specific themes in mind, he went with colors white, brown and grey. The large room isn’t overly fancy but Seth makes sure that everything is stylish, and again, accepts Roman’s money because this is for their baby not him. It’s a beautiful bonding process—him, Roman and Matteo...a family readying themselves for their new addition.

They have fun and at one point, they’d all had paint all over their bodies. Seth wants them to take pictures of the final product, and then insists that they take a few together. Roman is too reluctant at first...but then he really gets into it, and they’re laughing and making silly faces. Seth squirms in the older man’s arms at the feel of Roman’s beard grazing his neck. “Rome...wait. You’re stop...it tickles!” he laughs, tears of mirth escaping him. It’s even worse as a confused Matteo tries to help him, punching his daddy’s arm while babbling _‘mommy, mommy’_ again and again in an attempt to free Seth.

Roman gifts him with a beautiful box later that day. And Seth can tell he’s so proud of himself. That piques his curiosity, and he thanks Roman softly before proceeding to open his gifts. He retrieves a cute little onesie that says ‘ _Tough cookie because I spent nine months in solitary confinement_ ’ and another one that says ‘ _Mom’s the boss because daddy said so_ ’. Seth starts to laugh a manic teary laugh, confusing their son again, who climbs onto his lap to inspect his tears.

“God, I love you!” the pregnant man exclaims silently before lunging forward to kiss Roman passionately. Roman’s entire body freezes when this happens, and Seth jerks away quickly. “I, um...thank you. I love these.” He’s blushing furiously, looking anywhere but Roman.

What the hell is happening between them?

Seth doesn’t know, doesn’t want to label things. But one thing’s for sure...they’re definitely more than friends.

* * *

When Seth is thirty-three weeks pregnant, he starts noticing a...change around his chest area. He’s just left the bathroom, has pulled off his towel, and marveling at how big and round he has become when he notices his chest area. Of course, he knows that male carriers can breastfeed their babies and he has been sensitive a lot around his chest. A few weeks ago, he bought some undershirts designed to help relieve chest sensitivity but Seth hadn’t expected that his pectorals would actually... _fill out._

It’s nothing overly prominent or out there. He just looks like someone with very, very small breasts—and pointy, elongated nipples. The area around it is a deep pink color and Seth runs a timid hand around it in interest. “Ouch!” he hisses silently, it hurts when he squeezes around one of his areolae. Small golden liquid drips out but nothing overwhelming. It’s fascinating...as it is freaky.

Seth wonders if he should start buying bras...maybe he should. And something that will hide these leaks he’s sure will soon be visible through his shirts. He turns away from the mirror, and struggles into his underwear and maternity jeans. He slides on an undershirt and then a baggy t-shirt that he bought a few weeks when they were in Iowa with Roman. His hair resembles a shaggy mop at this point, and Seth is always too tired to look after it. Maybe he’ll ask Roman to help him wash it later on tonight.

They’re going out on a lunch date. _It is not a date. Get a grip, Rollins!_ Yes, that’s what he should do...but why the fuck is his heart beating so loud? _Baby night owl,_ his mind offers and Seth would like to accept that reasoning but he knows that’s not it. He assesses his appearance on the mirror and wonders if Roman will think he looks beautiful like this. Maybe he should be more dressed up. _Something that makes your ass fatter. Better yet...ask him to help you get dressed. He won’t resist you naked. What? No!_ It’s an internal battle, and Seth scoffs to himself because Roman sees him naked all the time and though there have been times where Seth thought the man would give in, Roman always backtracks, making excuses about needing the bathroom. Cold showers seem to be his remedy.

“Baby daddy, I need your help!” Seth shouts loud enough for Roman to hear.

Less than three seconds, and Roman appears, looking hot in casual attire. He’s a mind reader, like usual, crouching to find Seth’s trainers and helping him into them. He stands and plants a soft kiss to Seth’s forehead. “Ready to go?” a nod from Seth, and Roman goes to the pregnant man’s walk-in closet, returns with a jacket. “It’s cold outside.”

“I’m so hot,” Seth protests mildly.

“Yeah,” Roman smirks. “The hottest human I know. You look gorgeous, Seth.”

“Stoppp,” Seth whines as they leave Roman’s house. Matteo spent the night at Dolph’s and Seth misses him so much. “Flattery will get you everywhere but you’re not willing to go on that ride with me. I’m sick and tired of having blue balls.”

“Join the club,” Roman chuckles as he tips his head in greeting to the guards at the front gates, before driving off.

For a millisecond, Seth entertains the idea of having them cross that line. But he rebukes the thought as fast as he’d welcomed it. Sex with the right person is amazing. He can’t even begin to explain how pure and intense it is with the person that you connect with wholeheartedly. This is the reason that Roman’s the best he’s ever had...and that is not taking away anything from his previous partners but with Roman it’s different. Not just physical but... _spiritual._ Seth has felt himself transcend the physical with Roman...it’s just _different._ Which is why casual sex probably won’t work with them...with what they share. Seth is too in love with Roman to settle for second best. Every time he sees Naomi’s picture, that’s how he feels. 

***

“So...having a great time?” Dana comes to stand beside Seth, handing him another glass of the delicious nonalcoholic cocktail.

Roman lied to him, said they were going out to grab lunch and then fetch Matteo when they were in fact going to a baby shower. Seth’s baby shower. Roman helped to plan everything, according to Xavier. And Seth cried happy tears over the beauty of everything. The venue. The décor. The food. Music. Ambiance. He’s never felt so loved before. But he feels a little out of place with his overly casual attire as well as messy hair. “Roman could’ve told me to dress more elegantly. These jeans are horrendous.”

“You look fine, baby.” Dana pries Seth’s hands off his jeans. “Besides, you’re too nosy. You would’ve been suspicious had he told you to be more dressed up.”

“True but—”

“No buts,” Dana chuckles, her hand brushing down Seth’s arm lovingly. “I know you hear this all the time but you’re really beautiful, Seth. I love seeing you like this.”

“Life’s great...what can I say?”

They remain silent a while, just observing the others mingle. Roman only dropped Seth off and then left. He didn’t even come inside, he appeared uncharacteristically shy about the possibility of meeting Seth’s colleagues—the ones that were invited. But he’s great friends with Charlotte Flair. She’s Bayley’s girlfriend and also Chief Financial Officer to AAB.

“Have you decided on what you’re naming the baby?”

“We keep going back and forth, especially because we opted to not know the baby’s gender. I was thinking we could give this rough kicker a gender neutral name. Roman agrees but he likes non western names—and I can’t even pronounce them. He told me I’d learn.”

Dana chuckles, “And you’re okay with that?”

“Totally. We already have a Matteo, and it’s Italian. Roman’s thinking about a Samoan name next, to honor his Samoan ancestry.”

“And things between you and Roman?”

Seth sighs at the probing question, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. His heartrate is picking up, like it always does when this topic is brought up. “I mean they’re good – and we...we’re a great team. Matteo is happy. The other day, Dolph complimented me about what a good job I’m doing. Roman and I—we just...click.”

“That’s good, right?”

“Yeah...it’s beautiful. My baby daddy is everything I didn’t know I needed, Dana.” Seth bites his lip, and then he shakes his head and chuckles. “Most of the time, I want to bounce on his dick in thanks.”

“Why don’t you then?” Dana is clearly amused, she leads him towards the food section. They’ve already eaten but Seth wouldn’t mind going for thirds. Some of the names of these dishes he can’t even pronounce but they have a chef to help them out there, and everything is all so delicious. The chef was Dana’s idea apparently, but Seth can’t say he’s surprised. “You’re already this happy little family.”

“Yeah but—” Seth stops short as he hears a tiny commotion behind him. His curiosity is piqued as Dana’s jaw literally hits the ground, warmth growing around her cheeks and neck.

“Seth! Why didn’t you tell me your damn boyfriend looks so hot in leather?!” it literally takes her well over sixty seconds to manage the question.

Seth knows Roman was wearing a leather jacket but how would Dana know that unless Roman’s actually here—inside. It could explain the commotion—and Seth is proved correct as he looks over his shoulder and...they lock eyes with Roman. Seth’s heart leaps, beginning a jittery thumping beat. _What is he doing here?_ Roman takes the awestricken glances in stride, moving smoothly through the fan girls until he’s in front of Seth. With Roman in front of him, Seth can’t quite seem to find his voice.

“Hi,” Roman smiles at him.

“Hi,” Seth returns, sounding as awestruck as the others. “What are you – Rome...” He knows what he wants to say but the words won’t come out. 

“You’re not answering your cell. I thought we agreed on 05:00...are you still busy?”

“No,” Seth shakes his head stupidly. “No, not at all. This is, um...Dana’s food—” he offers her an apologetic smile, giving her the plate half-filled with food. “Let’s go.” He knows he sounds too eager but he doesn’t care. He’ll have plenty of time to feel embarrassed in the car.

“Sure, we’ll pretend little ol’ Dana doesn’t exist,” an amused voice says just as Seth is preparing to leave. “We won’t even say goodbye.”

“I’m sorry,” Seth hugs her tightly. “Thank you so much for all this. Tell the others I’m really grateful but I have to leave now.”

“For sure,” Dana smooches his cheek. “Everything will be sent to Roman’s house by Tuesday. Have a good night, baby.” She proceeds to whisper in his ear about continuing their interrupted conversation some other time, Seth can’t say he’s looking forward to it.

After they bid everyone farewell, they’re in the black Lexus and making their way to Dolph’s. Seth is stupidly content next to Roman, excitedly relaying the day’s events to him. He grabs Roman’s hand, randomly mentioning his ‘boob growth’ and guiding the older man’s hand toward a nipple. “That’s the liquid that our baby will drink for the first few days. Afterward, real milk will start coming.”

“It feels hot,” Roman’s brows furrow but he makes no move to remove his hand from beneath Seth’s shirt.

“Y-Yeah,” Seth swallows, licking his dry lips, suddenly feeling a restriction in his pants. It’s torture being around this man that he wants so desperately but can’t really have. Reluctantly, he removes Roman’s hand from under his shirt and holds onto it for the rest of the drive.

* * *

Matteo is really helpful around the house lately. Seth knows that he’s still so young but the fifteen month old is Seth’s beautiful sidekick. Matteo will waddle around like Seth, and help him to carry the clean laundry (he almost always messes it up because he drags it around), he’ll pick out a book that he wants Roman to read to him. He wants to help clean the tiles—and wash the dishes. He’s just so helpful and considerate that Seth feels like crying every time he thinks about his little angel.

February is week 36 of his pregnancy and Seth is ready to have the baby leave his body. The pelvic pain has returned, predatory and more evil than ever! Seth feels like nothing is working, not the pelvic exercises, not the warm baths...even the chiropractor seems to have lost her magic touch. He’s bloated and burps like a frat boy, much to the amusement of Matteo who unsuccessfully mimics him. Seth also passes gas pretty frequently, especially when he’s in bed with Roman. But funny enough, he’s never embarrassed. They laugh it off with Roman, even when the older man can’t stand the smell sometimes. They’re the best of friends.

Anyway, Seth is officially on maternity leave. For the past five days actually, and he’s pleasantly surprised to find that so far, he’s been enjoying it just fine. He sleeps in (and that is always a good thing) and is awoken by Margaret later into the day, with Matteo right in tow. They eat lunch together, Seth will play with him, watch Disney, and sometimes, they go out—to the park, to have playdates with Dolph and his squad or they’ll go to the grocery store.

The point is, Seth is enjoying being home a little more than he expected. His favorite time is when Roman comes home and they have dinner like a real family. He loves how they go to the grand piano afterwards, and Roman will play a tune or two. Seth loves bathtime with Matteo, and helping him into his pjs and he loves how the little one curls into him, little hand sneaking inside his shirt to gently lay on his chest, all droopy eyed, as Roman reads him a bedtime story. Never in his twenty-eight years of living did Seth ever think he’d want or love this life he has because although he thought about a family with Brock, he was never firm about wanting to start one with him. He always held back...and now he’s here, getting a taste of everything he didn’t know he needed until Roman.

A cute little, “Mama, book! Wead book ma-ma,” grabs Seth’s attention. Matteo is shoving one of his books to Seth, he picks them randomly. Seth looks at the title – ‘I Love You Because You’re You’ by Liza Baker. He’s never read this one before. Making space for his cute elf, Seth smiles as Matteo curls into him, looking sleepy. It’s only noon but the little one wakes up far too early, and wears himself out so much that come noon he’s ready to nap again.

“I love you when you’re happy and ginning ear to ear,” Seth combs his fingers through Matteo’s curly black hair, heart faltering at the sheer look of contentment on the little one’s face. “I love you when you’re sleepy and want to snuggle near.” He pauses, laughs at how fitting the story is. After him, Matteo is the clingiest person that Seth knows...at least with him. But Seth loves it more than he can explain. Kissing the little one’s heavenly smelling hair, Seth continues to read to him, slowly catching the sleeping bug from Matteo. His own eyes close eventually, with his embrace protectively tight around his son.

***

“Fudge off, Rome,” Seth whines, feeling soft lips touch his temple and large hands brush away his curls from his eyes.

“Seth, come on...”

“No, mommy needs...sleep.” He can feel Roman wipe away the drool from the corner of his mouth, and tiredly opens his eyes. “That was the only time I was really enjoying my sleep, you sadist! What have you done?”

“Made you lunch. Your favorite.”

_Oh...oh!_

Seth would sit up in an instant if he could but he can’t, and Roman has to help him. “Where’s Matty?”

“Dolph came by...”

It’s explanation enough, but Seth feels bad that he didn’t even sense his own child being taken away from him. “I—” Roman gives him a kiss on the forehead, muttering something about Seth being so good with Matteo. The only reason that Seth didn’t hear or sense anything was because Roman was quiet and gentle in prying their son off of Seth. He even jokes and tells Seth that he struggled a few times because of the death grip Seth had on their son. That eases the guilt, Seth smiles in relief. “What time is it?”

“03:00 pm.”

Seth nods just as something crosses his mind. Roman isn’t supposed to be here, it’s still far too early. And yet he’s here, in his customary suit (the suit jacket replaced with a simplistic apron that Roman somehow makes look good) and talking about having made lunch. This man can’t have possibly abandoned his work responsibilities to... The mere idea has Seth blushing furiously, lions stomping around the pit of his stomach in sheer joy. _He came all this way—for me._

“You’re too good to me,” Seth whispers, more to himself than he is to Roman. He’s mindlessly curling his fingers into the thick beard he’s also falling in love with. “I don’t know why.”

“You’re my priority,” Roman returns firmly, there’s always this...glint in his eyes that Seth wishes he could decipher. Over the past few months, he’s learned a lot about Roman (the stealth suit almost seems to be a thing of the past) and the older man is such a goofball once he really gets comfortable. He still doesn’t talk much. But he always tells Seth that he’s the content listener to Seth’s talkative self. They’re yin and yang, he’ll jokingly tell Seth. But there are times, like right now, that Seth can’t accurately describe the soulful look in Roman’s eyes. There are times that he tries to convince himself that they’re finally _there_...on a metaphorical beach, with the line that was separating them slowly being washed away by the seas. But Roman never says anything so Seth is still helpless. “You, Matteo and our unborn child—you’re all my priority. My commitment. And I’d move heaven and earth to make all of you happy.”

“Daddy...” is the only thing Seth can think of to say, and where he’d be mortified for calling Roman that outside of the bedroom, he...thinks it’s fitting. Seth doesn’t know much about daddy kinks but he knows it’s not just about aggression and being dominated in bed...at least that’s what Xavier told him. He’s the kinkster not Seth. Roman is...caring, attentive, and so goddamn supportive. He has a way of making anyone feel safe and desired. He doesn’t force his dominance, it just comes naturally. A natural born leader. And honestly, Seth would go to the end of the earth with him. He’ll go wherever Roman takes them. “Daddy. Daddy. Daddy...”

Roman is amused, but Seth can tell he’s childishly smug about the whole thing. “I see the copies I sent you were quite...useful.”

“Jerk!” Seth feels a deep flush on his already inflamed body. “Is that why you sent them? You knew I wouldn’t be able to resist?”

“No. I didn’t wish to invade your privacy so I figured I’d send them to you. There’s nothing on my laptop that would ever suggest we’ve ever had sex. But if they’re helping you then you know...”

“They do help me,” Seth admits, getting teary eyed as Roman helps him to his feet. It hurts to do anything, he’s always so freaking sore and tired...and he hasn’t even reached full term yet. “I, um...” He takes a deep breath, massaging his big belly. “Or they did...I can’t really reach my dick with how big my belly is. I can’t use B.O.B and I refuse to watch us get it on if nothing’s going to come of it.”

Roman’s reply is to press a lingering kiss to Seth’s forehead, like he’s sending a message to some part of Seth’s brain. The problem is...Seth has no idea what the message is at all.

* * *

Seth has had the feeling that something’s different about the house for nearly two weeks now. He can’t quite put his finger on it, but it’s just a feeling he’s had. He thought that maybe it’s the décor but everything is still the same. And every time, he thought he had it, pregnancy brain would take over and he’d spend the rest of the day wondering just what the hell it is that’s so different.

It’s not until he’s waddling down the hallway, one morning, feeling excessively hot despite cold February weather that it clicks. Something catches his eye from his peripheral vision that gives him a frightened pause. Turning to look at what’s caught his attention, Seth is met with a blank wall. He blanches, feeling lightheaded. The picture – Naomi’s picture – it’s... _gone_. The wall is blank, decorated by nothing but the white paint, that you wouldn’t know that there was ever a picture in the first place.

 _Does this mean that he’s...mine? All...mine._ Seth can only hope, the tears well up in his eyes though. He’s struggling to breathe right, crying in the middle of a hallway, because he’s longed for this day so badly it ached. Not to replace Naomi, no. But to have Roman move on. This must mean he’s moving on, right? Right? And Seth can only hope it’s with him...he wishes for it to be with him so badly.

“Mr. Seth, is everything okay?”

Seth whirls around to find Margaret looking at him with concern. She is holding Matteo who immediately mimics her expression, his cute thick brows touching. “Mama? Tears, ma-ma,” he babbles, nudging Margaret toward Seth. 

“Oh, gosh...this is embarrassing,” Seth manages a sniffled chuckle. He wipes away his tears and takes Matteo who’s already squirming in Margaret’s arms, reaching out for him. Immediately, the little one helps to wipe away his tears babbling something about Seth not crying. “I’m sorry Maggie, hormones...you know?”

“Course, I do. But you’re getting there. Thirty-eight weeks right?”

“Thirty-nine and two days actually,” Seth gets out breathlessly. “I’m so tired but baby won’t let me sleep. Last night, it felt like he was moving into position. I am very uncomfortable and my body is definitely screaming – never knew pregnancy could be so draining.”

“Any day now, and you’ll be a mother,” Margaret squeezes his shoulder comfortingly. “Why don’t you go to the living room and try to relax? I’ll whip up a quick but filling breakfast for you.”

Seth can’t bring himself to feel guilty as he accepts, he’s painfully exhausted. Settling comfortably in the living room, the pregnant man snuggles up with his son and watches a children’s program...well, Matteo is. Seth, on the other hand, keeps thinking back to the blank wall and what it means...for him, for Roman—for their future. He’s so in love with Roman that he’s desperately hoping that maybe the older man is finally returning his feelings. Just the thought has Seth feeling increasingly anxious but stupidly happy.

He wonders if it would be okay to ask Roman. _No, too forward._ But what should he do then? _Make him dinner._ Seth can try, but Roman’s the better cook, although the man seems to enjoy his food. Seth has no idea what to do. Roman already has everything, he’s filthy rich. Seth can use his words but he doesn’t want to give too much of himself away. What if Roman rejects him? What if Seth gets friend-zoned? Seth wouldn’t be able to bear it. This is why he’s so scared. Part of him knows rejection would strain their connection, because Seth would be too hurt and embarrassed to move on from it. Maybe, maybe he should just let things be.

***

“Another bad dream?”

“No,” Seth whispers in the darkness, guiding Roman’s hand to his back. Getting the silent plea, Roman starts to gently caress along Seth’s spine – and the pregnant shudders with pleasure. Roman’s touches are his heaven. “I just want to be clingy with you.”

Roman shifts closer, so that only Seth’s bump is separating them. “I love when you’re clingy with me.” He sounds half-asleep, black hair veiling his eyes.

“I love you,” Seth says back, just as quietly, testing the waters. Of course, he professes his love for Roman all the time and usually, the response he gets is a mysterious smile or a hidden response in one of the foreign languages that Roman speaks. Maybe Roman’s said he loves him too...maybe he’s said it in Italian or in Samoan. Maybe Seth never knew. Maybe it’s wishful thinking.

Roman’s silent a while, so Seth shifts around, and gently brushes the hair away from his face. Brown eyes are already beholding him, looking like glowing gemstones in the dark. “The feeling’s mutual,” Roman says so simply that Seth has no idea whether or not he means it. Is it _love, love?_

“And what do you love about me? Let’s hear it,” Seth asks softly, maybe sounding too eager – too bare and vulnerable but he knows he won’t be judged for it so he smiles at Roman. 

“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways,” Roman begins, caressing Seth’s cheek.

“Plagiarism!” Seth breathes out an amused laugh, as Roman rolls his eyes.

“Hey, I wasn’t done...okay? I was just getting started there.”

“Fine.” Reaching out to lace their hands, but keeping them on his cheek, Seth nods cheekily for Roman to continue. “Talk to me dirty, Daddy,” he jokes and the older man snorts out his infectious laugh.

“I love the way you need me like I need you. I love how you’ve learned to love yourself enough that you know how to show me to love you. I love what an oxymoron you are. Patient yet impatient. Egocentric yet...altruistic. I love how you love so genuinely—and give all of who you are into anything you do. You love so deeply. I see it with my son...myself. I love the way you look at me, how your eyes light up. How you naturally gravitate toward me...like I do you. I especially love how you enjoy giving me blue balls, like you’re doing now, so close to me.” Seth rolls his eyes, but he does giggle—happy and breathless. “I love everything about you, Seth.”

“Elizabeth Browning would be so jealous,” Seth quips teasingly, giggly and so freaking light inside. He’s feeling so emotional, wants to _cry_ so badly, but he doesn’t want to freak Roman out. He desperately wishes he could imprint his love in Roman’s heart, brand the man with it so that it can remain with him wherever he goes. _You’ll never know just how deeply I love you. Words will never be enough._ He wants to say and maybe he would’ve confessed it too, were it not for the embarrassing fact that he’s just wet himself. “Oh, shit!”

“What is it?”

“The...I think the baby pressed down on my bladder. I, um—” he can’t meet Roman’s stare, feeling deeply embarrassed. “The bed is wet.”

Roman laughs until he doesn’t, he’s pulling away suddenly, and Seth thinks that maybe the man’s embarrassed of him or something and he’s starting to hiccup and trying to keep the tears at bay. The lights turn on, and Roman instructs him to leave the bed. “I think your water broke, tesoro. Are you in pain?”

“No,” Seth murmurs in a daze, still not quite registering the words. “I don’t...no, I-I don’t think so. Roman, it’s too soon,” he says in a small voice, holding his belly.

“You’re full term, tesoro. The baby would’ve arrived any day now anyway,” Roman says, he’s moving around, gently inspecting in between a pale Seth’s thighs. “The liquid definitely came from your birth canal. Okay...okay, we’ve got this. I’ll find you...something comfortable to wear. That’s it. Where’s your hospital bag?”

“In the...the, m-my room.” Shit, Seth can’t think straight. He’s shaking so hard, it feels like he’s watching from outside his body as Roman moves around, making phone calls. Waking Matteo, although it’s 02:00 am and Seth hugs the little boy. He seems to return to his senses just slightly when he sees Matteo, the little one clinging to him. Dolph and Jimmy make an appearance fifteen minutes later and Seth still isn’t in pain, isn’t sure if he’s supposed to be. He hopes nothing is wrong with their child.

They honestly wouldn’t have made it outside the bedroom, and to the hospital had it not been for how effortlessly and capably Roman took matters in his own hands. Before they left, he helped Seth to take a hot bath because Seth was insistent on it, he didn’t want to leave the house feeling icky. But he did start feeling the pain on the way here, and it was like an unexpected jab to the rib.

Seth has been admitted, and Roman (together with a young nurse) has been keeping track of Seth’s contractions. He took it upon himself to find out how the machine works, and because they’ve attended prenatal classes together, is also helping Seth with his breathing exercises. The delivery room is very calming though, Seth is surrounded by the scent of their home—all soft and intimate. Roman remembered minor details about him, like his love for that Taylor Swift _Lover_ album. The lighting is a soft glow, and all around him, Seth is surrounded by pictures of himself, Matteo and Roman. It’s so gorgeous that Seth will find himself crying every other minute. Roman’s so good to him, so thoughtful. Seth is so proud to be in love with him. He wouldn’t want anyone else. No one but Roman.

***

His love for Roman doesn’t last as long as he’d like. Not as the contractions start hitting him something breathless, cold sweat drenching him wet. Seth can’t help making a crazed, but whimpered sound of distress. It’s not helping that Roman is trying to be as reassuring as possible. This is his fault. Seth wants Roman’s support but he doesn’t. _It hurts so bad._ Fifteen hours in, and their baby is on it’s way, Dr. Baker and four other professionals are in the delivery room with them.

Seth has been trying his best to follow their guidance, taking deep even breaths and giving into his body’s instinct to bear down but it doesn’t make what he’s going through any less of an ordeal. It feels like all of the organs in his midsection are being twisted and wrung out every few minutes. Part of him doesn’t even think a baby was meant to come out of him...Roman was right, his birth canal is too small to be subjected to this form of torture, too tight.

“If you feel lightheaded or weird, it’s okay to come this side and sit down, okay?” one of the nurses tells Roman.

Seth grits his teeth, the only thing preventing him from sniping an insult at the nurse being the instruction he gets to take a deep breath in and then out. “Just slow deep breaths...slow deep breaths. Good job,” someone else says, Seth can’t even tell who at this point, he’s in so much pain. “Push...push, there we go...right there...seven, eight, nine and ten!”

“AAAHHH!” his hoarse scream fills the delivery room, tears track down his cheeks, one of his hands gripping Roman’s in an iron hold. “I-I hate you for – _oh make it stop...make it stop!_ – is it supposed to hurt this bad? I don’t think it’s supposed to hurt this bad.” Agony rips through him, searing and vicious, unlike anything Seth has ever felt before. Something large is stretching itself out of his opening. He’s sending all of his ‘I hate you’ and ‘I want to kill you’ to Roman in the death grip he has on Roman’s hand.

“You’re making good progress, Seth.” Dr. Baker has the audacity to give him what looks like an encouraging smile. What does she want him to do, split himself in half? “Your bundle of joy will be here soon if you keep this up. Just keep going, I’m so proud of you.”

Roman’s, “Me too,” is met with loud cursing, and disdain. Seth hates him so much. So fucking much that he loves him. _That doesn’t even make sense._ Of course it doesn’t. Nothing makes sense. Something the size of the motherfucking _Eiffel tower_ is fighting to push out of him for fuck’s sake!

“Holy fuck... MAKE IT STOP!” he howls as he feels his body fight to push again. Seth can do nothing but give into the instinct. He whimpers a long whine thereafter. Dr. Baker tells him that the has delivered most of the baby’s head, and another instinctive push forces the baby’s head out completely. Seth’s mouth forms an O in surprise, and a long breath leaves him. “Is that...I felt – Roman?”

“It won’t be long until we’re having our second baby now, Seth. You’re doing so good. So good. I’m proud. I love you so much.”

Seth doesn’t catch most of what Roman is saying, too in pain, and giving into the instinct to push. He’s doing his best to fight back his sobs but can’t help it. “Okay, we’re almost there, sweetheart. I’ll need one big push from you, okay? Just one.” Seth wants to shake his head and refuse. He can’t do this anymore. But his body is saying otherwise, desperately trying to give into the instinct and push.

“D-Don’t think I can...don’t want to,” he sobs as he tries to push, only to stop because _Jesus-fucking-Christ!_ Why was he ever stupid enough to have raw sex? _Should've listened to Xavier,_ his mind taunts—and Seth moans, nodding franticly. “I...I'm sor— _mommy!_ ” A contraction, another instinctive push, and Seth backtracks, drenched wet with sweat. Roman wipes a cool cloth on his forehead, brushing brown curls aside.

“You’re doing—”

“Don’t talk to me, I hate you!” Seth grits his teeth, fighting back the tears. _Never having sex again...never having..._ “Okay...okay, you can...I can d-do this,” he whimpers, following Dr. Baker’s instruction of long deep breaths. Giving it every ounce of strength he still has within him, Seth bears down again, fighting through the excruciating agony until...something slides out of him completely. The pressure is suddenly gone...along with any adrenaline that may have still remained. Seth feels like he was hit by a freight train, he has quickly wilted, and tiredly slumps on the bed.

A kiss touches his wet forehead, breaking through the wet mess of curls on his head. “I love you. I’m so proud of you.”

Seth doesn’t have the chance to reply, as their baby is placed on his chest, with Roman being called to the other side to cut the cord. The little one looks so purple, and Seth wants to cry as they take his baby away to clean up. A nurse is using the nasal respirator to clear the baby’s nasal and throat. When their baby’s cries fill the delivery room, Seth lets go and starts to cry along with his angel.

“Baby girl, born March 23rd at 18:30pm. Weight is 7 pounds 2 ounces.”

They have a...girl. _Our precious baby girl._ “Ro – Roman, I... Our... _baby._ Oh god, we’re – is this real, Roman? Please tell me... Tell me this is real. A real baby, Roman.” Seth starts to cry, overwhelmed with joy, anxiety, contentment and _love – so much of it._ “We love you so very much, Roman. Thank you. Thank you so much. We love you.”

Roman chuckles, a beautiful sound as always, and leans down to brush his lips on Seth’s. “The feeling’s mutual, tesoro. Mi hai reso l’uomo più felice della terra, tesoro.” Roman’s voice is an emotional whisper, he’s gripping whatever part of Seth he can. The brunet clings to him just as tightly, feeling loved like he’s never before. “I lo’u olaga, ou te folafola atu e tausi oe ma alofa ia te oe e faavavau. Le auala e tatau ai oe. On my life, I promise. I’ll take care of you all – never will you ever feel neglected again, Seth.”

“Haven’t felt like that for a long time now, Rome.” Seth admits as they bring their baby to them. He has her in his arms, and she smells so damn good. He’d bear the pain he just went through a thousand times over if it meant getting someone so...precious. “Do you... Our daughter – do you want to hold her?”

“I don’t mind waiting a while. I can tell you haven’t yet quite fully enjoyed pleasure of bonding with her.”

Roman’s right of course, Seth would probably body slam anyone who tried to take his daughter away from him. He’s too in love with his princess, isn’t yet ready to let go of her.

“Sorry to interrupt the beautiful moment but would you like to name her? Have you guys...decided?”

“Tiulipe,” they say at the same time. It’s Seth who actually chose the name, it’s Polynesian but easy enough for anyone to pronounce. Roman only went along with it because it wasn’t Western. “Her middle name, Rome?”

“Aurora.”

“Tiulipe Aurora Reigns,” Seth tells the nurse that was asking, she smiles and gives them such much needed privacy again.

Roman looks taken aback, he blinks like a confused child. “Reigns? No...Rollins?”

“No,” Seth whispers, flushing deeply at how quick he was to issue that response. Over the past few weeks, he’s thought long and hard about their baby’s last name and he kept going back and forth. But tonight, Roman’s words, and how he always sounds so genuine, cemented every idea that Seth has of him. There’s no higher love than submitting to the one you love, than being vulnerable with them – _intimate._ He’s had that before, with Brock, but it wasn’t always appreciated, what he gave to Brock wasn’t always valued. There’s so much Seth gave to Brock, without expecting anything in return, and perhaps that had been a mistake of his.

It’s different now. Seth knows his worth, and realizes that he’s deserving of a good love too. Submission is given so easily to the person who proves they’re deserving of it. Seth gives all of himself to Roman because each day the older man proves to him that he values what Seth is giving to him. Roman takes care of him, and sometimes, Seth will readily submit to Roman without noticing. He’s said it before, Roman doesn’t force his dominance, and doesn’t go out of his way to aggressively prove it. It comes naturally, and it’s so calm and patient that Seth finds himself _wanting_ to submit to him, to prove to Roman that all of him belongs to the older man. Because of the respect, and love and his honesty and care—the man goes out of his way to keep a smile on Seth and Matteo's faces. So Seth wants to do this to... _honor_ the man he loves. To _show_ Roman—that every piece of him belongs to the older man. His dedication, his commitment and love...it’s all Roman’s. He’d shout it to the rooftops if he could. _This is the man I love. This is who I belong to. I’m his. His. His. My love, my light._ It’s only fitting that their daughter have his last name. Seth would gladly take it as well, if he ever got the opportunity. “Only if you’ll...of course I-I’m not going to force you into anything, Roman. But we’re yours...if you’ll have us, we’re right here. We love you.”

Roman is smiling too damn wide, brown eyes wavering with raw emotion. When he leans down to press a tender, soul binding kiss to his lips, Seth doesn’t protest at all. _Yours. Yours. Yours._ His heart sings jubilantly, the lions are growling and stomping around in a euphoric dance. _This is what it feels like to be loved back._ Seth will never need anything else. He’s found it – his happiness. His human. _I love you._

* * *

Roman doesn’t leave his side, and will go with him everywhere...even to the bathroom (where he sees things that Seth is sure non-male carriers are not supposed to see). It’s disgusting, and there’s blood involved but Roman will help him change, get him new underwear, bathe him, wait patiently as Seth does his stinky business. He’s never put off by it—at all. Today is Seth’s third day in the hospital, and the pediatrician has determined that Tiulipe is developing properly by assessing her muscle tone and reflexes, as well as her ability to feed and to maintain a safe body temperature. The doctors gave them the okay to go home but Roman would have none of it. He still won’t, and had looked like a desperate child as he convinced Seth to stay. The brunet hadn’t known why...until he did.

_Naomi._

It breaks Seth’s heart that Roman is scared for his wellbeing, and what could happen if they go home. “The doctors have done all the necessary checks and I’m completely fine, Rome. I’m perfectly healthy.”

“No, no, no.” Roman is stubborn, won’t hear a word that Seth is saying. “Just one week, tesoro. To be on the safe side. That’s all I’m asking for. We'll go home after, I promise.”

Seth sighs, and nods softly, patting the space beside him in invitation. He’s been blessed enough to have a private room, meant for him and the baby. All thanks to Roman. The privacy is something he’s more than grateful for. “It’s okay, Roman. Nothing will happen to me. I’m not leaving you, ’m right here.” Gently grabbing one of Roman’s hands, he guides it to his cheek, then slowly to the front of his throat, and then his pulse point —

_“You’re alive,” Roman whispers, his fingers tapping along Seth’s pulse point. “In my arms.”_

The memory has Seth shivering. He opens his eyes to meet fearful looking, childish ones. “I’m here.” He murmurs, pressing a kiss to Roman’s fingers before guiding them to his pulse point again. “Alive. In your arms.”

“In my arms. And I am holding onto you.”

“You hold me,” Seth smiles.

* * *

When Dana and Xavier come to visit, Seth is breastfeeding. It’s been five days but the lactation consultant has praised him for seemingly having aced the art of breastfeeding so quickly. Tiulipe is a happy princess, eats like the world is ending, and Seth wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Does it hurt?” Xavier asks.

“Not really, no.” Seth tells him, feeling his cheeks grow warm. “Just a...you know – no, of course you don’t.” internally cursing his fluster, he opts to look at his little princess. She’s going right into town on his nipple, her tiny hand fisted against his pectoral. “It’s a soft tugging sensation, Xavier. It’s not hurting me or anything. I wouldn’t mind the pain though – if it meant my baby is eating.”

The others aww and coo at him. “My baby has a baby,” Dana sniffles, looking in love. “Who would’ve thought? I always thought Xavier would be the first one to fall pregnant.”

“Me...why me?!” Xavier is horrified.

“A lot more mature, for starters. You just need to find the right guy.”

“Isn’t he with that Randal guy?”

“Almost a year now,” Dana muses.

“I’m still right here,” Xavier rolls his eyes, still looking terrified. “Randy is the last person to have a baby with, trust me. We’re not all lucky to have sane, mature men like yours. How are things with Roman?”

Seth looks away, unwilling to meet their prying eyes. He’s sure his damn blush has given him away again though, and it isn’t helping that his heartrate is picking. For a second, it had stopped beating altogether. He doesn’t even know why he’s so nervous. Roman and him haven’t discussed their relationship status in detail but the older man tells Seth he loves him a lot lately. Like _love,_ love. Not just love. Seth cries every time Roman says that because sometimes it’s hard to believe. He’s found someone who’s deserving of his love. He’s found someone who loves him back. How many people can say that?

_I’ve found the one who loves me back._

“They’re going...okay. We’re not rushing into anything, Tiulipe needs our attention. Matteo too. He visited earlier today with Dolph, and he loves his baby sister. He did try to eat her nose though—” the others chuckle, and Seth lets out a giggle himself. “We’re a happy, healthy little family.”

“Oh fuck, I wasn’t ready to shed tears. Fuck it!” Xavier dabs at his eyes, much to the amusement of Dana.

“Language!” Seth chides gently, narrowing his eyes at his flustered looking best friend. His attention is stolen by his daughter, who is squirming a little, and Seth readjusts her, gently brushing his thumb over one of her non-existent brows. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispers in awe.

“Let us see too,” the way Xavier says it so childishly has Seth laughing softly. “May I hold her – if you’re comfortable,” he asks as Seth gently pries Tiulipe off his nipple. The brunet gets the urge to cover up, unsure if his friends will be freaked by how weird his chest looks (one of his tits looks bigger than the other) – or the milk leaking from his nipples. The two take the whole thing in stride though so Seth nods timidly and beckons Xavier closer. “Your boobs are swollen,” Xavier states the obvious.

“‘S not boobs…” Seth huffs, mildly offended. “It’s...whatever. As long as Tiulipe is fed.” He panics, observing the way Xavier is holding his newborn, “Careful...careful. Be mindful of her neck please, yes just like that.”

“You’re such a natural already,” Xavier teases, he has actual tears in his eyes at the sight of Tiulipe. “She has your eyes.”

“She looks like Roman.”

“And has brownish hair...she got that from you.”

“Her complexion is her father’s.”

“She is absolutely stunning. Little miss Tiulipe. Her name isn’t that hard to figure out, I’m going to assume it means tulips in English.”

“Yeah. I...I chose her name.”

“Why Tiulipe?”

“I love flowers. I love lilies but they don’t represent what I feel when I’m with my daughter’s father. Perfect love. I know it’s sappy, and maybe I’m cornier than him but I fell in love with her name the first time I saw it. She’s my little red tulip – a symbol of the true love I feel for her father. That we both feel for each other.”

“So you finally acknowledge that he loves you too?” it’s Dana.

Seth shrugs, “For a long time, I didn’t think it was you know the ‘I want to spend the rest of my life with you’ kind of love. I was really confused, Dana. Especially with Naomi’s picture.”

“Is it still there?”

“The wall is blank,” Seth reveals with a watery smile. “Maybe she knows I love him so much, that I’ll take care of him. So she left him in my hands. I... I think I will—” a sniffle, the tears break free.

“Are you happy, Seth?”

“Bursting with joy,” Seth replies, somehow managing to return Dana’s beautiful grin. “I’ve found my purpose.”

* * *

They spend exactly one week in hospital before Seth can finally go home. To be honest, it takes Roman speaking to four different medical professionals and pleading with Seth to confirm with them that everything is fine with him for them to finally leave the hospital. The drive home is comfortably silent, and Seth manages to catch a much needed nap in the car.

“We’re home.”

Seth startles awake at the sound of the soft but deep voice. He’s still disoriented as Roman wipes away his drool. Roman leaves the car, going to the passenger side. “Thank you so much,” Seth whispers, accepting Roman’s offered hand.

Roman’s reply is to kiss him on the lips before opening the door to the backseat. Seth grabs their bags from him, waiting anxiously as Roman retrieves their daughter. Unconsciously, he is fidgeting with the hem of Roman’s baggy sweater and clamping down on his bottom lip. “Hey…” one of Roman’s hand gently caresses his cheek. Seth leans into the touch, shuddering, tears escaping. “It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, and scared. I know that things happened pretty quickly between us...and maybe we’re getting to know each other and now we have another child in our hands. But I am here, tesoro. Committed to this...us—and our family.”

Seth’s hands sneak inside Roman’s t-shirt, baby daddy’s warm back grounds him and Seth leans forward to breathe in his scent. _He won’t run away. He won’t get bored. We’re a...family._ “Thank you,” Seth opens his eyes, standing on his tiptoes to press a soft kiss to Roman’s lips—feeling _closer_ to him in an instant. “I don’t know why I’m so scared all of a sudden.”

“I think it’s normal, Seth. I’m always right here though—and you can talk to me about anything in the world. I won’t judge you or get angry. I always want you to be happy.”

“I am happy, here with you.”

“Good...good,” Roman smiles, he links their fingers together. “Ready?”

A small smile, and a nod. They walk to the front door.

“Mama! Mama!” Matteo is the first one to greet Seth, tiny arms embracing his mommy’s leg. Seth crouches down, traps his sunshine in a suffocating hug. “Wead book, mama.”

“My beautiful boy,” Seth closes his eyes, heart swelling with love. “I love you so much.” He stands, hoisting Matteo up to balance him on his hip. The little one has a book he’s carrying. Seth is too exhausted, but he decides to sacrifice a little. Matteo and him haven’t really spent quality time together, what with him having spent all those days in hospital.

“Are you sure?” Roman queries from behind, brows bunched up. “You’re drained, tesoro. I’ll read to him. I want you to nap while she’s still sleeping.”

“It’s fine. I think Matteo’s sleepy anyway, he’ll be out like a light in five minutes. Let’s go to the bedroom.”

Roman sighs but he obeys. Tiulipe’s bassinet is in Seth’s room so that’s where they all go. Seth allows Roman to answer a business call, while he settles in bed with Matteo curling into him. Today’s book is...The Three Little Pigs. Seth kisses Matteo’s hair and starts softly, “Once upon a time there were three little pigs. And the time came for them to seek their fortunes...” Matteo moves around, little hand sneaking inside Seth’s shirt to feel his heartbeat. He’s droopy eyed, blinking in and out of focus. Seth falls asleep not too long after his son does.

***

Later that evening, after having an early dinner, and putting Matteo to bed, they find themselves in Seth’s bedroom. The light is soft and intimate, Tiulipe is eating, and Seth is on Roman’s lap, head resting on the older man’s shoulder. “So tired,” he slurs, breathing in Roman’s scent. “But her peaceful face is worth it.”

“You’re some sort of superhero,” Roman murmurs, kissing Seth’s hair, and stroking the younger’s thick thigh softly. “I’m so grateful for you. Faafetai, lau manamea.”

“I love it when you speak Samoan,” Seth confesses with a shy smile. He’s just...thinking. “Maybe it’s too soon to ask this but what are we? Because you’re in love with me, right Roman?” he’s still as insecure as he’s always been. And this is what he means when he talks about the validation, sometimes he needs to hear things more than once...sometimes he needs reassuring. He can only hope Roman doesn’t tire of him.

“I am,” Roman says firmly. “We’re partners—you and I. Parents. Lovers. I love you. I’ve been in love with you for a while now, tesoro.”

“How long is a while?”

“Months.”

Seth readjusts the baby in his arms so that Tiulipe is properly latched onto his nipple before looking at Roman and then down at their daughter again. He can’t hide his silly smile, can’t stop his heart from beating this hard. “Why didn’t you... I don’t understand – you could’ve, maybe let me know.”

“I tried that day I called you into my office. When I returned from Tampa. You shot me down so quickly that I confessed in Italian—and that sort of became the norm for me. I...didn’t want to burden you...or confuse you. Perhaps you were still dealing with your past issues with your ex-fiancé.”

“Brock was never my fiancé,” Seth blurts out, and ducks his head right after. _We’re always honest with each other,_ he reminds himself. “Paul, he knows you’re big on family so he told Brock to go along with the idea that we were engaged. I wanted to tell you but we were going our separate ways and I...I thought I’d l-lost you,” the pain forces Seth to pause for a breather. “You didn’t think you were deserving of me and I was already in love with you and everything was a mess. In the end, I also kept quiet to make you jealous. I loved you but you didn’t love me.”

“Well, you succeeded, that much I can tell you,” Roman’s jaw locks, eyes looking distant. Is it bad for Seth to admit that he’s enjoying seeing the hint of jealousy? Not in a toxic manner, no. But it’s nice to know that he affects Roman as much as Roman affects him. “Every time you said that forsaken _word,_ the only thing I’d be thinking about was bending you over the nearest surface and busting your cheeks open—didn’t matter the place or if we’d have company. I wanted you to remember what we had.”

“Thinking about going in deep, huh?” Seth teases, gently nuzzling his nose against Roman’s neck.

“I did go in deep,” Seth can hear the smirk in Roman’s voice. “Even scored a touchdown while I was at it.”

“Cocky, cocky,” Seth smiles, “I’m just happy that you’re, like...you k-know _in love_ with me. For a long time, I thought it was never going to happen.”

“But I did care for you, Seth. It may’ve even been love...maybe not the kind you deserved but even then, you owned so much of my heart.” Roman hands Seth their daughter’s pink towel and takes her from him as Seth wipes around the area on his nipple. Roman gently caresses her cheek and her eyelids twitch but she doesn’t open her eyes. “There’s a lot that we did wrong the first time around. But we have second chances for a reason. Everything is out in the open now. I, personally, am looking forward to spending the rest of my life with you.”

Seth is going to cry. He cries so much lately but it’s different with Roman because the tears are never of pain. Not since they reunited. “The first time I knew I love you, you weren’t even looking at me. We were in the car coming back from your cabin, and you were being cautious like you always are and checking to see if any cars were coming. The back of your head was facing me but I _knew,_ Roman. People always go on and on about independence and not needing anyone else to feel complete but I think it’s complete bull. Why not have both? I love being strong and independent but I love being weak with you even more. I love the vulnerability and how you read me so well, like I’m your open book. And I don’t want a reality that you’re not a part of. I don’t want to live in a world where you don’t exist. I’m so glad we have this – you and I. You’re my constant, my everything. I’m so in love with you.” 

There’s a minute’s silence – raw, emotional but so comfortable.

And then Roman kisses Seth’s temple, “Yes, I’ll marry you,” teasing, against the brunet’s ear.

A happy rush of laughter bubbles from the pit of Seth’s belly, making it’s way to his tongue. It lightly startles their daughter but Seth cannot stop. Of all people and this is the...dork he falls in love with.

Seth wouldn’t want anyone else but him.

* * *

They survive the first week of living with a newborn baby on their own. There’s not much change from when Seth was in the hospital to when they’re on their own with her. Tiulipe’s routine doesn’t consist of much – breastfeeding, diaper changes, putting the little princess to sleep and Seth napping himself when she’s asleep. Matteo knows that something is different, but doesn’t entirely understand, and clings to Seth more so than usual.

Week two is no different, Seth is still exhausted. Tiulipe is now three weeks old, and she does nothing honestly. She usually prefers to live her best life, in the protective arms of mommy and daddy and she eats and eats and eats, then she sleeps, only waking up to eat some more and poop like nobody’s business. The challenge usually only starts in the night time when she’s supposed to go back to sleep again, because she can stay up for such a long time that it’s time to feed her again. Roman helps out, stays late into the night with Seth, but sometimes Seth take mercy on him and instructs him to go back to sleep because of early business meetings and because he can’t do much during feeding sessions.

Seth has discovered that he and Roman share the same birthday month, with only three days separating them from having their birthdays on the same day – Roman’s comes first on the 25th of May and Seth has his birthday just three days later. Roman’s turning the big four-zero this year and Seth would like to do something special for him, maybe a surprise party, but Dolph told him that Roman doesn’t really celebrate his birthday. For him, it’s another normal day. Seth will go through with the surprise party...

“Between Matteo and Tiulipe, I’ll be begging Jimmy to put a baby in me again soon, it’s unfair that these munchies are this cute!” Dolph has a sleepy Tiulipe in his arms. Seth is holding Matteo, and they’re in the backyard. He needed some fresh air, but it’s still a bit cold and although Tiulipe is thoroughly covered, Seth is checking the time to ensure that he doesn’t stay outside for more than fifteen minutes.

“I remember I asked Roman to do that once jokingly – and now we’re here. Although, he didn’t put a baby in me then...it happened eventually.”

“And you regretted it when her birth came around.”

“But loved him more intensely after I gave birth. He keeps giving me these beautiful gifts – Matteo first, now our daughter. This is why I want his birthday to be special.”

“It’s a good thing you had the thought to have his birthday here. I don’t think he’ll be too angry about the surprise—if it’s at home. Where he feels comfortable.”

They spend almost all morning together. Seth has learned that Dolph is a great human, once he lets his guard down and welcomes you into his world. It’s just them and the kids today...Seth chased Roman out of the house to join his cousins so he could properly plan this surprise party. Dolph figured the perfect day would be May 23rd, a Saturday and it’s...perfect actually. It will be exactly two months since their daughter’s birth—and they’re lucky enough that both them and their daughter were born in Spring. So a beautiful day is almost always guaranteed.

* * *

April 23rd marks the day that Seth’s beautiful tulip turns a month old. It’s crazy to think that a month ago, Seth was giving birth to someone so perfect and she’s only changed his life for the better. Seth would be lying if he said this new journey has been easy because so far, everything has been a wild rollercoaster ride. He’s learned that he gave birth to a boss baby who has no regard for routine...especially when it comes to eating. Seth has all but scrapped the feeding routine because when his daughter’s hungry, she’s hungry and she will make it known to everyone in the house until Seth (her loyal servant) comes into save the day. Matteo is fascinated by it all, and you’ll find him already screaming ‘booby’ excitedly when his baby sister starts crying.

Although, nothing really extraordinary has been happening in her first month of life, Seth really thinks his daughter is her own person. When she really _hates_ something, the entire house (even the walls) will know. Like diaper changes, and having her clothes changed and tummy time. But sometimes, she cries just to be dramatic or to get what she wants. Like food or to have her brother near...more times than not, she’ll be screaming her lungs out and immediately Matteo’s voice will reach her ears and literally...silence. She loves being held, especially by Seth and Roman. She loves being talked to and now, they have this routine of having her in Matteo’s nursery with them so that Roman can read to both her and their son. She loves her daddy’s voice – and Seth thinks he has a little daddy’s girl in his hands but nothing is sexier than seeing baby daddy interacting with their children.

Seth has been slowly drifting to sleep when he hears the doorbell ring. He startles awake, causing Tiulipe to grunt out in displeasure. “I’m sorry, tulip,” Seth whispers, lifting to his feet and heading in the direction of the front door. Xavier is visiting him today, it’s a Thursday, but his best friend decided that he’d be skipping work so that they can spend time together. Seth knows it’s an excuse to see his children, Xavier is always requesting pictures and videos. You’d swear he’s their stepparent.

A flash momentarily blinds Seth as he opens the door, and he sighs loudly as his stupid best friend grins foolishly up at him. “This is invasion of privacy, you know. My daughter and I did not consent to you snapping pictures of us.”

“Her little cooing sound says different,” Xavier grins smugly. He smooches Seth’s cheek and with Seth’s permission, makes a grab for Tiulipe. “Holy fuck, she’s—”

“Language,” Seth warns his best friend, closing the door and guiding him back inside. “Watch your potty mouth around my child.”

“Sorry. I’m not hearing the noise of a toddler. Did he go out? Where’s Roman?”

“It’s okay,” Seth breathes out a soft, tired laugh. “Yeah, Matteo is – he went out with his father. It’s no use being trapped in the house with me all day. Roman asked me to join them but I almost always have anxiety any time I think about taking Tiulipe out. I...don’t know I feel like she’s still so fragile. The only outing we do is to the backyard, that’s it – but the view is stunning and calming. And there are no noises or chaos that could scare her.”

Xavier makes a strange noise that sounds like surprise, and Seth has to look over his shoulder. He’s surprised to find that there’s a little distance between him and his friend. He’s been talking alone all along. Curiosity gets the best of him, and he strides over to where his best friend stands.

Seth’s heart stops beating for what feels like forever.

He blanches, frozen and wide-eyed at the sight in front of him. _No, no, no. It can’t be. You’re...is this a dream?_ Beside him, Xavier is just as silent but Seth wouldn’t even be able to hear a word if he spoke.

On the wall is a picture of him...large and so very out there as if whoever put it there is proud of showing Seth off to the world, his family. In the picture, Seth looks tired, in sweatpants and one of Roman’s customary white shirts (it’s all he ever wears lately) and he has Matteo laying on his lap and Tiulipe curled snugly into his chest, eating like her life depends on it. The picture was taken in the living room – and without his knowledge because he looks like a mess with his eye bags and messy hair.

“You look... _breathtaking,_ babe.” Seth hears Xavier’s words from a distance, still rendered speechless by the picture. He feels like crying. “Did Roman take this?”

“I, um...Christ, Xavier! I think...hmm—” he takes a deep breath, nose scrunching up, and the tears fall. Xavier’s little giggle and aww sound makes it worse. Seth shakes his head. Why didn’t Roman tell him? How long has this picture been here? Seth walks around like a zombie most of the time that he hardly pays attention to anything or anyone except the kids and Roman. “ _Roman,_ ” he murmurs softly to himself – unashamedly, wholeheartedly and unequivocally _in love_ with the man. So in love with him...

“Damn...this guy’s really into you, Seth.” Something in Xavier’s voice has Seth turning his head to look at him. Xavier also has tears in his eyes, Seth realizes that he looks and sounds awestruck. “I mean we could see it before. Don’t think I’ve ever seen a couple in my life look at each other the way you two do. Like nothing in the world matters besides what you share. I envy you but am so happy for you.”

“Thank you,” Seth’s words come out hoarse and strangled. “Thank you so much, Xavier.”

* * *

“I need you to behave like your sister’s doing. Can you do that for me?” Seth asks, as he buckles in Matteo into his car seat, shaking his head as his giggling seventeen month old shakes his head, messing up his curls. “Well, that’s a clear no. Whatever shall I do, hmm? Call...daddy?”

Matteo’s nose scrunches up. “Da-da?”

“If you wake your sister, I will,” Seth murmurs, kissing the toddler’s forehead, and pushing his thick curls back. “Take Mr. Barney instead and play with him, okay?”

Matteo makes an incoherent sound, not looking too impressed. Seth knows he wants to play with a Captain America action figure that one of Dolph’s twins got him but they left that toy at home. He was almost late for his appointment, and hadn’t thought to bring it with him. “Thank you.”

Well, Matteo can’t really pronounce his words that efficiently yet but he speaks well enough that you know what he’s saying. He’s such a fast learner and Seth is so proud of him. “You’re welcome, baby.” Another kiss and Seth does one final check to ensure that both the kids are properly secured in their car seats, before moving to the front, and getting into the driver’s side. He’s just had his six week postpartum appointment with Dr. Baker and he’s happy that it went well. Recovery is moving along swiftly, as well as weight loss, and he has started to feel more energetic and like his old self lately.

Before he can drive off, he decides to call Roman to briefly tell him about how his appointment went. The older man left for Las Vegas three days ago. Not for fun, no. His cousins and him are investing in property that side as well and they have a hotel that’s being built from the ground. The time now is 01:30 pm, which means it’s around 11:30 am in Nevada. Roman should be awake...but Seth’s call still goes unanswered. His phone does chirp with a new message just as he’s typing one to Roman though.

_Sorry. In a hectic meeting. Promise to call as soon as I’m done. Want to know all about your appointment. Take care of yourself. Tell our children I love them and you—I love you._

Seth is not embarrassed to admit that heat creeps up along his cheeks at the message, and that his stomach flutters with warmth. Roman remembered the appointment. Seth told him about it a few weeks ago, but he didn’t think the man would still actually remember. And the love proclamation...Seth will never get over it. Never ever. Everything this man does turns him into a pile of goo.

_Sry 2. I’ll pass the msg. We luv u 2, Daddy._

_Roman: <heart emoji> _

Again, a simple heart emoji and Seth is smiling like a goddamn fool. He’s pulling out of the hospital’s parking lot, softly singing along to Matteo’s toddler music and too happy to care. His son giggles, dancing around in his car seat and wiggling his arms. Seth has to remind him to be quieter, they can’t wake his sister.

***

“Seth...is that – it is you!” a childlike sounding voice says from behind him. Knowing whom the voice belongs to, Seth feels his heart leap to his throat, and then land at his feet with a sick thud.

“Brock!” Slowly, Seth whirls around – one of his hands tightening on the stroller that he was pushing an excited Matteo in, and the other around the baby wrap carrier securing Tiulipe to his chest. “What are you...what are you doing here?”

“Shopping, like you.”

Seth’s eyes widen in surprise.

“I know, shocker right?” Brock laughs his boyish laugh. He looks good, less menacing. “You leaving me forced me to be more proactive about a lot of things. What are you, some sort of babysitter now?”

“No,” Seth shakes his head, flushing. “I’m a mom.”

Matteo seems to confirm that by murmuring, “Mama!” and then babbling and pointing behind Brock to something that’s caught his attention. Seth has no idea what it is. He’s too busy trying to decipher Brock’s expressions, scared...because of how it ended between the two of them. The man was never violent but Seth still remembers his rage from that day.

“Oh...” a flash of surprise swipes Brock’s face, gone too fast, and then indifference. “Even this one? He looks a bit older...”

The man leaves it up to him to explain, but Seth thinks he’s simmering with a suspicious anger—and he’s looking for confirmation. _I didn’t cheat on you,_ is on the tip of Seth’s tongue until reality smack him in the face. But even then, it would’ve been impossible to hide a pregnancy from Brock (never mind that he didn’t tell him about his recent pregnancy). What would Seth have done with the baby? “Matteo is...my boyfriend’s son. I...I’ve been living with them for a while now. His mom passed away.”

“And you took her place?”

“No,” Seth shakes his head, not snapping at Brock because he didn’t sound rude at all. “I have my own place and I’m comfortable in it. I love Matteo like I love my daughter. I love their father.”

“It’s...not mine?”

“... No.”

Brock nods, and then requests to have a look at Tiulipe. She’s still asleep but Seth hesitantly agrees to a peek, he has the feeling that Brock wants to confirm that the baby looks nothing like him. So Seth allows it, knowing Tiulipe is her father’s daughter—from her majestic topaz skin to her pink mouth and the freckles on her nose. She has his hair though and his eyes. “She’s beautiful...both of them are.”

“Uh…thank...thanks.”

“Were you pregnant...after you cheated, this was the—”

“Yes,” Seth replies quickly, cheeks heating up. He’s...embarrassed, doesn’t know if a Target is the right place to discuss his past issues with his ex, and unsure if he wants to discuss _any_ issues to begin with. He’s moved on from his past, has worked so hard to—but he does realize that cheating on Brock hadn’t been the right way to go about things. _It led you to Roman._ Maybe it’s heartless of him, but Seth doesn’t regret Roman—maybe they could’ve met under better circumstances but everything that happened, happened the way it did to lead him to the older man. Seth doesn’t regret him—and would choose him over and over again...over Brock, over _anyone._ “I...I didn’t tell you because—”

Matteo interrupts his awkward stammering by babbling incoherently, as he gestures to his Mr. Barney toy that he’s dropped to the ground. “Here, little man.” Brock picks it up, squeezing the plushy toy once and then handing it to Matteo, who repeats his struggled ‘ _thank you_ ’ about three times.

The large man chuckles, it’s genuine. “A well-mannered chap you have on your hands.”

“He’s taking after his father.”

Brock remains silent a second but then tips his head. “I’m glad to see you’re looking happy, Seth. I can tell you’ve found someone better. I’m happy for you...this guy’s more of a man than I ever was.”

The kind words catch Seth off-guard, and he’s surprised a second, wondering if he’s dreaming. But he knows all of Brock, his expressions—fake and genuine. Right now, the bigger man looks truthful and his smile seems sincere. Seth thanks him, compliments him on how good he looks as well before telling him that he has to move on. He came here to buy Matteo a toilet training set to potty train him. He’s almost at the end of the aisle when Brock calls out his name.

“What’s his name?”

Again, not malicious...just curious. Seth remembers that when they broke up, he never divulged who it was that he was having his affair with – because of that damn NDA that Roman made him sign.

“Roman. He’s the love of my life,” Seth says loud enough for Brock to hear, before wheeling Matteo’s stroller away.

* * *

When Roman comes back home, Seth informs him about his run-in with Brock at the Target store. The older man overreacts, resembling a probing detective with his questions. Seth laughs, taking it all in stride, and kissing him until the man quietens down. “Relax, he wasn’t hostile at all. I think that he’s...happy for me. He acknowledged that he didn’t deserve me. And karma paid him back because I got the kindest man in the whole wide world. A loving father, boyfriend, _best friend._ I am so lucky – and you’re stuck with me.”

“I’m glad you say that...I was going to chain you to this bed if you felt different.”

Seth chuckles, pressing a kiss to Roman’s succulent lips. _Daddy...daddy._ His heart smiles. “Kinky...and then what would you do?”

“You know damn well what would happen,” Roman smirks, but there’s a playful glint in his eyes that makes this whole, otherwise sensual, banter seem light-hearted. “I wouldn’t stop until every inch of you, your _being_ knows that it belongs to me. I know you’d want that too.”

“I’m already yours,” Seth whispers against Roman’s lips. “And I’m damn proud of it too.”

“I’m honored that you entrust with something so invaluable, Seth. Ti amerò sempre, bel fiore.” 

Roman’s arms enfold around Seth’s waist, the hold is tight. _I love you._ Seth can feel the words being proclaimed silently into his entire being. He closes his eyes, breathes against Roman’s neck, heart settling as the pain of days spent apart is washed away. “Never leave us again. A week is too long without you.”

“A _day_ is too long without you,” Roman returns, sounding amused. “I missed you.”

“Missed you too, baby daddy.”

* * *

Lately, Seth has been thinking about sexual intimacy a lot with Roman. And a few times, he’s tried to initiate something more sensual between them but he always backtracks in fear...can’t accurately tell you why, just that part of him is insecure. He’s lost a lot of weight, sure, thanks to breastfeeding, working out and eating healthy foods but part of him is still insecure about his body. What if Roman no longer sees him as that irresistible guy from before? What if Seth isn’t the same in bed anymore? Not as skilled...or hot in bed? Roman was with him in the delivery room, and Seth’s read stories of men and women who leave their spouses because of what they witness in the delivery room. Seth even read about a man who had to go for counselling because he was losing his erections because of what he’d seen when his husband gave birth to their daughter.

But...Seth would still like to try. Because the problem isn’t Roman, he hasn’t given any indication that he no longer finds Seth attractive. It’s Seth who is just allowing his insecurities get to him. He was cleared to be sexually intimate by Dr. Baker long ago—and tonight, Seth is going to do just that. It’s Roman’s birthday, and yes, the man may have everything he could ever want in the world because he’s filthy rich but he doesn’t have Seth beneath him, isn’t driving his cock into him. So for Roman’s birthday present, Seth will give his body to the man he loves. It’s what Roman deserves.

“Seth...where are you?” a voice drifts from down the hallway. It’s Dolph’s. “They’re on their way!”

“Coming!” Returning his lingerie to the closet, Seth gives himself another once over in the mirror, smiling satisfactorily at his reflection and then exiting the guestroom to find Dolph waiting outside the main bedroom. “Dolph, I was here.” He calls out.

Dolph whirls around, striding to where Seth is. “There you are. What were you doing in there?”

“Looking for something,” Seth replies vaguely, smiling at the blond. “How long until they get here?”

“Less than five minutes. You’re gorgeous, by the way, your jawline is as stunning as Roman’s...you should show it off more.”

A blush. “Thank you, Dolph,” Seth mutters, brushing his hands on his jeans, to get rid of perspiration. He’s not wearing anything overly elegant – just some black skinny jeans, a grey sweater that belongs to Roman (yes, he’s back to hoarding Roman’s clothes) and high-top black converse. “You’re beautiful too.”

“I thought we’d already determined that.”

The flush deepens. Of course, Seth saw Dolph earlier, he welcomed the man into their home for fuck’s sake but maybe he doesn’t really know how to take the man’s compliments. “Yeah, I know...guess I’m just nervous. What if he hates it?”

“He’s taking it out on that scrumptious ass,” Dolph says simply. “And you’re going to be limping around for a few days.”

“I’m going to be limping around regardless,” Seth quips, and chuckles softly as Dolph’s jaw touches the ground. “Let’s go, I’ve got a hunky man to surprise.” He tells Dolph, feeling proud of himself although he is still nervous about seeing his seduction plan through.

***

Roman’s birthday is a success...after he gets over being a grump that explains that this year of all years, he hadn’t minded not celebrating his birthday. “I hate surprises, we’re just celebrating a year closer to my death,” he tells everyone jokingly, and Seth punches him in the arm because he doesn’t even want to think about death or being apart from the man he loves.

Everything is intimate, not too many people. Just Roman’s cousins and their spouses, his mother and Seth’s friends. Seth met Roman’s mother a while ago, just before he gave birth and two weeks after Tiulipe was born. She’s a sweetheart, and a single mother who expertly raised an upstanding man after she lost her husband to a car accident. They don’t talk much because Seth is scared of her but she does visit from time to time to check in and calls regularly.

After they see everyone out, and have put the children to sleep, Seth tells Roman to go and wait for him in the bedroom because he has another birthday surprise for him. Roman cocks an eyebrow, but is wise enough to follow the instruction. Seth is quick to rush into one of the guestrooms, taking a quick shower and then slipping on some sexy lingerie. He can’t even remember the last time he wore a sexy thong, maybe just before things ended with Roman. He never bothered to do it with Brock – wearing sexy underwear is something that he reserved only for Roman. And Seth is glad that Brock never got to see him like that, that no one but Roman sees him this sexy, desirable...because it’s all for him.

When Seth enters the bedroom, Roman is already beneath the covers, on his side of the bed. From where the younger man stands, at the doorway, he can’t be sure whether or not the boyfriend is sleeping. But seriously...what the fuck??? After Seth specifically told him to come _wait_ here not sleep.

“Roman!” he huffs out an annoyed breath, starting to doubt himself.

Roman startles lightly, sitting up. “What...what is—” silence. Brown eyes shift out of disorientation, and begin to wander. Roman’s mouth hangs open, he starts to look like an excited child waiting with barely there patience to open his present. A smile. “ _Wow...tesoro._ Is this all for... _me?”_

Who else would it be for?

Feeling more confident, Seth shifts to the bed, not stopping until he’s standing in front of Roman. His arms fold around his man’s neck, fingers playing with the hair at Roman’s nape. “Yes...only the best for my _Daddy._ Now, are you looking to do something to me or are you going to stare at me all night?”

“What do you think?” Roman says, pulling Seth down and trapping him beneath him. Seth moans, folding a leg around Roman’s waist and searching for sweet friction. He finds it too easily – his man’s definitely turned on by the sight of him. Seth knows he’s unleashed a wild beast when Roman rips through the skimpy fabric, clearly not in the mood for games.

“You better hold on tight, tesoro.” Roman grins, a devilish look in his eyes.

He’s going to break every single bone in Seth’s body.

***

It’s still as intense as Seth remembers it, if not more, the sex is something alien—soaking into his skin, and warping around his mind. It feels like his spirit is out of his body, floating, but somehow he’s also so aware of Roman, every kiss, every touch, every thrust. Roman’s touches are deeper than skin, devouring Seth’s ravenous hunger. No spot is left untouched. One of Seth’s hands curls at the nape of Roman’s neck, the other around his love’s inflamed back.

“You’re an amazing man, Roman, and I am so proud to be called yours. And to have you as the father to our beautiful kids.” He whispers, breathless and flushed, thinking about nothing but having Roman like this with him _—forever._ Roman’s nose is pressing against his cheek as their lips rest against each other. Their breaths mingle and merge together, like their souls, or missing puzzles that are finally coming together to create the bigger picture, to complete it.

“Look at me...eyes on me, sweetheart. Always on me.”

Seth looks up at Roman, sees the intensity in his eyes, and feels a flutter in chest. He wants Roman to always use him for his pleasure. Aches to always be the one who satiates Roman’s passion. To have Roman think about nothing but him just like Seth can think of nothing but him. _No one else but him._ Seth wants Roman to take him – forever.

“So proud to be yours, want the whole world to know. I belong to you,” Seth proceeds to whisper through a harsh breath, tears of pleasure cascading down his cheeks as another nudge brings him closer and closer to completion. Roman’s cock is deep inside him, it hurts slightly, but Seth’s fingers still dig into the older man’s shoulder blades. _Deeper. More. Yes. Please, more. I love you so much. Yours. Yours. Yours._ A throaty, breathless moan trespasses, and Seth wants to have Roman crawl in him, and keep him inside forever and forever.

“I love you, lau alofagia.” Roman rasps harshly in his ear, continuing to bury himself into Seth. “I love you so much I don’t know what to do, manamea. It was so natural and effortless that it scared me. Na matuai fefe lava ia te au, le manamea.”

Seth can only whimper in pleasure, soul shivering, he takes Roman’s hands, slides his fingers in between the older man’s. His right hand slides over the top of Roman’s and he strokes it. “I love you too,” Seth murmurs, clinging to Roman as the older man’s forehead presses down on his. “Daddy, I love you so much.” The pace is still so languid, and Roman whispering in his ear does him in.

“Come for me, Seth.”

Seth does just that, feeling deeply bonded to the man he loves, and shaking through his orgasm, clenching around Roman and crying out in the buildup of pleasure and love he feels for the man above him. The sound of Roman’s name uttered breathlessly from Seth’s lips sends him over the edge. Their lips are connected in a such a way that neither could get deep enough in another, want so great, desire so raw. It’s a clashing of souls, they weave around and mate together contently.

It ends with tender kisses all over Seth’s drenched face before Roman is collapsing on top of him. They stay silent a while, and the only sound that can be heard is their hard breathing. “Happy birthday, my love.” Seth finally gets out through an exhausted, pained breath. He’s dying to get water but remains firmly crushed beneath his large teddy bear of a man.

Roman kisses the inside of Seth’s neck, pulls out gently as the younger man holds back a pained whimper, and Seth lays on Roman’s chest as the older man pulls him close. Another kiss to Seth’s forehead. “Are you okay?”

“Ransacked,” Seth says weakly, feeling his poor hole quivering in pain. “My bootyhole feels ransacked.”

Roman chuckles, he looks so happy, and Seth will do whatever he can to always ensure that he’s always happy. Just like Roman makes him really happy. “I’m looking forward to spending the rest of my life with your melodramatic, Mr. Reigns.”

Seth’s eyes widen...what is happening? Is Roman—

Tiulipe’s whimpers start to fill the bedroom, and a shell shocked Seth has no choice but to attend to their daughter.

* * *

**Five years later**

“Baby daddy, I need your help!” Seth yells from the bedroom, loud enough for Roman to hear...wherever he is. Maybe with the kids. The footsteps rushing down the hallway can’t be Roman’s—they are small pitter patters and so loud.

“What do you need, mommy?” Seth looks up to meet his four-eyed baby boy, looking put together already, although Seth was going to go help him and his sister get dressed. Matteo’s big brown eyes regard him from top to bottom and then up again. “Shoes, mommy?”

He’s just like Roman. Matteo. He always seems to know what Seth needs, and the brunet feels like crying but he nods softly. “Yes, little one.”

“ _Mommy!_ ” Matteo whines, but steps forward to help Seth into his trainers. “’M not little. Tulip is little, I’m a big boy. I can tie my shoe laces an’…an’ I clean up my toys.” Matteo continues to plead his case, but he’s too adorable to be taken seriously, with his missing teeth.

Seth grabs his little hand, pulling his son to him. Matteo automatically leans forward for a kiss, he’s such a sensitive boy (but he refuses to be kissed in front of his friends) and Seth smiles, hugging him. “I know, I know...forgive me, baby. Mommy forgets you’re not so little anymore, and I want to keep you like this forever. Where is daddy?”

“Helping Tulip. She was having a...” His son leans into whisper in his ear, “A _BF,_ mommy.”

“Hey,” Seth tickles Matteo and the little one giggles, trying to escape. “What did I tell you about saying that?” He admonishes the little one sternly. This is Roman’s fault. He watched that stupid _White Chicks_ comedy with their son and now Matteo keeps re-enacting that scene with the sisters at the reception desk over and over again. He’s a fast learner, and has a really good memory. _Tulip’s having a bitch fit, mommy._ He said immediately after he’d watched the film. Seth scolded him for it, told him how bad it is to say nasty words. So now, Matteo calls it a BF, like they do in the film. But Seth would rather he didn’t say it at all.

“It’s just letters, mommy. You can’t punish me for letters—and what if I meant she was having _bad face..._ hmm, hmm?”

 _Smart ass._ Seth rolls his eyes, and smiles as Roman enters the bedroom with their daughter. She looks beautiful with her brunet hair tied into a plaited ponytail and a Beauty and the Beast red dress that she no doubt picked out herself. “Mommy, are you going to get pretty or are you wearing that?” A cute voice asks, sounding unimpressed. Her big brown eyes (that are exactly like Seth’s) eyeing Seth from top to bottom.

“Hey, be nice!” Seth breathes out an offended laugh. “This is very fashionable, okay? I wore this when I was pregnant with you.”

Tiulipe gasps, looking horrified. “That wasn’t really nice of you, mommy. You wear night-night clothes in the daytime when I was in your tummy?” she asks, referring to Seth’s sweatpants and hoodie.

“Okay, enough,” Roman finally steps in, amused, and pulls Seth to him. His unwavering stares still feel Seth up with desire—and the brunet bites his lip, wondering what his man is smiling about. “Don’t tease mommy again, tulip.” Roman murmurs, silent command causing Seth to shiver. “He’s...sensitive. You’re breathtaking, tesoro. Are you ready to leave?”

“No, I’m tired and hungry,” Seth smiles, his eyes light up as Roman’s hands lay protectively on his growing belly. Little baby reacts to the touch and kicks against him. “We love you,” Seth murmurs as he leans up to kiss Roman softly. Their children scream and make sounds of disgust, trying to pry them off each other.

“The feeling’s more than mutual,” Roman links their hands. “No nausea today?”

“No, thank god!” Seth whispers with a smile. “Let’s go hubby.”

The drive to their first location is so loud, it always is with two young ones traveling with them. Seth has learned to ignore the noise, unless it gets serious, and the kids are fighting. But usually, they’re just singing and talking about how the other slept. Seth gets comfortable, and takes a much needed nap. It’s Roman who tells him to.

He wakes up when the kids start yelling, “We’re here, mommy! Wake up. Wake up.”

They exit the car and the kids skip happily, Tiulipe holding onto his hand, with Roman following right behind with Matteo. They look so happy, clearly unbothered that they’re in a big ass cemetery—they’re probably used to it by now. Tiulipe even says the sky is smiling, as they weave through a few headstones, until they find the one they’re looking for. The granite is sparkling, and at Roman’s inquiring glance, Seth nods his head. He was here a few days ago, to tend to, clean, as well as place fresh flowers on the headstone.

“Naomi,” Roman starts, they all kneel next to him. The kids are restless, because of their short attention span but Seth manages to get them to behave—a little. It’s the anniversary of Naomi’s death...six years now. And they have this trip every year. “It’s been a while, but we’re back with the kids,” Roman continues, telling Naomi about their past year, and what has happened since the last time they visited.

If Naomi were here, Seth is sure she’d be rolling her eyes and laughing. Everything that Roman is saying, Seth has already told her when he came to tend to her grave. It’s something that he’s been doing for the past three years now. Sometimes, he’ll even come here way before her anniversary, just to...talk. He does that whenever they’re in Florida. It’s weird...how close he feels to Naomi. She was a good woman, it’s something that Seth feels in his heart. And part of him thinks they would’ve gotten along real well were she alive. There’s always a level of support he feels from her (weird cause she isn’t with the living but still…) and like Roman, he talks to her about any and everything. He loves her for the gift she’s given him, loves her for helping Roman to be the man he is. Seth found a perfect love in the man he knows was groomed (to a certain degree) by a strong, independent woman.

“Matteo, do you want to say anything to Naenae?” Seth asks his precious boy, the little one shakes his head, looking shy. Brushing Matteo’s mane of curls aside, Seth pulls his son in, setting him on his lap. Matteo snuggles into him, nudging his glasses up, and looking at the headstone. Matteo knows about Naomi, they haven’t lied to him...but he doesn’t quite understand. He seems to have it ingrained in his mind that Seth is his actual mother and that Naomi is a maternal figure – like he sees Dolph. Maybe he’ll understand when he’s older but for now, Seth tries his best to force the guilt away...is loving a crime? He thinks different, and knows that Naomi understands.

She may’ve given birth to this beautiful, reserved and intelligent boy but he is Seth’s too—and they share him. Because Seth loves Matteo so much, considers him his first born and can’t imagine a world where he wasn’t the little one’s mommy. Can’t imagine not having Matteo bursting through the door from his piano classes and dying to play him a soul-moving piece that he learned in class. Can’t imagine not being woken up every weekend with a sweet kiss to his cheek and a cute little, “Daddy and I made you breakfast, mommy.” Seth can’t imagine not helping him into his uniform and driving him to school every morning. And the random homemade gifts and thoughtful cards. Matteo’s his son through and through—and it’s because of him that Seth discovered the gift of limitless love. “What about your gift, do you want to give it to her?”

A shy nod, and Matteo reaches inside his jacket. “It’s a necklace, to chase away the bad spirits.”

“My thoughtful boy.”

“I also have a gift, mommy. I have gift. I have a gift, mommy!” a cute four year old is jumping up and down, _begging_ to leave her gift as well. Seth looks at Tiulipe and then her father, shaking his head as he gives her permission to leave a gift as well. His eyes do widen though when his precious Tulip reaches inside one of her socks (that’s where she hid her gift) and retrieves a rumpled paper. “I don’t want Naenae to be lonely when we go home an’ so I...an’ so I drew her a picture of our family, mommy. I put a doggy in there because you promised to get us one, right mommy?”

Seth can only giggle joyfully, wiping away the tears cascading down his cheeks. He grabs Tiulipe's drawing for observation, smiling too damn wide at what he sees. On a white paper is a drawing of four little humans and a stick dog. It’s not bad for a four year old. Tiulipe loves drawing so much and is so talented that they’ve turned one of the walls in her room into her space for creative freedom. “I bet Naenae is looking down at both of you – and so proud.”

“You really think so, mommy?” Tiulipe asks, looking really pleased.

“I know so,” Seth kisses her cheek, and hugs her close as well. Roman speaks again, updating Naomi about work this time, and Seth tries to keep the children company. He does interrupt a while later though, gently brushing Roman’s arm to remind him they have to leave if they don’t want to be late to their next appointment. “We’ll visit again, Nae,” Seth finally whispers. “Maybe without the kids this time. Their chaotic energy is something I can’t handle.”

“But they got it from him,” Roman chimes in, he’s laughing.

Seth rolls his eyes, is about to punch baby daddy’s arm jokingly when Tiulipe sassily reminds him that he lectures them about violence all the time. “Old people don’t follow the rules,” she tells her giggling brother.

“Because they make the rules,” Matteo returns patiently, throwing an arm around his sister’s shoulders. They say their final words, and at Tiulipe’s little plea, Seth allows her to grab a rose from the bouquet of roses left on Naomi’s headstone. She giggles happily and Seth swears that the light breeze whipping past them is a sign that all is well.

“Next stop, guys?” Roman asks as they return to their car. 

“Baby, baby! We’re going to meet our baby,” Tiulipe singsongs loudly.

The drive to the hospital is loud as ever, Seth is wide awake this time, and that gives the kids the perfect opportunity to ask him unending questions about one thing or the other. _Mommy, how will our baby come out of your belly?_ Matteo asks curiously, nudging his glasses up as Tiulipe sings along to Baby Shark. _Why can’t I sleep with you in bed when I want to? Daddy’s big, I need you more._ Again, Matteo. _Because old married people sleep together –_ Tiulipe. And then, _‘Does our baby know he’s alive in your belly, mommy?’_ – Matteo. _‘They’re sleeping, mommy’s wearing night-night clothes.’ –_ Tiulipe.

Seth is grateful as they reach the hospital, he loves the kids, but answering every one of their – sometimes puzzling – questions is a horror that he’s never happy to be subjected to. Dr. Baker referred him to an obstetrician this side, that will be able to help him with this 23rd week appointment, and perform an ultrasound while they’re still in Tampa. Patiently, they sit in the waiting area, with the kids keeping themselves company and Seth resting his head on Roman’s shoulder until a young nurse comes to confirm an appointment with Dr. Alexander for ‘Mr. Seth Reigns’

_Seth Reigns._

It’s hard to believe sometimes...that Seth is actually _married_ to Roman. The love of his life. _Four years soon._ Their marriage was a spur of the moment thing, no engagement was involved. It was on a lust-filled, passionate night that Roman told Seth they’re getting married. Seth had been rapaciously bouncing on his man’s thick cock, quenching their desire for each other when Roman had instructed Seth to meet with his personal stylist for wedding suits the following morning. Seth hadn’t taken him too seriously, thinking that it was the sex speaking and not Roman. Until Roman had brought the subject up again, two days later.

They got married a week later, in Roman’s beautiful beach house, right here in Tampa, with no more than twenty people in attendance. July 16th 2021 – the day that Seth will never forget. Marriage is not easy – it’s part of life – but Seth can’t recall a time where Roman made it seem difficult. They complement each other so perfectly and Seth is married to his best friend, his favorite dork and goofy person. They never have big arguments. They communicate, and continuously choose each other every day. Each day Seth loves Roman a little more than he did the day before.

“Nice to see you again,” Dr. Alexander says as he sets everything up. The kids return his greeting, their loudness stealing the spotlight. “How are we feeling this week?”

“Better. Finally. I’m not as tired, and I didn’t get any nausea.” Seth winces, holding Roman’s hand as the cold gel coats his belly. “I’m hoping it stays that way for the rest of my pregnancy.”

“Ah, the second trimester is always the best.” Dr. Alexander smiles. “Okay, let’s see how our baby girl is doing.”

“It’s still a girl?” Matteo asks with a sulk. “When are we getting a boy?”

“We can always try again,” Roman murmurs. “Right, mommy?”

Seth glares daggers at his husband’s teasing grin. With how badly his first trimester went, the last thing on his mind is trying for another baby. Not at twenty-three weeks pregnant. “Um...whatever you want, Matty. A boy next time.” 

“And then another girl after that, right mommy?”

“Only if we’re going to get another boy after that,” Matteo speaks up, sounding urgent.

“Nuh-uh, girls just girls. Right—” 

“Whoa there,” Seth chuckles, although he’s horrified. “Mommy can’t have babies on demand. My body is fragile, I’m not a popcorn maker.”

The adults laugh. Dr. Alexander guides them through the ultrasound, tells them baby is growing beautifully. She’s as active as Tiulipe was when Seth was pregnant with her. She moves around a lot, and kicks around her little feet. The children are awestruck, screaming excitedly. It ends too soon, at least for their children, but it’s always a beautiful moment to have them join him whenever they can.

They go to an IHOP right after. Seth usually prefers for them to eat at home because Roman is the best cook in the world and also because he can ensure that they’re all having a balanced, healthy meal but they have their cheat days. “Hello—”

“Hi, this is mommy’s husband!” Two rascals interrupt the young man who was clearly trying to welcome them into the restaurant.

Seth’s eyes widen, he blushes a deep red shade. “I – um, sorry. I don’t know why this jerk beside me is laughing,” he continues, referring to his bastard of a husband who is laughing his ass of like he just heard the funniest thing ever. “Ignore these two. The boogeyman ate their brains last night.”

“Because he was hungry,” Tiulipe chimes in with a smile. “Or she...mommy, what if it’s a _boogey-woman?_ Because girls can have man jobs too. That’s what daddy says. Hmm, mommy?”

“We’d like a booth please...this will take the whole day otherwise,” Seth tells the young man who looks both amused and confused. He grabs the menus, and leads them over to a corner booth that’s surrounded by empty tables. Seth prefers it that way, he’s become more private like Roman is. To protect his family. But mostly because privacy means the other voices don’t have the power or say into their relationship.

They place their orders and the food comes eventually. It’s cute, how Matteo is such a thoughtful boy and helps his little sister to cut her waffles. Seth opens the camera app to snap a few pictures, much to Roman’s mild annoyance (he still doesn’t get the desire for people to document every single thing they do) especially as Seth takes his pictures as well. Seth just smiles, and kisses his cheek. He’s opening the gallery when something catches his eye and he laughs.

“Look...” He nudges Roman’s arm, giving the phone to him. “Your kids...”

Seth’s gallery is filled with the same picture of Matteo and Tiulipe that must’ve been taken sixty times. Last night, he accidentally left his phone in their room and this is the result. Sixty plus pictures that must’ve been taken in under a minute cause it really is just one pose they’re doing – they’re doing their little duck face that they have their father do with them from time to time.

Roman’s chuckle grabs Seth’s attention. “Well, this just might be the best definition of not giving up I’ve ever seen in my life.”

Seth rolls his eyes but laughter bubbles from deep within him – genuine and carefree. He had to fall in love with the goofiest cornball on earth. It’s ridiculous!

Seth loves Roman so much.

“Always so positive,” Seth murmurs, leaning forward to kiss the man of his dreams. The kids are protesting – again, but they’ll let him have this. To cherish and be sappy with the man he loves. Not many people can say that they’re proud to be in love. Seth is one of the fortunate ones. _This is the man I love,_ he’ll remind the world . _He loves me back,_ he’ll continue in wonder. And it’s still the best feeling in the world.

***

**_Matteo Roman Reigns_ **

**_***_ **

_**Tiulipe Aurora Reigns** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you tell that I've developed a great like for putting a face to the name? Matteo wears glasses but I couldn't find a boy who wears glasses with brown eyes. But this little one is beautiful as well.
> 
> My love for Brock refuses to let him be a complete douchebag so I had to try and make him kinder. 
> 
> Also, remember...Seth Reigns? 
> 
> Oh, the memories!
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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